I see tiny drops of blood on the crumpled and cold sheets in front of me, I looked around me, half opened drawers, clothes on the floor, objects broken by me the night before but no trace of him... I know I made a mistake I know I let my violent temper control me again but I never thought he would finally leave, that one of these times he would run away from me, in my childish mind I imagined he would continue to endure my outbursts solely because of his professed love for me.
I sigh, is he really gone? I refuse to believe it, I want to convince myself that he is just hiding from me for now, giving me space to notice my mistakes and from one moment to another I will see his face in front of mine and everything will return to normal but I can't deny that I have noticed him cold, distant look for days now, his black eyes no longer have the same shine as when all this started, his smile is becoming more and more forced and his kisses and caresses no longer have the same passion and devotion as when we got married.
I know he has been hiding his fear behind a mask of indifference but he is not the only one who has suffered, I know the reason behind my actions is the same one that has made him run away from me, the war has left its mark on all of us and although I try to deny it I am not the same as I was years ago, I want to make an effort because I know he does not deserve the damage I have done, my fears have dominated me and I cannot avoid making mistakes, but I need him with me, I need him in my life. I don't know what to do without him.
I look around the house again but everything is so cold and silent... I know he's been gone for hours I don't feel his presence and it destroys my being, my eyes begin to fill with tears and I feel a lump in my throat, the loneliness is overwhelming I don't want to face the fact that he's gone, I don't want to know that he won't come back, I don't want to look at the emptiness without him.
My mind is filled with the memories not only of the night before but all the times I know I was wrong, I have engraved in my mind his cries, his screams, his terror and despair, I can see those wounds that my own fists caused but I don't understand, it's as if it wasn't me who did it, as if someone had taken over me in those moments, he of course fought back Severus Snape is no coward but still his strength is no match for mine, I barely have a couple of bruises while he was bleeding from my blows.
I cover my face with my hands and scream at the top of my lungs, the crying makes my body tense and everything loses meaning. The only thought in my mind is... Where is my love? Please come back home! Just come home...