My world is over, I have nothing left. I've just lost what I craved most and all because of my weakness, I'm as pathetic as everyone says, completely broken, scattered, a waste of oxygen in this world, I don't know what I'm supposed to do now, I feel so empty, so dead... How I wish I could have died with him, maybe I still can, what choice do I have left? I'm not good for anything I'm worthless.
I look out the window, I feel like I have no more tears, I'm not ok, I know, I just want to be with him. My broken mind kees telling me maybe I didn't deserve him, why would someone like me would have something as beautiful and perfect as a son? I didn't deserve him, that's why this happened... It's all my fault, it's too late to ask for forgiveness and I don't know how I could ever forgive myself for something like this.
My mind is lost in that thought, there is no way out, there are no options, there is nothing anymore. I hear footsteps behind me and I know just who they belong to but I don't think I can face him, I have no words for him, we have nothing to in common anymore. I hear him speak but his words mean nothing, it's too late, it's too late, it can't be fixed and sorry won't change anything. Listening to him hurts me, it burns what little is left in me and I can't help but explode at him. The one I once loved more than anyone else now evokes nothing but pain and resentment.
I don't blame him, no, I alone am to blame, he wasn't obliged to take over after all, I was the stupid one who thought I could get ahead and have a family of my own. But I can't have him around, he reminds me of what I'll never have, what I've lost forever. The pain in my soul is so great that I can't contain it, I snap at him and then I let out a heartbreaking cry that comes from my very pained soul and I start to cry bitterly, I'm surprised I still have tears, but now I can't stop crying, my body trembles with the force of my crying and with the little strength I have left I get out of bed to run with all my strength.
I don't know how but I manage to reach the roof of the place, I collapse and embrace my own body which rocks back and forth in a desperate attempt to lull my pain. I struggle to get on my feet, my legs are shaking and my vision is blurring, I walk slowly with a few stumbles to the edge and look out into the void, this is my best option, only then will I be with him again. I take one more step, I'm so close, I can feel the wind on my face, I have no regrets,I'm not sorry for what I'm going to do, there is no way out. I know it's the right thing to do. I'm about to fall when a hand holds my arm tightly and drags me away from the edge, soon I find myself surrounded by a pair of strong arms and I feel his body tremble against mine, I turn and face and see with surprise tears falling from his face, I never thought I'd see him cry, not him.
I feel unsure what to do now in his arms, it's the second time he saves me and I don't even know how to respond, Evan looks at me checking my body making sure I'm really still there, but I don't know, am I really still here? I know I'm not well, the pieces that are left of me are completely scattered, lost and I don't know if there's any way to put them together. Evan takes me in his arms again this time carrying me back inside the hospital and I just let him, I don't know if there is anything anyone can do but at least someone is here, maybe, just maybe there is something more than this emptiness.
