Bay
Dad waits for me at the top of the cliffs. I walk Tempest up after the race officials clear away the tourists and the mainlanders and make a path for the capaill uisce to leave the beach.
He doesn't say anything at first, just wraps me in a hug. We stand there for a long time, just breathing each other in. I can feel the relief pouring off both of us. I'm still here. We're still here. Thisby is still here.
"Bay." Dad's voice is muffled against my hair. "I'm proud of you."
I pull back. "I didn't win."
"I know. But I saw what you did down there."
For a minute, my heart pounds in my chest. Did Dad see me chase Corr away? If he saw it, did Malvern see it? Or someone else who might report to Malvern?
"You chose your friend over winning. You raced like a true islander, Bay." Dad pulls away. "Your mother would be proud."
"Thanks, Dad." I muster a smile for him, knowing that's the highest compliment he's ever paid me. We start to walk away from the beach, from the crowds that still mingle on the cliff tops. I lead Tempest with a hand on his bridle, red ribbon tucked between my fingers so it brushes his cheek as we walk. Dad walks beside me, casting glances at Tempest every now and then.
"You don't seem happy," Dad says after we've walked away from the cliffs. "Are you upset that Connolly won?"
"No," I shake my head. "It's not that. It's — " I pause and take a deep breath, then start again. "Dad, is it wrong to lose something that you know will hurt someone else, if you know that losing that thing will set them free?"
Dad is silent for a long moment. "Loss is a part of life," he finally says. "We all lose things that we wish we could hold onto forever." He looks over at Tempest and I know he thinks of mom. He looks ahead again as we make our way down the rutted Skarmouth road. "Sometimes we get to decide what we lose and sometimes it's decided for us. And sometimes it takes someone else forcing us to let go to make us realize we were holding on to the wrong thing in the first place."
We lapse into silence again. Dad looks over at me from the corner of his eye. "Why, what did you lose?"
"A capall uisce," I say.
Dad looks at Tempest with a raised eyebrow. I can see his confusion.
"Sean Kendrick's capall uisce," I clarify.
"I see," Dad says, but I don't think he does, because he doesn't know Sean like I do. "That blood red champion?" he asks.
I nod. I lost Corr. Thisby's champion. The talk of the town every November. Every November except this one. Now they'll only talk about him to ask what went wrong. Tourists and islanders alike will grumble as they hand over their hard-earned money — the money they bet on the sure-fire winner who didn't win.
"How exactly did you lose Kendrick's horse?" Dad asks. "I saw you down in the surf with him. It looked to me like that piebald chased the red out to sea."
I breathe a secret sigh of relief when Dad says that. At least it didn't look like I chased Corr out to sea.
"She did," I say. "But Corr didn't leave because he wanted to. Corr left because...I forced him to. I threatened him with holly and made him go back to the sea."
"Why?" Dad asks. There's no accusation in his voice. Just curiosity.
"I…" I stop, unsure of how to continue. "Is it true that if a capall uisce goes back to the sea, then his owner forfeits?"
Dad shrugs. "I think that's right," he says. "Most of the time, if a capall goes back to the sea, you don't want him back anyway. The ones that go back are usually the violent ones."
It still seems weird to me to hear Dad talk about the capaill uisce as if he knows what he's talking about. But then I remind myself that he worked for Malvern and even raced once, so he does know what he's talking about.
"So, now that Corr has gone out to sea, Malvern doesn't own him anymore."
Dad nods, waiting for me to continue.
"Which means he can't hold Corr over Sean's head anymore. Sean is free," I finish quietly. "He doesn't have to stay at the Yard. He can go where he wants. He can go with Puck," I say. "But I'm worried that he won't see it that way. I'm worried that he'll just think I forced his hand...that he'll be angry."
Dad looks thoughtful for a long moment. "Well, is freedom what Kendrick wanted?"
I look Dad in the eye and answer with more conviction than I've ever felt about anything before. "It's what he needed."
"Then I think you need to say that to Sean."
The Yard feels like a ghost town when I ride up. I figured the afternoon after the races would be more lively. Then I remember that Matthew Malvern is dead and Corr is gone. There's nothing to celebrate here. Despite that, horses still need to be fed and groomed, but I don't even see a groom in the Yard. Everything is quiet. Too quiet. Too still. Dread settles heavy in my stomach.
I need to find Sean. I need to tell him that Corr didn't run. That I pushed him away. It's been several hours since the race. Plenty of time for Sean to brood and be angry. Plenty of time for me to work up my courage.
I ride up to the gate and dismount. I brought Selkie partly because I want Tempest to rest and partly because I don't want to remind Sean that I still have my capall. No one walks across the Yard as I open the gate and walk in. Even Selkie is subdued, head down and ears back as we pace the Yard.
"Fisher," a voice calls out.
I look up to see George Holly rounding the stable. He looks out of place here in his white slacks and red hat.
"Holly," I say, half greeting, half exclamation of surprise. He's the last person I expected to see here now.
He smiles at me, but there's less light than usual in it. "You're here for Sean, aren't you?"
I nod.
"Figured I'd save you the trouble of looking. He's not here."
My heart sinks into my boots.
"Malvern?" I ask.
Holly looks uncomfortable. "I haven't seen him since the...row."
"Row?"
"I don't suppose Sean'd mind me telling you, considering Malvern shouted it in front of the whole Yard," Holly murmurs.
"He fired him, didn't he?" I ask softly.
Holly nods.
"For losing Corr?"
Holly nods again, his mouth curiously tight. "And his son."
"Mutt wasn't Sean's fault!" I clench my fists.
Holly holds up his hands. "I didn't say it was. I don't think it was."
"Mutt got himself…" I stop. Because I can't quite bring myself to say that Mutt got himself killed. Because I saw the fear in his eyes right before Skata — right before she trampled him. The realization that he was utterly powerless to stop death. My chest tightens.
"I suppose they all know what they're in for when they race, don't they?" Holly muses. "Don't you?" he amends.
"You know, Mr. Holly, sometimes I wonder if we do," I say. "Do you know where Sean is?" I feel the increasing need to find him. Especially now that I know what Malvern did to him.
"I'd look on the beach if I were you," Holly sounds distant as he looks up at the sky, squinting into the afternoon sun. "He looked like he might be thinking of taking that one foot off land."
I vault onto Selkie and kick him into a run before Holly even finishes his sentence. I jump the Yard gate, leaving an empty Yard and a stunned Holly in my wake.
Like Holly suggested, I find Sean on the beach. Despite the chill of November, he sits in the sand at the edge of the surf, one leg drawn up to his chest, the other stretched in front of him. He stares at the horizon like he wants it to swallow him. I ride Selkie onto the sand and find Puck Connolly sitting on the rocks at the mouth of the cliff path. Dove stands beside her. Puck stares at Sean like her gaze is an anchor.
She nods as I dismount.
"How is he?" I ask.
She sighs. "I don't know."
I take a seat beside Puck, dropping Selkie's reins. He stands beside Dove. I look out at the empty expanse of the beach, scattered with the remnants of today's race — churned sand, blood, pieces of race colors and bits of clothing. I see the shattered poles where Mutt forced me out of the race and one particularly deep gouge in the sand where Tempest and I crashed back in.
"Did you hear about Malvern?" I ask.
Puck nods. "I was there."
"How bad was it?"
She winces. "It...wasn't pretty. I've never seen Malvern more angry and destroyed. I think he was actually sad about losing his son."
I look out at the horizon. "Just goes to show he's human too, huh?"
"I guess so." Puck shrugs. "He should have done more to keep Matthew before it came to this. You don't let things go for eighteen years and then just suddenly regret them. That's not love."
"Not the kind you want, anyway," I say. Because I know how easy it is to let things go for longer than you intend. To pretend like the problems staring you in the face aren't there and to keep forging chains to hold yourself back. "How long has he been down there?" I gesture at Sean.
"Almost an hour," Puck says.
"And you?"
Puck raises an eyebrow.
"Why aren't you down there with him?"
"I was." Puck gives me a wry grin. "I may love him, but I'm not going to freeze myself. I couldn't convince him to come up to the rocks and I'm not about to leave him down here by himself. So, here we are." There's frustration in her words. She tried arguing with Sean Kendrick and she lost. I almost smile at the thought of feisty Puck Connolly and stoic Sean Kendrick in an argument. Then I look back down at Sean and the smile is gone.
"I need to talk to him." I don't move.
"I won't stop you." Puck makes a "go on" gesture with her hand.
"Right then." I stand up and rub my hands together. Puck watches me curiously, but she doesn't speak. I walk down the beach. That march across the sand towards Sean is the longest walk I've ever made. I stop just behind him, seawater licking my boots.
Sean doesn't acknowledge me.
I kneel in the surf beside him, wincing as the cold water laps at my jeans.
"Hey."
He doesn't answer. Just stares at the horizon, his breathing the only indication that he's still alive. His lips are pressed into a pale, thin line and his hands are tucked up against him. He must be cold, sitting in the sea like this. But I know Sean Kendrick. If he argued with Puck and told her that he was staying here, he'll stay until he freezes to death or Puck and I physically carry him off the beach. I'm hoping his good sense will kick in before that. Or that Corr comes back. I know that's what he waits for.
Just before the silence stretches thin between us, Sean asks, "Why are you here, Bay?"
I'm caught off guard. Should I not be here? "Because Holly told me you had a single-minded notion to take your foot off the island." One foot on land, one in the sea.
"Puck seems to think the same thing."
"Well, are you?"
He shrugs.
"I heard about Malvern," I say.
"I don't blame him."
"You should."
"He's right. I lost his horse."
"But not his son," I say adamantly.
Sean shrugs again.
"Mutt wasn't your fault."
"Perhaps he was. Perhaps if I fought harder to keep him off that piebald, we wouldn't be here. Perhaps if I fought harder to hold onto Corr, he wouldn't have…" Sean stops himself abruptly.
"Sean...Corr didn't...run away."
Sean looks over at me, one eyebrow arched, something like hope dancing in his eyes, but I can tell he doesn't dare let it loose.
I take a deep breath and steel myself for what's coming. "You didn't lose Corr. What I told you earlier was only half true. Corr lured the piebald into the sea, but only after I chased him off." I square my shoulders and look Sean in the eye. "I lost Corr."
I see so many emotions flash behind Sean's eyes I can't tell which one to believe — hurt, anger, confusion, sorrow, betrayal, disbelief.
"You what?" Sean's voice is low, dangerous. That same voice he used the night Edana died. He's no longer sitting on the sand, but standing, and so am I, without even realizing we moved.
"I told Corr to go back to the sea," I say.
Sean's hands make fists. "Why would you do that?"
"Because if a capall uisce ever goes back to the sea, owner forfeits. Because if I didn't push him away, that stupid horse was going to stand over your body and make sure you didn't get killed by the piebald or the other racers."
"And what would have been so wrong with that?"
"Sean, you know Corr. He wouldn't have moved an inch from you, no matter what happened to him. I couldn't let him stand there and get mauled by the piebald!"
"But you let her chase him into the sea!"
"Do you think Skata stands a chance against Corr out there?!" I point at the sea, at the grey waves licking at our feet.
Sean doesn't say anything.
"Exactly." I cross my arms. Because I know Sean won't disagree with me on this one. Corr is a prince on land and a king in the sea. He won't lose. He can't. Because I need him to win more desperately than I've ever needed anything.
Sean stares at the sea, then at me, his breath coming hard now, steaming in the air between us. He trembles and his hands open and close as he curls his fingers into fists and lets them go. Dangerous energy flickers around him. Sean is lightning and I'm the lightning rod.
"Bay…" Sean is hoarse, his voice raw.
I cringe.
"Why did you do it?"
"To set you free," I say, honestly. "I wanted you out of Malvern's trap and the only way to do that was to let Corr go. Because when Corr comes back, he'll belong to you. Not Malvern."
Sean stares at me, mouth slightly open, as if he stopped himself from what he was going to say. "You...lost Corr to give him to me?"
"Sean, you've wanted that horse more than anything on this island for as long as I've known you," I say. "Well, except for maybe Puck." I nod at where Puck sits on the rocks, watching. "The day you told me owner forfeits if a capall ever goes back to the sea, I thought about how to get Corr to go back. Because if Corr went back, then you could catch him again and Malvern wouldn't be able to hold him over your head anymore. But I knew you'd never willingly chase Corr off and that if you did, you'd be stealing. So I figured it was no use. But then, during the race, I saw a chance. A chance to give Corr back to you without making it obvious. You were unconscious and the race is a dicey place anyway. So I just gave Corr a little...encouragement."
"Bay...you…"
"But if I'm wrong about all this," I forge on. "If Corr doesn't come back, I'll help you catch him again. And if we can't catch him, I'll give you Tempest."
Sean looks up sharply at that one. He knows that's a high offer from me. "You'd do that for me?"
"Sean, I'd do anything for my best friend." I put a hand on his shoulder and muster a smile.
The corner of Sean's mouth twitches up in the barest hint of a return smile. "You're crazy."
"Crazy?"
"You just lost my horse and my job all in one day, Bay."
"I —" I start to defend myself, but Sean interrupts.
"You're the bravest girl I know."
"Braver than Puck Connolly?"
He pauses for a long moment, then shrugs, looking strangely lost for words. "You're a different kind of brave."
I laugh. "More like a different kind of stupid."
"No." Sean shakes his head. "You forced me to take the leap I've been teetering on for nine years. You risked losing me to save me. You made me realize what's important in life." Despite the fact that his voice is steady, Sean's pale and shivering. He looks like he might pass out or be sick, but he smiles when he looks back up the beach at Puck. "You made me realize there's more to racing than winning. Even if I never get Corr back, I've got Puck and I've got you. I think that might just be enough to keep both feet on the island."
Just then Puck jumps up from the rocks and waves her hands at us. "Sean! Bay! Look!" Selkie and Dove raise their heads and watch Puck as if she's gone mad.
She pelts pell-mell down the sand, pointing excitedly to something in the sea beyond us.
"Look!" Puck shouts again. "There!" She points at the horizon as she splashes into the water next to us.
I turn to see a pointed trail knifing through the water, the kind of trail that means a capall uisce is about to break the surface. I swallow hard. I tell myself it's Corr. But it could just as easily be the piebald, or any other uisce. Dark ears break the water. Sean gasps. Then a blood-red head breaks the waves, bobbing with the powerful sweep of his legs. He keens, that high, seductive cry of a capall uisce looking for his mate.
I look back at Sean who looks even paler in the bright sunlight striking off the water. He sways on his feet and I put my hands on his shoulders to steady him. And me. He blinks a few times, as if he doesn't believe what he's seeing. Corr keens again.
"You gonna answer?" I ask once I can get my mouth to form words.
Sean nods, but instead of answering Corr's call, he dips forward and proceeds to lose the contents of his stomach. So I throw my head back and scream like a capall uisce. I scream for Corr. I scream for Sean. I scream for the mistake I didn't make because that beautiful, stupid stallion came back. Corr answers me and swims faster, like somehow he knows I'm calling for Sean.
Sean hangs off my shoulder, head down, heaving. Puck rubs his back. Sean Kendrick's never lost his cool like this before. I bend down so that I can look him in the eye.
"Hey, are you ok?" I tilt his face up.
"I...I've n-never been more ok in my l-life." He shivers so hard the words come out cock-eyed.
"You don't look ok, Sean Kendrick."
He pushes me and Puck away, not ungently, and stands up straight, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. He's not steady, but he's proud and he's Sean Kendrick again. I see a fire in his eyes like nothing I've ever seen before. A spark he didn't dare light until now.
He throws his head back and repeats my scream. Then he laughs. "Corr!" he shouts as the red water horse hits sand and stands in the water, galloping toward us. "Corr!"
Corr thunders to a stop in front of Sean looking like a glorious war hero. He's bloodied and bitten and there's a new notch in one of his ears, but he's proud and he's alive. He picks his knees up and arches his neck like a fancy dressage horse as he trots up to us. For a second, I think Sean might pass out, but he doesn't. He staggers like a newborn colt up to his stallion and throws his arms around Corr's neck. I start and Puck gasps because what Sean is doing is beyond dangerous. But Sean is touched by sea-magic and he can whisper those horses to oblivion, so of course he can hug his capall uisce. Sean turns around, still keeping a hand on Corr's neck as if Corr might disappear if he stops touching him.
"Do you know what this means?" he asks us softly. It's my turn to shiver now. That voice is so, so alive.
"What's that?" I ask. The energy pouring off Sean is contagious — I feel like I could fly or swim or run forever and ever, with the sky, with the sea, with the sand.
"For the first time in nine years, I finally have what I need," he says. He looks at me and then he looks at Puck and he drinks her in. He smiles at her and she runs to him and Sean Kendrick, the man who barely speaks a word he doesn't have to, barely gives anyone the time of day, barely thinks about anything that isn't a horse, wraps her up in a hug.
Corr snorts indignantly. "Get used to it, buddy," I say. "This is your new place in the pecking order."
Over Puck's shoulder, Sean smiles at me. I grin back. We are wild and free and fierce and alive.
