SPOILERS: When Shouto had several (Bakugou, Iida, and Kirishima) of his friends in his room worrying about him in one the most recent manga chapters [342] but NO MOMO! The absence of Momo that chapter hurt and gave me that last little push to finish this. It would've been the perfect opportunity to drop one small crumb for the starving TDMM fandom for the first time in a long time just by having her there T.T
I'm in denial so I headcanon that TodoMomo had their conversation beforehand/offscreen. It works out since I've been wanting to have a hospital or post-hospital talk for a while following the war!
This is maybe my fifth attempt at rewriting this and I'm finally satisfied with it~
"I need to step out for a little bit." Shouto says before exiting his father's hospital room.
Shouto begins to wander around the hospital as he feels he would become nauseous if he stayed in Endeavor's room any longer. His family became closer than ever, thanks in part to the investigation by Hawks and Best Jeanist which had made them reflect every last secret of the Todoroki family.
Shouto understands that this was necessary and that both of them were only doing this so they could help the Todoroki family as much as possible, but that didn't make it any less uncomfortable. Their questions brought to light things that Shouto desperately wanted to forget, things that he never knew, and things that he wished he had never learned. Everything except for Endeavor's abuse occurred before Shouto even turned five. A time that he, of course, has limited knowledge of. Shouto already said everything he knew on the first day and this is the third; he's wondering what he's doing by attending these meetings when it only makes him feel worse.
The most important parts were already spoken so Hawks and Best Jeanist were just going over the details with a "fine-toothed comb," as Best Jeanist put it. They were trying their best to bring Endeavor back into a favorable light, after all. The public's perception about heroes was at its lowest and they were looking at anything that they could blame. So what would happen if, in the middle of recovering his image, another one of Endeavor's misdeeds were to be unveiled?
'Forget being the number one hero again, they would just think of him as a villain.' Shouto thinks. 'I wanted that in the past, but society needs him now more than ever, so we need to help him… Funny, the one who hated him the most is now thinking about how to defend him.'
At the center of the accusations against him is, naturally, Touya. Regardless of Endeavor's intentions, it is true that he had completely failed his family by constantly making the worst decisions for them. He misread Touya's personality by thinking that he would give up when Shouto was born with the perfect combination of quirks. He ignored Rei's pleas and began forcefully training Shouto to, again, try and make Touya give up. Rei broke down mentally and scarred Shouto. And then the worst case scenario became reality. Touya's "death" then pushed Endeavor to try to make Shouto the greatest hero at any cost while Touya himself returned as a genocidal villain.
Shouto tried to repress these thoughts during the fight, but now that he has nothing but free time while he recovers, his emotions keep resurfacing. 'Touya, no, Dabi was still alive the entire time and will definitely come after me again looking to kill. The look in his eyes… he will stop at nothing to destroy Father and I... Can I win? Can I beat him without killing him? Should I? Midoriya would definitely try and see if he could save him if he were in my shoes…'
The next accusation is the phrase "One for All" that is revealed to the public and sounds suspiciously similar to the villain name, All for One. 'Midoriya said Shigaraki was after him and Shigaraki said the phrase 'One for All' when facing Midoriya. Is One for All the name of Midoriya's quirk? If that's the case, doesn't that mean Shigaraki was after Midoriya's quirk? Why does Shigaraki know the name of Midoriya's quirk? Plus, even though All Might has no legitimate children and Midoriya denied being his illegitimate child, they still seemed very connected. All Might also hasn't left his room pretty much at all since he got admitted. How are they related?'
The one that could answer most, if not all, of these questions, Midoriya, was still in a coma with no signs of waking up soon. All Might says that Midoriya could wake up anytime, but that remains to be seen. This meant that they may have to make a statement before being able to talk with him if the civil unrest continues to rise.
'I wish I had Yaoyorozu's analytical abilities at times like this.' He frowns.
He stares at his hands; his right hand holds a cup of hot tea and his left hand holds a cup of chilled tea. He is using his quirks to maintain the temperatures of both while not damaging the cup itself. This was initially training that he came up with to practice using both his quirks at the same time with controlled outputs. He's mastered that a while ago, and now it is simply a habit that he's become accustomed to doing whenever he feels troubled.
He is simply walking without a final destination in mind when he remembers what Fuyumi mentioned to his classmates when his family first came to escort him to Endeavor's room.
"Sorry, we have to borrow Shouto for a little bit." She says apologetically. "If you have the chance, the hospital garden has quite the lovely scenery."
That sounds like a nice idea to Shouto right about now since he keeps walking through the same corridors and he is starting to get strange looks from the nurses. He obviously has zero intention of going out the front entrance with the mob of reporters shouting about the Todoroki family. And so, he alters his walking trajectory and begins walking towards the hospital park.
Huge, leafy trees surround the perimeters and freshly mowed, vibrantly green grass covers the ground with the exception of the cement walkways. 'I may know nothing about gardens, but even I can tell that Fuyumi-nee is right. This is quite nice.' There is plenty of area to explore; the size is at least comparable to the length and width of the dormitories.
After walking for a little bit, he spots a familiar figure on one of the benches near the central fountain. Someone that he was just thinking about. He will always recognize her spiky ponytail even from a distance.
"Yaoyorozu." He calls out.
"Todoroki-san!?" She looks up briefly and Shouto can see she is crying. She quickly tries to pull herself together.
When Shouto woke up from his coma, she was the first person that he saw. Of course, she was not alone and he saw the others with her immediately. The next couple days she still came to visit him to check on how he was doing, usually accompanied by Jirou and perhaps two or three other students before moving on to check on the others. This is their first time alone together in a while. Shouto always finds the time he spends with her comfortable, so this is a welcome meeting at this time.
While she had stopped crying, he could see that her complexion is, quite frankly, terrible. She has bags under her eyes and her natural confidence seemingly gone.
He tries to think of what to say to comfort her. He looks back on his experiences with crying people to see if he could find the right response.
Endeavor allowed Fuyumi to take care of Shouto when their mother was sent to the psychiatric hospital. A positive consequence of that is he could see his sister more in the house. She is someone that he knows is much stronger than her appearance would indicate. If it weren't for her, the family would have fallen apart long ago. For someone as strong as her, he would always be at a loss whenever he sees her crying.
He recalls the first time he saw her crying. Fuyumi immediately noticed his presence (he's not very good at hiding from her) and walked up to him. He wasn't sure what she was trying to do in that situation, but she then hugged him and said she was sorry that she wasn't strong enough and that he had to go through this. All he could do was stand there like a statue and be the support for her emotions.
Then, there is his mom, who he desperately wanted to help but wasn't allowed to visit for years. When they saw each other for the first time since the incident, she cried when looking at the right side of his face and seeing the burn mark she had caused. There was a part of Shoto that wanted to hug and embrace her. In his imagination, he would then tell her everything was alright, and that he didn't blame her. Yet, there was another part that remembered the look she had as she poured the boiling water on him that stopped him from acting. And so, Shouto could only look on as his mom cried as well.
And then there was the time just two days ago where Shouto saw his father crying for the first time. His response in that situation? Close the door and say he's crying to his siblings.
'Well, that didn't help.' Shouto thinks as his brief mental investigation turns out to be useless.
Instead, Momo is the one to break the silence. "I-I'm sorry you had to see that. I know I've said this to you already, but I'm glad you're awake."
"Thanks." says Todoroki, but even he realizes that his response is lacking. "Me too."
He inwardly curses at himself for having no clue how to comfort others. He spends a few moments thinking about how best to recover the situation.
He remembers that he is holding two cups of tea and offers her one. "Would you like one? Hot or cold?"
"...Hot. Thank you." She says and extends her arms as he hands it to her. "Would you like to sit?"
"Sure, thanks." She moves slightly closer to the right side of the bench and he takes the left. He is also not in the mood for cold tea right now so he puts the cup in his left hand to heat it up. He thinks of a topic they can talk about while waiting. "I heard about Midnight-sensei. It's unfortunate." He says before he can stop himself.
He hears a sniffle and knows instantly that he made the wrong decision. "...Yes, it's truly unfortunate."
He sees her hands shake and a few tears make their way into her tea, making small ripples in her cup. "Sorry... I'm really sorry about that. I shouldn't have brought it up."
"It's… fine." She struggles to say while wiping her tears. "It's something we're going to have to get used to from now on. We need to get through this, so that we can proudly call ourselves her students. If you have anything you need to say, Todoroki-san, you can also always share with me."
He nods his head. 'Maybe she's doing better than I thought. She seems back to her old self.'
"Plus, I'm sure that I'm not hurting as much as you are." She adds. "Ah, I deeply apologize for how that must sound. I'm only trying to say that since you are still standing tall, helping Best Jeanist and Hawks in this difficult time, how can I not face forward?"
He takes a sip of his tea and frowns. 'Never mind, she's doing worse than I thought. She's just trying to be strong for my sake? That's nice of her, but… she should face forward for her own sake. Would she think the same if she knew what I am actually thinking?'
"Yaoyorozu." He finally decides on what to say after some thinking. "Everyone takes grief differently. I may… have a lot going on right now, but I promise you that no one will think any less of you for needing to take a moment to grieve for Midnight-sensei."
"I appreciate the thought, Todoroki-san, but as the vice-representative of the class and one of the healthier students currently, I need to be strong. Not just for you, but for all of our classmates. She was our teacher. If I am able, I should be leading. I don't have the right to sit still."
He sighs, hoping his next sentence will get his point across. "She may have been our teacher, but... I know she means more to you than to us."
"What do you mean by that?" She tilts her head in confusion.
"You are closer to all of the teachers than the rest of us. You always stay before and after class to ask them questions as well as see if they need any additional assistance.
"As for Midnight-sensei specifically, I remember you told me you've asked her for advice about your costume as both of you have quirks that require showing skin. You once told me that you greatly respected her for not caring about what the public thinks about her costume. Though she did create some restrictions as a consequence, there are also clear rules now for costume requirements because of her, so you can comfortably wear your costume now without worrying about being forced to change."
"…Yes." Her voice shakes even saying the one syllable sentence.
"I'm sorry for making you go through this," He starts, wondering if this is really how this conversation is supposed to be going. He figures there's no turning back now, if it's for her sake. "But I know from experience that just ignoring problems isn't the right way to go about things. I tried to ignore my father's power for as long as I could and only used my ice, and you saw how that turned out with Inasa. We were fortunate that the issue only resulted in us failing the provisional exam. If we both only met again when we became professional heroes… a conflict like that could've easily cost someone their life. But that's just one example of how allowing problems to develop without dealing with them could have terrible future consequences." He feels guilt in his chest knowing that at least half of what he's saying is applying to himself right now as well.
She bites her lip before saying "...You're right, Todoroki-san. As usual, your words contain lots of wisdom. As you said, Midnight-sensei is someone I hold very dear. She taught me how I shouldn't feel ashamed of having a costume that is perfectly tailored to my quirk's needs. In her final moments, she gave me the formula for the anesthetic. Thanks to that, we managed to stop Gigantomachia. If he weren't stopped there… many lives would probably need to be sacrificed to take him down in the next fight. He was that terrifying.
"And not just her, I also lost Majestic-san. He was and is an amazing hero. His quirk was to make moving platforms. He saved all of us from classes A and B but… he didn't make an escape for himself. When I close my eyes at night… I can see their faces, hear their voices on replay of their last moments. I can only sleep here in the hospital. Pathetic, isn't it?"
"Not at all." He immediately replies.
"On the other hand, you're always strong, Todoroki-san. And I admire you for that."
"...Is that how it looks?" He looks back at her with a conflicted expression on her face that wordlessly says yes. "I promise you that I'm not strong. Truly strong people face their problems instead of trying to run away. Actually, I think I'm much weaker than you, Yaoyorozu."
"What do you mean?" This time it is her turn to send him a quizzical expression.
He hesitates whether he should say the next part, but decides to do so. "All those words I said perfectly rebounded back towards me as soon as I said them. Once again, I think I'm trying to ignore things and hope they get better. I once told Midoriya that even heroes cry sometimes… yet, here I am contradicting myself."
"Is there something you wish to say?"
"Everything that Touya- no, Dabi said is unfortunately true. He is my brother." Shouto wonders if he is doing anything unnecessary. He figures there's no harm in telling her a little early since Endeavor himself is going to announce that to the public shortly. One thing he does realize, though, is getting this off his chest feels much better than keeping it in. "He and I were created to surpass All Might. I always thought he was dead until he showed himself. He was right in front of me when the villains attacked us at the training camp, and I didn't recognize him even after he called my name… At that point he was just a distant memory.
"They, as in Endeavor, Jeanist, and Hawks, will release a statement in a few days and I'm not sure what they'll say exactly, though I don't think they'll deny it. As a matter of fact, I think they'll say much of the same things that I just did. But I want you to hear this from me. You deserve that much as one of my friends. I plan to tell the rest of the class as well."
Momo stares with a stunned expression on her face. The truth of Dabi's statements is something that she couldn't help thinking but could never ask directly. He already told her he was the product of a quirk marriage. She felt like there was more to the story at the time, but decided not to press. He would disclose it to her if or when he felt comfortable enough. Neither of them ever thought it would be revealed from someone that wasn't Todoroki Shouto, much less from a public broadcast. "Todoroki-san, I'm so sorry. I couldn't stop Gigantomachia. If I had... then Dabi wouldn't have been able to say those things."
"Yaoyorozu." Shoto replies after a pause. "Gigantomachia is a natural disaster. It was a desperate situation and they had to call upon your judgment. In that short time, you came up with what was certainly the most effective strategy. If that plan didn't work then nothing would. Plus-" He pauses for a moment. "Tou- Dabi's obsession was stronger than anything else on that battlefield. Even if it... killed him, he would have done anything to harm my father."
The last two sentences are much harder to say than he initially thought. He certainly hopes that he is doing a better job raising her spirits than his own. Now that he's come this far, he might as well confess everything, including what he was thinking earlier. "In the next fight, I know that he'll go straight for Endeavor or myself. If it comes down to it… he might need to be killed. What do you think I should do?" He blurts out the last question before he can stop himself.
She is shocked because he had never looked so vulnerable before, even turning towards someone else and practically pleading with them to give him an answer. She has her own opinion about what she would do in his shoes, but it's about him, not her, right now. "What do you want to do, Todoroki-san? Do you actually want to kill him?"
"What he's done is long past forgiveness. Even if we, his family, look past what he's done… Honestly, even that is a big stretch. But even if we do, the public certainly won't. And they have good reason not to. He's killed many with his flames and shows no remorse. And he will keep going until he's stopped."
"Todoroki-san, I'm asking you what you want. Forget about what the public will think for a moment. He is your brother."
"Yaoyorozu, if I didn't know any better I would think that you are talking about saving him."
"He is your brother," She emphasizes again. "Someone that you already thought was dead once. Now that you know he's still alive, you have another chance of getting to know him. Knowing him with all his sins, all of his flaws. But if you put him down, especially by your own hand... There will be no way to get this chance again. Whichever one you choose, I will support you. I just want you to know that. And I also want you to know that whichever choice you make, I don't want you to get hurt emotionally. The choice is yours Todoroki-san."
It is as though her words free him from the remaining shackles binding his heart. "I… as foolish as this sounds, I want to save him. The one that's been destroyed the most by my father's ambitions is him. Like you said, he's my brother. He shares my flesh and blood, but I still don't know him at all. In the short time that we lived in the same house, he tried to kill me when I was born and we were separated from then on. Some of the things he's done are beyond forgiveness. He most likely doesn't even care about forgiveness. But, even if he can't and doesn't want to be forgiven, I want to save him to give him a chance. When I looked into his eyes on the battlefield, I could feel that he had no love for not just Endeavor or myself, but for his- no, our whole family. He neither loved us nor ever felt loved. Though it may be incorrect in the eyes of me or my family, he wouldn't have come this far if he didn't truly believe that he didn't receive any love." He thinks back to the dream that Fuyumi once said. "I want to sit down and eat with him, to share a meal together as a family."
Shouto realizes that he actually confessed every thought and doubt that he had and begins to shake. He locked away many of his expressions and emotions when the incident happened and became withdrawn. This year, he started unlocking some of them beginning at the Sports Festival and gradually let more of it be revealed.
And yet again, it is Momo that he feels the urge to share it all with. The first time was at Ennichi where he stopped himself at the last moment, but felt so at ease that he almost divulged everything. Last time, he told her a part of his family history (the same information that Midoriya and Bakugou had known) not long before the war began. But now, he let go of everything, even parts of himself that he didn't know until they came out of his mouth.
He sees her trembling and takes that as his cue to leave. "Sorry, I shouldn't have shared this with someone else. He'll probably come at me ready to kill me the instant I come into his sight. It doesn't matter what I want, I probably have no choice but to stop him no matter the cost. If anyone else tries to fight with me, I would never forgive myself if he killed them. Just forget I said anything. Take care, Yaoyorozu." He gets up and starts to walk away. His heart aches with a pain that hurts more than the guilt from before. It attempts to stop him from leaving. He does his best ignores it by convincing himself: 'It's for the best.' But he is surprised the next moment when he feels someone physically stop him. His torso can no longer move, so he changes his gaze slightly downward and sees a pair of arms surround his chest and stop him. Of course it is her. "...What's this?"
"Sorry, Todoroki-san. I should have asked for your permission first. I couldn't control my emotions listening to you, I-I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. It's okay to want to run. But I think it's just as you say. The best results come from facing the walls head on. I apologize if you weren't trying to run. And... it's just… you looked like you needed a hug. And someone that will tell you that everything is going to be all right. Because things will be all right. You'll stop him successfully and in the future, no matter how long it takes, you will have a meal as a complete family again.
"Even if... you don't have anyone fighting with you, you're not alone. You've helped me time and time again, and even now. Even if I can never fully return the favor, I want to help in any way that I can. I- This sounds even worse than the other line if it is misinterpreted- but I also feel a little happy. Happy that you are willing to say all of this to me. I… will always be there for you, if you'll let me. Just... please, don't get hurt emotionally or physically in the next battle against him. I want you to come back in one piece. Please, I c-can't lose you, too."
'This is mysterious.' He thinks. He's heard many of her speeches and presentations in the past. She obviously had zero preparation for this one. These lines have none of the composure that she normally has. Her voice cracks throughout, and he can hear her sobs between sentences several times. But that makes it all the more powerful, and he can feel her words hitting his soul.
Despite his terrible situation from birth, Shouto had never been under the illusion that there was no love in his life like his brother. When he was young, his mother gave him as much love as she could in place of his father until she broke. After that, Fuyumi tried her utmost to give him the love of both of their parents. Even though he's not the best at expressing himself, he knows that he loves both of them from the bottom of his heart for being there for him when things were hardest. Now, he can think of one more person that can be included. 'This love feels a little different compared to those two, though.'
"...Yeah, I think I did need that hug. Thanks, Yaoyorozu. I'm glad you're here." Shouto says. Never before had those four words carried so much meaning for him. "Could you let go for a second? I promise I won't try and leave again." She releases her arms and he turns around to face her. He repositions so that he can return the gesture and also wraps his arms around her. She again gently embraces him. Now he knows why people seek comfort in physically hugging other like this. Much more than physical, he feels his worries being shared by her, and he is taking hers at the same time. 'I... wish this moment would last forever.' His vision begins to blur and he feels water droplets fall down his face. It takes him a second to recognize what exactly this sensation is. 'How long has it been since I last cried like this? Since the incident where my scar happened?' She allows him to bury his head into her shoulder. 'I'll have to apologize later about her uniform.'
He knows that they will inevitably have to separate. He takes in everything that he can before it gets to that point. He takes in her smell, the smell of the dew in the background, how she feels to touch, the feeling of the wind softly blowing her hair into his face, the sound of the heartbeats in their chests beating against the other.
He decides that when this is all over, no matter how long it takes, he'll tell her, in great detail, about his feelings. The meal is only a dream right now but he'll force that future to happen, thanks to her. He will come back so he can do this again. As he closes his eyes to imagine another glimpse of that perfect future, he now sees her sitting with them at the table.
