Chapter 20
FearClan/Willow
As the night drew to a close, Timber gathered the kits for their nest. Her gray and white tabby pelt covered in darkness as she called the kits to her sides for sleep. Juniper was limping badly, a sickly scent slowly bathing over his black tabby pelt. He collapsed beside Ant and Nettle, burying his face into their comforting fur. Willow watched, noting how it wouldn't be long until their sixth moon. They were nearly full-grown and were pressed up against the Kit-Watcher.
Like always he went to his usual nest, trying to ignore the pull he felt to find Frostfur. The strange snow-white she-cat had watched him. Her sky-colored eyes glowing like twin moons in his memories. His fur itched, but he didn't know what to do about it. He could go looking for them, but there was no where he could think of going. He only knew of one answer: asking Hawk where to speak with the spirit-cats. However, that also meant diving deeper into this pool of forbidden knowledge.
Another question still plagued him as well, one that he wasn't sure it could ever be asked now. Would it be insensitive? He wasn't sure, even as his gaze traveled to the leader nest where Heather was curled up, her tail tip twitching restlessly. A small idea blossomed inside his mind as he rose to his paws and padded in near-silence to the creamy brown she-cat. Her honey-colored eye glanced up at him, her ears angling towards him with interest.
"Willow, can you not sleep?" she asked in a soft mew.
He shook his head. "My apologies," he began, "I had a question for a while now that I wanted to ask. It has started to eat at me since Dusk's death."
She raised her head, gesturing with her tail. "Come, sit and ask away." He mew was level, not taut with the pressures of being a leader and yet sounded as though she had aged in a single day's worth. Her injured eye seemed clouded and oozing. Tear-marks traced along her delicate-looking nose and the fur around it matted with dried blood.
"I was wondering why Dusk was well respected by everyone, but Hawk and Lion weren't." He explained, "What did she do to earn it?"
Heather blinked, seeming to be surprised by the question. "Nothing." she replied at last. "The kittypet-heart just did nothing but look after all of you. Kit-Watchers are important and it was her only way of contributing at the time."
"Okay, now Hawk has done a lot in teaching me how to be fair and to listen and consider other cats properly and their wishes. Yet, Shadow and you treated her with scorn. Was it just because her claws dealt the wound that killed her despite her using Clan-cat knowledge to try and save her life?"
"Willow, it is much too late for serious talks like that." Heather meowed gently, sitting up in her nest.
He pressed on. "I just want to know if that's the only reason for her to be treated so poorly despite her hunting skills having improved thanks to Lion, which in turn is teaching me to become a better hunter."
"I suppose we should give her more respect." Heather began slowly, "But it won't be easy. It's hard to forgive a cat for killing another. Even if they tried some hare-brained way to fix it."
"That only leaves me with one last question." Willow admitted, looking to his paws. "What did Lion do to be mistreated every day and to be sent on that mission with Moth and Berry? Was it to prove her loyalty, or were you trying to get rid of her?"
Heather was silent, her gaze seeming to scorch his fur as it stretched on. At last, she spoke in a hushed whisper. "She could never prove her loyalty. Moth and Berry had felt guilt for holding Lion back all those moons ago. This mission was for them to prove their loyalty to FearClan or to leave forever. For Lion is was to see how far she would dare trod and force these cats to do her bidding."
"She taught Hawk to hunt." Willow replied in a sharp whisper. "Who in turn taught me the same skills. With her hunting abilities and ability to train a cat, wouldn't that, in turn, make her the most loyal of all? Especially since she has nothing to gain from helping Hawk?"
"You are young and foolish." she hissed softly, "Go to your nest. You don't know anything about how FearClan works and I intend to teach you that in the morning."
"Heather, when Lion return I request to meet with her and Hawk privately. I wish to judge her myself, so when I am leader I will know to place my trust into her." he requested, seeing the anger blaze in her eye.
"Your request is denied." she snarled, her voice growing louder. "Now, go to your nest."
Willow stared at her, unblinking as he meowed coolly, "You may be my leader, but you have failed to earn my respect the moment you laid a claw on me those moons ago. I hope you remember that, in the long term, I decide if you stay in FearClan when you step down."
Heather stared, horror in her honey-colored eye as he turned away. Her silent plea meant nothing to him as he reached his nest. In the morning he would speak to Hawk at the first chance he could get. Heather could keep her secrets, but he never forgot the claws that dug into his fur as he was slammed by a heavy paw. The way Timber spoke fondly of her teachings was far from what he experience. Giving him no reason to seek her respect.
He flattened the moss the best he could before laying among it. His amber eyes sliding closed as sleep slowly washed over him. Like the river's calming gurgle, he was soothed into a deep sleep. Among his dreams, everything stretched out before him. He was by the river where brittle grasses rippled and hissed in the gentle wind. He padded carefully, his amber eyes wide as he saw the snow-white she-cat again. Her sparkling fur glittering as she padded away from him.
Swiftly, he followed with leaping bounds. Despite her walking gait, she was padding quickly and keeping just ahead of him. Her scent was carried to him, carrying a musk he could not name. His brownish-gray paws pounded into the forest floor as he followed before noticing that they were heading towards the Twoleg Bridge. A place he had yet to cross on his own. He skidded to a halt, his claws scrabbling for purchase in the snow.
The spirit-cat glanced to him, her sky-colored eyes seeming to beckon him. Her tail flicking for him to follow, yet he was rooted where he was. If he moved any closer would she keep staying out of reach or would he wake up from this odd dream? He was uncertain, hesitating at where the stone met wood. After a moment's hesitation longer, he glanced up to see the white spirit-cat waiting. Her ears twitching to unheard noises while the cold wind blew in her fur.
The she-cat opened her mouth to speak, but stopped. Willow blinked, confused before feeling the sensation of a cat beside him. He turned, startled to see a dark ginger cat beside him. Her fur glittering with frost-like specks and yellow eyes illuminated like the false-suns of the wide thunderpath. Her fur was thick, scored with the marks of claws, even faint frost along her neck where an old wound may have been.
"Wh-who..." he started, before seeing the familiar shape of their head. It was almost like Lion's noble rounded head with a sharp chin and nose.
"Who I am is of no concern," she meowed, "Just follow your heart. You will find the answers you seek that way and the destiny that is just before you."
"But Heather hates Clan-cats!"
"She hates any cat who has loved Cedar as much as herself." The dark ginger spirit-cat explained. "Her heart has been tormented by unrequited love. A love that can never come to light. You speak what's in your heart and on your mind. It is time to use that gift for yourself."
"Let him choose his own path, Finch." Frostfur meowed from the Twoleg Bridge.
"What path is there for him to choose?" Finch replied scathingly, "He will follow the path you wish in the end, I am simply telling him how to since none of you ever can."
"Cats deserve to make their own decisions. We are not Twolegs telling them when to eat." The white spirit-cat growled.
The dark ginger she-cat's eyes flashed in defiance. "This is his own decision, Frostfur. He can follow you if he feels it is what he must do. Like me, he should follow his heart and instincts to choose how deep he wants to go."
Willow stared, before nodding. Slowly, he took a step onto the bridge. Lifting his head high. "I make this choice for myself, Hawk, and Lion. No matter what, I know I have to do something for them. It's not fair for them to suffer, especially when no one dares to tell me why."
He glanced to the she-cat beside him, her yellow eyes glinting with curiosity. "You're a true cat, Willow. Far from the cat your mother is. Even farther from the grieving father you have. May the stars light the path you choose. No matter how dangerous it becomes."
Her mew was fading, he knew what that meant. He glanced back to Frostfur, her sparkling pelt disappearing into the snow, her sky-colored eyes glimmering darkly, agitation flaring within them, yet he hoped his amber eyes lingered like hers. Just so she knew he was going to follow her path. Yet, when his eyes flickered open to the dawn light's bitter blue shade, he knew.
Today was the day Heather would teach him about how FearClan should be run. However, he had other plans. With a stretch and a quick shake, he left the Willow Den and raced for Hawk's nearly empty den. The reeds were wound together, but were untouched by any rebuilding. His heart ached on how cold it must be on the inside. Without a second thought, he slipped inside, the cold air nipping at his ears. With a shudder, he saw Hawk curled into a tight ball, her fur fluffed up against the cold.
"Hawk," he called, going over to dab a paw on her. His bitterly cold paws still being struck with how cold her fur was. "Hawk, wake up, I have a question that I need answered now before Heather wakes up."
The dark brown tabby raised her head, pale green eyes bleary with sleep. Blinking slowly she stretched with an enormous yawn. Once feeling more awake, she looked to him and asked, "What is it, Willow?"
"Where do Clan-clats go to speak with their ancestors?"
She blinked, seeming lost in her half-asleep state before answering, "To Mothermouth, they go inside to visit the Moonstone. A great stone that shines with the power of the moon's half-face."
Willow blinked, puzzled, "Would it be across the Twoleg Bridge?"
"Yes, but it's a long ways off." she told him, rising to her haunches. "Why are you so interested?"
"I've been visited by a white she-cat with a Clan-cat name." he explained in a whisper, "Her name is Frostfur, she visits me in my dreams and in the waking world sometimes. She wanted me to follow across the bridge, but I hesitated. I don't think I can make it in the dream-world."
Hawk started to wake up more as he explained, her pale green eyes wide. "Is that so? Perhaps we should pay it a visit." Though, a wry frown made its way on her muzzle. "Then again, Shadow would be suspicious and follow us."
"Does it mean I have to go there? I was told to follow my heart and instincts. Everything is telling me to find where to meet Frostfur and she was trying to show me before I hesitated." Willow pressed.
"Let's not worry about it for now." Hawk decided aloud. "There is still a chance it was just a dream. Go eat and wait for Heather in some sunlight, that should keep you warm then this drafty den."
Willow opened his jaws to object, before clamping them shut. Hawk was right, he had to do as he was expected. Yet, he saw a twinkle of hope in her gaze that told him a lot more. Perhaps she was going to think of a way to help them find the answers they both sought. Or perhaps, his dream did mean something. Regardless, he just hoped that telling Hawk was a good first step. After all, there was no one else he could tell in the rogue camp.
.
The sun had risen further when Heather finally appeared from her den, her wounded eye was not looking any better as she approached. Her honey-colored eye trained on him with a glowering fire. Willow knew she hadn't forgotten their talk one bit. He tried to appear brave, his legs trembling slightly, but he had to be brave. He asked for it and now he had to sit it out and take it like fresh-caught prey.
"So I will tell you how this is supposed to be run." Heather meowed, stopping before him as she gestured with her creamy brown tail. "Reed and Pounce are fragments, they hunt for FearClan and provide for all. Timber is obviously the Kit-Watcher, she makes sure the kits are safe. Ant, Nettle, and Juniper are Shards who are to be considered kits until twelve moons old. By then we assess if they are responsible enough to be fragments."
Willow nodded, his amber eyes focused on her single good eye, willing her to continue. So, the FearClan leader did. "Leaders have to maintain order in any way possible; be it through fear or ferocity. Second-in-command cats are to-be leaders and thus will learn by watching how their leader handles situations and how to assess the problems presented to them. They also meet with The Council, a group of older cats who are a branch between leader and fragments."
"And third-in-command?" Willow prompted.
Heather licked a white forepaw, her honey-colored eyes shining in the pale sunlight. "That was made to make Shadow feel at ease. It is a fake position that will never mean a thing. Advisors are to advise leaders and to-be leaders. Their job is mainly to teach the leader's first born kit to be a perfect leader. Usually they are much older, so Hawk is not the best advisor, but she will have to do."
"Yet, she makes understanding your words much better." Willow admitted, "I understand you perfectly clear now then I did in the beginning."
"Which is unexpected," Heather mused aloud, "You are young and yet, you have aged beyond your five moons. Why, I'd even say you were closer to twelve moons with your intelligence. I suppose Hawk has been useful, even more so then Dusk was. All she had going for her was watching over your litter." She paused, twitching her whiskers before nodding. "I should have given her more respect before her passing. She was brave to protect Thistle and Ant like she had. I never once thanked her for her work."
"And now it is too late." Willow murmured, looking to where Timber was helping the kits out of the Willow Den. "You can still thank Timber, though."
"I will have to, this time at least." The rogue leader conceded, "I suppose I should put more faith in any advisor, but with her cloud-brained suggestions..."
"But it's not cloud-brained." Willow meowed gently, "They use herbs to help and she tried her best to heal Cedar. She admits knowing that because of her causing the wound, she is blamed for that death by even Shadow and you. She tries so hard to do right and to keep us safe the ways she knows how. She has accepted that you do not want Clan-cat influence."
Heather nodded, "I see and how does she feel about it?"
The silver and white tabby tom felt more relaxed, feeling as though she was treating him as an equal for once. "Not secure, but accepting. She knows when I no longer need her you will order to have her killed. I'm sure she is afraid, but she puts on a brave face since if this is how she can atone for Cedar's death, then perhaps it will be enough for Shadow."
"She does it for her brother?" Heather inquired.
"Not that he cares. She catches her own prey, but he always claims I caught it." he confided, "It places a lot of pressure on me. I know I can catch prey, but I'm only five moons old and learning. I don't deserve all that praise."
"I see now, Shadow is placing you on the same gnarled root that Cedar was on." Heather murmured thoughtfully, her gaze flicking to the black tabby tom who walked out from his sleeping place. "Perhaps, we are not that different. I fail to keep seeing you as a kit, it's difficult when in some way you are so much like her."
"Thistle and Ant looked most like her." Willow pointed out, "I have nothing in common with her."
"That is where you are wrong, you have her paws and ability to speak your mind. Two things that made Cedar, Cedar. What makes you, Willow, is the rest of your pelt and who you personally are." the leader reminded him. "I may be old and forget you have not lived for very long, but I will never forget that you are her son."
"Yet, you have when you were to teach me on being a leader." he tilted his head a little. "Why do you try to be so positive when you know you have done me wrong?"
"There is a chance to make things right." Heather replied.
Willow blinked, surprised. "Oh, so you can have a second chance, but not Lion or Hawk?"
"What they did was not as bad." she growled crossly.
"You say that, but Hawk tried to make a wrong into a right, leading the whole of FearClan to condemn her as lower than any other cat. I don't even know what Lion did, but Hawk said you blame her for something that her mother has done."
"Her mother was a traitor." Heather informed him, "She allowed Bushstar to live when he rightfully deserved to die."
"He is gone now." Willow reminded her, remaining as calm as he could. "What has BushClan done?"
"Left FearClan for dead." her single eye blazed with anger.
With a gentle caress of his tail over her bristling one, he spoke. "Even the ones born into BushClan?"
Silence met him as her anger continued to smolder, at last she bared her teeth in a snarl. "They are all traitors, when will you see that?"
He remained silent, watching as her fur was bristling with a rage that was summoned by some unknown bit of the past. His amber gaze watching her with little to no concern. His tail moved away from hers as he considered her question, if only a brief moment. With a shake of his thick pelt of long fur, he met her gaze evenly, his jaws parting to speak.
"I hear you, I understand your words, Heather." he began, her honey-colored eye becoming a slit of fury as he continued, "However, I do not understand the feeling you have behind it. If the goal was to kill Bushstar, then that was complete. So why continue the conflict?" Her jaws opened to answer, but he raised his tail to silence her.
"Simply because Cedar ordered you all to. You feel compelled to follow her word as though it is law. I was born five moons ago and she still went to war, getting herself killed. Hawk defended herself and still attempted to save Cedar, failing. By the stories I am told, Cedar didn't care about us enough to hold war off, or do you know how to soak that into the blood of fresh-prey?" He inquired.
Heather was silent, her jaws gaping open as the other cats gathered. "I never," she started, "Soaked anything in the blood of fresh-prey."
"Then why did Cedar go on with the attack?" Willow pressed, "Why did she go to war knowing there is a chance she would never come back?"
"She believed she would survive." Heather replied, "She couldn't be swayed, she was focused on the destruction of BushClan. There is another cat there who deserves to die."
"And whose innocent life has to be spilled that was so important that she gave up her life for it?"
Heather was silent, her tail tip twitching. With a deep breathe she admitted a dark secret, "The old blood of BushClan, the elders, the senior warriors, their leader and Deputy, some of their queens. They all must die. As for who in particular Reed knows who."
Willow looked to the crowing group of cats, so few without Lion, Berry, and Moth. "We were lucky to have Dusk. Even luckier that Timber was kind enough to take over the job. Yet, Timber spoke highly of your teachings, but you have shown me none of that excellent skill."
"It was a different time and they weren't Cedar's kits."
"You say that, but sometimes, I'm not so sure." Willow lashed his tail, "I lost a mother, yet you and Shadow treat Hawk like the death of her patient means nothing. You believe your pain is much more bitter than ours, but you fail to remember: We had a mother for barely a moon. We lost something we can never have back. I don't care why you both hate Hawk so much, if there was a contest for who has it worse, I think kits of the dead mother should win."
Shadow stepped forward, "You are nothing but a bitter kit! You have everything, a grand destiny to crush BushClan, a destiny to bring back the pride of FearClan!"
"And you speak ill of your own sister! I lost mine in the fox attack. She tried her best to escape alive. Then, you lost Dusk, who is also your sister, did you grieve for her like you did for Cedar or is that different?"
Silence stretched in the clearing, no cat dared to speak as he rose to his paws. He looked to Hawk who was simply fixing her own den the best she could, ignoring them. Pounce and Reed looked astonished that he had done this before them. Timber and his littermates looked barely bothered, as though they were used to his outspoken nature. Yet, he knew he was probably no better than his own mother. Looking to his paws for a heartbeat, he made his choice. Raising his amber eyes to Heather.
"Hawk told me cats should look after fellow cats, but all I see is bullies picking on their own. It's no wonder we never destroyed BushClan. How can we, when all we're good for is bullying a cat who watched her mother die? Bullying a cat who tried so hard to save a leader who didn't love her litter of kits enough to think of them? A leader who was ready to smack the first-born kit and turn around to tell Juniper off for doing the same thing."
"It isn't the same!" Heather protested loudly, however he ignored her.
His amber eyes raking across the gathered cats. "Maybe I am like my mother, maybe I have more sense then she does. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. What does is that we can change now or after I take over FearClan. I leave that up to you all to decide. I'll be fixing up Hawk's den with her."
"You have hunting to do." Shadow snapped, "You can let the she-cat do it herself-"
"No matter what any of you choose," he growled over his shoulder, "I will choose to help and be with those who actually work hard without a complaint. If I am to be leader, then I will refuse to be like the rest of you to set an example for my brother and sisters. If you disagree, then feel free to go against your own chosen hierarchy and punish me as though I am Hawk or Lion."
Juniper blinked, his head lifting despite the sickly-scent on him. His green eyes shocked by the proposition. "Are you saying, you are challenging them to harm you? Why would you ever want that?"
"Easy," Willow answered, his mew hushed to make them listen. "Hawk worked hard and this is my way of thanking her for having to deal with me. I don't care if none of you agree, all I care about is showing her that I at least care when her own flesh and blood refuses to."
With that, he padded to Hawk, where she was working hard alone in silence. She never complained to him about how hard it must be. She simply accepted her role and how difficult it was. He wanted to be as accepting and hard working as her. He may have the blood of Shadow and Cedar, but he trusted himself to become a better cat. One that knows the pains of being the lowest of the low. Even if it creates conflict, he knows showing Hawk appreciation would make it better for himself before the day inevitably comes for her demise at Heather's claws.
Author Note:
4,000 words for this one! I'm getting better at developing this story by the seat of my pants! I still welcome any critiques to write better! And also, yes, I went back and realized some things hadn't been asked as promised in his chapters, so this was the chapter he would face them and create a conflict inside FearClan for equality!
Thank you for reading, have a good day/night! - NightSky
