Chapter 38
FearClan/Willow
There was rustling in the reeds before the tiny gray-brown head of a water shrew appeared. It's whiskers twitched before scuttling out from it's hiding place to hunt down prey of it's own. The breeze ruffled it's fur as it scurried to hunt the bugs that were beginning to reawaken to the coming newleaf. The sun's life giving warmth bathing the land around the prey. A soft whisper spoke just below the wind, feminine and slightly roughened by dusty and air-clogged winds from a life among monsters.
"Just follow your instincts. Hunting is like being a leader in that way." Shatter murmured.
In an instant, when the water shrew paused, Willow pounced. His body had healed enough for him to try hunting and patrolling. The lectures he sat through had been boring, but he implied everything Hawksight had taught him in order to pay close attention. Now, he was in his element, hunting and using it as a stepping stone to apply leadership skills through hunting. His muscles, once sore and torn, now stretching and bunching with ease as he dispatched the water shrew with a shake of his head.
Looking to Shatter, he saw pride flicker in her sky-colored eyes. The striped she-cat was hard to impress, especially since he had trouble concentrating. So much so, Hawksight was always in earshot to flick her tail towards the older she-cat. He always apologized and tried harder to focus. Now, he brought the prey for her to inspect his skills. It had been a long time since he had done any hunting so he was looking forward to how his skills had held up during his time of rest. He twitched his whiskers as Shatter sniffed over the prey, inspecting how clean it was before nodding.
"This is a perfect piece of fresh-kill." she told him, her eyes glancing to him. "And they said you were about six moons old, give or take?"
"Yes. I began my training at a moon old and starting hunting when I was three moons old." Willow informed her.
The rogue dipped her head a bit. "I see now, you have excellent hunting skills. Who taught you them again?"
"Hawksight did." Willow answered, "She learned it from Lion and then passed it onto me."
"That explains that, well let's take this back to the camp and if you find any more prey along the way feel free to catch it. Anything will be worth it now that this territory is trying to feed so many cats." Shatter pointed out. "As leader you will have to constantly think of your cats, so you have to use hunting as a way to think about them, okay?"
Willow nodded as he picked up his prey and followed her. As young as he was, he was doing his best to learn and adapt to the life he never asked for. Yet, Quail had yet to do anything about the revelation that Lion was a true heiress for FearClan's leadership. The tawny she-cat simply refuses to take over, her amber eyes dull and exhausted from the long journey and a life time of fighting for herself all alone. He even took the chance to tell her that if he could he would make her a second-in-command if she wants him to. She never agreed or declined, possibly needing time to think about it.
Whatever it was, he didn't press her and showed his respect to her as if she was any other older cat. Just as Hawksight would have wanted him to. A small droplet of worry filled him with the idea that he might end up as battle-crazed and hurt like his mother. Yet, he also knew he would never wish for himself to become that way. To not think of anyone else and only yourself was something he fought with constantly. He always thought of himself when he was much younger and how unfair it was to his siblings. Now, he was trying hard to correct his behavior and become as fair as Lion and Hawksight are.
That was his only wish, to become more of himself and less of the cat FearClan wanted him to become. He had to think of kits that were to be born, cats whose lives would be on the line in his twelfth moon. A time where, he told Quail and Shatter that he wishes to be tested to see if he will be a proper leader with them still there. For if he failed his groups expectations he would rather have a retriable leader like Quail take his place instead. However, in his dreams, Frostfur keeps pushing him to become FearClan's leader and he isn't so sure why. Was it because he would succeed in being a leader and she can see that far into the future? Or was it some other reason?
Whatever the reasoning was, Willow padded carefully along his path of life. One wrong move and he could end up failing every cat who was helping him. Even the ones who were dusted with frost-like stars would realize their terrible mistake, wouldn't they? Suddenly nervous, he slipped into the clearing where the pile of prey had grown thanks to so many cats hunting. Shadow was keeping watch over the prey-pile and he looked curled into himself.
Much like Lion, he had been looking less of the young vibrant cat he once was. He looked like he had aged in the eight days he had spent resting. His pale green eyes barely glancing to him as he placed his water shrew among the prey. Only a flick of his tail was the sign that he even acknowledged him. Their relationship as father and son had been strained since the beginning and now it had frayed into a thin strand of a whisker between them. Not even the starry cats could tell him if he had done right or wrong for his father. It was like talking to a tree to his father, speaking his thoughts and trying to understand him, but instead of his side being acknowledged, he is left to hear Shadow's side without much reason beyond his hurting heart.
The only things he could say he had already said many times over. He missed his mother too, but her memory had become warped into the dictator the others talk about her being. He wasn't even sure if she ever held a mother's love or not. All he knew was she never woke up and the blood that leaked from her precious body. Her life-water left to run into the ground as Hawksight failed to bring her back to life. Sometimes he wishes he could speak to his mother among his dreams, but he also fears the darkness that she may have within her, wherever her spirit may have gone.
The clearing was bustling with chatter, drawing him back into the present. Shatter a few steps away, looking to him with a puzzled expression in her gaze. Clearly not knowing why he had stopped where he was. Her tail tip flicked slightly, narrowing her eyes in thought before turning back around fully to face him.
"Something on your mind?" The white she-cat inquired, her pale gray stripes framing her face neatly.
"It's just cloud-fluff." Willow answered, looking to the she-cats white paws. "I just wonder if I can ever know my mother outside of the stories that the others say."
"I doubt there would ever be a way." Shatter told him. "You will just have to live with the fact that you will never truly know her. I'm sorry, but it is the only way to keep moving forward. Just accept it the best you can and move on."
"What if I can't?" He asked, looking to her familiar sky-colored eyes.
Shatter hesitated, before speaking softly, "Rumors say that Clan-cats can speak to the dead. If Hawksight has their power, you can ask her."
"She said there is a special place that Clan-cats once gone to that BushClan now uses. She took me there once during a hunting trip at night. I wanted to see it, so I asked for her to show me. If I can get her there, maybe she can help me find the strength to move on." He thought aloud.
The older second-in-command nodded. "It's worth a shot, but remember it can also just be a dream. I don't mean to step on beliefs and the like, I just want you to retain a bit of skepticism there, whether you believe or not isn't my problem. You are already an excellent hunter and you understand the basics of leadership."
"Thank you." Willow murmured softly.
"Typically, in the Giant Garden Fragment at least, we would wait until a kit is five moons old so they would have a healthy kit-hood before learning to be a leader. You still have a lot of curiosity that was shoved in the back for so long, I worry that they made you grow up too fast."
He blinked slowly, knowing it was true. He had struggled to be a proper to-be leader for a long time. He was forced into the role for as long as he could remember. As soon as he and his siblings were weaned, Cedar had gone straight to fighting. His paws trembled, knowing what he must do. He had grown in the moons, but he also was stunted somewhere else, somewhere deep inside that couldn't be attained. His kit-hood tainted by learning to lead. Tainted by the sadness and questions on if his mother ever loved him or his siblings.
"I will ask Hawksight to take me there tonight." He told Shatter, "It's the night that medicine cats meet with their ancestors. I believe it would bring me peace and the strength to move on if she could visit on half-moons like this."
Shatter looked to the position of the sun. "It is far past sun-high," she commented as the sky blazed with orange and soft hues of violet, "I suppose she would need to leave soon."
"I will speak to her at once." Willow told her.
The striped white she-cat dipped her head. "Very well, I will report to Quail and let him know of what you intent to do with Hawksight tonight."
"Thank you," he replied, "I'll report back if needed."
"Although, you must remember that tonight is when Jasmine plans to return to his mate." Shatter reminded him, "So you will be returning one cat less, I would assume."
"I know." Willow hadn't known Jasmine for very long, but he understood that the tom was very gentle and with a warmth that he could hardly place. He advised well, even took over FearClan with a single paw to ensure he survived. He owed him to travel to Highstones together, protecting him and keeping him safe at the entrance of Mothermouth. It was the most he could do to give back to the older tom.
Swiftly, Willow padded over to where Jasmine was using the herbs to assess Hawksight's skills in thinking of others the last time. He slowed his pace to not disturb the precious herbs. They were gifts from BushClan until newleaf took hold of their part of the forest much more strongly. As he drew closer, he could hear the dark brown tabby she-cat answer the cream and white tom with an honest heart.
"I would listen to both of their sides equally and ask for them to be quiet between stories. Then I would assess the similar parts of the stories to try and fact check between them of things that could have been forgotten in the heat of the agreement. Once we get to an understanding, they can apologize and promise to pay closer attention around them if possible."
"Very good." Jasmine praised, before his frosty blue gaze were trained on him, freezing him in his steps. "May we help you, young Willow?"
"I was wondering when Hawksight would leave for Highstones." He managed to mew.
Hawksight blinked, checking the sky. "When the first star can be seen I will prepare to leave. Why?"
"I wanted to join you and Jasmine to go there." He told her, seeing her pale green eyes narrow. "I just want to ask if you can find anything out about Cedar. I have to know if she ever truly loved us, if she regretted anything she had done."
Hawksight nodded slowly, her gaze flicking to somewhere beside him. Darkness clouded her gaze as she nodded solemnly. "I understand, but I promise she would not be apart of StarClan."
"Why not?" Willow asked, tilting his head to one side. "You said that's where cats go. Wouldn't FearClan-cats be able to go there?"
"That is true, but they don't." She informed him. "They walk aimlessly, wondering why they are trapped to watch the living, not realizing it is a punishment of it's own."
"How do you know that?" Willow felt the fur along his shoulders rise.
"Some cats are more special then others." She admitted, "Ever since I was around your age, I saw cats that I could see through. With their help I found Shadow and Dusk. Back then, Shadow was a kinder cat, more open and protective of us. I only confided in him and Dusk about it, neither understood it any more then I did. Shadow called it thistle fluff, but it's not my fault I could see it. I still don't know why I could see them."
"So, all this time, you could see Cedar?"
"In some ways, yes." Hawksight replied. "At first I didn't, she kept hiding from everyone, so I could not see or hear her. Then, when you were on the edge of death she came out of hiding, telling me that I will fail like I had with her. She was so bitter and hateful, but I worked hard to save you. I wanted to do something right for once and I did. You lived. That night when you were in a deep sleep from the poppyseeds she asked me why I was able to save you."
"What did you tell her?" He asked, wondering himself as the tinge of betrayal, hot and burning in his chest began to simmer down.
Her pale green eyes sparkled like always. He wondered if medicine cats always had sparkling eyes like the stars since they are connected with StarClan, but the thought vanished as she spoke. "Because, Frostfur was also by your side. Cedar couldn't see her, but she was there. Ever since you got your wound, she was there. Her cooling presence is what kept you from bleeding to death. She had tried to save your mother, but her hatred was so powerful that her spirit of the stars could not save her."
Jasmine dipped his head. "StarClan is truly mysterious at times. I don't understand it myself, but they must have a reason to be the way that they are."
"Of course, Cedar had watched over you and found that you were too far away from her. She could see you grow up and question her very motive aloud until it hurt her deeply." Hawksight told him. "She claims it was to protect you, but she can see what the darkness in her heart had done. It caused Heather to be harsh to you, made Heather keep silent about her feelings to her. Caused you so much pain inside."
Willow nodded, looking to where the advisor had. Was his mother truly there, he wasn't sure. He wished he could see her, but a small part of him didn't want to. That small part was afraid that she would be as cruel as Shadow had been, or even as cruel as Heather. He had hurt his father often, who had hurt Hawksight over and over. Did she see herself in him through that? All these questions and he was never sure if she could ever answer him.
"StarClan-cats are all one Clan, united to care equally." Hawksight whispered. "The spirits who walk the world are the ones who believe that they would continue to watch over their old haunt to see what cat comes to take over. To visit their loved ones and repent for the things they could not change. Or, in Cedar's case, to watch as her kits slowly disappeared and how those very stars have touched her eldest kit. How she must see that the stars of above have chosen her first born to bring peace."
"Peace?" Willow echoed, looking to Hawksight. "How can I bring peace?"
"Where there is hate, there is lack of empathy and compassion. Where there is understanding, there is empathy and compassion." Hawksight told him, her gaze fixed on him. "You are more then just the kit of Cedar. You are Willow, the cat who has a grandmother who was touched by the Clans. That connection is enough for you to be watched over, especially in the land of where the Clan-cats once roamed."
"How will I even do that though?" he repeated.
"When the time comes, you will know." Hawksight told him, "Until then, learn all you can, keep an open heart, and protect it dearly. We leave with Lion by our side by twilight."
.
The half-moon hung low in the starry sky, barely starting it's ascension towards moon-high. A special time where medicine cats could speak with the ancestors best. At least, that was what Willow was told. He wasn't positive on his own, looking to Hawksight, he could see the strong and troubled she-cat beside her. Her fur short and thick, making her appear slim in comparison to Hawksight's fluffy long fur. Her amber eyes were sharp and calculating, any confusion she may have had before was not present. Her pelt crisscrossed with scars from the rough life among FearClan and the Twoleg Place during her short journey. Her leg had become strong, the infection that was there was still a battle for her, but so far healing well. She hardly had a limp even!
Jasmine at least walked to their small group, the tom having spent the eight days to tell every cat he had known goodbye, even offering Breeze to come with him, but the she-cat declined, leading them to move on without them. Now that they have met up, they made their leave. Pushing through the barrier of twined reeds and thorny plants. Hawksight lead the way, stepping through the undergrowth, weaving her way along the familiar path. One that they have walked when there was no-moon the moon before.
It looked less intimidating now that there was better light then before. The scary looking branches that were lit up by the stars were now with small budding leaves as newleaf approaches closer. The river was as silent as it was a moon ago, the ice seeming solid to him. Although, he wouldn't dare step onto it. Hawksight had warned him plenty of times that the ice could break under a cat's weight if it wasn't thick enough. Keeping this knowledge tucked safely inside, he carefully followed onto the wooden Twoleg bridge.
Hawksight's steps were fast, seeming to be teeming with excitement from the tips of her claws to her whiskers. Constantly looking back to check that they were still following her. Jasmine was taking the rear, his frosty blue eyes looking over the landscape before them. While Lion was right beside Hawksight, her amber eyes trained on the path ahead, nudging her onto the right path. His heart was starting to pound with each step as the crossed the familiar border.
The same he had crossed only eight moon-rises ago. Taking a deep breathe, he pressed on. His gaze focusing on where they were heading. The half-moon climbed higher and higher as they trekked through the undergrowth, following the familiar path that Hawksight had taken him on. For a mere moment, he believed he could see Frostfur's sparkling white pelt. That was before he realized it wasn't the familiar starry cat. It was a much more slender she-cat whose pelt practically glowed beneath the moonlight. Ahead of her was a dark ginger tom who walked with his head lowered as though something heavy was on his head.
Hawksight raised her tail, revealing their position as she called out. "Poppyclaw, Icepaw! Wait up, we're coming too!"
Lion's amber gaze was wide as the tom stopped, his head and tail raised high. His fur was just as scarred, his own amber eyes lighting up as he saw them. The twinkle in his eyes seemed brighter now, as though whatever was on his mind had cleared away like a cloudy sky. Hawksight began to bound to escape the undergrowth and reach the moorland, where the grasses, as sparse as they were, swayed in the gentle cold breeze.
Willow followed suit, careful to not over step Hawksight's lead. As soon as they had Hawksight warmly welcomed Poppyclaw and Icepaw. The white she-cat was clearly older then himself, her pale indigo eyes sparkling. He had heard she was a medicine cat apprentice who had gone blind and had gone through trying to find her paws again. A place for herself to feel that she belonged. Yet, to him, she seemed to see him so clearly. Her eyes darting over him slightly as she dipped her head in greetings.
"It's time to make the last peace of the journey." Poppyclaw meowed, his amber gaze solemn.
"So you really are going to become an elder?" Hawksight asked softly.
The dark ginger tom nodded. "I don't want to, but I will help Icepaw however long as I must. I deem her ready to become a full medicine cat. One that I will still help as long as I am able even as an elder."
Icepaw looked into his direction, her expression seeming a bit sad, but mostly unreadable. As though she was trying to hide how difficult it was for her to not have her mentor anymore. Willow felt his chest ache for her. She was the reason he was still alive, taking her future position seriously as she soon followed the two medicine cats. Whether she was listening to their idle chatter, he would never know.
Close beside him was Lion, her whiskers twitching and seeming to be itching in her pelt about the whole meeting. He wished he could say something to soothe her worried or thoughts. He had nothing he could say, which he assumed would mean there was nothing he could ever try to come up with. Looking ahead, he followed the two medicine cats down the rolling hill and towards the black stretch of a thunderpath. Lion muttered something beneath her breath, while his eyes swiftly looked over to the pure white she-cat. She was blind and he couldn't even begin to understand how she, out of all of them, would cross safely with monsters roaring past on swift black paws.
May she make it across. He begged as Poppyclaw checked the thunderpath before darting across with Icepaw close behind. The blind she-cat was veering off course slightly, her muscles bunching and stretching as her paws pounded on the black stone beneath them. Within the next heartbeat a monster flashed past with glowing eyes, bellowing a call angrily. He felt a chill run down his spine. The monsters were lively tonight and he wasn't sure that was a good thing.
Lion stepped up beside him with Jasmine tucked close to Hawksight. He realized they were going in pairs a heart beat too late. Without warning, Jasmine and Hawksight raced across the thunderpath, vanishing behind a monster in an instant. He swallowed dryly, glancing to Lion, who was looking up and down the thunderpath. Her whiskers quivering in the buffeting wind that the monsters created. The very second there was a lull after a strange monster with only two paws and a Twoleg balanced on it's back that snarled past, she flicked her tail.
"Now!" She shouted, racing forward.
Willow felt cold fear coil into his belly as he raced out behind her. He stretched his legs as far as they could go. The spring in each bound of his paws a welcoming one. Lion reached the other side ahead of him, vanishing into the frosted weeds. He felt the wind pick up around his tail as he made a wild leap into the brush. He slammed into the ground, skidding to a stop beside Lion, almost running into her. They were panting, their fear-scent wreathing around them thickly.
No matter how old a cat was, Willow realized, they would always be afraid of monsters and crossing onto their paths. A voice soon spoke up ahead of him. He looked over and saw Poppyclaw looking to the moon beyond the craggy peaks of Highstones.
"We're almost there." He reported, "Come, we must hurry before moon rise ro perform the ceremony."
Icepaw was right beside him, staring towards Highstones in silence. Willow panted, but nodded as he got up with Lion and walked with her the last stretch of the way. The ground was stoney and hard with packed earth. Each step drew them closer to the tall stones. A massive dark cavern yawned before him, making him shudder. It smelled of soil and was musty. However, it also looked like a mouth that would swallow them whole. However, what truly made him shudder was how the half-moon was just behind the tallest peak of Highstones.
"Icepaw, are you ready?" Poppyclaw suddenly asked, his amber eyes looking into the unseeing indigo ones before him.
"I am." She replied softly, her mew hardly a whisper.
Hawksight sat out of the way, dipping her head. "This is an honor to see, I will do my best to never forget this moment."
Poppyclaw flicked his tail, thumping it on the ground for silence. A hush fell over them, even Lion settled beside him. Her tail wrapped neatly around her paws. He followed her lead, taking a seat to take in what was about to happen. His heart beginning to race with an excitement so strong, it filled him straight to his paws like he could run straight back to the willow den without even feeling the least bit tired and come back on his own. At last, Poppyclaw looked to the stars that twinkled high above them and began the ceremony.
Author Note:
This is one of the longest chapters I wrote, specifically because this was a moment I was writing towards. The pace of the story has been fast paced since the first story before slowing down and now it can run ahead all it likes.
Finally, I can give Icepaw her medicine cat name and soon grow closer to closing up this story.
Thank you for reading, have a fantastic day/night. - NightSky
