Chapter 40


FearClan/Lion

The chatter in camp woke Lion from her well deserved slumber. Blinking slowly, she twitched her whiskers at the scent of herbs. The same dim light slanting through the brittle leaves of the reeds that made her den. Looking over for a moment, a yawn escaping her jaws, she could see Hawksight's familiar striped pelt organizing the bits of leaves, cobwebs and the like. Her pale green eyes glinting in the slanted sunlight. She seemed chipper and fully awake, something that Lion wished she, herself, could be.

With a stretch, she rose to her paws to see if she needed to hunt. The long journey from last night had tired her out, but she wasn't going to let her exhaustion stop her from providing to the cats that had been around. Yet, the night before still left a buzz under her skin. The ceremonies she had seen, the way her fur rose along her spine as a cat was renamed before her eyes. The way the stars seemed to have manifested into the spirit-touched cats had shaken her. She could only wonder how Willow felt seeing it, if it was in a young cats wonder or in the same intense feeling that she felt.

Her ties to BushClan had been stuck on her mind for some time. Lion still wasn't sure if it was real. All she knew was the possibility and the tug in her heart making her wish she could somehow ask the dead herself. There was no personal belief that FearClan or the BloodClan fragments had, that she knew of, and yet she was feeling something as though it was just another instinct deep inside her. One that silently begged for it to be real, so real that she could see her mother outside of memories and dreams.

How much is it thistle-fluff and how much of it is real? Lion thought as she walked to the prey-pile. Her mind wandering to distant starry skies, where cats sparkled and glittered like the river had on the sunniest days of greenleaf. Looking away from the pile to Shadow, the black tabby tom narrowing his eyes in unmasked fury.

"Are you going to pick something or just stand there all day like a moon-struck rabbit?" He mewed scathingly.

Lion flicked her ears before picking up a water shrew to ease herself. Silence had built up inside her these trying moons. Her mind buzzing with countless thoughts and questions. She was dying to ask what a FearClan-cat really thought with their own opinion, but even she could see the anger in their eyes. She had brought Quail, as upon Heather's request, and practically destroyed everything they had known for many seasons. The only ones who were fine with it were the ones who came back with her and Moth.

With great care she tucked into her meal, her mind still racing with unspoken questions as she took her time to eat with whatever daintiness she had left in her heart. Her mother had taught her so, but after so much pain and hurt she had forgotten her teachings. The starvation she had suffered from having to eat last constantly, her amber eyes glinting in the sunlight as she saw Quail speaking to Willow. She slowly cleaned her face, thinking hard on what she could do now that she had no cat under her care.

Hawksight had returned to her roots of a medicine cat, while Lion felt as out of place as she ever had before. The soft scuff of paws caught her attention as she glanced over to the bright ginger tom that had traveled with her some time. His emerald green eyes glinting in the sunlight as he approached slowly, his tail raised in a friendly greeting. She returned the gesture as she rose to her paws, curiosity trickling into her mind, clearing up the countless thoughts and wonders that plagued her.

"I know you had a long night, but I wanted to walk with you. Maybe hunt for a bit?" Moth asked gently.

She hesitated, fear and the pain of the past threatening to spill over her mind. That was, until her shoulders sagged slightly at the friendly glint in his eye. He wasn't expecting her to say yes, he was hoping she would. Her ears burned a little from embarrassment, but she nodded. "I wouldn't mind that."

Moth's gaze brightened a bit as he turned to lead the way out of the camp. "Come on then, wherever you want to go, we can hunt there."

The reddish-brown she-cat was painfully aware that he was leaving it up to her to try and repair the damages the seasons had given her. Letting her control the situation so she would be comfortable. She was thankful deep down, however she acted out like it was more work for her. Anything to make it seem the same in some way. "Very well, just follow my lead. I want to patrol the territory a bit to find a good spot."

"As you wish." Moth chirped happily, leading the way out of the camp.

Lion slowly followed, her gaze warm as she slipped between the reeds before taking the lead. The warmth of newleaf was just bearing down upon her fur through the leafless branches above her. Puffy white clouds rolled gently in the sky, the breeze making the branches clatter gently as she lead the way through the territory. The peace that was all around her, crows cawing all around her as she felt more and more at peace herself. At last, after so many moons of struggle and strife, she felt a little closer to healing her heart and mind.

The silence between them was a welcomed one, they only stopped to hunt when an opportunity was given to them. The warmth in those emerald green eyes made her heart flutter like an early season butterfly. It was as though last night had uncovered what the cold leafbare she had been trapped within was hiding. A happier life if she had just let go so many moons ago. They were both under the same judgmental eyes now and yet she still wondered if she could ever trust the bright ginger tom. He had done everything to help her, even going as far as having his loyalties torn and shredded as their friendship had gone one step forward and three steps back.

Blinking slowly, their eyes met over the squirrel they were sharing in the most wooded part of their territory. The fresh scent of flowers budding filled the air. The warm spell of leafbare was only a tease to the newleaf they so wanted. For once, she found herself wondering if she could trust the tom with what she had witnessed last night. She was dying to tell someone, to get their opinion on what otherworldly ceremony she had seen. To get their input on if she was foolish for even considering in believing that the dead could truly be watching over them. The words threatening to spill from her jaws, filling her throat with the urge to be spoken.

"Something on your mind?" Moth asked, a knowing twinkle in his eyes.

She didn't hesitate, wanting someone to indulge her curiosity even for a moment. "Last night, I saw a young she-cat, as white as snow, have her name changed before entering a cave that lead to somewhere deep beneath the earth. The whole time, I felt like there was something special happening, but it was in the air. Like when a thunderstorm is approaching, that tingly feeling we get in our fur? It was like that."

Moth listened patiently, nodding. "That sounds pretty strange, but no storms have come, correct?"

"Never, then Hawksight had said that cats who passed away watch from the stars. She said that Willow's littermates and even Dusk is among the stars. I don't know what it means or what to think of it personally. But the tingle I felt, it was like a cat was brushing against me in a way." She felt the words falling from her mouth before she could stop it, fear flashing through her as she meowed the last of her thoughts. "I even wondered if what Clan-cats believe in is just to ease the sadness of loosing a loved one. It makes me wonder if Finch is there and if she is, is it because of Bushstar?"

The way she froze up, she could see the way Moth looked at her with deep sympathy. Almost as though he was certain she was going to believe in the thistle-fluff that Hawksight did. She wanted to backtrack, try to control the burning curiosity and her words. The rage that had once filled her heart and body, was now just a buzzing of curiosity that she could no longer hold back. She looked away, certain she must have looked and sounded foolish. Like a kit that first opened it's eyes and ears. A kit who would believe any story that their mother would tell them.

"If it eases the pain, what harm is there for believing in it?" Moth mewed at last, his tone soft and gentle, as though he was seeing her in a new light.

She glanced over, knowing she had been rough around the edges ever since the horrible incident about her mother. For the first time in what felt like forever, it was like she finally had her very first friend back in her life. Moth had befriended her, but it all was destroyed the moment she was forced to see the worst. She blinked sorrowfully, wondering if her thorn-sharp words and actions had been what pushed Moth to FearClan. A thought that made her feel sorry to have pushed him so far away from herself just because she was hurting and grieving without any true answers.

"You really mean that?" She dared to ask, her mew soft and small. "You don't think it's strange?"

"In all the moons I have known you, Lion, you never have been one to not speak of what is in your heart and mind. The anger, pain, and even the grief you suffered. I felt powerless to do anything to help it, but clearly you are like a fire, you can be a calm flame or you can burn wildly out of control. Of course, what we all have done to you never helped either." He told her warmly, a tinge of sadness in his mew. "I got frustrated, but never had it been to the amount you felt. So, if you believing that Finch is in StarClan and just a dream away, you are free to believe so."

"Is that what you truly think?" Lion breathed, feeling her muscles tensing beneath her pelt.

"It is." He told her, his tone more calm and more sure of himself. "I've tried to understand you, but now I know I don't have to. If I had been much more patient, not forcing you to try and live and move on, given your feelings a chance to be heard, perhaps we could have repaired this sooner."

"I've always been a strange cat. The annoying one who asked about everything. The one who can't even control her emotions, who was never apart of FearClan." Lion murmured, feeling as though she was trying to be certain of something. "How can you ever be okay with it?"

Moth looked past her, answering her gently. "When I see the way FearClan looked to us, I realized that you have dealt with that for nearly all of your life so far. I didn't understand the way you felt until then. After so much thinking, even traveling and fighting along side you, I have finally understood. You are far stronger then I ever thought and I should have respected that a lot sooner. Not because of birth rights, but because this is the life you tried to fight. The one fight that you fought for so long you were ready to give up. I will stand beside you, if you go, I will too. Anything so you have at least one friendly face. Even if it's joining Clan-cats, I will be there with you."

Lion studied the tom carefully, his voice spoke of conviction, his posture more relenting and not as though he was expecting a fight. His tail tip curled slightly in a friendly manner. His gaze soft as they traced over her pelt, a small glint of a sense of protection was in them, but held back so carefully as he looked away from her as though to remind himself that she was strong enough to fight for herself. His head was even dipped downward in an act of submission, clearly letting her make the final decision.

He had seen that most of my life had been governed by others like I was nothing more then a kit. She noted, a warmth spreading through her with a strong emotion she could not yet name. All this time, he had been trying to take care of me and now he knows that I am not to be coddled like that. He is trying so hard and for what? To repair damage that I don't even know if I can heal from?

Slowly Moth rose to his paws. "We should get back to patrolling," He suggested gently, "No need to let the others starve."

Lion nodded as she rose to her paws as well. "Fair enough, but just remember Moth." He looked to her, a pang of fear written on his face. "If I could change anything of the past, I don't think I would. The fog is lonesome and intimidating, but knowing that a friend is just a tail-length away is more then enough."

Surprise widened those green eyes, making her purr in satisfaction. Without another word, Lion padded away, leading the way deeper in the forested part of the territory. If Moth wanted a sign she would let him in, she was willing to give it. After all, her heart had been closed and hurt for so long that letting it open up like a blossoming flower was less painful. Her shoulders lax as she padded through the forest to the fading scent line, marking the nearest twig she could find with her cheeks and chin.

The sunlight was growing stronger, the heat of newleaf was finally beginning. The chill of leafbare was no longer going to clutch to the world as they knew it. More importantly, the leafbare deep within her was at last giving way to the newleaf she had long since given up on finding. Finding new strength, Lion and Moth worked together to mark the edge of the territory. When they finished they could focus on actually hunting. Anything to find their place among FearClan for the next six moons. A time when leaf-fall will come and bathe their world with different colored leaves and a chill growing stronger in the air. She just hoped that, somehow, she will have the strength to fight even for a shred of peace for many moons.


Author Note:

Lion is finding her way into believing StarClan, but the way she finds herself wanting to believe is a lot like how I think some people end up there in real life. They need help healing as a person, not physically but mentally. She also has her curiosity helping her really wonder if she should travel this path or not.

Meanwhile, Moth is kind of like me. I don't personally believe in anything religious, but I fully respect the religion itself. If it helps someone, they are free to believe in whatever they want as long as it's being taught as it should be and spreads the message of how to get through the toughest times in life.

So I feel Moth, despite all his mistakes, would try his hardest to change and become a better cat and friend for Lion. This acceptance of what Lion feels she may be starting to believe in, would only help possibly repair the three or so years Lion had suffered alone. As well as letting him have a chance to hear her out after trying to silence her and her voice.

TLDR: Communication is key to any relationship, Romantic or Platonic; no matter when it begins it can help both sides be heard. There is nothing not manly or too girly about it. It's a good thing to communicate and listen to each other.

Now that I am done with this chapter, I wish you all a fantastic evening/day/morning/night. - NightSky