Somewhere Only We Know
Clark had always been associated with the loft in the barn. It was his fortress of solitude before he had an actual fortress in the Arctic. Whenever he was overcome with melancholy and overwhelmed with the world, that was where he would go to hide. Except, everyone knew that. They knew that if he was feeling down, they could climb the stairs and find him. He was well aware of that and still chose that location to reside…most times. What others didn't know was that he had a secret location he also went to in order to decompress and think. It was a place that only he knew. It was his and his alone.
Growing up in Smallville there were backwoods paths from long ago. Many townspeople didn't venture down them anymore. While hanging out with Pete sophomore year, he had stumbled upon a lone iron and wood bench in the woods. A green moss decorated it as multicolored leaves blanketed the ground around it. He had been hesitant at first, noting that green things in Smallville took extra caution, but when he didn't cower over in pain he realized that it was safe.
When he sat on the bench, there was just nature. Trees spanning as far as the eye could see. Birds chirping and calling out to one another. Then as the wind moved the leaves on the branches, rays of sun shone down in that very spot. He was cast in a brilliant light and it made him feel stronger.
He didn't tell anyone what he discovered. He kept it to himself, another secret to hide. But this one was different. This one he kept selfishly. He found true solitude. No one would find him there. No one would ever be able to understand its meaning but him.
Until one day he found the most unlikely person sitting in his seat.
As Clark closed in on his territory, he saw a woman in a purple jacket and jeans sitting with one leg on the ground and one hugging her chest.
"Lois?" he asked.
She looked at him just as surprised. "Smallville? What are you doing out here?"
"I could ask you the same thing." he said, standing in front of the open seat.
"Well, this beats sitting in my bathtub fully clothed."
He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. He wasn't sure what she meant by that, but an alarming visual from years before popped into his head.
She raised a finger at him. "Don't look at me like that."
He tugged at his red jacket and told her, "Sorry."
"What are you doing out here?" she questioned again.
"I just needed time to think."
"Well, contrary to popular belief I can share," she said as she shifted to the side and gave him more room to sit.
He was used to sitting by himself and he wasn't sure he was able to share. He decided he would decline and walk back to the farm, yet his feet moved toward the bench instead. Before he knew it he found himself sitting next to Lois.
He expected her to start a conversation, since she hated uncomfortable silence, but she kept quiet. It was too quiet. He couldn't enjoy the sounds of nature knowing she had a growing rant within her. He glanced over at her and she was staring straight ahead with a grin on her face.
It was him who finally broke.
"Why aren't you saying anything?"
"Because this isn't an uncomfortable silence," she answered calmly.
As the wind moved, the sun started to shine through. Lois closed her eyes and let the beams hit her face. Clark turned his head in the same direction and closed his eyes, too. He felt the rejuvenation, but something still nagged inside of him.
He opened his eyes and asked, "Lois, is everything alright?"
Her lips made a thin line as she thought.
"Do you ever feel like there's someone out there trying to control you?"
He was taken aback by her question. He rubbed his chest feeling the remnants of Edward Teague carving his family's symbol into his chest and surrounding him with kryptonite in an effort to keep Lex Luthor from controlling him.
"Yeah, I know the feeling," he winced.
She finally opened her eyes and he could tell she was about to start a mini eruption.
"I mean, where is it written that someone can just waltz into your life and tell you what to do?"
Clark sighed. He wished he could confess everything he had just been through, everything that was weighing on him. The question posed to him by Chloe about what he was going to do to take care of Lex. That he would have to play God one day.
But he couldn't. As much as he wanted a new perspective, he couldn't tell her. He could only listen.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.
She rolled her eyes and planted both feet on the ground. "What is there to talk about? It was just another lovely chat with my father about his disapproval and disappointment with my life."
"How can he be disappointed?"
"Because my name is on the front page above the fold. Therefore I'm not putting my best efforts into my job."
"That's not true." he defended.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Clark. But the General doesn't see it that way. I need to focus on actual news instead of wasting time seeking justice against the villain of Metropolis."
He knew the villain she was referring to was Lex. He had to admit he wished she weren't hell bent on him either. She was determined and if she pushed hard enough he was afraid how hard Lex might push back. However, instead of voicing his trepidation into her investigation, he wanted to be supportive of her instincts and the work she did to counteract what her father was saying.
"Well, he's wrong. Lois, you're on the right path with journalism and you're good at what you do." he insisted.
She nodded and turned her body toward him. "And what about you? What brings you wandering all the way out here?"
"I was just…" he trailed. He was trying to figure out a way to better explain it.
"Thinking? Yeah, you said that. I spilled my guts. Your turn."
He took a breath and confessed, "I guess, I'm just feeling lost."
"I see. It hasn't been the best year has it? A lot of twists and turns."
He weakly nodded toward the ground, "I guess you could call it that."
"Look, I know we haven't spent a lot of time together this year. I mean, after Christmas you seemed like a completely different person for like a month."
His head snapped to her. "I did?"
Her mouth opened and closed, obviously trying to find a way to describe her observation right.
"Yeah, I mean, I know you were happy playing house on the farm and the one time we saw each other in passing you were just…I don't know. Something was off in your eyes, but I know you were trying to make everything work and maybe trying to be someone new, so I just left it alone. Then, once I saw you again you were bringing lunch for Chloe every day and while I could have done without the extra snap of your crackle and pop, I knew something went wrong in your quest of relationship bliss. Even with the attitude, I knew Clark Kent had returned."
Lois noticed something was wrong? That he wasn't acting right? Trying to be someone new? He didn't want to dwell on it, with the situation the way it was and all, but he also couldn't deny that he felt vindicated in the feelings he had when he had returned from being frozen in his Fortress. Bizarro had taken over his life, sequestering himself to the farm with the woman he loved. The woman Clark thought was supposed to know him better than anyone. Alas, that hadn't been the case. He had been hurt and was ready to end things, but doubt sprung up in his decision. He had gone back on his choice and offered reasons and an explanation as to why she didn't know.
But then how was it that Lois could tell by something amiss in "his" eyes as opposed to someone living with Bizarro for a month?
The agony of that moment returned, but he quickly buried it back down.
He had told himself he wasn't going to dwell.
It wasn't right. He couldn't feel that way. Not with what being associated with him had done to the girl he had pined for and had finally been in a relationship with. The cost of his secret being known. He couldn't be angry. Not when it was his fault.
He just had to figure out how to fix it all.
First he would start with apologizing to Lois again.
"I'm sorry."
"Hey, your apology was accepted when you let me cry on your shoulder." She then examined his face. "Oh, I know that look."
"What look?"
"The look you have when you start to blame yourself for everything." She shook her head, "It's not true."
There are times when I think you don't know me at all…and others where I think you know me better than anyone.
That memory took him by surprise. It couldn't be denied, though. There were times where it seemed Lois could see right through him and it scared him.
It also scared him how it didn't matter how much he tried to hold feelings and thoughts in, because around Lois it managed to tumble out in some form anyway.
"This year felt like it could have been something good, but in the end it was just a mess," Clark sighed. "I just…I was trying to live the life I thought I wanted, but there were always these obstacles. Maybe there always will be." He looked down at his feet and shuffled them over the dried bits of leaves and straw. "And there are tough decisions that need to be made and I just don't know what to do."
"Decisions about what?"
"My future," he confessed.
She let her head hang back as she looked up at the trees and voiced, "Yeah, that seems like a doozy."
"I just feel like I'm being pulled in different directions. Being told all these different things to do…"
"And here I thought I was the one who bosses you around," Lois interjected as her head bounced back up.
He started to give a tiny smile. " That I can handle."
"Oh, really?" she chuckled.
"I've gotten used to it over the years."
She tapped her chin with her index finger. "So, I need to turn it all the way up to eleven now."
His forehead creased. "Eleven?"
"Scared?" she smirked.
"Nope," he gulped.
Lois clapped her hands together and then let them settle on her lap.
"Look, Clark. Without knowing the big picture, the only thing I can tell you is that you know yourself best. You know what you're capable of. You know right from wrong. If something doesn't feel right, then you go with your gut. You have a brain, so use it."
He smiled wider. "And this is why the General is wrong."
She narrowed her eyes, unsure. "How so?"
"Because Lois Lane has a way with words. She can be very persuasive and perceptive, making incredible connections with the least amount of information."
She brought both hands up to her chest and held them there. "Well, when you have a calling… "
"You certainly do," he nodded.
She bent her left arm and gave him a small punch to his right shoulder. "And you do, too, Smallville."
"What's that?" he asked skeptically.
She bit her lower lip in contemplation, her eyes scanning over him. "When it comes knocking, just be sure to answer," she said cryptically.
She suddenly stood up and took one last viewing of their surroundings. He stood up, too, feeling he had gotten what he needed from his time there. He actually felt a little better after their conversation.
But there was still a question gnawing at him.
"Lois?"
She whipped her head back to him. "Yeah?"
"How did you find this place?"
She shrugged. "It was when I first was staying with you and your folks. I took a walk and I just found myself here. It was so peaceful. So, when I really needed time for introspection, I would come here. It didn't seem like anyone else knew this place, so that made it more special. Like it was just mine."
He nodded, understanding her words. He wasn't alone after all.
"What about you?" she asked.
"A couple years earlier than you. I thought I was the only one who knew about it, too."
"Our little secret?" she suggested.
"Our little secret," he confirmed.
"Somewhere only we know." She extended out her hand. "Shake on it."
He obliged and let his hand clasp over hers.
There was a brief shock to his system. He didn't recognize it or understand it. He immediately brushed it off. It couldn't be anything.
Their hands dropped back to their sides, ignoring any tingling or other sensations from the brief touch.
They trusted each other. The secret was safe between them. That's what mattered.
As they both went their separate ways, the bench sat empty again. A breeze began to blow. The trees began to shake as the leaves swayed. The sun had shifted and its ray fell behind the bench, making visible a small crooked plate. Both had failed to ever notice the tarnished plaque on the back.
For travelers who've lost their way
Sit awhile and stay
No reason left to roam
Here is a little closer to home
Enjoy nature while you wait
And leave a seat open for fate
~The Soulmate Bench
