It's chilly.
She finally kicked on the heat in her apartment now that the weather had found some stability. Autumn was in full swing finally with Thanksgiving right around the corner. Elliot had been convincing her for weeks to go out with him and a few coworkers for their Friendsgiving. She was still debating.
But the thought of coming home tipsy and screwing her boyfriend's brains out sounded tempting.
She grins to herself from where she sits when she looks over at him, watching his fingers button up his shirt one at a time. He's freshly shaved and out the shower, smelling similar to her since he refuses to bring his own soap upstairs to her place. They spend a lot of time here now.
Weeks have flown by and turned into months. Which has all led up to this very moment she had been dreading.
Elliot and David would be meeting tonight.
If it were up to her, they would stay in the confines of their perfect little bubble where David only existed every other weekend for pickup and drop offs. Damn her for being moral. But it was only fair David knew the new man in his daughter's life, just as much as Olivia knew Giselle (despite the two years she got to know her as David's secretary).
"All done," Olivia kissed the crown of Katie's head once she finished her last braid and sent her on her way. They would be going to their own dinner with Bernie tonight.
"Thank you 'Livia," she stood from the ground and wrapped her tiny arms around Olivia's neck.
"You're welcome sweetie."
Elliot watches through the mirror and there's a pull in his chest that makes him want to drop everything and marry her right now. Love, he thinks, shouldn't feel like this so soon. It's beginning to be difficult to see where he begins and she ends. This love between them suffocates him all in the best way.
"You okay?" He asks, noticing the change in her demeanor once Katie had gone off to find Ophelia.
"Just a little nervous," she offered him a half assed smile and went into her closet to find an outfit for dinner.
"That it?" He followed closely behind her and stood in the doorframe of her closet while she searched for a sweater.
"Yes- no," she turns on her heels to look at him, her arms crossed over chest. She's stunning with her hair perfectly blown out and silk robe, her makeup is finished except for her lipstick. He makes a mental note to kiss her plenty before she applies it.
"Talk to me," he reached to tug on her forearm and wrap his arms around her. She's barefoot and stands a few inches shorter than him, allowing his chin to rest just above her head. "Whatever it is, you know you can tell me."
"Divorce just really fucking sucks," he feels her sigh against his chest. "I have to share my daughter, coordinate holidays, and keep my ex husband updated on every man I date," she mumbles against his chest. A moment to sulk she takes.
"Every?" He quips and thankfully and earns a chuckle from her.
"You know what I mean," she pulls back to roll her eyes at him. "I just need tonight to go smoothly."
"I'll play nice," his fingers toy with the silk of her robe, trailing across her backside. "I will even call him David, instead of asshole," he cracks and he feels her body rumble when she laughs.
"I appreciate that," she quickly pecked his lips and stepped out of his arms to find a blouse for dinner. "What do you think about this?" It's a chocolate colored silk ensemble that buttons up. "I'll wear the lace camisole under it," she held it up to her and he grins. Maybe it's a little silly but she enjoyed him humoring her while she finds an outfit.
"I think you'll look beautiful and the thought of getting to take this off of you will get me through this dinner just fine."
Brown silk it is then.
…
Well fuck
This was supposed to be an easy dinner where they all chatted like adults, and tried to be civil co-parents for once. Olivia was going to strut into this overpriced Italian themed restaurant in the red bottomed shoes she splurged on after the divorce; Elliot next to her and her confidence at an all time high.
But then there was Giselle with her perfectly rounded belly and perfect tits that have grown with pregnancy, and her glowing fucking skin that doesn't have a blemish in sight.
She thinks she's gonna be sick.
Olivia wasn't the jealous type- seriously, but something about David's attempt at building a perfect family made her eye twitch just a little.
She put on a brave face remembering it was just one dinner, and soon enough she would be sending Ophelia off with her father for the weekend.
They greeted one another and Elliot played nice, shaking David's hand firmly and even congratulating Giselle as they all tried to get comfortable at the table. Drinks were ordered and appetizers had been made. Conversation had been awkward and she's grateful for the buzz the wine has given her.
It was going to be a long night.
…
"So Elliot, what do you do for a living?" And so it starts and Olivia inhaled sharply.
"I'm a Captain for special victims at the 1-6," he says confidently and takes a sip from the beer he nursed.
"A Captain?" David's eyebrows raise in shock and Olivia had to stop the shit eating grin from growing on her face.
"The past few years- yes," for once she's thankful he's such a cocky bastard and laughs to herself. "Liv says you're a divorce lawyer?"
"Ironically yes," he thinks he's made the best joke ever and Olivia can't help the way her eyes roll to the back of her head. "How did you two meet?"
"We met at the girls first day of school actually," Elliot sits back and takes her hand that rested on her thigh into his. "The girls were already best friends, figured we might as well be too," he brought their intertwined hands into his lap and she didn't think it would take so much restraint to keep her lips off of him. "And here we are," he looks over at her and his blues sparkle when they connect to her brown. It's an odd feeling. Being so in love with someone in the same room as the man she once loved too.
"And here we are," she finds herself repeating.
"Well-" David cleared his throat. "I hear a lot about you from Opie. You must be over a lot?" Olivia holds her breath as he steers into asshole territory.
"I'm just a few floors down and the girls are inseparable," Elliot shot back easily and she's thankful for his calmness. He runs his thumb along the back of her hand, signaling to her he's got it under control.
"Oh, you live in the same building?" Olivia swears she can see a sheen of sweat start to form on his forehead. That fact was making him nervous. She could almost laugh.
"Mmhm," Elliot looks over at her and his eyes sparkle. "Almost like it was meant to be," damn she loves him.
"You look really happy, Olivia," Giselle added and it sounded like she really meant it. There was never any issue between the two of them, but they both knew there was an underlying boundary between them. The secretary is now carrying her ex-husband's child. There wasn't much for them to talk about other than the elephant in the room.
"Thank you," the corner of her mouth tugged into a smile. A genuine one.
"How long have you two been seeing one another?" David proded.
"Three almost four months."
"Hmph," he took a sip from the Cabernet. "So how long do you think until you were gonna tell me? I had to hear from Ophelia about some man that I don't know being around her- around my wife," Giselle's fork dropped against her salad bowl and Elliot's grip on her hand tightened. Her throat went dry and her brain took a moment to register if she had heard him right too.
"Ex wife," Elliot corrects him.
"Sorry. Force of habit," he's apologizing but the sincerity in his voice is lacking. David knows exactly what he is doing.
"Yeah well, don't let it happen again. She's not yours to control. You made your choice," his voice grates. She hasn't expected to see this side of Elliot tonight. There wasn't any part of her that expected him to defend her so intensely.
"You gonna let him just talk for you this whole time?" David looked over at her with his hand gesturing towards Elliot.
"Not much to say when he's right. You wanted this divorce. You told me you fell out of love with me. So you don't get any and every part of me anymore," her blood begins to boil and she's not sure they will make it to the main course. "Elliot is a great man. He loves me, loves our daughter. I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I own up to that, but I'm not sorry for moving on with my life. You don't own me, David," a little more of the weight on her shoulders fell off. There's relief there in finally saying what she's needed for months.
"Oh but there's a little part of you that I do. The part of you that married me; carried my child for me-"
"Oh please David just stop it. We have both moved on. Isn't that what you wanted? Barely a year apart before you screwed your assistant and got her pregnant? Aren't you happy now?" And finally she exhaled the breath she had been holding. Fuck being cordial anymore. It's not fair she has to play nice while he pokes and prods like he owns her.
"You're a real piece of fucking work. You know that?" He seethes and a laugh escapes him. He's enjoying this. Pissing her off.
"Hey-" Elliot interjected.
"What? You're gonna tell me I'm out of line? Defend your girlfriend now? Save me the trouble. She's no angel. I'm not the bad guy in all of this like she says."
"David stop," Giselle finally demanded.
"No he's right. He's actually the man I fell in love with who ended up being the worst thing to happen to me," she grabbed her bag and used her heels to push her chair back. "I'm done David. Unless it's about Ophelia, I don't want to hear from you," Olivia grabs her coat and purse before leaving the private room and she's charging towards the front of the restaurant and before Elliot follows-
"Man to man. You're gonna regret this. One day Ophelia is going to grow up, and hear these stories. Learn about how you treated her mother and I just hope you'll own up to it. Show her who you really are beneath using money to buy her love, since you're unable to man up and give it to her yourself," his chest is tight and his fingers tingle with the urge to take a blow to David's jawline. But he takes a deep breath and remembers the last thing Olivia needs is two men fighting over her (literally).
….
She's content right here in the quiet with him. The apartment is completely silent except for the fire that crackles between them outside on his terrace. It's officially cold out and they only have a few more times before they will have to retire the pit until spring. Her anxiety has finally calmed from the blow up she had with David this evening- thanks to the bourbon he poured her the moment they entered his apartment. Elliot knew the wine wasn't going to cut it tonight.
They drove home together in his SUV, hand in hand on the arm rest in silence. It was needed. He let her cry, gave her space, and helped her undress and get into a pair of his sweats and a hoodie once they got home. He was still learning her just as much as she was him. What she needed when she was upset, how she handled stress, and most importantly, when she needed him.
Elliot had started the fire pit, figuring the coolness of the evening would even out the heat from the fire. She joined him with a blanket wrapped around her, making her look small when she cuddled into him. Her head rested on his chest while she sipped her second glass of bourbon.
The alcohol has helped numb the rage she felt walking away from David tonight. He was already an asshole but the liquor always brought out a different side to him. Olivia can handle him. He pisses her off but she has had to head to head with him for the last few years if she's being honest.
Giselle is who she feels bad for tonight.
It's a vicious cycle of hating her and empathizing with her all at the same time.
"Elliot, I want you to know I don't expect you to be involved in all of this-"
"If we're all going to coparent in the future I think I need to be some sort," he cuts her off gently and kisses the top of her head.
"I get what you're saying but it feels wrong. David is my problem not yours," she sat up and positioned her body to face him.
"I understand Olivia, I really do. I will let you handle this but I will not let you fight this on your own."
Elliot knows she is more than capable of managing this. There was a time before him. She's never needed anyone, but he's a possessive son of a bitch who is not going to let her ex-husband try to ruin her.
"I'm sorry we couldn't have a normal dinner tonight. I wish everything about this could be easier," she bit down on her bottom lip, shaking her head as if it could erase the memory of tonight.
"Well, at least you don't have to worry about meeting an ex of mine," he grinned and a dry chuckle left him. She nearly dropped the glass in her hand.
"Jesus Elliot," she pushes at his shoulder, chiding him.
"Sorry, sometimes a little dark humor helps," he shrugged. "Come back here," he tugged on her hand to come sit with him again. "How about we finish off this bourbon and enjoy this fire? Try to make the best of what's left of tonight?"
She can see him trying, doing his best to make any part of this night better for her. Olivia agrees, relaxed back into him, closing her eyes for a moment to stop the noise in her head. It helped for a bit until the ringing of the door bell interrupted her.
…..
Olivia thought maybe it was David at the door, but it was Giselle. She has changed out of the navy dress she wore earlier and into a pair of leggings and a cardigan. Her curls have almost fallen completely out and her makeup has been washed off. She still looks damn near perfect.
"Giselle- hi," she stood in Elliots sweats and hoodie that swallowed her up and her shit attempt at clipping her hair up.
"Olivia I um- I wanted to talk to you…woman to woman if that's okay?" She sighed and opened the door up wider so she could step in. "Thank you," she followed behind Olivia into the living room. Elliot stepped inside from the terrace after putting the fire out and was surprised to see Giselle standing in the middle of his living room.
"Giselle? Everything okay?"
"Everything's fine- I just wanted to have a chat with Olivia," he looked over at Olivia to make sure she was okay with this. A few seconds of eye contact and he knew.
"Well, I'll let you two talk. I'll be in the bedroom," before leaving he poured a fresh glass of bourbon and brought it over to Olivia. He kissed her cheek and disappeared into the room. The apartment was completely silent.
She took a seat at one end of the sofa and Giselle followed suit and sat at the other. Olivia sipped her bourbon and couldn't help but watch the way her hands cradled her swollen belly. If she did the math right she was maybe six months along now. They probably were about to find out the gender anytime now, or maybe they knew already.
Pregnancy had not been as kind to Olivia, neither had conceiving. Then again, she's got a good ten years on Giselle. When she had Ophelia she imagined she was just graduating college. It makes her stomach turn just a little.
"I wanted to apologize about tonight," her reverie is broken. "I can't say so for David, but I am so sorry, Olivia," her voice breaks the slightest and her eyes are already welling with tears. There's more that she is sorry for not telling her.
"You haven't done anything, Giselle," she handed her a few Kleenex from the end table. "David has turned so sour the last few years. I don't know what happened to him. Does he treat you like this at home?"
"No he doesn't. He's the sweetest- brings me flowers, cooks us dinner sometimes, he's taking us on a baby moon soon-" she stops herself. "He's a great man or at least he can be. I hate the way he treats you. We argue about it almost too much."
Olivia imagined them living in some perfect socialite bubble of making appearances at galas and fundraisers. That their relationship was built on perfection and making the perfect family. Not ever did she think part of that time was spent with Giselle defending her.
"You don't have to do that. I can handle him and his low blows all on my own," she shook her head in protest.
"The thing is I feel like I need to," she paused and took a deep breath. Nothing could have prepared Olivia for what left her lips. "David was afraid you would take everything from him during the divorce if you found out," the tears came like raindrops and she couldn't hardly look in her direction.
"What are you saying Giselle?"
"We've been together much longer than you think," the air feels like it's been sucked completely out of the room. The silence after her confession was almost deafening. It was always her suspicion but she chalked it up to partial bitterness that he had moved on so quickly.
"Jesus Christ," she downed the rest of her bourbon and went to pour herself another one. She was halfway to being on her ass and she knows the hangover will kill her tomorrow. But she needs something, anything to get her through this conversation.
"So you're telling me what I have been gaslighted to think was wrong all along?" She's fucking pissed. The liquor helps ease the urge to slap the absolute shit out of her. That wouldn't look too good on her end.
"I'm so sorry," she cried. Her eyes were already red and swollen. "I didn't mean for any of it to happen. He told me you were separated a year before that actually happened. Next thing I know you're pregnant with your second baby and he's freaking out at my apartment doorstep."
"Yeah well, I lost that baby a few weeks later," she laughs bitterly. "He asked me for a divorce soon after," her face burns as she tries to hold back any tears from falling. "After all of that you still stayed with him?"
"I love him," she confessed. "I want to do the right thing- I want to make all of this right. You don't deserve any of this."
"That's the understatement of the year," she's laughing full blown now. Okay, so she is a little drunk and maybe on the way to the mental breakdown she avoided a year ago.
"Olivia-"
"No no no- I get to talk now," she sniffles and wipes the few tears that have sprouted. "So he lied to you, kept sleeping with me and you, divorced me after our miscarriage and still you decide to stay with him? Have his baby? I think I'm actually- I'm actually sorry for you Giselle," it's a bit of a low blow and she had hoped to be the bigger person in all of this but let herself feel the anger for once. It's what she fucking deserves.
"You know if you weren't so fucking nice to my kid it would be easier to hate you," she chuckles. "Opie loves you and I hate it," she sat foreword with her face in her hands. "But you know what helps me sleep at night?" She turned her head to look at her. "She's gonna learn the truth one day soon and there's nothing any of us can do to stop it."
Those words hit Giselle somewhere deep and she's balling her eyes out now in the corner of the sofa. She wishes there was a part of her that felt anything but rage except it's all that's taken over her. It was one thing to accept that five years of marriage had been thrown down the drain, but learning that one a year of it was spent being cheated on? She's completely broken. Olivia wishes she had suspected sooner and stopped convincing herself there was no way- that David loved her too much to do so.
"I think I'm going to go," Giselle pushed herself off the sofa just barely and grabbed her purse.
"Yeah I think it's best," she didn't even move from where she sat until she heard the front door click shut.
It hits her then and the tears come like a waterfall. She's spent so much time being strong for her daughter, there's been no time to feel much of anything.
So she was cheated on; what does it matter now? She's happy and in love, but the news still leaves her pissed.
…
The only thing another bourbon would do is leave her with a raging headache tomorrow; so she tossed the glass in the sink and went to check on the girls before finding Elliot in bed. She crawled into her side and instantly felt his arms around her. He pulled her in, her back against his chest and she couldn't help the onset of tears again.
"Goddammit," she cursed to herself barely above a whisper and he pulled her tighter. "I hate him," she confessed. And she would be lying if she said it didn't feel good to say.
"Liv-"
"I do," she turned until their noses were a mere few inches apart. "It's easy when your husband's secretary comes over to admit to their affair," her voice is monotone, all her energy had been lost for the night. The final blow of the alcohol sets in and the anger starts to flood out.
Elliot knows she is drunk by now. He gave her the go ahead to drink, to do what she needed to have this night to herself. But she is coherently here, the bourbon just keeps her from holding back. There's no need to be a bigger person.
"My husband cheated on me for year and I was too busy trying to make him happy, give him the big family he always wanted-"
"Olivia stop," his eyes are fixated on hers. Her eyes are just glossed over but no more tears have fallen. "I love you," he states wholeheartedly, like the words weren't still so new to them. "You deserve to be loved, to be cherished, to never have to fucking worry about your husbands goddamn secretary," he reached out to cup the side of her face. His fingers knit into the roots of her hair and gripped gently. "He gave you Ophelia and I will always be grateful for that, but he did not give you the marriage you deserve. I will spend the rest of my life showing you that," he pulled her face closer to him and kissed her salty cheeks, the tip of her nose, and finally her lips.
"I'm so in love with you Olivia Benson. Please don't ever forget that," his lips graze hers with every word. She feels like her chest has been cracked right open for David to take her heart into his hand, and squeeze the life out of it. Elliot is the one trying to heal it, put every piece of her back together and protect it.
"No way," she smiles for the first time in a while tonight.
"Yes way," his lips are on her again. The bourbon tastes much better on her mouth.
"I wish I wasn't drunk or I'd climb on top of you and fuck your brains out," she pulled away reluctantly and rolled onto her back.
"There's always tomorrow morning," he hums and turns to kiss her good night, pulling the comforter over them both. Quickly her breaths even out, she's finally resting. The news of the affair is placed on pause for the next seven or so hours. And tomorrow he will be right there to help her pick back up.
