while spending time in Jamacia with my husband, Edward Rochester, I woke up one morning and rushed outside to throw up. I tried not to wake Edward up. but I couldn't help stomping on the floor as I ran.

I grabbed my stomach and thought that there was only one solution. but I wouldn't know until I have seen a doctor.

Edward came out in his shirt and looked concerned for me.

"Darling, are you all right?"

I wiped the leftover vomit from under my mouth and turned around to look at him.

"yes. go back to bed."

"why have you thrown up," he said as he walked over to me.

"I don't know. but I'm sure that it's nothing to be concerned over." I started to walk past him but he grabbed my wrist and rested his hand on my stomach. he thought exactly what I did.

"Are you pregnant?" he gave me a faint smile.

"I don't know. I must get a doctor to find out."

"I'll get one." he took the carriage and returned after twenty minutes with the doctor. he examined me and determined that I was two months pregnant. when I asked him about the sex of the baby, he said that it would be too soon to tell.

Edward was overjoyed when I told him the news. he believed that this meant that our marriage would be successful. he had his heir.

after his many affairs, he was now in love with me. I would be the only woman on his mind and in his heart.

he spent the whole afternoon beside me on our bed and he rubbed my stomach.

"I can't wait to feel its kicks," he said.

"I can't wait to hold him."

he saw that I looked the other way and he questioned my worried face.

"what's the matter? if you're worried that it is a girl then don't. I will love a girl just the same as if you gave me a son."

"it's not that." I turned back to him. "will you stop having affairs now? I need your support and your constant attention while I carry your baby. I need you by my side."

"If that is what you want then I shall obey."

"and I want you to be faithful to me after I have the baby too."

"I will." I wanted to believe him. I did. but he cheated on me more than once. what if he can't stop. "please don't stress over it. all I want is for you and the baby to be happy and safe. nothing else matters to me."

"When you say things like that. it makes me believe that you love me."

"I do, Bertha."

"Please don't call me Bertha. it's Antoinette."

I'm sorry. I was just thinking that you would like an English name when we live in England."

"I don't. I love my name. please don't make me change it."

"very well." he smiled as he leaned over and kissed me.

the next two months were perfect and we seemed to be happy until I caught him having an affair. it stressed me out so much that I had a miscarriage. I tried to shove the baby back inside me. but I couldn't and what was worse was that the doctor declared that it was a boy.

Edward came into my room that night after the nurses cleaned me up and got rid of all my bloody sheets.

"We shall have more children. this is not the end."

I sat up in bed and sniffed. "I lost him because of you. I never want you to touch me again. I hate you."

he seemed emotionless due to my words and he stormed out. I rested my hand on my stomach and cried. I missed my small bump and the feeling of my son growing inside of me. I will never have that feeling again because I can't trust Edward. he was unfaithful to me. if I got pregnant again, I would have the same result. I can't hear or imagine him being with another woman without my heart feeling like it had been torn out.