I looked over to Dimitri, pausing as we entered the church. He was my whole world, and I hadn't realised just how ready I was for the commitment of loving one person for the rest of my life. Let's be real, I had only ever loved one person, I was just making that vow public now.
"Let's do this," I whispered, silver lining my eyes as I stared at the beautiful man who stood next to me.
With a gentle hand squeeze, we walked into the church, ready to make the ultimate commitment.
After a short conversation with the priest, who was happy to marry us quickly because of the situation, we stood at the altar, the final words ready on our lips.
A small nod from the priest told me it was my turn to say my vows.
My throat was tight with unshed tears. Despite the lack of friends and family, this moment was perfect. Absolutely perfect despite the many challenges we had gone through.
"Dimitri," I started, speaking the words from my heart. I'd decided to speak whatever thoughts came into my mind, knowing that what I would say from my heart would be better than anything I could have written down.
"Dimitri".
I was whispering, the words sounding intimate and exclusive.
"I vow to you that I will communicate, I will talk to you about what troubles me, what makes me happy, what angers me and what I need from you. I vow that I will never again expect you to read my mind, I vow that I will make sure I talk to you before getting mad or walking away".
There was no disguising the tears that shone in Dimitri's eyes as we both reflected on the downfalls of our previous attempt at a relationship years ago.
"I vow to put us first, to put our relationship before anything else that may be happening and to make time for us. I vow to prioritise and delegate if it means I get to see you on an evening".
I stepped forward, closing the gap between us and resting my hands on his chest. I had to stretch my neck to look up and meet his eyes.
"Most of all, Dimitri," I whispered, my voice tremulous and thick as I fought back tears, "I promise myself to you. Not in the traditional sense of ownership, but I promise my body, mind, soul, and love to you. I vow that it always has been, is currently and will only ever be you, Dimitri, that sets my world on fire, ignites my soul and burns my heart. I vow to love you for the rest of my life. However long that may be".
A small smile showed me just how deep my words had hit home.
Stepping backwards again, I shook out my arms readying myself for his turn.
"Roza," Dimitri said, pulling a small piece of paper out of his pocket and opening it up. "I took the time to write down what I wanted to say whilst you were at the gym this morning. I originally wanted to highlight everything I love about you, but I soon realised that my paper was not big enough, nor would I have enough time".
I gave a soft smile at his sweet words. His eyes were filled with love, but the small smile on his face shone with happiness.
"And so, I decided I would scrap that idea and, for once, walk into the battleground unprepared".
Pulling my face into mock surprise I let out a small chuckle, and so did he.
"Roza, I vow to remind you of all the little things I love about you every day. No matter if we argue, or are under great stress, I will constantly remind you how much you mean to me. I will never, never let you doubt my love again".
A small tear leaked from my eye.
Dropping the blank paper to the floor, he stepped forwards and took my hands in his significantly larger one, gently rubbing my palms with his thumbs.
"I vow to protect you, Roza, for as long as I live."
Seeing my raised eyebrow, he quickly corrected.
"Not in the physical sense, I know that you can put up as good of a fight as I can, perhaps even better now that I'm apparently an old man, but I vow to protect you in other ways. I promise to protect your heart from hurt, your mind from stress and your whole being from threat, be it from work putting too much strain on you or the pain of losing a friend. I will be there Roza. I will never leave you again, even if you may want me to."
"I vow to share my worries with you Roza and to show my hurt, my sadness and my worry. I vow to never wear my guardian mask around you when it is just the two of us. I give you my whole self Roza, the good, the bad and the ugly."
I snorted rather unattractively as I realised Dimitri had snuck the name of one of his favourite western movies into his vows, but somehow, it just made me love him even more.
"I love you", he whispered, squeezing my hands. "I will always love you, Roza".
The rest of the ceremony went past in a blur as Dimitri's words echoed through my mind and before long, the priest was asking us the final question.
"Do you, Rosemarie Mazur-Hathaway take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
"I do," I whispered, feeling the silver threads of our bond root even deeper into my heart.
"And do you, Dimitri Belikov take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
The low gravelly tones of Dimtri's voice reverberated around the church.
"Then, continued the priest, oblivious to the thoughts racing through us, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride".
Stepping forwards briskly, Dimitri wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me against his solid body, crashing his lips to mine in a passionate yet tender kiss that stole my breath away.
Once he had pulled away, the priest gently rested his hand on my shoulder.
"I wish you the very best of luck for the oncoming days. Know that we all will be praying for the safety of our guardians and I hope that the two of you get the future you deserve".
The priests kind words brought tears to my eyes and once he had turned away, leaving us stood alone in the church, I buried my face into Dimitri's strong chest.
"This is all so real now," I gasped, huge sobs racking my body as I fought for control.
"Look at me Roza," Dimitri whispered, lifting my head gently by laying a palm on each of my cheeks. "You are strong. You are smart. You have gotten through worse. You can do this." He paused as if he were trying to keep words inside his mouth. "You have to do this Roza, you have to survive. For me," he whispered after a few moments had gone by.
He wrapped his arms around my body tighter and his warmth and security gradually calmed me.
Wiping my face with my hands, I pulled away, determined not to let our circumstances ruin the joyful day.
"I will be walking through the rest of our day on a cloud, thinking about what we have just done".
Dimitri smiled and squeezed my hand.
"Me too, Roza. It's going to be so hard to not tell anyone".
"But you won't tell anyone?" I questioned, eyebrows raised.
"No Roza, I won't tell anyone," Dimitri chuckled.
Once we walked out of the church, I paused, turning Dimitri to face me.
"I have something I need to do before the gym," I told him, staring deeply into the brown pools of his eyes.
"That's ok," he replied. "I need to go into the office and check on things anyway. Shall we meet up at your place when we're both done? I imagine I won't be finished until late again so I'll probably grab food at work".
I nodded.
"I need to head to the gym again anyway. I'll see you back at mine whenever you're done". Feeling cheeky, I leaned in closer. "Get ready for our wedding night baby, I want to do crazy things to you," I whispered, leaning up. The dark look he gave me told me that the words hit home.
Pivoting on my heel, I left him stood there, mouth slightly open and eyes definitely staring at my ass. I couldn't keep the smug smile from my lips, but the thought of where I was going quickly tore away any lingering amusement.
"Guardian Hathaway, long time no see," one of the guardians on duty said as I passed through the palace entrance.
I gave him a small nod, but the butterflies in my stomach prevented any banter I might have returned. My feet knew the direction to the guardian wing of the palace easily and I was glad, my mind felt so empty that I might not have been able to find it myself. So many years of friendship down the drain...
The sharp rap of my knuckles on the door broke me out of my thoughts.
"Come in," a familiar voice called and I entered the office that had once been mine. Had once been all I'd wanted.
"Vasily," I said smiling as I entered. "The place looks good!"
"Hey, I had to get rid of all the girly shit you left behind!" he exclaimed, but we both knew he was joking. I'd had very few personal items in this office, the odd picture of friends, but the office was as bare as my life has been. Had been, I reminded myself.
"I haven't seen you for a while," Vasily said, inviting me to sit in the comfortable chairs in front of his desk.
"Yeah, I've had a lot on," I said, instantly regretting the words. Vasily was my friend. He deserved more than that bullshit. "I actually came here to tell you about some things," I whispered, my vulnerability shining through.
Vasily stood up and came to sit next to me, resting his hand on top of mine.
"You can tell me anything Rose, you know that".
He was trying to be comforting, but he was making me feel like such a bitch for not telling him any of this sooner.
"You'll have heard about my involvement with the current situation," I said, knowing full well that he would have access to all of the top tier confidential information, being the head royal guardian.
His sad nod told me he was informed.
"I came to see you after the attack you know," he whispered. "I visited a few times when you were still unconscious, but the way you clung to Dimitri even when asleep told me everything I needed to know".
"I'm sorry," I whispered, tears leaking out of my eyes. I had broken this man's heart, this wonderfully kind and honourable man, and I hadn't even spoken to him about it. I left it as long as I could, dreading the conversation. It was so juvenile.
"Rose, Rose," he whispered, moving his hands to wipe away my tears. "You don't need to cry. I knew. Even when we went out, when we kissed, I knew Rose. I always knew that it would be him".
"Well, you knew before me then," I joked through my wet eyes.
The look he gave me said that he didn't believe that.
"I'm happy for you," he whispered, resting his hands on my cheeks. "I'm sad it wasn't me, of course, I am, but I'm happy that you got what you always wanted. I'm glad I don't have to see you in pain anymore. We got so used to seeing you in pain that we just kid ourselves that this was the new Rose, but it wasn't. You were hurting for all those years, weren't you?"
I gave him a small nod and he pulled my body into his.
"We'll be fine Rose," he whispered, the words possibly the most comforting thing he could have ever said. "I know we will".
"I don't deserve you," I whispered, pulling away from him and smiling through my tears.
"Tell me, Rose, tell me that this isn't you getting your affairs in order before the battle".
Even now, after all we had been through, Vasily could read me better than most.
"I... it's going to be a brutal one," I stuttered after a while, unable to meet his eyes.
I looked up when he gripped my arms tightly, panic in his eyes.
"No Rose, don't you dare even think like that. You start getting your affairs in order and you tempt fucking fate. Don't you fucking dare Rosemarie Hathaway" Vasily said, voice raised and angry.
I opened my mouth, desperate to tell him about the wedding, what I had come here to tell him in the first place, but after seeing the fear and panic in his eyes, I couldn't. I couldn't shatter his hope of my return. Even if I knew it was impossible.
"I won't, I won't," I whispered, resting my forehead against him. "This isn't that, I just wanted to catch up, that's all". It was a kind lie, a lie that would keep the pain away for a few more days.
The look Vasily gave me told me he didn't believe my words at all, I never could lie to him.
"I'm heading to the gym in a bit, do you fancy joining me?" I asked, changing the subject to an easy one.
Again, he knew exactly what I was doing, but he let it pass.
"Sure, what time?"
"I've got something to do first, but I'll probably be there in a few hours".
Vasily's curt nod told me he would be there, and so I headed out of the office to complete the next thing on my checklist, perhaps the most sombre yet.
By the time I got to the gym, it was full of guardians prepping for the imminent battle, even if they didn't know that was what they were prepping for. Thankfully, Vasily had gotten there earlier and had saved space in the conditioning section for us to use, knowing that it was the muscle I needed to build, not technique. Fighting technique wasn't something you ever lost, just the muscle you needed to execute it.
After our session, I was out of breath and sweaty, but I knew that a considerable amount of stretching would have my body reverted to the 'ready to fight' setting with just a tiny bit more muscle available. Yet again, I sent up a prayer thanking for the durability and function of the dhampir body I was born with.
After stretching for almost an hour I bid Vasily goodbye, giving him a quick hug and heading off to my apartment. I was thankful Dimitri had to work late, I needed some time to myself to get to grips with my situation. Not only the imminent sacrifice I may have to make but the commitment I had also made to Dimitri. So much was changing in my life, in such little time.
Running myself a hot bath, I stepped in, feeling the hot water lap against my sore muscles, easing out the knots and tension. Closing my eyes, my mind brought me back to the moment I had done this a few weeks ago, just after I had found out about Dimitri being recalled back to court. How had that only been a few weeks ago?
Shaking the memory from my head, I washed and conditioned my hair, shaved, exfoliated and pampered myself. I wanted to look and feel my very best for one of the most important nights of my life.
Once I was done, I padded around my apartment in loose sweats and a tank top, letting my hair dry naturally. After grabbing some food I decided that I would paint my nails. There were no rules about painted nails in battle, it didn't affect your performance so long as nails were kept short, and so I decided on a silvery/gold colour.
My heart constricted painfully as I gazed at my painted nails. The colour was reminiscent of the time Lissa and I had gotten a manicure at court when we had attended Victors trial. I had worn that manicure into battle too, the very battle that I had lost my love. Perhaps it was an omen.
Shaking the thought from my head, I stood just as the door opened to my apartment.
"Roza," Dimitri breathed as he stood in the doorway.
I gave him a gentle smile and padded towards him.
"How was your day?" I whispered as I ran my hands up and down his chest.
"Well, something pretty amazing happened this morning," he teased.
"Oh? What was that?" I asked, playing along.
"I married the love of my life".
He crashed his lips down against mine, dropping the leather satchel that was in his hand and picking me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he carried me into the bedroom, throwing me on the bed roughly, fire in his eyes.
Climbing on top of me, Dimitri kissed my neck, chest, stomach until I was writhing on the bed and begging for relief. With a wild look in his eyes, he moved back up to kiss me harshly on the lips. "Tell me what you want," he growled, suckling harshly on my neck.
"I want you, Dimitri," I gasped. "I want your tongue between my legs, I want you between my legs, for the rest of my life."
Letting out a deep chuckle, he pulled off the remainder of my clothing, before softly lapping at my inner thighs before I could take it no longer.
"Dimitri," I gasped. "Now, I need you now!"
My back shot off the bed as his tongue made contact with the sensitive nub between my legs, sending shoots of pleasure through my body that quickly began to collect in my lower stomach.
"Come for me Roza," Dimitri commanded as he suckled sharply on the nub sending fire running through my veins.
Once I came down from the high, I grabbed his arms and gently pulled him up until he was lying on top of me. Kissing him roughly, I flipped us over so that I was now on top.
Angling him, I moved my hips up ready to sink down and join us.
"I love you," I whispered as I sunk down onto him, cementing the vows we had made earlier today. One of the things I loved most about our relationship was how there was such a contrast all the time. We had started off rough and passionate, but with just those 3 words it had transformed into tender and heartfelt love-making, full of feelings and emotion.
"I will always love you, Roza," Dimitri whispered back. "Even if you leave me".
Pressing my lips softly against his to stop any more words from escaping, I leant forward, resting my weight on my elbows on either side of his body.
Slowly, very slowly, I moved my hips, moaning at the pleasure that coursed through my body. Unable to keep the pace, I increased.
"Fuck Roza," Dimitri cursed, eyes shut tightly. "That is incredible".
Smattering soft kisses against his neck, I sped up my pace, nearing us both to completion.
All of a sudden, Dimitri flipped us over, setting up a punishing pace that had me soon groaning his name.
"Roza," he exclaimed as his head hung heavy and I felt his warmth fill me. Pulling him down on top of me, I nuzzled my head into his sweaty neck. God, how did this man smell so good!
"We didn't use a condom," he groaned suddenly, lifting his head to meet my eyes.
"We didn't use one last time either," I smiled, running my fingers over his cheek.
"I keep forgetting that it's actually possible between us, I'm so sorry," he whispered.
"Don't be," I assured. "I didn't forget".
Not much catches Dimitri Belikov off guard, but this did.
"You didn't forget?"
"No".
"So, you've thought about what could happen?"
"Yep".
I could tell my one-word answers were beginning to frustrate him.
"I know what could happen, Dimitri," I whispered. "Should I survive the next few weeks, I'm ready to start a family. My job will allow it, your job will allow it, everything has aligned Dimitri".
I could feel the hot drops of his tears hitting my face.
"Don't cry baby," I whispered. "Aren't you happy?"
"The happiest I have ever been," Dimitri muttered, collapsing to the side of me and pulling me tight against his body, arms wrapped around my waist protectively.
"Have I told you how much I love you?" he whispered after a while.
"Mmmm," I muttered, sleep overcoming me, "but you can tell me again and again".
"I love you more than is possible Roza, more than I thought I could ever love someone," he whispered, and those were the last words I heard before I fell asleep
"Rose! Rose!"
Looking around me, I was met with the scene of a forest, not dissimilar to the forest near the hill I liked to climb. The trees here were made of browns, whites and silver colours and it was beautiful.
"Rose!"
Spinning around, I saw my mother stood between the trees calling my name. Her auburn hair was loose and curly, framing her beautiful face that was relaxed and happy.
"Mom!" I called back, running towards her. However fast I ran though, more and more trees grew in between us.
"You can't come close yet," she called out to me, her voice sweet and just how I remembered, only with a slight difference that I couldn't pin-point.
"Why not?"
"We're in two different worlds for now," she told me. I wanted nothing more than to run over and hug her. Losing my mother had made me realise just how important she was to me.
"Why are you here?" I asked after a while.
"I wanted to see you before... I wanted to see you baby" she shouted across to me.
"Before what?"
"I can't say," she said sadly, but some part of me knew what she was talking about. I guess some part of me had known it was coming for a while now.
Gazing around at our scenery, I saw birds flying high above the trees.
"Does it hurt?" I asked after a while. My voice was tremulous and afraid. I hated it, but I couldn't help the fear that racked my body.
"No," my mother told me firmly. "Perhaps a little at first, but as soon as your body leaves the world all pain goes away.
"I've missed you, mom," I said, a sob escaping my throat, yet again wanting nothing more than to run up and hug her.
"I've missed you too baby," she replied. Her voice sounded more distant and I realised more trees were appearing between us.
"See you soon mom," I shouted.
"I love you, Rose", my mom shouted, her voice almost totally gone.
Suddenly, I was aware of another voice shouting at me.
"Rose, Rose wake up!"
My eyes shot open to see Dimitri's panicked ones staring into my soul.
"What's up?" I grumbled, before noticing that it was starting to get dark out. We must have slept in.
Suddenly, the vibrating of my cell phone and the bleeping of my guardian buzzer registered in my sleepy mind and my eyes shot wide with shock.
"It's time, Roza. It's time," Dimitri whispered, fear lacing his words. "It's started, the strigoi are here".
