Author's Note: Thanks for taking the time to read my story. This is my first piece of fanfiction and I know that I have a lot to learn. Constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged as I know it will help me become a better writer. That being said, please leave a review and let me know what you think. I do ask that you be kind. I know this story may not be everyone's cup of tea, and I respect that. That's the wonderful thing about fanfiction, there is something for everyone. I hope you enjoy!
Carlisle entered his home office and and turned towards Bella and Edward who were already waiting there. "Hello, Bella... Edward" Carlisle nodded towards the two of them. "Hi Carlisle", Bella said shyly. Bella stayed close to Edward. She didn't want to be rude by turning her back towards Carlisle, so she leaned against Edward's chest as he reasssuringly kissed the top of her head and placed a hand on her hip, his other hand holding hers. "Bella", Carlisle said, it's my understanding that you have made your decision regarding your desire to become like us. Edward and I have discussed this. As you know, Edward has agreed to change you, under the condition that you marry him first. "Yes." Bella stated. "I know the wedding is still over a month away, but there are..." Bella paused, taking a steadying breath and continued speaking"... a few things... that I feel we should discuss beforehand."
"Yes, Bella. Edward told me why you wanted to meet with me today. He has made me aware of your desire to experience a few "human" things prior to your change. Bella blushed and looked down at the floor for a second before gaining the courage to look Carlisle in the eye and state with conviction, "Yes, Carlisle. I want to be changed. I know this isn't easy for Edward to come to terms with, and I am sorry for causing any undue stress to you and the other members of the family, but I need you to know that this is truly what I want, and I am willing to make any sacrifices necessary to spend forever with Edward by my side. I love this family, and I want to be a part of it."
"Bella," Carlisle stated, looking her in the eye with compassion and understanding "I know this decision has not been easy for you to make. As far as the rest of us are concerned, you are already a member of this family. Marriage is simply the next step towards forever. While it pains me to think of all that you are giving up in your human life in order to join our family, I am equally grateful for the joy that you have brought Edward and the rest of us over these past months and I am looking forward to the future with you in it. While the process of changing into a vampire is very intimidating, please know that we will all do everything in our power to make it the least traumitizing experience possible for you. " He gave Bella an understanding and heartfelt smile and said "I respect your bravery in this decision."
"Now, I know that you and Edward have had a disagreement regarding the timing around when your change will take place." Carlisle directed a sympathetic glance at Edward, who looked pained at the mention of Bella wishing to become like them so soon, before returning his attention to Bella. "Yes, Carlisle, Bella stated. "I want Edward to change me as soon as we get back home from our honeymoon. That way, you and the others can be nearby in case things go...well, in case things don't go as planned." Bella bit her bottom lip and risked a glance up at Edward, who had noticeably tightened his grip on her hand and looked to be trying to control his emotions.
"Thank you, Bella, for considering your safety during the change process, as well as Edward's well-being. Yes, I would agree that it is best for the change to take place when we can all be nearby to offer support, and assistance in whatever way it is needed during your change." Carlisle turned his eyes back to Edward and directed his thoughts silently towards him, "Edward, I know that this is not what you pictured and I know how you must be feeling, but please know that we care for you and Bella and feel that this is our only option. I refuse to lose you, and you refuse to live without Bella. I will do everything I can to make this experience as gentle on both of you as possible."
"Now" Carlisle stated, as he took a breath and glanced from Bella to Edward and back to Bella. "Bella, let's spend some time discussing your wishes. I know that this conversation may feel embarrassing and uncomfortable for you, but I wish to remind you that I am a physician and this conversation will remain private between you, Edward, and myself until any decisions are made that may impact other members of our family." Bella looked perplexed for a minute and wondered how any decision made regarding such a private matter as her sex life with Edward would impact any other members of their family, but then nodded, "Thanks, Carlisle. I appreciate that. Yes, it is a bit... awkward, to have this conversation with you, but I know that it is important given your medical expertise, and I know that no other doctor will be able to discuss these matters with us" she said.
"Yes, thank you, Bella. Now, can you please share with me what it is that you hope to experience prior to your change?" Bella blushed again, bit her bottom lip and shifted on her feet a bit before taking a steadying breath and trying to calm her nerves. "Please, Bella, why don't you and Edward take a seat on the couch," Carlisle said as he motioned towards the leather love seat along his office wall "and I will sit at my desk." Carlisle and Edward had both noticed a significant acceleration in Bella's heart rate and breathing, and they did not wish to cause her unnecessary stress. Edward kept his cool fingers locked with Bella's warm ones and slowly guided her towards the couch. Carlisle took his place in his office chair behind his desk.
"Remember, Bella" Carlisle mentioned, "Edward and I wished to meet with you today to do everything in our power to develop a plan that you will both be happy with. It is important that both you and Edward feel you can be open and honest with one another, and with me, about any concerns, hesitation or possible options that you feel we should consider." Bella bit her lip again and nodded slowly. "Yes, I know. Thank you, Carlisle. I really do appreciate you meeting with us. Ok, well, I, umm, it's just that, well, I'm a virgin, and I would really like to experience... sex, and, well... anything really, when it comes to, you know, the physical side of our relationship." Bella was blushing profusely now and shaking with nervousness as Edward put his arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer to his side.
"Bella, love, it's alright to be nervous. Carlisle knows this is a difficult topic to discuss." Edward said to her soothingly. "Carlisle," Edward said, "Bella has told me that she wishes to experience all aspects of physical intimacy prior to her change. While I want nothing more than to be able to give her this experience while she is still human, I have told her that I simply do not have the self-control to resist her blood and refrain from hurting her while she is still so fragile. Bella has insisted that she will marry me, but she wants to become one with me in every sense of the word before I change her."
"I see" said Carlisle, folding his hands on his desk and carefully considering how to respond. "Bella, I fear that, unfortunately, Edward is correct when he says that he does not have the self-control and willpower not to hurt you if the two of you were to engage in sexual intercourse or other acts of physical intimacy prior to your change. The fear and anxiety that you are likely to experience during your first time engaging in sexual intercourse, combined with the blood from the loss of your virginity, would simply be too much for Edward to handle and the consequences of just a brief loss of control could be fatal for you."
Beginning to feel defeated, Bella sighed and asked "Well, if Edward decided that he was going to try to be with me before he changes me, wouldn't Alice be able to see how it would go? I mean... if he would end up hurting me?" "It's possible." Carlisle stated. " I imagine that Alice has been avoiding watching both your future and Edward's in regard to the intimate aspect of your relationship out of respect for your privacy. Alice never wishes to deliberately pry in personal matters in that way. Edward, are you open to the possibility of physical intimacy with Bella prior to her change if Alice could assure you that Bella would not be seriously hurt in the process?" Carlisle asked him.
"Yes, Carlisle" Edward said while nodding cautiously, "But as I said, I truly don't feel that I have the self-control or ability to resist her blood in such an intimate setting. I know she will be nervous, as much as I know she wants this, the adrenaline in her blood along with the pain the loss of her virginity will cause and the bleeding that often follows will just be too much for me. However, I am willing to make this decision in order for Alice to share her insight. Bella, do you want me to call Alice and ask for her to join us? I had asked her and the others to leave for a hunting trip in order for us to discuss some private matters today." Edward stated.
Bella looked from Edward to Carlisle and said "as awkward as it is to have this conversation not only with my future father-in-law, but also with my best friend and future sister-in-law, I don't see any other option in this matter. Yes, Edward, go ahead and call Alice and see if she can come home to discuss this with us, please." Edward nodded at Bella, kissed her on the cheek and whispered "I'll be back shortly. I am going to step out into the hallway to give Alice a call" and he stepped out of Carlisle's office.
Bella sat awkwardly on the couch, and Carlisle sat quietly at his desk while they waited for Edward to return. Meanwhile, in the hallway, Edward dialed Alice's number and she answered on the first ring. "Hi, Edward. I saw you would be calling me. What's up?" Alice asked. Edward was sure that she was just being modest by not mentioning the reason for his call. "Alice," Edward asked, "I'm wondering, well actually, Bella and I were wondering if you might be willing to come back to the house early, before the rest of the family, so you can discuss something with Carlisle, Bella and me? It's just that it's rather private and we would prefer not to have the whole family present for the conversation, if that's alright?" Edward stated. He was feeling like a rambling mess and he didn't like feeling so unsettled.
"Of course, Edward, I will be there as soon as I can. Just let me update Jasper and the others that I am needed back at the house." Alice said with sympathy in her voice. "Thank you, Alice. We will see you soon." Edward said as he hung up the phone.
Edward returned to Carlisle's office and took his seat next to Bella on the love seat. Bella gave him a shy smile and Edward said "Alice will be on her way shortly. She shouldn't be too long." A couple of minutes later, there was a soft knock on the office door and Alice peeked her head in. "Is it alright if I come in? She asked. "Yes, of course, Alice, please sit down." Carlisle said gesturing towards an open seat on the opposite side of his desk. Alice took her seat and looked expectantly towards the three of them before asking "What can I help with?"
Edward and Bella glanced from Carlisle to Alice, before Edward said "Carlisle, perhaps you could catch Alice up regarding our recent topic of conversation and how she may be able to be of assistance to us?" "Yes, of course, Edward." Carlisle stated. Carlisle directed his attention to Alice and began to speak. "Alice, Edward and Bella wished to meet with me today to discuss Bella's desire to be physically intimate with Edward prior to her change. Bella wants to experience all aspects of physical intimacy with Edward while she is still human. Edward and I fear that he does not have the self-control to engage in these acts with her without causing serious physical harm or mortal injury."
Alice looked thoughtful for a minute before responding to Carlisle. "So," she said, "you are hoping that if Edward makes the decision to be physically intimate with Bella before her change, that I could see what the outcome would be?" she asked. The three of them nodded in agreement. "Yes" Carlisle stated simply. Alice nodded in understanding. She then directed her attention towards Bella and Edward before saying "I'm sure this is awkward for the two of you to discuss this with Carlisle and me, so I appreciate you trusting me to be a part of such a private conversation."
Alice then proceeded to say "Edward, if this is going to work and I am to get an accurate vision of your future, I am going to need you to actually make the decision that you will make love to Bella while she is still a virgin, and still human" directing a pointed glance at Edward. Edward scowled a bit in concentration, and then pinched the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath then proceeded to say "Ok, I will try to make love to Bella while she is still human and still a virgin." Alice nodded with approval and then closed her eyes as she attempted to focus in on her vision of their future.
After a painstaking wait for Bella, Edward, and Carlisle, Alice opened her eyes and her vision cleared. Alice looked towards Bella and Edward with a look of pity in her eyes. "Bella... I'm so sorry" she said. "I know how badly you want to lose your virginity to Edward. I know you want to be with him while you're still human, but, I have gone through every vision of him being your first before your change and it just won't work. Edward does not have the self-control. You wouldn't make it, and we wouldn't be able to change you fast enough to prevent your death. Bella, I'm just so sorry. I wish it was different." Alice said.
Edward placed his hand lovingly on Bella's knee. He saw tears threatening to fall from her eyes. He knew that she would need a minute to process this information and try to regain her composure before she was able to speak again. "Alice," Edward directed his attention towards her again "what if Bella wasn't a virgin, could I be with her then?" Bella's head shot up from it's previous position staring down at her lap and she gave Edward an incredulous glance. "Edward, what are you talking about, if I wasn't a virgin?" Bella asked him.
"Bella, Love, please just hear me out, okay?" Edward turned toward Bella with a pleading look in his eyes. She just stared at him. "Alice, say that Bella were to be with, someone else, first. Could I be with her then, while she was still human?" Alice shot a wary glance at Edward, then looked to Carlisle and back to Edward and Bella. "Edward," Alice said cautiously "do you realize what you are asking Bella to do here?" Edward nodded and closed his eyes looking pained. "Yes, Alice, but I need to know, if she is with someone else first, could we be together intimately before her change?"
Alice looked at Bella with sympathetic eyes and said "Bella, this is a lot to take in, and I don't expect you to make a decision right now, but in order for me to answer Edward's question accurately, you would need to be willing to make the decision to lose your virginity to someone else." At this point, Bella's mouth was open and she looked completely shocked. She simply looked from Edward, to Alice, to Carlisle and back to Edward again. "I... I don't... Edward, I love you. I can't even think about doing this with someone else."
"Bella, Love, I understand" Edward said with conviction "but please just listen to me. I know how much you wish to be with me physically before your change, and maybe this could be the way. Perhaps if you were with, someone else first," Edward said cringing inwardly, "then we could be together physically before your change. We could have the honeymoon we both want and be physically intimate in the ways we both so deeply desire, and it wouldn't cause you any serious injuries. Just, please Bella, please consider this." Edward looked into her eyes, pleading with her.
"Edward," Alice quietly chimed in, I still can't be certain this would work unless Bella makes the decision to be with someone else." Alice directed her attention back to Bella. "Bella, is there anyone else that you are willing to consider being with before Edward?" she asked. Bella looked dumbstruck. "I don't... I don't know." Bella said. She was trembling and her heart rate and breathing rate had accelerated again.
Edward turned towards Bella and took her hands in his. "Bella, Love, what about Jacob?" "What?!" Bella practically yelled in response. "Edward, I could never do that with Jacob. He's my best friend. You and I both know he is in love with me and I don't feel that way for him. It would be so cruel of me to use him in that way and then marry you. I cannot do that to him."
Edward looked away from Bella for a moment and breathed an inaudible sigh of relief too quiet for her to hear. "Bella, he asked, are there any human boys you would want to be with? Someone who is experienced, perhaps? Someone who could," Edward paused for a second to regain his composure, "treat you well?" Edward said. Bella shook her head quickly. "No, Edward." she said. The thought of being with someone like Mike Newton or Tyler Crowley made her feel physically ill.
The room fell silent for a couple of minutes. Each of them lost in their own thoughts. Then, Edward looked up and met Carlisle's eyes. "Alice, Bella, would you excuse us for a minute? I'd like to have a word in private with Carlisle." Bella looked confusedly at Edward. Carlisle and Edward stepped out of the office and made their way outside away from listening ears. "Carlisle," Edward said. "I'm really not sure how to ask you this, because no matter how I say it, it's going to be awkward." Carlisle looked expectantly at Edward. "Yes, Edward?" Carlisle inquired.
"Carlisle, I am wondering, if you would consider..." Edward paused, knowing that if he was human he would likely be physically sick at this point. "I am wondering if you would consider deflowering Bella?" Edward said quickly glancing up at Carlisle and seeing the shocked expression on his face. "Edward..." Carlisle said, seemingly at a loss for words. "I know, Carlisle, and I wouldn't ask this of you if I thought there was any other option, but Bella wants to be with me when she is still human, and this might be the only way. She said that she isn't willing to consider being with any of the human boys." Edward stated. "And you think that she will be fine with engaging in this act with me? Edward, I am a married man." Carlisle said, trying to maintain his composure.
"Yes, Carlisle, I know, and believe me, I feel bad even asking this of you, but I need to know if this could work." Edward said with a pleading look in his eyes. "Edward," Carlisle said, doing his best to maintain his professional and level headed demeanor, "perhaps I could perform a pelvic exam on Bella and break her hymen during the examination, as her doctor. This would prevent her from bleeding when she is with you, and perhaps this would change Alice's vision?" Carlisle asked, with hope in his voice.
"I don't think that will work, Carlisle. It's so cold and clinical, and while it may eliminate the issue of Bella bleeding during our first time, the pain she is likely to experience during the breaking of her hymen during a pelvic examination will more than likely make her even more anxious before our first time having intercourse. She will still have adrenaline running through her veins. We can ask Alice, but I just really don't think that will work." Edward said, feeling discouraged.
"Edward," Carlisle continued, "Let us at least ask Alice and Bella to consider this option and see if her vision changes. If it does not, I will consider your suggestion, if and only if, I have full support and acceptance from Esme to do so. She is my wife, and I could never be with Bella in this way if I knew it could cause her any emotional turmoil." Carlisle looked beside himself at this point.
"Thank you, Carlisle. Yes, I understand completely." Edward said. "Let's go back to your office, as I am sure Alice and Bella are wondering where we went and what we were discussing." When they arrived, Alice and Bella looked at them expectantly, waiting for them to explain where they had gone and what they had felt the need to discuss privately. Edward took his seat next to Bella again while Carlisle proceeded to his desk chair.
"Bella," Edward said, directing his attention towards his fiancee. "Carlisle and I discussed a possible solution that we wondered if you might be willing to consider, in order to see if it changes Alice's vision of our future." Bella looked warily at Carlisle and Edward before quietly asking "what is your possible solution, Edward?" "Well, Edward said, it was actually Carlisle's suggestion. Carlisle, would you mind telling Bella about your idea?" Edward asked.
Carlisle looked to Bella with compassion in his eyes. "Bella," he said. I made the suggestion to Edward, that perhaps I could perform a pelvic examination on you and break your hymen during the exam, as your doctor. This would prevent you from bleeding during future intercourse with Edward, and perhaps it would change Alice's vision of your future if you and Edward were to engage in sexual intercourse." Carlisle stated in his professional tone of voice.
Bella's cheeks turned a dark shade of pink, and she knotted her fingers together and looked nervously down at her lap. "Umm," she said, chewing on her bottom lip, "that's very nice of you to offer, Carlisle. Would it be very painful?" Bella asked. Not only did Bella have a significant fear of needles, but she also feared any other invasive medical procedures. She had not told Edward or Carlisle, but she had never had a pelvic examination before, and the thought of it, even with Carlisle as her doctor, was starting to make her feel sick.
"Relax, Bella." Carlisle stated. "Your heart is racing faster that it should and I don't wish to cause you such anxiety. I won't lie to you, the physical act of breaking your hymen during a pelvic examination may be painful, but it wouldn't last more than a few seconds. The rest of the exam shouldn't be too uncomfortable since it would be the same as any other pelvic examination that your doctor has performed. Have you had any pain or discomfort when your doctor performed a pelvic examination on you in the past?" Carlisle asked her.
Bella couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with Carlisle or Edward, so she looked to Alice with an anxious expression on her face, unsure of how to respond. "Bella?" Alice looked at her with compassion. "Have you ever had a pelvic examination before?" Bella looked back down at her lap. "Bella...?" Alice asked again.
Bella glanced back up between Alice and Carlisle before she quietly said "no, I haven't. My doctor back in Phoenix never performed one on me, and I don't have a doctor here yet. Charlie doesn't pry, so it hasn't come up in conversation, and in all honesty even the thought of someone seeing me... down there, let alone anything going... inside of me in that way makes me sick to my stomach." Bella was growing pale and looked as though she might pass out. Carlisle was now starting to understand more of Bella's anxious reaction to his suggestion.
"Bella," Carlisle started to speak to her in a calm voice, "take some deep breaths for me and lean on Edward for a minute so we can get your heart rate and breathing under control. Once you are feeling better, we can discuss more. Bella leaned on Edward like Carlisle had asked her to do, and started to calm in his embrace. After a few minutes, she was feeling better, and said "Thank you, Carlisle. We can continue with our conversation now."
Carlisle continued "Bella, since you are planning to engage in sexual intercourse in the near future, you should really be examined by a doctor beforehand to make sure that all is well with your health, female organs and anatomy. Regardless of who you would choose to perform this examination, me, or another physician, I would strongly recommend that you get a physical completed prior to engaging in any sexual activity with Edward or someone else."
"Bella, Love" Edward said with care in his voice. "Would you be more comfortable with Carlisle performing an examination on you, or would you prefer to see another doctor? I know this makes you anxious, and we just want to be here to support you in whatever decision you make. If Carlisle performs the exam, he could break your hymen while doing so, if Alice determines that would change our future and ability to make love before I change you."
"I... I think I would prefer if you did the... the examination, Carlisle." Bella whispered. "It makes me very anxious, but I am willing to let you break my hymen during an exam, if it means that I can be with Edward for my first time." Bella looked to Alice after making her decision, waiting for Alice to see if it changed the future for her and Edward.
Alice nodded her head after Bella made the decision, and closed her eyes to see if her vision changed. After a few minutes, Alice opened her eyes and her vision cleared. She looked between Bella and Edward with a look of defeat in her eyes. "I'm really sorry, you guys. I had high hopes that maybe this would help, but even if Carlisle breaks Bella's hymen during her pelvic exam, that still doesn't decrease her fear and anxiety around physical intimacy enough for it to be safe for Edward to be her first." Alice said sadly.
Bella let out a heavy sigh and looked at Edward, "Edward, I don't know if I can bring myself to be with anyone else but you for my first time. I'm scared it's going to hurt, and now I know that we can't safely be together if I am still a virgin and still human. I don't know what to do anymore." she said sounding despondent. "It's alright, Love" Edward said while rubbing soothing circles on her lower back, "we will figure something out."
"Bella," Carlisle spoke quietly to her, "I know that Alice's vision of your future if you and Edward were to attempt physical intimacy has not been what you had been hoping for. I think this is enough of this heavy conversation for today. I will communicate more with Edward and Alice and see if we can't come up with another possible solution, alright? Why don't you let Edward give you a ride home? You've had a very long day and I'm sure Charlie will be ready for dinner soon. We don't mean to have kept you so late." Bella glanced at her watch, realizing that it was nearly 6:30 PM. She nodded absently and moved to stand. Edward stood with her, nodded his head at Carlisle and Alice and followed her out the door of Carlisle's office and towards his Volvo.
Bella was quiet on the way home, and Edward reached over and grasped her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "Bella," he spoke softly to her, "I know that our conversation today didn't go as you had hoped. Please know that we will do everything we can to come up with a solution that allows us to be together while you are still human." Bella nodded mutely, and shortly after, Edward pulled his car up out front of Charlie's house. Bella leaned over and kissed Edward quickly before heading inside.
