Well, we have had some flipping fantastic news! I was so shocked and happy to see Richelle's tweet, to those who don't know, there is currently a VA TV series being planned! It's actually happening!

On another note, I have to apologise for how long it has taken me to get this chapter out. I've had some pretty serious family stuff to deal with and I haven't been in any state to sit down and write, let alone write something I am happy with. On top of all that, I've been having job interviews and crazy things and have finally been able to see people again! As such, this chapter has been hugely delayed despite nearly hitting the finish line! Thank you to all those who support me, you have kept me going :)


The light fell from his eyes as his neck twisted. The crack echoed through my body as his flaming red hair jostled, his body crashing to the floor. Those pools of green that used to be filled with the passions of life stared blankly into my soul, cutting deep and tearing my life apart as a shriek tore its way through my throat.

I surged forward, pulling his limp body into my chest, cradling it, protecting it. As I touched him, his hair transformed from flaming red to a sandy blonde, eyes shifting to the eyes that had been there for me for so long, when the years had been so tough. The eyes that shot open, his lips shifting into a grimace as he looked up at me.

"It should have been you," Vasily whispered. "It should have been you".


I was ripped from sleep by a sharp noise, and only once I registered Dimitri's shocked face and my sore throat did I realise it had come from me.

"Oh God," I whimpered, tears leaving hot, wet tracks down my cheeks as the dream and my loss hit me all over again.

"Shh Roza," Dimitri soothed, pulling my small body against his, the warmth of his chest reminding me where I was, and who I was with.

"Why," I croaked. "Why do I get this. Why couldn't it have been me?" I gasped, the words catching in my throat as I fought for air.

Dimitri pulled me closer, the twisted bedsheets wrapping even tighter around us.

"I can't do this again," I whimpered at the monstrosity of grief that hovered over me. "I can't get through it again.

I'd grieved enough to last a lifetime. I'd grieved for Mason, for Dimitri when he had been turned strigoi, for my mother, for the loss of my relationship with Dimitri, and even for Victor Dashkov and Tasha. The thing about grief was you didn't know you were going through it until you had gotten through the worst parts and were able to look back at the state you had been in. Until you had enough strength to take a breath and realise how much of a mess you were.

"You can, Roza, you can get through," Dimitri urged, desperation sneaking through his deep tones.

"I can't," I sobbed, my feelings closing in, constricting my throat tighter and tighter until I was gasping for breath, for control. "I can't," I whispered.

"This time is different," Dimitri whispered, wrapping his arms around me and nuzzling his face against my ear. "This time we get through this together, you lean on me, and we survive together. Just as we promised".

Clawing at his chest, taking deep, shuddering breaths, I let myself feel. When I say I'd been through a lot of grief in my lifetime, I really had, and the only positive was that I learnt how to deal with it. How to get through it, how to stop it from eating its way through my heart. I'd managed it before when I'd lost Mason when I'd killed Victor and even when we'd lost Tasha. The constant, my crutch on whom I could lean, the only person who could truly help me get over things, was Dimitri. That was why I'd struggled so much with the loss of him 10 years ago, as well as the loss of my mother. I didn't have him to talk to, to seek comfort from back then, and so the grief had ruined me.

He was my salvation.

"I've got you, Roza," Dimitri whispered, pulling my body close and lying us back down, enveloping me in his arms and scent. "I've got you".


I woke up feeling like I had a sheet of sandpaper stuck underneath my eyelids. In reality, my eyes were sore and swollen from the tears I had sobbed last night. Once Dimitri had calmed me down enough, we lay back down and sobbed. I sobbed for Mason, for Vasily, for my mother, and for all others, I had lost. I truly let out the emotions I had been keeping at bay for 10 years. Dimitri sobbed with me, shedding tears for us and the pain we had gone through, for Ivan, but also for those I had lost. Not only for the loss of life but for the pain I was going through and the feelings that were eating me up inside. It was the first time I had seen him so open, so raw and honest and vulnerable and... strong. It made him seem strong, the way he was acknowledging his emotions and feelings.

Turning over, I found his side of the bed empty and cold. From some acknowledged agreement, it seemed like we would be living in my apartment for now. It made sense, as I had a much larger room than the standard one he had been assigned on arrival, but we would need to try and get some more cupboard space since my wardrobes were already full of the clothes that I rarely wore.

Then it hit me again.

How could I be worried about such trivial things, such mindless, unimportant things when Vasily was dead. When he had given up his life for mine. How selfish could I be?

Just before I could spiral back into the easy, self-deprecating trend of guilt, Dimitri walked into the room carrying a tray of food.

"I made blini," he announced, waiting for me to pull myself up into a sitting position before he handed me the tray loaded with pancakes, jam and butter. "Mama always made them when I was sad".

I smiled up at him and squeezed his hand. The look in his eyes showed me he realised how fake the smile was, but he didn't comment.

"Eat with me?" I whispered.

A few seconds later, after retreating to the kitchen to get his own plate, I felt the bed sink slightly as Dimitri joined me.

We ate in silence, appreciating the gentle company of the other.

"I need to go in," Dimitri whispered once we were finished, and I immediately knew what he meant.

"When?"

"Today. As soon as possible. I need to make arrangements for the memorial, as well as start distributing new guardians and shuffling people around to cover the... gaps.

Lissa would need a new head guardian.

"I'll come and help," I whispered.

Giving me a look filled with appreciation and pain, Dimitri whispered "you don't have to. Nobody would even question you not being in today".

"I need to," I said more firmly than I felt. "I need to work, to take my mind of things, even if it's only for an hour. I don't want to leave you".

With a gentle nod and a hand squeeze, the conversation was finished, and as soon as the plates were cleared we started getting dressed.

I couldn't help but stare into the hollow eyes of the girl that looked back at me as I tied up my hair into a tight bun. She had puffy, dark eyes and swollen cheeks, but she would get through this. "You'll get through this," I reminded her, reminded myself.

Once I had concreted my guardian mask in place, I stepped out of the bathroom finding Dimitri dressed and holding two large cups of coffee.

Once he had passed me one, he stepped closer and using his free hand gently ran it across my jawline.

"Remember Roza," he whispered, "remember you don't need your mask on around me".

I gave him a curt nod and I knew he would understand that it wasn't on to protect me from showing my feelings, it was on to help me survive today, tomorrow and however long I would be in survival mode. Sure, it wasn't the healthiest way of coping, but when you had a job to do and needed to function, it was the only way.

"Let's go," I said, my voice hollow and empty as I firmly shut off my emotions, but as I walked past him, I gently squeezed his hand as a reminder that even with my mask on, I loved him.


"Hathaway!" Hans exclaimed as I walked into the busy corridor that was the top floor of the headquarters. "I didn't expect to see you here today after..."

"Too much to do," I interrupted him, not wanting to even think about the reason I shouldn't be here until I was safely away from prying eyes. "The take-over is officially in 2 days, I need to be here and you know it".

Hans didn't put up any argument, he had no ground to stand on as a workaholic that had extended his service to illegal amounts, but he did give me a wary eye.

"Are you in the right frame of mind to be dealing with the stuff you will need to today?"

"Have I even let you down?" I demanded indignantly.

He shook his head slowly, looking down to the floor.

"Okay, fine. I can't stop you anyway. Just take a break if you need it, and give me a shout if you want me to do any of the...trickier phone calls".

I nodded, turning away and heading towards my new office.

My office had been built quickly last week, the old conference room being modified to create two offices with a shared space in the middle. It had been Hans' idea, the very representation of mine and Dimitri's shared role, but it gave us our own space to retreat to as well. At a time like this, I was grateful for it.

I stepped into the shared space, Dimitri close behind me, and looked around the room. I hadn't been able to see the space before now, as the development had only been finished yesterday and I hadn't been able to see it then, for obvious reasons.

There was a large desk in the centre of the room with chairs around it and a big screen at one end that I imagined was for presentations but figured Netflix would look fantastic on too. To the left of the room was a sofa and a small coffee table, and there was a coffee machine, microwave and a few other appliances on a desk in the corner. It looked like your standard guardian common room, without the fraying cushions and mouldy sandwiches.

"Which is mine?" I asked Dimitri, who was stood watching me look around.

"The one to the left".

I nodded and stepped towards my door. On it, was engraved

Vice-president Hathaway-Belikova

as I'd requested to Hans a few days ago.

"I don't think I'm ever going to get used to seeing that" Dimitri breathed, stepping close to me.

"What, the Hathaway name still there?" I questioned.

"No," he breathed. "That you actually took part of my name. I don't think I believed you would ever do that".

"I like to keep you on your toes," I whispered, stepping back into his hard, warm body and breathing in his scent, the scent that comforted me and reminded me that I was ok, grounded me.

"I'm just over there if you need anything," Dimitri said, nodding towards his office. "And please Roza, please, if it gets too much go home".

I nodded, and stepped forward, gently pushing my door open to reveal the spacious office full of new furniture. There was a small green plant on the desk, next to a modern, expensive-looking computer.

I pulled back the plush, padded chair and sat down, turning on the computer and logging in. I set off doing some of the everyday tasks I had been shown how to do, not having any other big things to get on with until Dimitri came and gave me the weekly plan.

A gentle tap on the door made my head snap up and panic fill my features.

I was ok. There was just someone at the door.

I cooled my battle reflexes and took a few deep breaths before shouting that they could come in.

"Hathaway-Belikova," Hans said, nodding in greeting and sitting down in the chairs in front of my desk.

I nodded back, waiting for him to speak. I was in survival mode today, and no way could I, would I make conversation.

"I, I came to speak to you about a sensitive subject".

He paused and gauged my reaction. Clearly believing my mask, he continued.

"It is the responsibility of the head guardian to plan for the mass-memorial when something like this happens. Obviously, they hand off jobs, but it is a big task. I wanted to ask you if you feel comfortable helping Belikov, or if you would rather I ask someone else to help him. I understand you have been through a lot Rose".

I nodded, not really listening to what he was saying. A mass memorial, because that many guardians had died. Vasily had died.

"I...". My voice cracked.

"I want to, I whispered. "I want to do my job, do everything and be revolutionary. I want to help the families that will be coming to this, help them get through the grief and do the best job for them".

I paused and took a deep breath, gripping the edge of the table with my hands for support, my knuckles going white.

"I just can't".

I had learnt, many years ago, that sometimes the best thing to do for yourself, for the people that would be affected, was to step back. If I tried to plan this event, make it perfect, I could break. I could break and have to get other people in to piece together a shoddy job. Families deserved better than that. Vasily deserved better than that. I deserved better than that.

"I want to help, but everyone deserves better than someone who is currently using all her strength to stay in one piece".

Hans shuffled forwards in his seat and gently rested his hands on my white ones.

"I understand, Rose. I was in the field too when I was younger, I understand. You don't need to make excuses. You do whatever you need."

I gave him a gentle smile and a nod.

Pausing at the door, he looked over his shoulder at me.

"Go home Rose".


Gently knocking, I pushed into Dimitri's office.

"Hey, I whispered, walking around his desk to perch on the arm of his chair, identical to mine.

He wrapped an arm around my waist, looking up at me and gently tracing circles against my hip.

"I'm going home," I said, meeting his eyes.

"Good".

"I've put on my out of office replies, I think I'm going to take a few days. I need to deal with the shit in my head".

"I'm so proud of you, Roza," he said, resting his head against my shoulder. "I'm so proud of how much you have grown".

I stood up and gave him a small smile, gently resting my hand against his cheek.

"I'll see you at home".

Walking out of the building, I couldn't help but look around at all the people working here. Were they feeling the grief I was? Did they have the same opportunity to go home if they needed to?

Stepping out on the pavement, I headed in the direction of the woods. I needed a long walk to register and deal with each individual thought running through my head, and I knew that would take a while.

I stared at each tree I walked past, each branch I climbed over, each thing that reminded me of the running Vasily and I would do together.

I walked until my feet had blisters and my body was sore. My body hurt, but my mind, my mind felt clearer, softer, quieter.

After unlocking the door, I pushed down the handle, mentally preparing myself to start dinner. Not that Dimitri would expect it, but I was already home and he could be home late.

The smell of food pushed its way into my nostrils, greeting me and telling me everything would be ok.

Dimitri was stood over the stove, spoon in hand wearing a loose pair of joggers and a t-shirt, his hair loose and wet brushing his ears as he watched the bubbling pan intently.

His head snapped in my direction as I softly shut the door, his dark eyes assessing the situation and looking for danger.

"Roza," he sighed, a small smile lighting up his face.

"You didn't have to do this," I muttered quietly, overcome with my love for the man. A quick glance at the clock showed that I had been walking for much longer than I had thought and that Dimitri would be due home any minute. "Did you leave early?"

"I told everyone I would be finishing an hour early this week, they were all very understanding. We are a team Roza. We get through this together".

"Thank you," I whispered, walking closer to the stove. "What are you cooking?"

"Stew," he said softly. "Mama would always make it when someone was ill or upset at home. I was going to make some bread too but I didn't have..."

I gently pressed my finger against his lips and wrapped myself around his body, my forehead resting against his strong chest.

"It's perfect. I love you. Thank you".

He nuzzled into my hair, breathing deeply.

"Go Roza, go change and shower. I will look after you. I will always look after you".

A small tear escaped the corner of my eye as his words burrowed into my heart. I may have lost Vasily, lost a friend I loved so much, but I wouldn't shut myself off from everyone this time. Being miserable didn't bring someone back, being miserable didn't validate someone's death, it didn't show the world how much that person meant to you. The only way to do those things was to live, to live and love and laugh and enjoy life. To cherish those moments, feel pain so deeply it hurt, but to feel love so fully that it also hurt. Pain made life real, and my pain at the moment would always be with me. It would grow as I did, morph into a part of me that I would gently care for, but it would ease. The pain would ease and gradually turn into memories that I would hold onto forever.

I would get through this, and I would live. Really live.