In Which Alfred Plots Revenge, and Accidentally- Well, You'll See
In the end, Alfred wasn't able to catch Ivan at all. What he had caught was his best friend, who was apparently telling people that Ivan and Alfred should get together, so Alfred wasn't currently speaking to Gilbert. And to think he'd thought Gilbert was the only one on his side! So instead, Alfred had sought out a different friend group and was currently going over prank ideas to get back at Ivan.
"What about giving him Oreos with toothpaste instead of cream?"
Mattias offered, and his friend Lukas snorted at the suggestion, while his other friends contued to study as though he hadn't said anything. Alfred shook his head.
"No, I already did that when he gave me a caramel onion last October. 'Sides, he won't accept any food from me after that time with the mayo."
The Mayo incident was actually what Alfred considered to be one of his best pranks, and had included emptying out a vanilla pudding cup, refilling it with mayonaise, then resealing it with glue and giving it to Ivan as a pretend peace-offering. Alfred wasn't thinking about that though, he was trying to think of a suitable prank to get at Ivan for giving him a semi-permanent sparkle that would probably last for several months.
Gilbert, despite his seemingly careless attitude, was actually very methodical and kept a neat list of all Alfred's pranks against Ivan, Ivan's pranks against Alfred, and an accurate timeline for the occurrence of each prank as well as a list of potential pranks for the future. Right now Alfred was really wishing for Gilbert, or at least his notebook. Mattias was still trying to be helpful, and Lukas was still pretending he didn't hear either of their conversations.
"What about changing his history essay out for a dumb one?"
"Did that already too, replaced it with history of toilets- Matt helped me write it. Jerk still got a B minus."
Alfred responded absently, then frowned.
"Shoulda been my B Minus."
He lookedback at his notebook list of crossed out ideas with a groan. Mattias watched him for a moment, then in his usual tactless way proposed a question.
"So why aren't you doing this with Gilbert? I thought you guys did everything together?"
Lukas, sensing that Mattias was about to say something insensitive, jerked up from his homework but was too late to intervene. Mattias's other friends at the table all froze for a moment and stared at Alfred with baited breathe. Despite Alfred's own position as a member of the "Cannot read the atmosphere" club, he glowered at Mattias's question before he could stop himself and coldly responded.
"Gilbert betrayed me."
Without another word or further explanation, Alfred turned back to his list, still boiling angrily, and Mattias's friends quickly pulled him away with excuses before Mattias made anything worse.
When they were certain they were out of earshot of Alfred, Lukas started berating Mattias for his insensitivity, and Mattias sulked.
"It was just a question! What's the big deal?"
Lukas scowled.
"Didn't you hear that rumour? Gilbert's the reason that Ivan and Alfred broke up!"
Mattias flinched.
"Oh shit."
Alfred, thankfully oblivious to their concerns, scowled at his pranks list.
"Now who am I supposed to ask for help?"
