Some hard talk and emotions regarding Brienne's pregnancy. I'm not convinced her early response would be happiness and joy, so that's how I wrote this.*
Not sure if anyone is reading, but I've got most of this written/am able to write it quickly, so I'll just keep doing it and hope someone is enjoying it.
"Is all of this really necessary?" Brienne asked, frustrated at the reality of the situation.
She had been training in the yard, when her vision blurred and the ground seemed to spin under her feet.
Pod was at her side in time to catch her before she crashed to the ground. She had vaguely heard him calling for help as she slipped into darkness.
She'd woken up sometime later in her bed, Samwell Tarly and Lana, one of Winterfell's midwives, at her side.
Lana explained that she needed to lie still as much as possible, that she was bleeding. That the pregnancy and babe were at risk.
Samwell was flipping through a book at Lana's command, trying find other remedies to help stop the bleeding, as well find ways to settle her sickness.
Her sickness was constant and daily. Though for more prevelant in early hours than the late. Still she struggled to keep down much and rather than gaining, she had started to lose. A fact that both Samwell and Lana were lamenting to her at each chance they had.
"Very necessary," Lana scolded. "Unless you wish to lose the babe?"
Brienne let her eyes slip shut and leaned back against her pillows. Sansa had asked her the same question, not long after Lana had confirmed the pregnancy.
"There are ways to...end it. No one would blame you if that's what you want."
Sansa's words still rang in her ears. And a moon later she wasn't anymore sure that she actually wanted the babe.
It was a truth she hated, but the only one she knew.
She heard the whispers. Saw the looks cast her way. What would this child think of her? The Kingslayer's Whore, raising his bastard.
Could she love the babe? Could she bare to see Jamie's features looking up at her everyday?
Still, she could not imagine willingly ending the pregnancy or the child.
Their child.
How could someone so small and unborn cause such turmoil in her heart?
"No I do not wish to lose the child," She finally answered, her voice shaking with emotion. She would not do anything to end the pregnancy, and she would try to follow the instructions she was given, but she wouldn't be upset if all their efforts failed.
"Good, than you must do exactly what we say." Lana reminded her. She motioned to Samwell and the closed door, "We are done here. Please summon Lady Stark."
The door opened to reveal Sansa, Podrick and Tyrion already waiting outside. Samwell offered them a soft smile, motioning them in.
Sansa blew past him, while Pod hung back near the door. Tyrion waited just behind him. Neither sure where their place was, but to emotionally invested to leave.
"Is she alright?" Sansa asked of Sam or Lana.
"I'm fine," Brienne answered, shaking her head. She hated fuss. She hated being a burden.
"She is not fine," Lana countered, "but she will be if she follows our instructions."
"Which are?" Sansa queried.
"She is to stay in bed for half a moon turn, at least. And we need to work to find foods she can keep down."
"Half a moon or more?" Brienne gasped. "That's impossible. I'm sworn to Lady Sansa. I cannot protect her from my bed."
"I can cover for you, milady." Pod offered, casting Lana and Samwell a nervous glance before offering Brienne a warm smile. "I have been trained by the best."
"Thank you, Pod," Sansa started eyes on Brienne. "That has been sorted. One less thing for you to worry about while you recover."
Brienne nodded despairingly, hating the entire situation.
"Samwell and I will continue working on ways to ease your sickness," Lana advised headed for the the door. "Please Ser Brienne, rest and let yourself be taken care."
Brienne offered them a placating smile and thanked them. The door hadn't completely closed when she turned her gaze on Sansa. "I'm more than capable of being in your service, My Lady. Podrick and I can share duties for half a moon if I must. But I do not need to be confined to this bed."
"Brienne," Sansa started, abandoning formality as she flanked the edge of the bed. "Podrick was trained by you. He is the next best person to protect me. It will be my honor to be under his protection while you recover."
"I don't wish to be a burden or fail in my duties."
"You shouldn't worry. Sometimes there are complications. None of us want to see anything happen to you or the babe."
"You, Podrick, Lana, Samwell and I suppose Lord Tyrion all wish me well. But I have heard the whispers. Seen the stares. The Kingslayer's Whore set to bare his child. It would be so much easier if..." She shook her head and let her eyes slip closed. Desperate to hide the tears welling in her eyes.
"Please don't speak such things," Sansa urged. "No matter what happened between you and Ser Jamie, your child is still a gift."
He knows everything and wants to come back to you both... she desperately wanted to say, wanted to ease Brienne's torment. Damn Tyrion for putting her in this position.
"Yesterday," Brienne's voice was soft and sounded faraway, "I was starting to feel some joy in this child. I never dreamed I would have this chance to be a mother. I finally felt as though I might be grateful to Jamie for leaving me some part of him to love." She swiped at tears creeping down her cheeks. "And today all hear is the whispers. All see is the stares. All I can think about is Jamie Gods knows where, playing house with the woman he loves and their child. And I can't even leave my bed."
She nodded, though she was sure the tears that stung her own eyes gave her away. "It will get easier. The moment you feel the babe move, hold him or her, feel their heartbeat. The words won't matter. The stares won't matter. Jamie Lannister won't matter. All that will matter is you and your child. You'll have so many here to help and love the child. We will create a family for you both."
Fuck Jamie Lannister. Fuck Tyrion and their drunken plan. Fuck Euron Greyjoy and his sword. Fuck Cersei. Fuck Daenerys Targaryen.
Fuck them all and the pain they continued to inflict on the innocent.
Brienne offered her a watery smile, tears on her cheeks. "Thank you, My Lady. I will try to remember all the good that comes with a child and the family he or she will have."
"I'll arrange for your meals, and send a chambermaid to draw you a bath. Would you like to have some books brought up?" Sansa asked moving to stand. "Try not to worry. Just get some rest and let us handle everything for you."
"That will easier said than done. I hate being idle and not completing my duties."
"You'll forget all of this once you finally hold your child." Sana smiled, headed for the door. "Do callout if you need anything."
"Yes My Lady."
Sana closed the door behind her, leaving Brienne alone in her new reality.
She leaned back and settled into her pillows. Her eyes drifted closed and for thr first time in the three moons since learning of her pregnancy, let her hand rest against the slight swell of her stomach.
Perhaps Sansa's words could prove true. Perhaps she could love this child and build a life and future without Jamie.
