(Disclaimer: I do not own Hazbin Hotel or any of its characters, all credit goes to the original creator Vivienne Medrano, aka "VivziePop". Please support the official release).
~Maybe There's Some Heaven in Hell Part 1~
"In this farewell
There's no blood, there's no alibi
'Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth of a thousand lies
So let mercy come and wash away..."
Our story begins in the single most beautiful and glorious place in existence: Heaven. The realm that those of purest heart and kindest soul go when their time in the land of the living has come to an end, where they reunite with lost loved ones and spend the rest of eternity living peacefully in God's kingdom.
"What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done"
It was just another pleasant evening in Heaven as a few angels were milling about, talking to friends, enjoying the scenery and over all, simply enjoying their afterlife.
"Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty
So let mercy come and wash away..."
Many of the angels resembled humans but others bared the resemblance of animals, such as lions or lambs or doves, animals that were typically associated with God. They all went about their afterlives without a care since they were a place of peace and harmony.
"What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done"
All of these angels were so preoccupied with enjoying their time with friends and family that none of them noticed the sound of sorrowful singing in the distance. They didn't notice it was coming from one of the small suburban towns within Heaven, they didn't notice the male angel sitting on the roof of his little white house, singing as tears of guilt and remorse fell from his eyes.
"For what I've done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving..."
The angel looked like a sheep, he had light brown fur with large tufts of dark brown fluff on his head, chest, and on his forearms and calves. He had long floppy ears and bright blue eyes, and he was wearing a pair of white tunic shorts with two yellow crosses on both legs of the shorts.
"What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
What I've done
(Na-na, na, na)
(Na-na, na, na)
Forgiving what I've done
(Na-na, na, na)
(Na-na, na, na)
(Na-na, na, na)
(Na-na, na)"
That angel was named Noah and this...is his story.
[Time Skip: Noah's POV]
My name is Noah Emil Gordon, but you can simply call me Noah. When I was alive, I was just an ordinary person; I was born on May 14, 1995 in Burlington, Vermont, and I lived with my parents, Martha and Frederick.
Growing up, I was always a shy and timid kid, but at age nine I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder. This made interacting with other children very difficult for me since I couldn't talk to anyone for more than five minutes without stammering, getting the words caught in my throat or some cases, literally flying into a panic attack at the mere thought of talking to another person.
My disorder made things hard for me while I went to school because I didn't make many friends and I was bullied quite a lot, but despite that, I still remained hopeful and optimistic. When I was alone, I was a pretty carefree and happy kid; I would play with my toys or video games and watch cartoons, and other times I'd read books or draw all kinds of pictures since I had a wild imagination.
Things were easier for me when I didn't have to interact with other people, this lead to me becoming an introvert because I was more content just being on my own. My parents were concerned by this because they were worried I'd never make any friends or find a lover when I became an adult.
I didn't judge them for that, I knew they were only concerned because they loved me and they didn't want me to be all alone but I couldn't help how I was. My Anxiety Disorder kept me from making friends, despite the medication I took as well as seeing a psychiatrist, and that whole thing about love was a tad bit complicated.
You see, during my senior year of high school, I discovered that I was a Demisexual. You're probably confused and wondering what that means.
It means that I will only feel sexually attracted to someone when I form an emotional bond with the person. After that, I could be gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual. It makes sense that this was my sexual orientation because of my Anxiety Disorder and introversion, I don't interact with anyone long enough to form a bond of friendship, let alone romantic interest.
I had hoped one day that I would meet someone but that day didn't come because...I had died.
I remembered the day I had died, it was two days after my twenty first birthday. I was a part time college student and the rest of the time I worked as an assistant librarian at a local library in town, it was the only job I could find where I didn't have to talk to too many people; the pay was good and I was allowed to sit and read during my lunch break.
One day, I had the day off work and school was closed due to a meeting with the school board, so I took the day to just relax at home in my apartment. Later on in the evening, I decided to go watch a movie at the theater downtown; when I left after the movie was over, I was walking home when I heard the sound of car tires screeching.
I didn't realize until it was too late that a car was speeding crazily down the street, just as I crossed the street after the walk signal flashed, I was struck unexpectedly by the car. For a minute, all I felt was pain and agony; I choked on my own blood and it felt like all of my bones were broken, I could hear people screaming above the sharp ringing in my ears.
I heard someone telling someone else to call an ambulance but it was too late for me, my vision blurred and went dark as I could feel my heartbeat slow down before finally stopping.
I was surprised when I opened my eyes again, I had thought that my death was simply a bad dream but I quickly realized I really had died when I sat up and saw I was sitting on a cloud. I looked up to see people and, weirdly enough, anthropomorphic creatures in white clothing with golden halos above their heads and large white wings on their backs.
"Angels!", I whispered softly to myself.
They all looked happy to see me before their group parted to make way for someone else; a tall figure walked through the crowd of angels and stopped just in front of me. The figure wore a white suit with golden accents and a fluttering white cape, they also wore a white top hat with a golden cross on it. The strangest thing about the figure was that they didn't have eyes on their face, but rather they had four large eyes just floating around their head.
The figure looked at me with a warm and comforting smile that immediately quelled the fear and confusion I was feeling, "Welcome home, my son", the figure said as they offered me a hand to help me up to my feet.
It was then that I had realized the figure standing before me...was God! I then remembered what had happened: I was killed by a drunk driver and now I woke up in Heaven, surrounded by angels and being welcomed by God himself. I looked up at him with such awe and wonder that I didn't immediately feel sad that I was dead.
God had then took me with him on a walk through what looked like a park as he explained what was going on. In fact, all of Heaven looked just like the living world except the buildings were all white and the ground was made of clouds; aside from that, there were small towns and cities, parks with lakes and trees and flowering plants, playgrounds for the children and there were even restaurants. That last one struck me as odd because I thought you'd no longer feel hunger when you're dead but I guess you do.
God spoke to me softly and gently as he told me that a drunk driver had ran me over and drove off, leaving me bleeding and broken on the asphalt. The people around me who saw what had happened called an ambulance but I had already died from blood loss by the time the paramedics came.
He then pulled out a mirror and showed me what I looked like now: I had become an anthropomorphic sheep with light brown fur and thick dark brown fluff on my head, my chest, my forearms and calves. I had lopped ears, hoof-like fingers and toes, and bright blue eyes; I also had a pair of angel wings and a halo above my head.
It was then that I noticed I was shirtless as I was only wearing a pair of white tunic shorts with little yellow crosses on the legs. I had asked God why I turned into this and he explained that my new form reflected my innocence, after all, what was more innocent than a sheep?
He then showed me to my new house, a little white house surrounded by pink rose bushes. I then asked him if there were any jobs here in Heaven, I loved having freetime but I didn't want to sit around doing nothing. He told me that he would give me the task of maintaining the Holy Library, it was a large building with hundreds of shelves that held scrolls, scriptures, tomes and all sorts of books.
It was my job to keep things organized and catalogued in their place, including files on every new soul created and brought to life by God. It was just like my library job back on Earth except I was in charge of this one, but I was still allowed to read when my tasks were done.
The people here were all so very kind to me, even in death my anxiety when it came to interacting with others was still prevalent but talking to the other angels made me feel more comfortable opening up because they were all so pleasant to talk to; I was a bit saddened seeing all of the children and animals but I soon learned that only half of them were actually dead, the rest were apparently naturally born here in Heaven.
One day, I was taking a flight over my new hometown; I loved having wings and being able to fly, it felt amazing. When I landed after my wings got tired, I overheard two other angels talking about the Holy Army. At the time, I didn't know what it truly was, I figured it was group of angels chosen to be guardians or something along those lines.
I became interested in it so I asked them who was I supposed to speak to about joining the army. They pointed me to the archangel, Gabriel, who was in charge of the Holy Army; I asked him if I could join the army and, while he was a bit skeptical, he allowed me to join saying my services will only be required once a year.
I had no idea what that meant until the end of the year came. You see...I had died in the middle of the year 2016, I was in my house when I was called upon by Gabriel on New Year's eve. I went to stand with the rest of the angels in the army, I was then surprised when I saw them picking up weapons.
I was given a pair of white guns with little yellow crosses on them. That's when I suddenly underwent a strange transformation, in the reflection on one of the walls, I saw that I suddenly become much taller; my sheep fur had turned into grey and black skin, I grew a pair of curved horns, I had a yellow cross on my abdomen and one of my blue eyes had turned into a blue x.
Then, a portal opened up in the ground and the angels began flying down into it; confused as ever, I simply followed them until we ended up in what looked like a big city except...something was wrong. The city looked really grungy and dirty, and for some reason, everything was red. I then heard screaming and looked to see all sorts of weird looking monsters running around as if they were scared for their lives.
The angels took off after them, but I stopped one. "I'm sorry but what's going on? Where are we?", I asked. The other angel could sense my confusion, that's probably why he was so patient with me. "We're in Hell, its Extermination Day! It's time for you to go and killed as many demons as possible to cut down on the overpopulation. We've got until when the clock tower strikes twelve, good luck brother", he said before flying off.
Before I could question whether or not he was being serious, I saw him fly towards what looked like a giant red rat with three eyes and wearing a leather jacket, and stabbed it through the chest with his spear. I gasped in horror before I heard more screaming and looked around to see the other angels going around and slaughtering demons left and right.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing, it was a full blown massacre and now...I was a part of it. I saw a two demons running into a dark alley so I followed after them, as they found themselves backed into a corner, I managed to get a good look at them. They both looked like goats, one male and one female, with red fur and black horns.
The male stood in front of the female protectively, trying to shield her from me. I slowly walked towards them, one of my guns raised; my arm was shaking, my breath hitched and I could feel my heart racing. This was my job...as a member of the Holy Army, it was my job to kill demons but...I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand there, looking that poor demon in the eyes as I snuffed out his life.
I mean, I had died because some reckless fool got drunk and decided it was a good idea to drive, someone who just ran an innocent person over and kept driving.
Who was I to decide that these demons needed to die?
But then again...if I didn't do my job, would I be punished for it? I know back on Earth, those who desert the army are thrown into jail. What happens to an angel that deserts the Holy Army or refuses to do their job? Will I be imprisoned? Will I be cast out of Heaven and fall into Hell, like what happened to Lucifer?
I didn't want to be cast out of Heaven but I didn't want to kill these demons either. I'm many things: shy and anxious, a rambler, a book lover and a guy who likes classical music. A murderer isn't one of them but...what other choice did I have?
I held up both guns, aiming at the two demons' heads. If I had to kill them, at least I would make their deaths quick by shooting them in the head.
"I'm sorry", I whispered as I shut my eye tight and pulled both triggers.
BANG! BANG!
I opened my eye to see that I had done it...I killed them both, shot them right between the eyes. I walked over to get a closer look at the two demons and my heart nearly stopped when I saw the female up close; her stomach was distended, perfectly round like a beach ball.
She was pregnant! I just killed a pregnant woman!
I couldn't stop myself, I ran out of the alley, fell to my knees and began vomiting my guts out. My entire body was convulsing, my vision was blurry and my head swam; I could only faintly hear the voices of the other angels calling out to me, I don't know what happened next, I just know that everything went black and I fainted.
[Time Skip]
I had woken up some time later back in my house, on my bed. I lifted a hand to my head, relieved to see my sheep hoof hand meaning I was my normal self again. I slowly sat up and drudged to the bathroom to splash could water on my face and drank a glass of water.
After I felt myself relax, I stood there wondering what had happened since I was having trouble remembering. Just then, there was a knock at my door. I walked downstairs to open and was surprised to see God standing outside, "My dear son Noah, may I come in?", he asked.
I let him in without hesitation, it was still a little weird hearing him call me "son" but then again we humans are all children of God made in his image so I guess it to be expected, it's just a bit odd since my actual Dad was still alive back on Earth.
"Can I offer you anything, my Lord? A drink or a snack?", I asked politely. He shook his head, "No thank you, my son. I merely came because I was worried about you, I heard you had joined my Holy Army but when you went with the others to carry the extermination, you became quite ill and lost consciousness. Your neighbors brought you home and you have been unconscious for an entire day, I wanted to see if you were alright my son", he said.
That's when my memories came slapping me in the face: I went with the other angels to Hell and watched as they were killing demons, then I killed two of them myself, one of which was pregnant! I couldn't help myself, I began to cry into my hands; I fell to my knees as I sobbed openly, I could feel God wrap his arms around me in a comforting embrace.
"What troubles you, my son? Why do you weep?", he asked. I was pretty sure he already knew why I was crying, he was omniscient after all, but I guess he wanted me to admit it. "I killed a pregnant woman, my Lord! One of the demons I killed was pregnant! Why? Why do we have to kill the demons of Hell? Why am I being forced to decide whether a demon gets to live or die?!", I sobbed.
God held me close as he stroked my head fluff, "I am sorry for the sorrow you feel, dear Noah. You must understand that I would never ask of you to something which brings you so much sadness, but Hell has become overpopulated and this is the only way to create space for more souls who have strayed from the path of righteousness and virtue", he said.
I didn't want to believe that but God was the one saying it, if I doubted his word that would be like losing faith in him and I always had faith in him. It was just that I couldn't accept that as the truth, because Hell was overpopulated, angels had to go down every year to slaughter as many demons as possible to make room for more?
How was that fair? How was that the only option? It was wrong, it was...it was inhumane!
That's what I would've said but I knew better than to say something like that to God, right to his face! I didn't have the courage or emotional fortitude to tell him how I really felt. He gently let me go and rose to his feet, I walked over to the front door and held it open for him.
He looked at me with sympathetic eyes, "Are you going to be alright, my son?", he asked. I would've told him "yes" and let that be the end of it, but he's God! You don't just look him in the face and lie, what kind of example would I be setting for any new angels coming into Heaven.
"I can honestly tell you that I don't know, my Lord. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, what I'm feeling or how I'm going to feel tomorrow or the days to come. I just need some time to be alone", I said. I could tell that he believed me, after all, everything I said was the honest truth. He gave me one last gentle head pat before leaving, I slowly shut the door and leaned my back against it.
I slowly slid down to the floor, burying my head in my lap as I started crying again. I couldn't believe this, I thought that you died and went to Heaven, you wouldn't have to go through any more pain or sadness but I guess I was wrong.
I couldn't believe that I now had to go down to Hell every year and kill as many demons as possible just to cut down on Hell's overpopulation. Why was that necessary? Could God not have thought of a less violent alternate to lowering the percentage of demons down there? Did he have to send his angels down to slaughter them?
"Oh shut it, Noah! Why are you even questioning his actions and decisions? Whether you were a human or an angel, you're nobody to question what he does or why, no matter how horrible it makes you feel", I said to myself.
I went back to bed and tried to go back to sleep, but when I closed my eyes, all I could see was those two demons I killed staring back at me with their cold, lifeless eyes. I eventually gave up and decided to go to my favorite place in Heaven, and no it wasn't the library.
I left my house and leapt into the air, I flew for several minutes until I came upon the Garden of Eden. It was like a massive forest, calm and serene, it was the place I went to when I wanted to clear my head. I laid down beneath a tree and looked up at the sky above, I could feel a gentle ease come over my soul but my heart still ached.
I wasn't emotionally prepared to kill those demons...and I don't I'll ever be when I end up doing it again next year, and the year after that, and the year after that...
[To be continued...]
