The ride home was awkward. Okay, awkward was an understatement. Cassian was the usual quiet driver, Jyn felt like she wanted to crawl out of her skin. By the time they pulled up to her apartment she was ready to leap out and hide under her comforter.

"Wait, Jyn." Cassian said softly as she pushed the door open. She looked at him, he was chewing his lip and looking out the front window.

"Come to a movie with me. Saturday, since you're not busy." His dark eyes gave off a hint of vulnerability, something that didn't seem the norm for him.

"What?" Jyn was completely derailed by the suggestion. Whatever she thought he was going to talk to her about was not that. He wanted to go to a movie? With her? On Christmas? The man who didn't watch movies at the movie theater he worked at wanted to go to a movie with her? What?

"Um... Don't you... Not..." Jyn trailed off.

"If I got you a present, you'd be embarrassed, no? So let's go to the theater, I can get free tickets."

"You're... not wrong. Okay." Jyn sighed. "What would we even see? If you try to take me to some crappy rom com I'm going to... beat you up. I think."

"We can go to a horror movie." Cassian said, barely batting an eye.

"Won't you hate that?" Jyn asked. She couldn't stop herself from smiling a little at the possibility of Cassian showing a little more emotion than blank indifference.

"I would hate it less than being beat up." The corner of his mouth twitched in an almost-smile. Jyn burst out laughing.

"Do you want my number?" Jyn asked, trying to get herself under control. "I don't really use my phone very much, I keep it off to save battery often, but I can have it on for Saturday."

"All right." Cassian produced his beaten iPhone and passed it to her.

"I can also tell you when we run out of Chocolate Therapy, save you the trip over to the store." Jyn said as she typed her number in.

"I would just get something else." Cassian replied.

"But Chocolate Therapy is your favorite." Jyn said.

"Maybe I come for the company too." Cassian took his phone back from her. Jyn flushed, unable to think of a reply to that. He'd just sat in a Ben and Jerrys after work and watched her clean, probably wouldn't be doing that just for the ice cream. Way to go, Jyn.

"Um, duh, yeah. Should have seen that one. Do you... want to come in for a drink? I have a bottle of wine I've been saving." Jyn found herself asking, completely surprising herself. "Not more than a drink, just a drink. You know...?"

"I do know. Maybe another time." Cassian's blank face slid back into place.

"Right, right, it's late. Sorry I asked, it was stupid and impulsive." Jyn gathered her purse and made to exit, heart thudding in her chest.

"Same time tomorrow?" Cassian asked before she could shut the door.

"Yeah, sure. Thanks." Jyn popped him a wave and closed the car door. Cassian pulled away to exit the circle, taillights glowing in the darkness. Jyn sighed in spite of herself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Inviting him in? What was she, a lovesick college student?

Jyn trudged into her apartment building and down to her door, unlocking it and wiping her feet.

"I'm home." She called to the empty apartment before she realized it. Her shoulders slumped unhappily. Where had that come from? She'd tried to kick the habit when Doodad was put down because for the first week after he was put down, coming in the door and not having a ball of fur greet her had sent her into a messy crying spree.

Jyn surveyed her spartan apartment unhappily, the bubbly feelings from talking with Cassian dissipating. There were just times when everything felt so hard. Doodad, the snow, work, writing, the future.

She took herself over to the couch and let herself sink into it. The events of the day rushed through her mind, making her cringe at all the awkward moments she could have navigated better if she was just a little less... her.

Jyn kicked off her shoes and splayed out on the couch, feeling the hot tears trickle down her face. If she were less her she'd be in a completely different place in space and time. She wouldn't be struggling as much, she'd have finished college, avoided both a mental breakdown and the disappointment of her parents, and ended up in a nice house with a nice guy and a nice job.

A ding came from her purse, and Jyn looked around, confused. Her phone must have turned on in her purse again, and she was getting a text message. A text message from who? A telemarketer? Couldn't be her family, not even during the week of Christmas.

She scrabbled with the zipper of her purse and dug the phone out. It was an unknown number, but Jyn instantly connected the dots. Cassian was texting her so she could have his number back.

Thought you should have my number too, in case something comes up. The message confirmed. Before she could put it away, the phone dinged again and another message bubble appeared.

Goodnight -C

Jyn typed a goodnight in return, not even thinking about how she was using up minutes on her phone plan. She hadn't texted anyone is so long, what did it even matter? The minutes would expire eventually. Even though it was plain, and very Cassian-like, the goodnight text made her feel a little warmer.


The next morning, Jyn made her plain breakfast with a little spring in her step. She was plotting some writing ideas for her own content that she wanted to write down and maybe flesh out a little on her break. The inspiration had come out of nowhere but it wasn't unwelcome. She literally never had time to work on her own stuff, she was always either exhausted from work, working on a contract, or poring over her budgets and goals.

A ding from her phone alerted her to Cassian's presence outside. She hummed a little as she gathered her purse and headed out to meet him. Outside, it was cold and bright, looking like it might snow again later. Cassian was inside his car with the heater running, which she gratefully aimed her way once she was settled inside.

"You look different today." Cassian remarked as he pulled out of the lot.

"Really? News to me. I just got some sleep and had some inspiration this morning."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Cassian asked.

"Sure, I guess. It's nothing fancy, but I had some ideas for poetry that I'll jot down on my break. I think it might be an interesting experiment, and I won't get overwhelmed like I would with a novel or short story of my own. Plus my editor always has leads on poetry submissions that pay a little if you get in, so it might be nice to break into that genre."

"Congratulations." Cassian said. "I didn't know you wrote your own content too."

"Trust me, I don't." Jyn replied. "I have enough on my plate with deadlines and work. Plus, I don't think I'm all that creative without a prompt to write to. I'm pretty much ass at everything, including creative writing."

Cassian's eyes flicked over to her, but he stayed silent. Jyn got that awkward feeling like she'd said something that was too much again. She decided to stay silent, and that meant them sitting in awkward silence until they pulled up at Ben & Jerry's.

"Thanks for the ride, see you at close?" Jyn asked. Cassian nodded, but he looked like he was off in thought. Jyn mentally kicked herself; her self-deprecation streak was getting in the way of getting closer to Cassian. Wait, closer to Cassian? Where did that come from?

She was so disoriented by her rapidly running thoughts that she stumbled on the curb as she walked around the car, making Cassian look at her worriedly in the rearview. Cheeks aflame, she waved him off and rushed into the restaurant, only to find that the door was already unlocked. She pushed the door open, and her stomach instantly dropped when she saw who was on the other side of the counter.