A Twisting Feeling
Narcissa tried to ignore the twisting feeling in her stomach as she paced back and forth along the corridor. She'd been pacing for almost twenty minutes now, it was ridiculous. She should just go into the hospital ward and get it over and done with. She glanced at the door again, and there was that twisting feeling again. She was being silly, she knew that. If anything, it looked worse her lurking outside, than it would if she just went in and asked for a pregnancy test. The school stocked them for a reason, she clearly wasn't the first person who had ever had to ask for one.
She was just going to have to go in, she decided, before knocking once and going into the hospital ward. She tried to ignore the strong smell of ammonia that was starting to make her feel lightheaded.
Madam Pomfrey fixed her with a smile, "What can I do for you, Miss Black?" She and the hospital matron had developed a reasonable relationship. In the past year, Narcissa had visited on various occasions, either visiting James or Sirius after one injury or another. Both she and the matron were in agreement over the recklessness of James and Sirius' behaviour.
However, as she looked at the older woman, the words died on her tongue. "I…uh…I've been having really bad cramps."
Madam Pomfrey barely spared her a second glance, as she turned to grab a potion on one of her upper shelves. It was, somewhat ironically, right next to the pregnancy tests. "That should do the trick," she reassured Narcissa with a kind smile.
"Thanks," Narcissa said as she turned, cursing herself silently, as she left the hospital wing. What was wrong with her? Maybe she could sneak in and grab one, when no one was in. But no, that would never happen, if Madam Pomfrey wasn't in, the wing was locked tightly. Maybe she needed a distraction.
She made it to the Gryffindor common rooms just in time to catch someone entering the rooms. "Hi, is there any chance you could ask Sirius to come out here?"
"Sirius?" The boy half asked, looking almost puzzled. For God sake, why were first years so useless.
"Sirius Black?" It's not like there would be more than one Sirius in Gryffindor. "Dark hair, sixth year…always getting in trouble. Obsessed with motorbikes."
"Sure, I'll get him for you." The boy finally replied, after staring at her in confusion. "Who should I say is asking?"
"His cousin." She replied. God, she could slap this idiot.
Finally, Sirius emerged from the Gryffindor Tower, looking rather perplexed. "Oh, it's you." Was his only greeting.
"Do you have any other cousins left in Hogwarts?"
"All I was told was there was an angry looking girl looking for me. No one mentioned you being my cousin. I thought it might have been Clara McMillan."
"You and Clara?" Narcissa asked, thinking of the golden haired Ravenclaw. Sirius certainly was making his way around the school.
"It was nothing serious."
"I'm guessing she didn't realise that?"
"Well no. But I'm guessing that's not why you came to visit Cissa."
"I need a favour." She admitted, looking at Sirius, who simply stared back in anticipation. Yes, she would probably have to elaborate. "I need to borrow something from the hospital ward."
Sirius smiled, anything that involved breaking the rules. "So, what are we nicking?"
"A pregnancy test." Narcissa finally admitted, closing her eyes so she wouldn't have to see her cousin's reaction. The whole situation was a mess. What was she going to do?
"Okay, give me a minute," Sirius turned back towards the common rooms.
"What? Where are you going. You can't tell James. Not yet, not until I know one way or the other."
"Calm down. I'm just going to get something," Sirius explaining, disappearing. Two minutes later he reappeared with an invisibility cloak draped around his arm.
"Did James ask what you needed it for?"
"No. He's not in the common room, I just grabbed it from his trunk."
"He's not in detention, again is he?" Narcissa sighed.
"No…we do, do other things you know." Yes, usually the things that landed them in detention in the first place. "James has quidditch practice."
As they reached the hospital ward, Narcissa turned to Sirius. They hadn't really talked about a plan, she'd been too busy trying not to think about the possibility of being pregnant.
"Okay, you go in and ask for something, I'll sneak in when the doors open and grab a pregnancy test."
"But I've already been in once today. What's she going to think?"
"Who cares? Say it's not working or something. I just need Pomfrey away from the shelves when I'm going up."
"Okay." Narcissa said, with no clue what she was going to say.
Back in again, and Madam Pomfrey frowned at her reappearance. "Narcissa are you okay, you don't look well?"
"Uh…well that potion you gave me this morning. It's, it's making me feel really queasy. Is that normal?" God, she was a terrible liar.
"Not really," the matron put her hand over her head. "You don't have a temperature, have you eaten today?" Narcissa felt a pang of guilt at lying about what was going on. But it was the only option unless she wanted half the faculty knowing. She could only imagine Slughorn's face as he tried to talk to her about it.
"Emmm…no. That must be it. I'll go to the kitchens and grab something to eat now, Madam Pomfrey."
"Well these things aren't supposed to be taken on an empty stomach, but they still shouldn't cause you to feel this unwell. Why don't you sit down for a minute, and I'll get you something?"
"No, no, really. I'm fine, I'll just go eat now. Thanks very much!" Narcissa half shouted. Madam Pomfrey looked like she was going to ask something more, but Narcissa yanked the door opened, and felt Sirius exit with her.
They were a full corridor away before Sirius took that invisibility cloak off, trying, and failing not to laugh. "Good God, Cissa. You are a terrible liar. I thought Slytherins were supposed to be good at deception."
"I was just stressed! I'm better when I know what to say."
"That's the whole point of lying Cissa."
"Whatever. Will you just give me it?"
"Why don't we go to the first-floor toilets? Get it over and done with?" It was where Narcissa had been planning on going anyway. Most people tried to avoid moaning Myrtle, so the toilets there were always quiet.
"I don't need you there holding my hand Sirius."
"No, but someone should be there with you. Unless you want me to go get James?"
"Fine, but wait outside," she hissed. She really did feel like she was going to be sick now.
This was such a stupid mess to be in, she thought to herself, as she waited for the results. They were being careful! She had been hoping she was just late because of the stress of everything that was going on. But time was ticking on, and there was a voice inside her head (that sounded annoyingly like Bellatrix) telling her she could be pregnant.
And she was pregnant.
Fuck.
And now she was going to be sick. Luckily Moaning Myrtle was nowhere to be seen today. Someone must have flushed her. If not, she would have been here, making snarky comments about Narcissa as she emptied the contents of her stomach down the toilet.
When she finally left, Sirius was still standing in the corridor outside. Hands in his pockets, looking like he didn't have a care in the world. Which was probably true for him. Bastard.
"So, am I going to be an uncle?"
She didn't even answer, she just collapsed to the floor. Too exhausted to even cry at this point. "What am I going to do? My parents are going to kill me. James is going to be so mad. I am so screwed."
"James has no right to be mad, this was a joint effort here. If anything, I should be kicking his ass."
Narcissa still didn't understand this overprotective cousin crap that Sirius had adopted, but it didn't suit him, or their relationship. "Shut up Sirius. I just…he's going to freak out, isn't he?"
"Probably. But he'll have to deal with it, same as you."
"My parents will expect us to get married. Hell, his parents will probably expect that too. Do you think James would marry me? Because I'm not convinced." She didn't particularly want to get married yet. Not while she was in school.
"There are other options and you know it."
There were. In pure blood circles the girl would often disappear to Europe once the pregnancy was obvious. Then she would come back, and a relative would raise the child as their own. It was either that or be disowned from her family, forced to raise the child alone.
"Who would raise the baby? My mum is far too old, no one would believe it was hers. Bella, maybe?" Although Narcissa wasn't convinced motherhood would ever suit her older sister, especially not with the deatheater lifestyle she and Rudolphus were living.
"As if James would let his child be raised by Bellatrix. How about Andromeda?" That was an option. The child would be raised as a halfblood, but it would be loved. And no one in the pureblood community would suspect it was hers. Hopefully.
"Maybe. But I'm still not convinced James would be okay with anyone raising his child." If she gave the baby to Andromeda he couldn't know about it. "But if we raised it together, everyone would expect us to get married."
"You don't have to get married. Times have moved on." Narcissa snorted with derision, they hadn't moved on that much. "James will recognize the child as his, you know that, you know him. He's a good guy."
"I'm worried he's going to think it was deliberate, that I'm trying to trap him or something." She said finally. It was a small niggling fear at the back of her mind. Would he blame her for this, would he think she had in some way wanted this?
"I can't say what James will think. But he will do the right thing, if he doesn't, I'll hex him until he does." Why was it Sirius that she was stuck with in this moment? Narcissa knew he was trying to help her, but he really wasn't soothing her anxieties at all.
"Mum and dad will kill me."
"Yep."
She shot Sirius a look, "You couldn't even try to be sympathetic?"
"You need to stop obsessing over it, and just talk to James! Will he freak out? Probably. But you're not exactly handling it well either. But if you just talk about it, then I'm sure you'll figure out a plan. Together."
He was right. Annoyingly. Damn it. "You're right. I'll tell him tomorrow." After she'd had some time to process the fact that her life as she knew it was over. And she had stopped feeling that twisting feeling.
