Thank you to everyone still reading! And to all those new people favouriting and following this story. It always helps to know people are enjoying this story. This chapter was difficult to write, and I almost feel the need to apologise for it.
Accidents and Mistakes
The wind was lifting James high, whistling into his ears as he passed the quaffle through the goals again. He always loved the first quidditch practice after the holidays. It was never fun playing it in the grounds around the house. Having to watch in case some adventurous muggle wandered past. But here in Hogwarts he could fly!
He did a lap around the pitch, ignoring the protests from his team mates to get on with it. A group of Gryffindor girls sat watching him from the stands. He smiled at them and they burst into a fit of good-natured giggles. Lily Evans sat with them, barely looking up from her book long enough to role her eyes at him. He had suggested Narcissa come along and watch, but she had refused. She had explained that despite them dating she would still be supporting Slytherin, and that he should look out for Slytherin's new seeker. He had, it turns out it was Regulus Black, and he was an annoyingly good seeker. He glanced at the sky, at least the full moon was tomorrow. Things were looking good.
Suddenly a jet of light passed by his face. What the hell?
He looked down to see Sirius standing looking uncharacteristically worried.
"What was that about?" He asked his friend as he slowly lowered himself down.
"I've been trying to get your attention for five minutes you idiot! Narcissa's been in an accident, we need to go see her."
James froze, it seemed like the world had gone silent. "What's happened? Is she okay?" He asked, trying to dismount from his broom, and almost falling off it.
"I don't know, I just heard and came to get you!" And with that Sirius turned and started towards the castle. James felt frozen.
"Hey, James! What's going on?" Came the voice of Angus Brown.
"I…I've got to go; my girlfriends been hurt." He responded, throwing his broomstick to the ground and running after his friend. So many thoughts were passing through James' mind; what had happened? How was Narcissa? How was the baby? Oh God the baby…they wouldn't know to check on it at the hospital wing.
The two of them were running at full pelt by the time they reached the hospital wing, only to be stopped by the withering glare of Minerva McGonagall and Poppy Pomfrey. James didn't think he had ever seen the transfiguration teacher this angry, and that was saying something. She knows, it's the only explanation.
"Potter, would you please come into Madam Pomfrey's office with me. Poppy, would you be so good as to show Mr Black to his cousin."
James didn't even wait to sit down, "How is Narcissa? Is she okay, why can't I see her?"
"Sit down Potter."
"No, I want to see-"
"Sit. Down." James decided sitting down sounded like a wise idea at that point.
"She's pregnant!" He blurted out without thinking. So much for subterfuge.
"I know."
"Well, how is she? Is the baby okay? Why won't you tell me anything, it's my damn kid!" A jolt of pain in his hand as he slammed it on the table.
"James, I need to find out what happened to Narcissa. Why was she in the astronomy tower?"
"She likes to read up there, it's quiet. Now tell me what happened?"
"James, Narcissa says she fell on the stairs up there. She was found at the bottom of the tower. Narcissa is alive and recovering."
"And the baby?"
"I'm sorry James, but she lost the baby." Suddenly the world faded to grey, and his legs felt weak. He gripped the side of his chair as McGonagall's voice seemed to fade. It felt like forever before he came around again, still sitting in the chair with McGonagall looking at him. "You haven't heard a word I said, have you?"
"I just need a minute." God, why did she keep asking him questions, what difference did it make now?
"You could have come to us James, both of you." Her face had softened, finally showing some compassion. "This is far from the first time something like this has happened. I realise with Narcissa's family it may have made the situation seem impossible, but we could have helped. We could have prevented this mess."
Wait…"What are you talking about?"
"Narcissa slipping on stairs she has travelled on every day seems unlikely." They think she did this deliberately. Of course, they did, a teenage pregnancy between two houses? It was a nightmare. But they hadn't seen that screen when it showed them their baby. Hadn't seen Narcissa's face light up when she saw it for the first time. God, they probably thought he had told her to get rid of it. No wonder McGonagall was so pissed off.
"Professor, I can promise you we were going to keep this baby. This wasn't deliberate."
"What was the plan?"
"We…we were going to keep it. We went to a muggle hospital and everything to get a picture of it. We even had a name…this was never the plan."
"James a baby needs more than a name, had Narcissa told her parents? Had you?"
"Well…no." James felt a sliver of self-doubt worm its way through his mind. Was this why Narcissa had insisted on not telling anyone? But no…people did know. "But professor I promise you, this must have been an accident. Bella had offered to help Narcissa get rid of it at Christmas. If that had been the plan Narcissa would have done it then." And I'd have been there and helped her through it.
"She could have panicked, suddenly realising the full scale of the situation."
"No. This was an accident. Now please can I see Narcissa?"
Saying Narcissa looked pale would have been an understatement. There were ghosts that were a healthier colour that she was. Blue veins showed on her heck, and a dark bruise coloured her right eye. Her arm was in a sling, and her pale eyes seemed to be seeing something that wasn't there. All this from a fall down the stairs?
"Cissa don't worry, I'll deal with this. I promise." Sirius muttered, as he saw James enter the room. "Are you okay James?"
"Yeah…just a bit…" His friend nodded in understanding. James felt shell-shocked, it was like the whole world had quietened down, and the only sound was his heartbeat. Everything else just seemed to echo around him like a dream. But how do you say that?
"I'll leave you with Narcissa, we'll talk about it later."
"Hey Cissa." He said, as he held her hand. "How are you feeling?"
Pain crossed her face as she tried to pull herself up more. "Sore, and just so…I'm sorry James." Her voice was cracking, and she pulled away from him. He hated seeing her this way.
"It's not your fault Narcissa. It was just a stupid accident. I'm just sorry I wasn't there."
"It wasn't an accident."
James felt his heart hammering in his chest. "What do you mean Cissa?"
"It was Snape. He jinxed me, and it sent me flying down the stairs. I didn't even see him in time to get my wand out."
"That cowardly, greasy haired, piece of shit…" God he wanted to hit something. Hard.
"I know."
"Why didn't you tell Professor McGonagall?"
"Because I want him dead James! He killed our child, he can rot in hell." It was strange how James seemed to calm in the face of Narcissa's rage. It was colder than his, he supposed she had longer to process the information.
"I know, I wish he was dead as well. But if we tell Professor McGonagall they'll expel him." And break his wand, and then neither James nor Narcissa would ever have to deal with that slimy git again.
"So, he's expelled? All that means is that he goes and joins his deatheater friends permanently."
"They think you threw yourself down the stairs on purpose. You need to tell them the truth."
"I don't care what they think. This is my fault anyway, I should have listened to you and been more careful of Snape. I shouldn't have antagonised him, none of this would have happened. I just want him to feel what I feel!"
"Listen to me, this is not your fault. None of it. And Snape will pay, I'll make sure of it. But you need to try and get better first.
Narcissa sank into the bed, almost in defeat. "I'm fine. I'll be out of here by tomorrow."
"Narcissa you can barely move without wincing, you just had a miscarriage you need to let your body recover."
"My body will be fine. I don't want to stay here, staring at those damn curtains." That was fair enough, the curtains were horrific. Who likes beige anyway?
"I know. I do, God knows I've been stuck in here often enough to hate the décor, but you're not well enough to leave yet. And you're certainly not well enough to be planning revenge."
"I hate being in here. I hate being so weak and helpless. I should've seen him, I should have been able to stop him, protect myself."
"You know what Snape is like, he's a weasel, but he's obsessed with all that dark arts stuff. Even being prepared, he can be difficult to beat. That's why I take Sirius with me." Although he would rather die than admit it again.
"I just, never realised how much I wanted the baby until…you know?"
"Yeah…when they told me about the baby it was like a hole opened up in my chest. I don't know how to describe it. I don't know what it must be like for you."
They sat together in silence until Madam Pomfrey shooed him out, muttering about recovery times and James' pre-existing involvement in the situation. He would have to tell Professor McGonagall, despite his promises to Narcissa, what else were they supposed to do. He imagined that once Cissa told Bellatrix, Snape's deatheater career would be short lived as well.
He had barely left the hospital wing when a hand clapped down on his shoulder, "So, what are you thinking Prongs?"
"Have you been waiting out here this whole time?"
"Nah, went back to the common room, had a shower, starting planning on how we would get rid of that slimy, good-for-nothing asshole."
"I'm going to tell Professor McGonagall what happened. I'm pretty sure he'll get expelled for this."
"Yeah and then what? Everyone will find out what happened, and Snape will go straight to Voldemort to join his band of merry psychos. No, we need to make sure that Snivellus can't go back to them."
God it was too late for this conversation, he just wanted to sleep. "What are you on about Sirius?"
"We use Moony."
"Sirius, what the hell are you on about? Moony has to be the least scary person I know."
"Not Remus, but you know, his better half." Sirius said with a wink, "Once Snivellus is infected he'll never be welcomed back by the deatheaters. And he'll be forced to keep quiet about what he knows, or we tell everyone about him!" If it hadn't been so completely stupid, it might actually have been a good plan.
"No, okay, we are not using Remus like that. And besides, there is no guarantee he'd get infected rather than killed." Even as he said it he could see Sirius shrug, but there was a difference between wanting someone dead and being able to kill them. "I mean it Sirius, this isn't your call. No."
"Fine, but let's go get dinner and sleep on it. Narcissa should be the one to decide whether to tell a teacher or not. Let's give her the time to think about it."
"She's not here." Madam Pomfrey explained when James and Sirius presented themselves at the hospital wing the next day. "Don't the two of you have class anyway?"
They did, although honestly James wasn't feeling up to potions right now. "Well where is she then?" Sirius asked.
Madam Pomfrey sighed, looking at them both as if trying to decide whether to tell them anything. "She was taken to St Mungos by Professor McGonagall. We needed to run a few tests on her that couldn't be carried out here." Now both of you, go to class."
"What tests?"
"Sirius let's just go before we end up scrubbing out the hospital wing as detention." He could still remember the smells from the last time that had happened.
"You're not actually going to go to potions, are you?" Sirius muttered once they were out of earshot. "Slughorn was not in a good mood yesterday, turn up late again and you'll end up with detention."
"I need something to do," he didn't want to wait around for Narcissa to return, "Besides we'll end up in worse trouble if Slughorn realises we're ditching his classes again."
It was, it turned out, the wrong decision to make. Particularly given that James hadn't had a chance to finish his potions homework either. By the time he had finished sorting Slughorn's various potions supplies, Narcissa was back in the ward and Sirius was sitting next to her with a distinctly smug look on his face.
"I did tell you not-"
"Shut up Sirius." He really should have just ditched potions. "Narcissa how are you feeling?"
She looked better, not by much admittedly, but a touch of colour was back in her cheeks and the bruises looked as if they were starting to fade slightly. "Better, it doesn't hurt as much anymore."
"That's good," he looked over at Sirius. He wasn't sure how much his friend had already said to Narcissa. "Did everything go okay at St. Mungos?"
"I'm fine James, I promise. The healers there checked me over and gave me a couple of potions. I really do feel better. And Sirius spoke to me about what you were saying. You're right, maybe I should tell Professor McGonagall what happened."
"Really? And look I know you were worried about what would happen after that, but what if you tell Bellatrix what he did?"
"Sirius, could you give us some time," Narcissa said. Sirius bent to kiss his cousin on the forehead before leaving, whispering something that James couldn't catch. It was odd, seeing Sirius display this kind of emotion, but then, it was his family too.
"So, what then? Bellatrix doesn't have the influence to get Snape kicked out of the deatheaters. She would probably kill him and get herself killed in the process."
He hadn't even thought of that. "I'm sorry, I guess Bella just always seems like a force of nature. It's difficult to imagine." But she wasn't unstoppable. Which was probably for the best, given her side in this war. "But I still think telling someone the truth is the right step, I'll stay with you if you want."
"What if they don't believe me? It's my word against his, and everyone knows we don't get on."
"We'll just have to tell them the whole truth. That you wanted your own brand of revenge, and that I had to talk you out of it." Although James had to admit that he wasn't sure if that was anymore believable. "Look, why don't I go get someone now. Even talk to Madam Pomfrey?"
"No! No, Not yet. Just give me some time. I know you feel the need to fix everything James, but this can't be fixed." He knew that, he just wished it could.
"I know, how are you feeling about the baby and everything? I still feel empty inside."
"It's fine. I mean these things obviously happen…we just have to get on with it." He could hear the forced nonchalance in her voice. Her voice was almost breaking from holding back the tears.
"You know you are allowed to feel this pain, I am. Please talk to me."
"How are you coping with it?" She finally asked, staring at him as if she had only just realised this was his loss too.
"Keeping myself busy. If I'm doing something, then I'm not thinking about it."
"Yeah, well that's difficult when you're stuck in bed." She was right, no wonder she seemed so tense.
"I know, look is there anything I can do to help?"
"I don't know, just talk to me about something. Help take my mind off everything." James did, telling her about his detention with Slughorn, and about quidditch practice the day before, and why James was sure the quidditch cup would be theirs this year. But something seemed strange about Narcissa, as if she was half listening to him.
"Cissa, is there something going on out the window, you keep looking over?" He glanced over, the sky was almost dark now. A thought seemed to dance through his mind, never fully taking form.
"No, it's nothing. I'm sorry I'm just thinking." But it was more than that, Narcissa seemed oddly nervous.
James glanced out the window again, remembering what he had forgotten. "It's the full moon tonight." And suddenly all the pieces fell into place. "Is this a distraction?"
"No James! We just knew you wouldn't want to be involved in something like this. I was trying to protect you."
No, no, no. The moon was almost up, it could be too late already. He heard Narcissa shout after him, but he was already moving running out of the hospital wing. God, Sirius could be stupid. Forget Snape getting expelled, it would be the lot of them instead.
The grass was still wet from when it had rained earlier. James could feel himself sliding through it as he ran towards the whomping willow. He could already see the dark figure of Severus Snape edging towards the entrance, his figure lit up by…the full moon. "Damn it," he cursed. He wasn't going to be able to dodge those willows either.
He could hear the snaps, bangs and screams coming from further along the corridor. That'll be Remus tranforming. Why in Gods name was Snape still going forwards? Anyone with half a brain would have hesitated hearing those sounds.
As the tunnel rose, entering the shrieking shack, James saw Snape moving towards the stairs, looking for the source of the noise. "Get away you idiot!" He shouted. It was too late, and a fully transformed Remus Lupin was already charging down the stairs, sniffing the air menacingly. Snape seemed to have frozen, mesmerized by the sight. Great, if I die trying to save him, I am going to haunt Sirius. He moved forward out of the safety of the tunnel and grabbed Snape's cloak, dragging him back towards to the tunnel. At first Remus seemed confused by the sight of the two of them, pausing to sniff the air again, but finally, he seemed to decide that they were edible and moved at a speed that surprised James. He had just managed to get himself and Snape inside the tunnel when the werewolf's snout and claws attempted to follow them through the opening. James knew the werewolf form couldn't fit through the narrow entrance, but of course this was when Snape found his legs again and began to sprint backwards. Why is this my life?
He managed to catch up with the Slytherin just outside of the whomping willow and threw himself at the retreating figure.
"I knew it! The whole schools going to find out that Lupin's a filthy werewolf. I'm going-"
But whatever Snape was planning on doing was stopped when James put his full weight into a punch that sent his fellow student backwards. He didn't even bother with his wand, he just punched him again and again. James used all that anger over everything that had just happened and focused it. Finally, he stopped himself, looking at a bloody Slytherin who was lying on the ground, smiling.
"You've just signed your expulsion Potter."
