I love you. Now Leave.
James knew he was in trouble. That should have been a given anyway, but rather than the usual office of Minerva McGonagall that he had found himself in far too often, he was sitting across from Albus Dumbledore. To either side of him was a sullen Sirius Black, and some distance away, Severus Snape, holding a bloody bandage to his face. James felt some small satisfaction that he had broken the Slytherin student's nose, and that Professor McGonagall was so angry with both of them that she hadn't even bothered healing it.
James might have actually enjoyed the opportunity to look around the headmaster's office, if Snape hadn't been narrating a series of events so bad that James was convinced he was getting expelled, and possibly going straight to Azkaban.
"Oh please!" Sirius had finally snapped. "You were always poking your nose around where it didn't belong. This was no one's fault but your own."
"You try and kill me, and now it's my fault?"
"Oh, shut up! No one tried to kill you, just teach you a lesson you snivelling –"
"Mr Black that will be enough." Dumbledore didn't shout, he didn't need to. Everybody just stopped talking. "Please explain why you felt the need to encourage Mr Snape to explore the whomping willow, during a time where you knew it would be most dangerous."
"I…I'd had enough of him always lurking around corners, looking for any excuse to hex us or get us into trouble. I wanted to teach him a lesson." Dumbledore was peering at Sirius, but nothing his friend had stated was a lie. He knew Sirius was protecting Narcissa, but in the end, if they were getting expelled, he wanted to be damn sure Snape wasn't still going to be in Hogwarts.
"Narcissa. It was Snape's fault she fell down the stairs. He cursed her at the top of the stairs, before she could even get her wand out." He could feel himself shaking as the weight of everything fell upon him. The look of Narcissa pale in that bed, contrasted with her smile when she spoke about the life growing inside of her. The life he took.
"He wants to whine about Sirius, fine, but he just about killed Narcissa and he knows it." James couldn't even remember standing up, but he found himself facing down Albus Dumbledore, pointing at an even paler Severus Snape.
"My understanding is that Miss Black slipped, causing the fall."
"No," he snarled, "She admitted to Sirius and me that Severus had been the one to cause the fall. She didn't tell Professor McGonagall because she wanted to get her own revenge." He glanced at Sirius, who was doing his best not to look at James. They were going to need to have a conversation about this. Provided they didn't both end up in Azkaban.
"I never touched her!" Snivellus protested, but he quietened as Dumbledore turned his gaze to him. God James would love to be able to silence someone with a look. Was it an age thing? Probably, he decided.
"And yet, Mr Potter, you saved Severus?"
He had, hadn't he. Looking at the snivelling, bloody face in front of him, James had forgotten all the logical reasons for saving him and just wanted to throttle him. "It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Now I just wish I'd let him suffer."
"And allow both Mr Black and Mr Lupin to become murderers? You did the right thing James."
"Are you serious? You think he didn't know about this the whole time? Those two never do anything alone, he was just saving his own neck. They're both as bad as one another!"
"It had nothing to do with James or Narcissa. It was my decision, my plan." Sirius stated finally. A look of grim resignation over his face. "I take full responsibility and I'll deal with the consequences."
"I -" James wanted to say something, to stop his friend from taking the fall for this. But short of throwing himself – or Narcissa – under the bus, he didn't know what else to do. "I was there, I'm just as much to blame as Sirius. This isn't all on him."
"My Potter, I appreciate your gallantry, however, at this point I believe you can return to Gryffindor common room. Or the hospital wing, I will be talking to Miss Black at a later juncture. When she is feeling recovered."
"You can't be serious? Look at what he did to me!" Snape argued, still holding a bloody rag to his nose.
James could have sworn he saw the headmaster roll his eyes. "Mr Potter, fifty points will be taken from Gryffindor for the injuries you have caused Mr Snape. You will also attend detention in the hospital wing for the following week." Dumbledore paused to glance at the Slytherin student, who was looking entirely too smug. "However, for risking your own life to save that of another student, I will award you sixty points to Gryffindor. Now, if you will go for now James, I have more to discuss with your fellow students."
James hesitated, glancing at Sirius, who wasn't quite meeting his eyes. He didn't want to go, he'd always imagined that if he or Sirius got expelled, it would be at the same time.
He trudged back to the common rooms, he would have gone back to see Narcissa, but with any luck she would be sleeping. And he didn't want to be found out of his bed with everything else that was going on.
It was dark by the time Sirius returned to the Gryffindor common rooms, James was rudely awoken to find Sirius sitting at the end of his bed in silence. "Did they kick you out?" He muttered, half convinced this was a dream.
"No. I've got detention for the rest of the school year though. And a bunch of points are off Gryffindor."
"Well look on the bright side."
"That I wasn't expelled?"
"At least you can't get anymore detentions."
Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment there, although given the dark, it was difficult to tell. "I'm out if I get into anymore trouble this year. Anything. Dumbledore made it pretty clear I am still in this school by the skin of my teeth, and he will not hesitate to expel me if I mess up again."
"I…I'm sorry. I know why you did it, and I-"
"Why didn't you? You kept prattling on about getting him kicked out of School, did you really think that was a fair punishment? I thought better of you?"
"What? You thought I was a murderer? Or that I'd be happy to let our friend kill him?"
"That wasn't the plan – not that it matters."
"What about Snape? I'm guessing it's too much to hope that he's been expelled."
"Yeah, he's been allowed to stay in Hogwarts on the condition that he stays quiet about Lupin. I've been allowed to stay as a trade to the Black family." Sirius half laughed that last part. "I doubt that'll matter to them though." Politics. "Dumbledore said he'll talk to Narcissa about what happened, but that she won't face any punishment. She's already been through enough."
With that Sirius got up to go over to his own bed. He sounded exhausted, which was a change from the usual carefree Sirius that James was used to. "I wouldn't have just been happy with getting him expelled you know. I did want revenge, but I didn't want it coming back to bite us like this. Or hurting Narcissa. I figured that with him gone, we could plot revenge and not have to worry about him going after us or her in some stupid tit-for-tat scenario." But it was too late now, there would never be peace.
"I hate being in here, can't you talk to Madam Pomfrey and get her to let me out of here?" Narcissa complained for the third time since James' detention had started.
"We both know she wouldn't listen to me," James replied. He was trying to look like he was sweeping the floor around Narcissa, not that he would have fooled anyone who gave him more than a passing glance. "They'll let you out of here when it's safe."
It had been strange visiting Narcissa, there was this huge topic they weren't discussing. Yet despite that, the conversation still flowed, it just seemed more superficial. It had taken a few days, but Narcissa was finally starting to look better, the colour was back in her cheeks and her old spark was back. Just subdued. But with that renewed energy, came a restlessness.
"I know, sorry. I know I shouldn't complain I just hate being alone here."
"You're not alone, I've been here every day." He set the broom down, abandoning all pretence of actually cleaning to take Narcissa's hand. "And I'll be here until they let you out."
"It's when you're here that I feel alone," Narcissa replied, pulling herself away from James. "There's this…thing that neither of us are talking about. You talk about random stuff, but you never really say anything. I hate it."
Ouch. That hurt. And yet she was right. He was just prattling on when he came to see her, talking about school or quidditch but never actually talking about what had happened. He was too afraid of what they both might say if that happened. Perhaps it was time to take the plunge. "Okay, let's talk. Because of you and Sirius' plan, Snape is still in this school. He still hates me, and you; he still poses a threat to you. He'll still try and hurt us both. And because of you two getting Remus involved, he now knows enough about the school that Dumbledore won't want to expel him to keep him quiet!"
He had managed to stay relatively calm until the end. He studied Narcissa's face, but she just seemed resigned. In retrospect, maybe he should have let Narcissa go first.
"You know what? He killed our child and all you've gone on about is getting him fucking expelled! I don't care if he's in school or not James! Just as long as he's in fucking pain!"
So much for keeping things calm. James had never heard Narcissa swear so much. "Well now he's neither expelled or in pain."
Narcissa seemed to flinch at that. "When did you become such a coward James?"
Seriously? "A coward? I was trying to protect you! You think I was just going to let Snape away with it? I wanted him out of this school and away from you, so that if he tried something else, you would be safe. I didn't want us trying something, and it failing and then he comes after me or you and one of us gets hurt even worse!" James could feel his heart hammering in his chest, he stood up, trying to ignore the sudden urge to punch a wall. He turned to face Narcissa, whose gaze was fixed determinedly away from James. "Is that really what you think of me?"
The defiant look that Narcissa had been holding onto seemed to crumble, and she finally looked at James, instead of the space beside his head. "No. I don't know. I was just so, so angry and upset. And you weren't. Why weren't you?"
"I was, but Narcissa you barely gave me a chance to react. I barely got a chance to process what had happened before you and Sirius had come up with this plan. When I saw Snape all I wanted to do was keep hitting him until he stopped moving. I'd never hated someone so much in my life."
She swallowed the apology forming in her throat. "I'm not going to say sorry for trying to get rid of him." And she wasn't, especially when James' plans hadn't amounted to anything more that getting Snape chucked out of school. But when she finally looked him in the eyes, she saw her pain mirrored in him, and her rage. Finally. "But I am sorry for calling you a coward, I didn't mean it." And as she said it, she almost meant it.
"Thank you," James collapsed back down on the chair next to her, and for the first time she looked at him and saw the marks of worry and exhaustion on his face. He had visited her every night this week in the hospital wing and Narcissa had continued to resent him, and everyone in the school for everything that had happened. And in the end, it hadn't been his fault that he continued to be the do-gooder she had fallen for.
"James you should go get some rest. I appreciate you being here, I do, but I need some time by myself." And so do you.
"I love you Narcissa, and I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean -"
"Yes, you did," She sighed, and the worst part was that he was right in many ways. It had been a rushed plan and she hadn't really thought it through. "I'm not angry with you, I'm just angry with everyone and everything, and you just happen to be here. I feel like for five seconds things were coming together and now they've all fallen apart again. And I can't do anything to fix it or change things. I can't even get revenge properly." She choked. I will not cry. Not again.
She pulled her hands away from James as he leaned forwards to comfort her. "No. Really, I just want some space to think."
James nodded, finally understanding. "Is Sirius visiting you tonight?"
"I don't know. He's stuck in detention as well, remember?" He had only visited her once since he had narrowly escaped expulsion, and he had explained how close it was. In the end the only thing that saved him was Dumbledore would have had to expel Snape as well, and then everyone would find out Lupin's secret. Not that anyone with a brain wouldn't have realised anyway. "I don't need someone here babysitting me, I don't even need to be in here, they're just punishing me now."
James nodded, as he had done every time she mentioned leaving the hospital wing. It was just frustrating, her pain was gone now, and she had stopped bursting into tears randomly. Yet Madam Pomfrey still wouldn't say when she was being allowed out. "You're not a prisoner, you'll get out of here soon enough. And I'll be there when you are."
God, he was annoyingly persistent. "I know James. I love you." Now please leave.
The problem with when the room was quiet was that Narcissa's mind started to race. She still couldn't help but think about the child she had lost. What they would have looked like, what house they would have been sorted into.
She was lost in imaginations until she noticed Professor Dumbledore standing at the end of the room. Panic laced through her, and she felt her heart hammering in her chest as she tried to push herself back on her bed.
But Dumbledore put his hands up, signalling his intentions. "I am merely here to see how you are feeling Miss Black?"
Sure. She ignored the tightness in her chest and forced a smile. "I feel much better Professor. I've been saying to Madam Pomfrey that I can return to classes now."
"I do not simply mean your health Miss Black, you have been through a great deal."
"I'm managing," she lied, "Honestly though, being stuck here doesn't help." Even if he did send James round every night to check up on her.
"I understand your frustrations, however-"
"Yes, I know! I've been through a great trauma. I was there, I don't need everyone telling me what I went through!" She snapped, before remembering who she was interrupting. "Sorry Professor."
"Not at all. I realise that you are angry right now. However, I did want to ensure that any further ill-attempts at revenge have been abandoned."
Is that why she had been stuck here? To get her to cool off? "Yes Professor, I won't try anything else." Not that she could now.
"Because, whilst your current actions are understandable, any further actions will be dealt with seriously. As will any co-conspirators."
"Professor I understand all that, I won't try and get revenge." Not in school anyway. She thought. Dumbledore caught her gaze and she stared into his steely eyes.
He paused for a moment before continuing. "Do remember that with individuals such as Mr Snape, they tend to sow the seeds of their own eventual end. Even without your involvement."
She nodded in understanding, the death eater life would eventually destroy Snape, that was at least something to hope for.
