Disclaimer: I don't own the situations or characters portrayed herein. I'm just playing with them for a while.


Stemwinder 1, Part 2

He had had plans for tonight. With the boys off on a sleepover and Dotty off to take care of her sick sister, he didn't have to get Amanda home early. He planned for dinner at his apartment, a moonlit walk in one of the parks far from prying eyes, a kiss that made her momentarily forget her own name. He would finish off the evening by telling her that he'd loved her for a very long time, and walking her to her front door instead of sneaking around at the back.

Instead he found himself sitting across from her in a busy restaurant, complaining loudly about their relationship, trying to catch the attention of a woman who had been in diapers when he was learning how to drive.

It made it so much worse that he would have loved to do what Amanda was suggesting. If the relationship they were pretending to have were real, they could go back to their shared home, spend a few quiet moments alone together, and then get a good night's sleep, snuggled up in the other's warmth.

Trust him to become a homebody right when it was no longer an option.

As she stormed out of the restaurant, he slipped into his Scarecrow persona. It was a defense mechanism, something he hadn't needed for a long time. He had thought it would feel like putting on an old coat: cold and stiff at first, but comfortable once it had been on for a while.

It never grew comfortable this time.


He struggled to meet her eyes over the next week. He had to stay in Scarecrow mode now, or he would have a breakdown. It left him feeling dirty, and he didn't reach for Amanda or even try to kiss her. He was in self-inflicted exile as long as he had to do the Peacock Dance.

They tiptoed around each other, trying to show support, but there was only so much they could stand. It was bad enough playing their cover without talking about it too. It was such a strain, him having to sit on Sonja's couch and kiss her like there was no tomorrow; her having to stay in the car and listen to him kissing and sweet talking another woman.

He wasn't sure he would ever be able to look her in the eye again, or be himself again. He was forcing himself to pretend to be Scarecrow before he met Amanda, and it was hurting her; he could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice as they listened to the tape in Billy's office, and especially when he mentioned "an itch" he had about Sonja.

He didn't follow her when she hightailed it out the office door. He just went to his car to go to meet T.P. Aquinas, and found her standing next to it, her eyes closed resolutely, steeling herself for the next stage of the plan. He didn't ask her to understand his pain or share her own.

"Ready to go?" he asked instead, a little tentatively.


An unexpected reprieve from his self-imposed emotional exile came when they went to Phillip Dart's office to get the radio frequencies. Maybe they were both mellowed a little by T.P.'s promise to look into Alexi Makarov's whereabouts; maybe it was the ice cream that had that effect.

Either way, she reached for him, for the first time since they started this whole thing, when she pinned his visitor badge onto him. By the time they left Dart's office with the precious frequencies safely tucked into Lee's pocket, he felt able to reach for her again and put his hand on her back.

They had dinner together at Emelio's that night, just the two of them, for the first time in a week. It was interrupted a little by Rostov showing up, but he sent the older spy on his way with no difficulty. He would ask Billy about it in the morning.

He was able to look her in the eyes again, even later that night when he was preparing for his final foray into Sonja's apartment.

"I'll see you at midnight," she said, with something of her old smile on her lips, and he returned it.

"You bet," he said, and left her there.