Disclaimer: I don't own the situations or characters portrayed herein. I'm just playing with them for a while.
Mission of Gold Part 1
He stared at the spreading red circle on her chest, sorrow and pain and anger fighting for control against the overwhelming tide of fear. She was unconscious, her pulse fluttering weakly against his fingertips, and in that moment he let himself be fundamentally selfish.
He could not bear to be a widower before he even had the chance to learn to be a husband. He had promised her all the days of their lives, but he had taken it for granted that his life would be the shorter one.
She was too precious to him to entertain thoughts to the contrary. She had too much to lose.
And her boys. Her mother. They could not lose her, either.
Dimly he was aware of Barney calling the paramedics from the phone booth nearby, but all he could do was stare at his wife in utter horror, fighting back tears.
Don't go.
Don't go where I can't follow.
Don't leave me.
Don't give it up.
Please don't die.
Please don't die.
Please don't let her die.
He slipped her rings off her hand and buried them deep in his pocket. He kept his on, fighting, in the only way he knew, a silent battle against the rapidly shrinking possibility of a future.
When the ambulance came, they wouldn't let him on it with her. He sat numb and boneless in Gus's truck, barely holding himself together, as Barney drove them to the hospital.
The hospital was clinical and stark, and it stank of disinfectant and cold reality. They whisked Amanda into surgery, and, helpless and shaking, he sank down in the waiting area beside Barney and buried his head in his hands. He knew he would have to call Dotty, but somehow he couldn't summon the courage needed. He would wait until he knew if she had made it out of surgery or not.
