A few days had passed since the eventful end to the Lafayette case and the team finally had a chance to gather. For once, it wasn't in the bullpen but in Esposito's bachelor pad, the small apartment feeling a whole lot warmer when filled with caring people.

He didn't want to admit it, but he was glad to have them by his side, still struggling with the aftermath of what happened, what little thereof he could remember anyway.

"Like I said, you should think about getting a couch that seats more than two. We could do a go fund me campaign. I'll spring a couple bucks to help you make it happen…", Castle complained half-heartedly and pulled the bar stool from the kitchen closer, before awkwardly climbing on it to make a point- for the fourth time this evening.

"It's meant to seat only myself and some female company. Or Ryan.", Esposito shot back and leaned into the couch, hearing his partner next to him snicker.

"Well, what about the time you had two females for company. That got crowded."

"Not the way I do it."

"And how did that work out? They sit down while you're on your toes running drinks and catering to their every need?", Beckett chimed in from the sidelines, stopping by the small dining room table to grab the empty beer cans and bring them to the kitchen.

"Nothing wrong with that. Just saying, this couch might be the answer to every woman's prayer."

A round of laughter went through the group, finally easing some of that angst and tension that had befallen them. More so than ever before, it allowed for a measure of peace, the slightest of possibilities to move on from the harrowing experience.

"Gates called me before we came over.", Beckett explained, her expression growing serious again, "The DoD has officially filed charges against Vargas for treason, murder, assault and conspiracy to commit murder. By the time they're done, he's never going to see the light of day again."

"They still think he had something to do with Lafayette's death?", Esposito pried, then looked over to the rest of the group, "I thought he did the old trick of swallowing the cyanide pill?"

"He did.", Castle explained with a faint nod, "But according to the container label in his desk, he was under the impression that he was only swallowing Tetrodotoxin, or TTX, the sleeping beauty drug people use to get out of jail. Instead, he swallowed cyanide, so at one point, his pills got switched. It's reasonable to believe that he and Vargas met a few weeks ago while Vargas was in town, presumably helping the doctor decide on you as the latest subject. Under the circumstances, it's giving Vargas both, motive and opportunity. How does that sound for a non-detective?"

"Scarily plausible. Maybe this case brought your mind out of the clouds after all. No mention of zombies or bigfoot throughout."

Beckett's cheerful laughter filled the room as she reached for a leftover piece of pizza to indulge.

"I wouldn't go that far. I am sure if I try hard enough, I can come up with something."

Esposito smiled, relishing the lighthearted atmosphere that allowed him to let his guard down and relax.

Despite taking it easy the past few days, his body was still sore, recovering from the tremendous amount of adrenaline that had been pumped through his veins, tiring his system relentlessly. Every day had felt like the end of a long marathon, barely allowing him to finish a few hours at work before having to return home to rest. And while the doctors said that this was to be expected, it still bothered him greatly.

His mind on the other hand had been racing tirelessly, seeking out the answers to the questions he was afraid to ask, trying to fill in the gaps in his memory, hoping to piece together the past two weeks as best as possible.

One thing was for certain; the way everyone around him walked on eggshells was a troubling sign, no matter how often he was reassured that nobody had gotten hurt during that timeframe.

"Javi!"

Ryan's urgent call pulled him out of his deep thoughts, and he glanced up only to see all of them stare back at him in undisguised worry. The surprise on his face didn't help matters and he cleared his throat and shrugged sheepishly.

"I am not deaf, bro."

"Yeah, well maybe you should have answered the first two times I called your name then.", Ryan fired back, his expression unchanged as he studied him, those deep blue eyes unable to hide his inner turmoil.

When Esposito struggled to come up with a fitting excuse, it was Beckett who jumped in and pointed at the clock.

"Don't' worry about it. You're still recovering and it's getting late. Why don't we call it a day and you can get some rest? Tomorrow is going to be another day and there'll be plenty of things to work on. Take that opportunity to sleep while you can."

Sleep.

It had been the one thing that still eluded him most nights.

Not that dreamworld allowed him access to whatever had been programmed into his mind. Rather, it was an intense sense of agitation that was the result of Lafayette's manipulation, a strange sort of fight reflex his mind had created to combat the disgraced doctor's attempts to coerce him.

It made him lose focus throughout the day and lie awake at night.

Granted, the symptoms hadn't been significant enough to affect his psych eval which he passed with flying colors; but it was enough to alert Ryan who'd shown up with a suitcase full of clothes the day he was released from the hospital. In his usual matter-of-fact tone, the detective had informed him that they'd be rooming together for the next few days just to make sure everything was alright and that he wouldn't feel lonely.

Although he initially balked at the idea, Esposito couldn't help but appreciate having his best friend nearby, especially during the times he gave up on sleep altogether and just sat on his couch, staring mindlessly at the black wall that was his massive TV screen.

Most times it would take Kev less than half an hour to join him, their shoulders touching as they resumed their silent vigil until he found enough peace to give sleep another try.

It was a heartfelt sacrifice Esposito appreciated so much and yet failed to be able to put into words.

"Yo, Castle.", he called out as Beckett and the writer were getting ready to leave.

"You need something?", the other man asked genuinely, causing him to shake his head.

"No. I just…", pursing his lips, Esposito glanced down nervously, before meeting Castle's warm brown eyes again, "You ehm…you missed something the other day. Back at Beckett's apartment, when you…when you were talking about the importance of grounding and Ryan and Beckett being a big part of it, giving me something to look forward to when things get out of hand. You forgot to mention that you're a big part of that too. You're my friend, Castle. And I really appreciate what you did back there."

Castle nodded quietly, his expression stripped of all the usual silly antics, his bottom lip quivering at the unexpected words of kindness.

"You ehm…you're very welcome, 'Sito. Have a good night and get some rest.", the writer stammered, managing a faint smile before Beckett pushed him out the door with a brief wave, leaving the two of them behind.

Esposito waited until their footsteps in the hallway disappeared before drawing in a deep breath, glancing over at Ryan who seemed to share the same level of exhaustion.

"What do you wanne do? Play some Assassin's Creed?", the younger detective asked, catching himself mid-sentence considering the sensitive topic.

"Too soon…", Esposito scolded and rested his head against the couch, staring up at his white ceiling as though it would give him the answers to all of life's questions.

But once again, that wasn't the case.

"We could play Madden. Or you said you'd gotten Grand Theft Auto and Halo. And there's some pizza left if you're hungry."

"I'm fine. Will you please stop fretting like that.", he countered, immediately regretting his harsh tone considering that it was perfectly normal for Ryan feel the need to care for him.

If only the younger detective would understand how much it went against Esposito's nature, causing him to push back on the gesture of kindness rather than embrace it.

"Then tell me what I can do to help you, Javi.", Ryan replied, unable to disguise his frustration as he got up from the couch to clean up the rest of the pizza boxes, "Tell me what I can do to…to wipe that haunted look off your face. Cause it scares me. And it makes me wonder just what kind of lies Lafayette put into your head, poisoning your thoughts."

The earnest words made his head snap up and he waited for Ryan to return from the kitchen before speaking up again.

"Let's talk about lies.", Esposito challenged, trying to keep his voice calm but failing, "Two people are dead and you have nothing to tie Vargas or Lafayette to these killings. I read all the reports and I can put two and two together. I killed Harrison and Anderson, didn't I?"

The slightest of shivers went through Ryan's body as he fell completely still, eyes focused on something behind him, before he sighed dreadfully.

"Is that what's been keeping you awake at night? Worrying about something that had nothing to do with you? I think it's time you help me work on a case again to get that…that busy mind of yours in gear. All that sick time is giving you an overactive imagination."

"What are you talking about?", Esposito hissed only to see his partner shrug.

"I am talking about the fact that the MO doesn't fit the way Lafayette programmed you, bro. You went after Beckett in her apartment, not singling her out in some alley. Our killer wore leather gloves when he murdered these two guys and yet you showed up without them. Our victims were killed while they were isolated, yet you struck even though Castle and I were nearby. There are enough pills missing from Lafayette's stash to suggest that he had at least one more, if not two more assailants. You are not the only one out there who knows how to kill people with their bare hands…disturbingly enough. The problem is that by now the drugs would have lost their potency and without Lafayette instilling any more commands, our real killer would just return to normal and never know what they did. We went through the clinic and the apartment top to bottom but Lafayette was good at hiding the identity of his experimentation group. This may be one of these cases where we will never find out who really killed them."

"And yet he mentioned me in his files. And nobody else."

Ryan nodded hesitantly, then leaned against the side of the TV, pursing his lips.

"That's because you were different. As a matter of fact, you were difficult to program. You stuck out from the group. He had to sedate you at one point because you were resisting his programming. He even made you take double the doses of these meds just to keep you in line. That's why it took him several visits and over a week and a half to program you. He bit off more than he could chew. He tried to send you after Vargas, hoping to eliminate the last witness to his project. When that failed, you were programmed to kill Beckett, hoping it would slow down the investigation. But once again, you thwarted that attempt. All I can say is, deep inside, Lafayette must have created these files because he thought that if he could break you, then he could break anybody. But he never did manage that."

Esposito fell quiet for a moment, letting the words sink in, allowing the facts that Ryan had so openly laid out calm down the scary doubts in his mind.

"If you put it that way, I guess it makes sense.", he finally said and clasped his hands, staring down at his strong forearms, those deadly weapons that followed him everywhere, desperately trying to forget the image of having them wrapped around Beckett's head, ready to break her neck like he'd snap a twig.

"Of course, it does, Javi.", the younger detective replied and walked back over to sit next to him, affectionally wrapping an arm around his shoulders, "Trust me, the only thing you are capable of killing is my patience. So, we're gonna play Madden or what?"

Hesitating, Esposito looked over at his partner, making sure that what he heard wasn't just a bunch of lies wrapped in a pretty pep-talk.

"So, if I call Gates, she's gonna tell me the same thing?"

"The exact same thing, bro.", Ryan answered, never moving a muscle, "Call Gates, Captain Brewer in Washington, Beckett, Lanie, Castle…they'll all tell you the exact same thing."

"Alright then...", Esposito replied after a few beats, feeling the weight of guilt drop off his weary shoulders as he got up to turn on the gaming console, then headed for the small closet to his bedroom to grab the CD of choice, "Let's watch you lose to me again."

As he scanned through the impressive assortment, his eyes drifted back to Ryan, the detective staring stoically ahead, seemingly miles away from the quiet apartment. Where exactly his thoughts were headed wasn't for Esposito to know, but one thing was for certain; the young detective had aged by several years over the course of this case.

Stress could do that to everyone.

Since it was clear that it didn't stem from the stress of keeping secrets, Esposito figured it came from worry.

And if a game night with his best friend could cure anything, it was worry.