WARNING: This chapter contains heavy suicidal themes and much more. Please be cautious in your read if suicide, the mention or heavy consideration thereof is one of your triggers.


It's been a real garbage week.

Well, Mordenna supposes, just for him. Really, it had only been a matter of time before his mood swung down again. That much he knew. Good things lasted for such a short time, and it was just only ever so perfect that the little happy place he was beginning to construct be shot down by none other than himself. God knows he didn't deserve it in the first place. It was only a devil's miracle that he'd been granted it, and the universe had a more cruel sense of humor than he did.

"Because who likes happy endings, right?" He entertained to no one in particular, in the vents. The ship's walls were thick enough and his location far enough away that he was dead certain no one could hear him. "Especially not for the serial killer—no no no. Who in the everloving fuck would actually take a look at you, Mordenna, and actually see something worth salvaging? You actually believe Eliza when she said that shit? Pathetic."

He scoffed, face twisting. "Pity. Like a wolf in a beartrap, that's all she saw you as. 'The poor thing's hurt. I ought to do something.' Then when she gets bit she'll see it's just the farmer trying to warm the formerly-captive viper. Too soft for her own good." He'd taken Eliza at face value, then. Not so much anymore. He didn't take her for a liar—just took her as a fool. A well-intentioned fool, but a damn fool nonetheless. She would see in time that she made a bad call. She'd see that he wasn't worth it. She'd see that she should have just let him kick the bucket.

Mordenna balled his hands into fists. "Ain't like this wasn't coming. Old man was right—I'll fuck up eventually. I'll do something wrong and then suddenly everybody's not so goddamn keen on me. It might not even be his fucking fault!" He slammed his fist against the vent. "For all I know I was a fuckup in the Reapers too and that's why I got taken! Sure I'm a 'valuable asset' but how fucking valuable am I when I'm just gonna do something terrible eventually?"

He sat there, breathing a bit heavily, before closing his eyes. "Not like it wasn't gonna happen eventually. Poor old Lizzie just needs to see. Let's make sure she realizes that sooner rather than later, yeah?" That was it. A rather regrettable aspect of his thinking had taken over, and soon he was quietly, but quickly, crawling down the vents. Mordenna wanted the hallway outside the Chosen Holding Cells. Lily was probably in there, finalizing Jax's cell. As tight as he could wind his distraction field around himself, he didn't want to test if she wouldn't notice an opening door.

Gently, he opened the hatch—not before listening for anyone walking around below him of course—and dropped, field closely wound around himself. He closed the vent opening behind him and looked to the door of the cells. Right—there was that door to surmount, too. How to go about this...

Of course, Mordenna being Mordenna, he found an answer quickly. The other engineers were off on break now, the Hunter having memorized most everyone's schedules. It was just Lily in there, and he knew how to draw her out. Stepping up to the datapad, it was easy to bypass the typical interface with the knowledge of ADVENT systems he had. Lily seems to have defanged a lot of the more hostile elements... but if anything, that made it easier for him to infiltrate unseen. It was just a tiny edit, after all—the sender's address. He changed it from "the terminal outside of the Chosen Holding Cells" to "the terminal in the Workshop" and that was all he needed to do, save populating the message field with the request for Lily to come down. He "needed some assistance, a second pair of hands."

Mordenna hit send and closed the window. He waited.

Sure enough, the door opened and Lily emerged. She didn't seem all too annoyed to be interrupted—more concerned than anything else. She passed right by Mordenna without sparing him a look. Not like she was expecting him to be right there, after all. Before the door closed, he slipped past her and into the room.

Nothing too exciting inside. Just the in-progress state of Jax's cell, Lily's tools, and the other two cells. He entertained leaving something in his as a joke before his thought process yanked on his choke chain and he was striding towards Fal-Mai's cell, opening the door without hesitation.

For the briefest of seconds, he caught a hint of purple, but it was gone as soon as he entered, the door closing behind him. To anyone else, it was an empty room. Sans him, of course. To him... He squinted, letting his field drop. Still empty. Fal-Mai was deep in her cloak. But! Unfortunately for her, he knew she was there... and he knew what would bring her out.

He crossed his arms, leaning against the wall. "Oh, poor, poor Fal-Mai. Retreating into her cloak because she can't handle the thought of a little reunion with her brother. Always a coward, never a warrior, eh sis?"

Nothing. He needed to turn up the intensity. Mordenna scoffed. "Guess it's usual for you to hide away into your little blankie. Never figured out how to handle things like an adult... least of all your poor, pitiable emotions. You think it's a coincidence your dear old mum gave you them and then told you to never use them? Hm?"

Aha. A shimmer in the corner, a sign of a very distressed Assassin. Mordenna had found his mark. He grinned wolfishly. "There you are. No use hiding, sis. I can sit here alllllll day and throw harsh truths at you, and they're only gonna get worse. Might as well placate me by returning some 'banter.'"

It was a moment more before Fal-Mai dropped her cloak entirely, staring him down and pressed as far into the corner as she could manage. Her face spoke of rage, but her body language said she wanted to be anywhere but here right now. "You act as if you know me at all, brother, when it is well known you only concern yourself with matters relating to you!"

He wagged his finger at her. "Almost! But a terrible misconception. Two out of five. Nothing wrong with focusing on yourself, dear sister—but there's even less wrong with doing a bit of observing of others. Fantastic, the stuff you learn!" He turned up his nose at her, and his smile fell. "So. How'd it feel, getting the belt? Horrible? Like you were getting disintegrated? Can only imagine Helena whipped you in front of Jax, too." Jax also being victim to that... twice... he wouldn't mention.

Fal-Mai winced, squeezing her eyes shut. Soon, she shook her head and looked him back in the eye. "You do naught but reaffirm why I made the decision to leave the Elders. I suppose I would have been more hesitant if I had remembered someone such as you would be awaiting me."

He shrugged, hands out. "Your fault on that. I've been here for... what, a month? A month and then some? You've had plenty of time to know I was batting for the other team, numbskull. Then again, you were always kinda slow on the uptake. Learning the Elders were hypocrites must've been a blow." Mordenna tossed his head back, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead in mock woe. "Oh, the tragedy! The all-powerful idiots and psychopaths have conflicting ideas they want their 'children' to accomplish all at once! Who could have seen this coming?"

Fal-Mai grimaced and bared her teeth. "I was as you said—a child of the Elders." Her brows knitted together in further fury. "And you, too, as much as you detest it!"

"Oh please, don't come at me with the 'oh, let Them back into your heart—'"

"Do not mishear me!" She cut across him. "You were a child of the Elders! They indoctrinated you as much as they did the rest of us! I would not imagine you would have many reasons to leap off a building were they not a damning force in your life!"

He froze, regarding her icily. She shouldn't have known about that. She shouldn't have known about it at all. Mordenna usually made sure he was isolated before he let himself die. Usually. It was a while before he responded. "You do realize the situation you're in, right? You're in handcuffs. I'm not. You're bound. I could strangle the goddamn life out of you."

She faltered, but a thorn in Mordenna's heart told him she knew she had the advantage now. He reacted. Fal-Mai had hit upon something useable. "Worthless. Is that what you see yourself as, now? They had more of a grasp on you than you think. Odin had more of a grasp on you than you think. Try as you might, you are affected by what he says, brother."

His upper lip drew back at the corner, revealing his own pearly whites. "You've got one more shot, sis."

"What? Kill me as a tied up animal?" She spat out. "You and I both know you would find little satisfaction in such an easy kill. You live for each hunt. It is the only thing that gives you happiness, yes?"

Conflicting ideas raged in Mordenna, and he locked eyes with her proper. Kill her, something in him spoke. Her fault. She's shown she hasn't got two wits to live. You'd get rid of her for good and give Eliza a reason to throw you out.

Eliza.

Something in him, silenced in his self-destruction, roared at the thought of Eliza finding out he'd killed his sister. That would devastate her. Isn't it the point? Kill. Kill. It would tear her apart. She wouldn't be able to forgive him. Eliza, the one person who gave him a shot after all that time. Introduced him to Lily, to Sammy. Kill!

His fist collided with the wall, and he closed his eyes. Mordenna hissed. "You're damn lucky, sis, that you've got a guardian angel. But I'll come back for you. And when that comes around? I'll have a bullet with your name on it and the key to your cuffs. Just so I don't have to get my hands dirty." Waving at her dismissively, he turned his back. "Go. Hide away in your little comfort zone. But watch yourself—next time the door opens, it could be the last thing you see."

All lame. All empty threats. He's spared her and he knows she knows it. He doesn't hear anything more out of Fal-Mai, and he doesn't bother to check to see if she's in her cloak when he opens the door and steps out.

What Mordenna doesn't expect is Lily and the Commander coming in at the exact same moment he left the cell.

The two of them instantly lock eyes with him, and he's the first to engage. "Liz! Lily! Oh, yeah, as it turns out? Didn't need that help after all. Managed it myself! Surprising what you can finagle when you just really put the ol' noggin to it!" Eliza wasn't supposed to be here. Eliza was not supposed to be here! Did Lily run right to her when it turned out he wasn't in the Workshop? Did she encounter her on the way? Didn't matter now, really, but this wasn't how it was supposed to go.

Eliza crossed her arms. "Mordenna. I made it clear you were supposed to tell me before you went and talked to Fal-Mai, yes?"

Any pretense of levity dropped, and he scoffed coldly. "What, do I gotta ask you permission to fuckin' breathe around here, Eliza? I ain't some dog—I've got free will. Or was how the Elders treated me suddenly looking real nice, hmm?"

Lily opened her mouth to interrupt, but Eliza was faster. "No. I only asked for you to ask me because if you went off on your own you might do something you'd regret."

"Me? Regret?" Mordenna laughed incredulously. "Ohhh, Commander, you've got it all wrong. I told you—you're the one who's gonna be regretting this arrangement when all's said and done. I let you know I couldn't work with my siblings! But here you are, acting all peeved that I went and antagonized my sister a little behind your back. I coulda killed her, y'know. She had the cuffs on, wouldn't have been hard for me to just wring the life out of her."

Eliza fixed him with an unreadable stare. "So why didn't you? She's your sister, as you said. You gave off the impression that you would kill her, given half the chance. Yet, judging by what you're saying, she's still alive in there. You stand only to benefit from her not existing anymore—even if killing someone in her state isn't your style."

Why did Eliza ever so consistently have his number? He couldn't admit the real reason, and that real reason was sapping some of his more barbed answers, too. Mordenna flicked his hand, dismissing it. "Whatever. Not like I can't just do something later, because Lily knows I've proven I can stand right by her and have her walk past me." At that, Lily seems rather confused, but still frustrated. He moves on. "So, what are you going to do, Commander? Punish me?"

She shakes her head, still maintaining eye contact with him. "No. The blame only falls on me for not talking with you more extensively than I did. It's clearly a bigger problem that has you seeking out your sister to get yourself in trouble. Do you think I'm going to change my mind because you're 'proving difficult?' Are you underestimating what I thought I had signed up for?"

This... all was having the precise opposite effect he had hoped for. Eliza was seemingly more determined to work him out. She was going to regret it. She definitely didn't know what she was in for. "You'd best be prepared to work on a project like me 25/7, Eliza. Considering you've got the Assassin here and are planning to take the Warlock under your wing, too? I somehow doubt you can pull it off."

Eliza's mouth further pressed into a line. "I'm going to be doing what I can, Mordenna. I'm only human—"

There it is. Capitalize on it. Make her regret this. The words raced from his mind and to his mouth so fast he didn't realize what he said until after he said it. "Only human? Bold of you to assume that when Argus had you for twenty years, Chosen Siren."

Almost immediately, he wished he could have taken it back. His chest ached instantly and all he could do was watch Lily and Eliza's faces turn. Lily went from momentary surprise, to morbid, horrified curiosity, then to anger as she looked to Mordenna. Eliza, meanwhile, had that temporary shock, too... which turned to an expression that was her trying to hide a distinct hurt and self-doubt.

"Does it matter?!" Lily was already hopping to Eliza's defense, trying to brush off what Mordenna just said. "She's got more than enough humanity to be a better person than you are—"

"Lily," Eliza eked out. Lily stopped in her tracks, face going to concern as she turned back to Eliza. The Commander's posture was stiff, and her fingers were pressing into her arms as her gaze flickered downwards, but still in Mordenna's direction. "Mordenna. I... I won't lie. What you said... cuts deep. But—But I'm sure that was your intention."

Oh, no. This... wasn't what he was ready for. Anger, definitely. Dry disappointment, he could handle. Eliza looking like she was ready to start crying, to his observant eyes? It felt like something was squeezing his chest, leaving it throbbing dully. A softer, quieter thought process came back. You hurt her. Why would you do this? What has she done to deserve your ire? She just wanted to help you. Was her care and attention not enough?

Too late to say he was sorry. Too late to try to take it back. He'd stuck his knife into Eliza and now she just had to deal with the wound he had dealt. He didn't even want to continue the conversation, for fear of saying something else that would sting her. Their eyes are off of you. You know what you can do.

Mordenna sucked in a sharp breath and brought in his misdirection field—an unseeable force that quickly seeped into his pores and made it so that they would have the inclination to just not register him if they weren't looking hard enough. True enough, Eliza seemed to gather herself enough to look back up to continue—and then she did a double-take, eyes searching around the room. Lily joined her, whirling behind her. To their eyes, he was as good as gone.

Mind running at a million miles an hour with unreadable thoughts, Mordenna hastily made for the vent, popped it open, and crawled inside, shutting the hatch behind him and making for some spot deeper inside the ship. He didn't even care if they saw the entrance opening as he made his way in. He was gone, vanished from the scene, and that's all he had been aiming for. He didn't give his thoughts any attention as he scurried, movements near silent as he focused on moving unheard. Deeper. He needed somewhere isolated.

Eventually he reached that spot—a particular bend that led up to the very top of the Avenger. There, he slowed down and eventually slumped against a wall in the vent, starting at his own warped reflection in the ladder rungs.

He'd... out and out, to Eliza's face, said she wasn't human. Not fully, anyway. Judging by her reaction, that was something she was going to be wrestling with long after he said it. Why? Why did he have to come out and say that? He thought he had been ready for the repercussions of even hypothetically killing his sister. Hell, it was what he had been aiming for. But seeing Eliza like that made that horrid part of him that had feelings for her twist up and drive knives into his gut. Why, why, why...

"You know why," he countered, voice dead. "To justify it. You know what I'm talking about. Why do you think you crawled to the vent leading up here specifically, huh Mordenna? You wanted a good reason. Can't go throwing yourself off of tall buildings without some justification to it. You've proven you're a walking thornbush when you get in a bad mood, and Eliza knows it now. Do you honestly think you could carve some life for yourself out in the woods were Eliza to throw you out? Pathetic."

He slammed the side of the vent in a short fit of frustration, but it died quickly. He knew the exact kind of mood he was in. It had a finality to it—right now, everything he said was just bluster up until he did the act. It was a weak performance on his part to vaguely entertain the fact that he might talk himself out of this.

He knew he wouldn't. He never did.

Mordenna's eyes locked onto the built-in rungs that led up to the exit hatch, right to the top of the ship. They were landed right now. He was sure they wouldn't mind one more body to clean up—god knows they did it all the time. You're leaving a body for Eliza to clean up, his mind spoke back. Do you really want to do that to her?

"If she's really as observant as she's proven herself to be," he softly replied, "then she knows I'm a suicidal loser by now. Hell, I won't do what she said I was doing and underestimate her. Maybe she was ready to clear out my dead body when she signed up for this. Maybe."

"You don't have to do this."

The response came across his mind so fast he was almost surprised. He sighed.

"'If you care so much, stop me.'"

No response. No messenger on high. Nobody stopping him. Mordenna leaned forward and gripped the rungs, pulling himself up.

One undone hatch later and he was on the top deck of the Avenger, up in the open air. Wind whipped around him at this height, and the air bit at his exposed fingers and face. Still not enough to stop him. Like a dead man walking, he slowly and painfully made his way to the edge of the ship, feet stopping and hanging over the side a bit. Wouldn't take but a powerful wind to knock him over now.

His eyes stared at the ground below, far enough to be fatal for even a Chosen. Especially for him and his brittle nature. "That just makes it better, doesn't it?" He spoke to the wind. "No chance of survival, no chance of having to awkwardly explain yourself in the Infirmary. Just you, a long walk, and a short cliff. You've always wanted this. A final death. So why are you hesitating? Just. Lean. Forward."

But he didn't. He continued to watch the swaying grass on the ground, fingers twitching occasionally out of nerves. He knew why. It was his final death. Every one before then had been nothing. A bit of wasted time, and that was is. This was the one that would truly end him. He'd get there eventually, he believed. Might as well take a moment to listen to the breeze, the whispering grass below, the frenzied thudding of footsteps behind him.

Wait.

There... There was someone up here. Running towards him. To push him over? No? He didn't know. He had to see. Mordenna turned—

—and one of his feet didn't quite connect to the Avenger.

He lurched backwards. Before the rapidly-ascending metal of the ship overtook his vision, he thought he saw a flash of dark brown.

Mordenna got another as Eliza dove over the edge of the ship and quickly caught up with him mid-air.

Her arms wrapped around his chest as the two of them tumbled in open air, sailing towards the ground fast. Why did she do that? Now there were going to be two dead people on the ground shortly, one vastly more important than the other. Eliza... had either guessed or been directed, and made her way to the roof. Judging by what she just did, she had wanted to probably pull him back, but this is where they both where. Sailing to certain death.

He was going to die. Eliza was going to die. Eliza didn't freeze up at the edge. She... jumped after him. The wind pulled his hood off his head and he looked to Eliza, glued to his chest. No. He... he could give her a fighting chance. He might be able to save her, at least.

Mordenna's own arms wrapped around her and he righted himself in his flight, making it so that he was the one with his back facing the ground. With the cushion of his body, she might yet live. Arms and a few other bones broken, but her chances were now far better.

Was this what he was going to do? Die in an unintentionally-successful suicide attempt while ensuring the safety of the Commander? It was his fault she was in this situation to begin with. If he'd just stayed, if he'd apologized, if he had sat it out...

Too late now. He saw the lower half of the Avenger pass him by and screwed his eyes shut, waiting for the sudden stop at the bottom.

To his credit, it came. Softly. Even with a little bounce.

Was this death? Would he open his eyes to see his own body with the possibly-dead Commander on top of him? There was only two possibilities—either he was dead and the afterlife was far weirder than he took it (or he was in Limbo)... or he was alive.

His first clue was when he realized he was still holding his breath. Mordenna gave a shuddering exhale. Ok, maybe alive? Maybe this was an afterlife where he was still aware of all of his necessary bodily functions. He needed more answers.

His second clue was when he opened his eyes and his vision was tinted light blue.

The Hunter was staring right up at the sky, the dark metal of the Avenger now a turquoise. He blinked. No change. His head rolled to the side. Grass for as far as his eyes could see, frozen dew clinging to the individual blades. Nearby, a spider was repairing its web, preparing to start anew in the hazy, overcast light. All through a filter of sapphire. He looked to his chest.

There was Eliza, hair floating like she was underwater, eyes tightly close as sweat beaded on her forehead. Where her form stopped, even more of the light blue coalesced, pulsing over her form. They both were on the ground, no worse for wear.

Eliza... Eliza had put a Stasis around them both. It explained why he wasn't catching his breath, at least, and a hand flew to his throat. That was about when the Stasis wore off and he felt the grass for real against his coat and armor, the cold ground sending a reality-affirming shock into his spine. Perhaps what further grounded him into reality was the warmth of Eliza, on and around him.

He propped himself up on an arm, dumbly staring down at Eliza. Almost-invisible, light-blue, psionic wisps were floating off of her, and Mordenna now saw more than ever the signature that clung to her for dear life. Psionics. Eliza had psionics, and had saved them both. Did she know about them? Had she leapt over, intending to save him with them?

It didn't matter, now. Eliza took in a gasp of air and breathed heavily for a bit, catching her breath. Once she did, she blinked a few times and angled her head upwards. She locked eyes with Mordenna... and her own started to glisten. "Are..." she began, "are y-you alright...?"

Only Eliza. Only Eliza would jump after him after he had tripped over the edge of the Avenger, tumble with him, and then save his life... and then try to ask if he was ok. Only her. She saved your life, twice now. Look at her. She's crying for you. Answer her. He swallowed. No dry wit came to mind. His fingers began to shake. "... no. No, Eliza. I'm not ok. I-I..." No. Not like this. He forced down his emotions, but they swelled beyond his fingers. "I wanted to die."

That response just brought tears to Eliza's face, and she climbed up on him, now hugging him more properly. "I-I understand now. I'm—I'm s-sorry. I'm so sorry. I should h-have known."

He didn't know how to respond to that. He couldn't. Even if she should have know, was it really on her to tail him everywhere on a suicide watch? He certainly wouldn't have wanted it. "Why," he started, softly, "why bother? Why jump after me?"

"Because you're worth it," she choked out, squeezing him. "B-because that isn't h-how—how it should end for you. Please, Mordenna. I-I can't let it end like that."

She didn't want him dying like that. Eliza had been willing to put her own life at risk just to save his. He further stared at her, the realization that she was hugging him sinking in properly. How many years had it been without contact like this? Longer than he could clearly remember, no doubt. Slowly, he slumped to the ground, mindful of Eliza's arms... then wound his around her, returning the gesture. "You... you really care."

"O-of course I do."

He was silent a moment longer. Then, he closed his eyes. His face felt awfully hot. "I'm sorry. You don't deserve someone like me."

"Maybe..." She hiccuped, taking in a gasp and sounding like she was trying to get control of her voice. "But... but I chose this. I signed up for this. W-with all that entails. I don't want to give up on you, Mordenna. Please, give me the chance to help."

"And if I hurt you?"

"I hurt. It's proof I'm alive. It's... it's not like it wouldn't happen eventually." She sniffed. "Best to get the healing done now..."

Eliza... thought so similarly to him, yet so differently at the same time. Whereas he saw the hurt as inevitable and thus he should eliminate the future hurt, Eliza also saw it as inevitable... and resolved to speed along the recovery for it. How could he cope with someone who would stick around after he'd done things that shoved everyone else away? You know the answer to that. Stick around, yourself.

He opened his eyes again, looking at Eliza. His chest still ached, but with her hugging him... it wasn't so bad. It seemed to free his chest, almost. Maybe... maybe he could stick around for this. If not for anyone else, if not to kill the Elders, if not to off Odin? Then for what Eliza could do for him. His thumb idly stroked against her back. "—Thank you. Didn't have to go sailing over the Avenger for me, but... you did. I'm pretty sure it's obvious, but that—that means a lot to me." He took in a deep breath, then sighed it out. Now or never. "I'm sorry for what I said to you. I just wanted to say whatever would cut to make you realize I'm not worth it. Even if you're not fully human... you're human where it counts."

Eliza shook her head, bringing it up from his chest. Tear tracks ran down her face, but she seemed to be over the worst of it. "It's ok. I understand now. It hurt, yes, but I want you to be around so we can help each other through it. I don't want you gone because you said that to me, or antagonized Fal-Mai. When I said I would help you and talk with you, I meant it." She gave him another squeeze. "Even... if it's the heavier stuff, like this. I want to prevent this. I want to stop you from ever being up there—or at the least, give you the tools and thought processes to talk yourself down."

Mordenna regarded her a moment longer before nodding. "I... I owe you that much, at least. Just... sorry. And thanks. Can't say either of those enough."

The Commander nodded right back. The two shared a moment of silence, the underlying hush of the grass whipping against itself the only noise that came between them.

Soon, however, Mordenna was compelled to break it—and he was feeling good enough that his humor was returning. "Now. I'm off the edge, at least. We're both safe. Should we skiddaddle soon so someone doesn't take our positions out of context?"

That was enough to earn a tired laugh out of Eliza, and his heart lifted at the sound. "That might be wise. I..." She sobered back up quick. "I want to do some more talking. You, me, my Quarters?"

"Yes ma'am," he readily agreed. The two untangled from each other and Eliza was the first to start walking, though making sure Mordenna was following behind her before she really started making her way to the open landing gear of the Avenger.

It was a fresh start, in a way. Maybe he could do things better this time around.