"Come on, Liv, pick up," Elliot muttered as he slammed his car door behind him. He slammed the key into the ignition with his free hand and the engine roared to life as the dial tone just got louder in his ear.
Hi, you've reached Captain Olivia Benson. I'm sorry I missed your call but leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
He growled as he waited for the recording to begin as he shifted the SUV into gear. "Liv, it's me, please…..call me back," he pleaded before hanging up. He sighed heavily before tossing the phone in the passenger seat and running a hand over his head. Pressing his foot on the gas pedal, he sped through the streets of the city, weaving in and out of traffic. He wanted to get to her and wouldn't stop until he did.
EO
Relief, Olivia thought as she sank down into the plush cushions of her couch in her living room that Friday night. It was quiet in the apartment that evening, minus the rambunctious laughter of the little boy that held her heart; she focused on the subtle sound of her breathing, the sirens on the streets below, and the slight hum of the air conditioner.
It was only April and the city was beautiful during the springtime, but she was running hot. At her age, it wasn't surprising, given that menopause was approaching. She laughed to herself as she swirled her wine; she wasn't the spring chicken she'd once been. New York heat didn't use to bother her.
But that was then and this is now.
Olivia rested her head on the back of the couch as she propped her feet up on the coffee table in front of her. She wiggled her weight as she settled; letting the weight of the week wash off of her. The weeks were becoming harder to manage but she went on – besides, Olivia Benson didn't break. Thoughts of retirement loomed on the horizon – she wasn't ready to put down her badge just yet, but her arms were growing weary. She reached for the remote beside her and turned her television on, mind wandering aimlessly as she flipped through the channels. She had a few shows she liked to watch when she had the time, but none that she was so invested in that she'd seen every episode. She settled on some trashy, reality TV to get her mind off the week she'd had at work.
It was five minutes into the episode when her phone started vibrating. She slowly reached for it, not taking her eyes off the television.
"Captain Benson," she answered, without glancing at the screen.
"Liv."
Olivia frowned as she tensed. The voice on the other end of the line was one she would recognize anywhere – one she had once heard every day for twelve years and then only in her dreams for the next ten.
Elliot.
"Elliot," she whispered, confusion lacing his name.
"Are you home?" he asked, his voice breaking.
"Yeah."
"Is Noah home?"
She smiled. Last time he'd unexpectedly shown up at her house, that hadn't been a question he'd thought to ask. Of course, he hadn't thought much to start with, being drugged out of his mind.
"Uh, no, no," she said, feeling her body relax. She took another sip of wine. "He's at a friend's house tonight." She paused. "Why?"
"Can I…" his voice trailed off and she could tell something was torturing him. "Look, can I just come over for a minute?"
She glanced around her living room, wishing she'd tidied up a tad more but not truly caring. This was Elliot, the man was her best friend, her partner for better or worse, hell, her soulmate – he wouldn't care if things were slightly askew in her house.
"Sure," she answered, not sure if she was going against her better judgement.
"I'll be there in ten."
EO
The knock on the door came sooner than she thought it would. Olivia glanced through the peephole and frowned as Elliot came into view. She unlocked the door and opened it, not wiping the confused expression off of her face.
"Elliot, what-" she started, taking in the sight of him.
Elliot Stabler – tough, ex-Marine, buff Elliot Stabler stood before her looking absolutely tortured and destroyed.
"I found the file." His voice was quiet, tone steady as his eyes slowly rose to meet hers.
"File? What file?" The words were out of her mouth before it clicked. She knew exactly what file he meant but she wanted him to say it.
"Yours. The Lewis file."
She stayed quiet, knowing what came next would inevitably change the course they were currently on.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered, his eyes already filling with tears.
Olivia shifted on her feet, buying herself some time. "You never asked," she said simply.
Memories of that night during Kathy's trial flooded Elliot's memory, her words echoing in his ears.
You haven't asked one question about what happened to me since you left.
He hadn't asked. The truth was, he couldn't stomach knowing that the last ten years had been hard for her in his absence. He'd thought he'd done the right thing by leaving SVU, by leaving her, saving her from the fallout that was sure to follow if he'd stayed. He'd dreamt that she'd gotten everything she deserved in their ten years apart, no matter how much it hurt him to think about – stability, love, a home more than just four walls, a home inside a beating heart.
But the truth was that her home had been miles away from her, an ocean apart. He'd left her in the city they'd shared, the one place big enough to hold all their secrets, all the skeletons in their closets, all the love in their hearts. He'd left her without a word, no fragment to hold on to, just memories of a skewed past.
So, no. He hadn't asked. He couldn't face it knowing he'd made a mistake and they'd wasted ten years that could have been full of happiness for both of them.
Olivia bit her lip, knowing this wasn't going to be an easy conversation. She'd known that for a while, and had been putting it off for that very reason.
"Come in," she whispered, motioning for him to enter her home.
He stepped through the threshold and quickly wiped at his eyes as she shut and locked the door behind him. He shrugged off his leather jacket and laid it over the chair by the door.
"Olivia," he started, "I am so sorry."
"We don't have to do this," she said, keeping her voice low. Retelling this story was a dangerous game she didn't want to play.
Her eyes met his; fire colliding with ice and it sent a shock down his spine.
"I think we do," he argued. "If this," he motioned between them. "whatever this is….is going to go anywhere, we do."
She nodded and stepped around him, reaching for her glass of wine again. She took a large gulp before looking back at him.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked again.
"Not something I really like to talk about." She folded her arms over her chest; a motion of self-defense, of her walls going back up. "Besides, you saw the file…not sure there's anything left to say."
"Olivia."
"What?" she snapped.
"I'm trying here."
"I didn't ask you to."
Elliot held his hands up in defense, not wanting to push her over the edge already. "You said I never asked about what happened to you. I want to know," he began. "everything that happened while I was gone. The good, the bad…all of it." He reached out for her hand but she kept her arms crossed around her. "But if you don't want to tell me…"
"It's just….hard to talk about, okay?"
He nodded as he watched her shuffle around the room, memories of the last time they were in her apartment filling his head.
"Your partner really didn't notice you were gone?" he asked quietly.
Olivia bit her lip and shook her head.
"I would have noticed."
"Oh, is this some pissing match between you and Amaro? Do you want me to tell you that you were the better partner?"
"No, Olivia, I'm just saying I would have noticed if you weren't there. I…." Elliot paused. "I shouldn't have left you….or at least, I should have come back sooner."
"Don't." Venom flew from her tongue as she lashed out at him.
"Don't what?"
"Don't make this about you."
Silence fell between them as she took in a deep breath and unfolded her arms. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I just….it's a lot to…"
"It's okay, I deserve it." He cracked a smile, the one that made her go weak in the knees and she knew she was a goner. She could never stay mad at him when he smiled at her like that.
"But you were," she whispered after a moment. "You were the better partner. Amaro was fine, but…no one was you."
Her admission settled between them, igniting as if it were a fire and the space between them was oxygen.
"No one was ever you."
Elliot took another step closer towards her and pulled her into his arms. Olivia didn't fight him as she relaxed in his grip. They both knew the implication of the words she'd just spoken, of the desire she'd finally unleashed after twenty-three years.
"All I wanted was you." Her voice was quiet. "I had this…fantasy of seeing you again. Of somehow…you being the one to save me. I just wanted to see you one more time. And he…taunted me with that."
He wrapped his arms around her tighter, tears rolling off her face and hitting his shoulder, soaking through his Henley.
"I shouldn't have left," he muttered against her hair.
"But you did." Olivia pulled back to look him in the face, seeing tears falling from his eyes, too. "We can't change that." She reached up to cup his cheek. "And despite everything that happened….we somehow ended up together again."
"Olivia, I was serious when I said I love you. I meant it."
She smiled weakly. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Stabler," she said sadly.
"I'm not," Elliot said. "I love you. I want you. And I will tell you every single day until you believe me."
She took a deep breath and licked her lips. "Then there's something you need to see," she said. "So when you say that you love me and that you want me…" She stopped, swallowing hard. "You have to know what you're signing up for." She looked up at him through tear-stained lashes.
"Olivia, nothing you say or do could make me love you any less. I'm not leaving again. I promise you."
She guided his hands to her hips, letting them sit at the hem of her top.
He reached for her shirt and slowly slid it over her head, leaving her sitting before him in her jeans and gray bra.
Elliot kept his expression neutral as he took in the sight of her. He had dreamt of this for years and never once imagined it would be laced with tragedy.
"See?" she asked as she watched him, her voice shaking. "I'm not what I used to be."
"The only thing I see," he began, as he reached out and started tracing the scars that freckled the top of her breasts, "is a strong, fearless woman. The woman I have loved for over two decades." He paused. "The woman….that I saw in my dreams and never imagined I'd get to hold in my arms. The woman meant for me in this life, this parallel universe. The woman I would lay down my life for and the reason I kept going when all I wanted was for the pain to end."
Tears rolled down Olivia's cheeks as he continued.
"I see the reason the sun rises every day and the stars in your eyes at every nightfall. I see my best friend, my partner for better or worse….and my soulmate. I see you, Olivia."
He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to each imperfection that marked her skin, taking his time to work over her skin.
When he was done, Elliot pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her as she cried. He ran his hand over her hair, breathing her in. She rested her forehead against his chin; the scruff tickling her skin. His lips found her skin and kissed her head; her eyes shut tightly as salty tears escaped them.
"But you're here." His words grounded her, brought her back to the moment in front of her, away from the trauma that lurked in the dark corners of her mind. "You survived." He smiled as he reached out and wiped tears away with his thumb.
"I survived," she repeated.
"And you came back to me," Elliot paused. "And hey, my friend, Olivia….that's the greatest thing I could ever hope for."
