Chapter 21

The idea of Senshi zombies was disturbing, but it was difficult to feel much past the bone-crushing exhaustion that had taken up residence throughout his entire body. Touma wanted to lie down and sleep in the dirt. But he forced himself to remain upright and as focused as he could.

He hated to admit that he was barely able to keep track of what was happening right now. He cast Ami a glance as the quiet, blue haired woman frowned thoughtfully. Ryo, Shin, and Shuu looked lost, feeling a threat but unsure where to address their aggression.

Though Shuu kept throwing awed glances in Usagi's direction. To her credit, she didn't seem the sort to bask in the fact that she was apparently some sort of royalty. She was staring at the Minako zombie and looking a bit green in the gills.

The way the Sho Ha Kyu and his attack had pulled the energy out of him made him feel a little green in the gills. He'd managed the attack, but the feeling of having the energy ripped out of him indiscriminately made him queasy. It had felt almost as if the weapon and its attack were alien – disconnected from him. Distant. Uncaring.

Having his armor separated from him was a little frightening. Tenku seemed so cold and distant right now, and Touma wasn't sure what that meant. Only that the less he tried to use his weapon, the better.

He hated to admit it, but if these undead Senshi really were on their side, that was a gift – a creepy gift, but a gift nonetheless. And a gift they should utilize.

While he'd keep throwing Shin Ku Has until he dropped dead, reservations and creepy feelings aside, he was pretty sure the number of attacks he could get out before that happened was a very small number. Calling his weapon had been difficult enough – he'd never realized how much energy their attacks used – and how much power the armors themselves contained.

It was humbling. He'd thought he'd understood the connection he shared with his armor and the balance between them. Right now it felt like he was just some sort of inconsequential carrier for Tenku instead of a warrior chosen specifically to wear it. The armors had their own destinies, and this seemed to reinforce to Touma that the Troopers were less in control of their fate and more just along for the ride.

Not a happy thought. Maybe it was the exhaustion wearing his spirit down, but anxiety was starting to eat up the remainder of his focus and patience. And maybe there was a tiny bit of envy there too.

The Senshi seemed to have a more fluid relationship with their abilities that suggested a deeper, more intrinsic connection between whatever it was that gave them their powers and their own energies. Almost as if the Senshi had their abilities tied to their own lifeforce, and it was a matter of tapping in to that power versus having to call upon an external source.

He'd thought that the armors were tied to the Troopers in a more intimate way, but the most recent incarnation of the mystical yoroi had been created by a being that'd been their enemy for most their acquaintance. The Troopers hadn't really done a whole lot with their new gear – they'd all suffered some reluctance after what Suzunagi had put them through, and Touma now had to admit to himself that perhaps that hadn't been the right choice.

No matter how many times they might try to put down the armor – to walk away from a life of constant battles, they always seemed to end up in the same place.

The knowledge didn't really give Touma a warm feeling.

Shuu growled something at the Minako zombie and Touma shifted his focus back to the scene. He needed to get out of his own head. He was here, circumstances were what they were, and he just needed to help get himself and everyone else out of whatever this was right now. Thinking in circles about something he had no control over wasn't helping him.

He blinked down at Usagi and Makoto, observing them both. Makoto still lay, unconscious, her head in Usagi's lap. She'd bled herself dry energy wise, and he worried now that she'd given too much of herself and would be unable to recover. He blamed himself, again, for not picking up on the not so subtle traits of her personality that would have signaled her self-sacrificing intent.

He'd seen those traits countless times before, and they were obvious when he was looking for them. Of course, that never made it any easier to get ahead of whatever it was Ryo usually had planned either, but at least he'd been able to try and prepare for it.

With Makoto he'd been blind.

Touma let himself sink to the ground so he was sitting beside her, folding his legs in front of him as a counter balance. He just…wanted to check on her. Make sure she seemed ok. That her condition hadn't worsened.

A bit of rest might be good for him too. He'd probably have to repeat the performance with the Sho Ha Kyu sooner rather than later. In any case, Seiji was on guard, and Touma trusted Korin to be vigilant for the moment.

To his surprise, Usagi gently transferred Makoto's head into his lap once he was settled, giving him a small, encouraging smile, before putting her hand on his shoulder and leaning in close.

"Thank you, for keeping my Senshi safe," she whispered, kissing him gently on the cheek. Just as quickly, she was gone, standing and moving next to Seiji. Touma stared after her, but his attention shifted when Makoto moved, burrowing into him before her eyes fluttered. They opened, and she turned, blinking up at him.

"Hashiba?" she murmured hoarsely.

"Yeah." He leaned forward, gently grasping one of her hands, watching as her face melted into the sweetest smile he was sure he'd ever received. Touma told himself she was just too out of it to really know what she was doing. No way she'd be smiling at him that way if she was actually aware of her circumstances right now. If she remembered having to keep him safe.

She reached shaking fingers up, gently caressing his cheek, and Touma was unable to stop himself from grasping her hand there for a moment, supporting her. He promised himself that was the only thing he was doing. Supporting her. In no way would he be craving the touch of a woman he barely knew.

"You're…ok?" she asked anxiously, furrowing her brow up at him. Something inside of him shifted then. She was lying in his lap because she'd overexerted herself to keep him safe, and she wanted to know if he was ok? He squeezed her fingers in reassurance but was unable to prevent the frown from crossing his features.

"Not really," he said quietly, letting the statement slip without thought. He cursed himself for it as soon as the words left his mouth. All he needed to be doing right now was reassuring her. Giving her his true thoughts seemed like a good way to do the opposite of that. When she struggled to sit up, he stilled her with gentle hands, cursing quietly under his breath.

"What is it?" she breathed, studying him with groggy concern.

Touma took a deep breath and let it out. The anxiety he kept trying to push aside was still eating at him, taking bigger and bigger chunks out of his psyche. Somehow, looking at Makoto made it worse, not better. Seeing her wounded and weak shook something up inside of him, and the fact that he didn't understand it only doubled the emotion.

A tremble wove through him as the memory of their battle with the spider crept into his mind. He relived the fear of not knowing where she was or if she was safe, or if he was going to win or what might happen to her if he didn't. What might happen to him. To the Troopers. The battles that followed, when he should have been buoyed after they'd all been reunited, had been no less frightening.

She'd fought too long and too hard and had lost consciousness, and he'd been trying to keep his emotion under control since then. Had been trying to ignore how helpless he felt – how much what was happening to them felt like it was all at the whim of some powerful, nefarious force that could crush them any time it wanted but played with them instead.

Knowing now that her condition had been so much worse than she'd let on. That he'd been pulling her around with probable broken bones and she hadn't said a single word to him about it. That she'd simply suffered in silence, quietly sacrificing her well-being for him – for everyone – when he was scared it might be for nothing.

He couldn't let her courage be for nothing.

She was so brave. She was so strong. She was so stupid. What in the hell had she been thinking, letting him drag her around like that?! Flinging her power around like it was nothing while it ate at her from the inside out?

Touma took another breath, and tried to listen as his rational mind reprimanded him for letting his emotion carry him away. He shouldn't be getting this worked up over a total stranger. He didn't get this worked up over anyone except the other Troopers.

That was a lie though, wasn't it? He might not know her, but he knew her. Their brief time together thus far already told him an entire biography's worth of information about her. What kind of person she was. Her integrity. Her spirit.

A feminine hand, delicate and rose scented, reached up then and gently brushed the hair from his eyes. The act was futile, as it fell right back into place, and she let a small hiss of amused air out of one side of her mouth as it curved in a small smile.

"You're thinking about this too much. Whatever it is isn't physical then, is it? You aren't badly injured?" she rasped, studying him intently.

At the very least, he could ease her worries there. He shook his head. "Nah. I got a little banged up but nothing serious. I'm fine, Kino," he replied evenly, hating the subtle edge to his voice. It wasn't her fault that he didn't understand himself or anything else right now. That he felt so out of control.

"Hmmm. Did something bad happen? What'd I miss? What's wrong?" she whispered, a slight slur blurring her words and telling him she probably wasn't very clear headed right now. Her brow furrowed, and she moved her hand to tap gently between his own brows. Touma caught it in his own, tangling their fingers.

He couldn't make himself let go. He needed physical contact with her. It seemed to be the only thing that quieted the raging storm inside.

"Another battle. Aino was hit. She seems to be ok, but she's probably done for awhile. She used too much energy," he replied quietly, completely leaving out his own actions. He was probably done too, but he wasn't going to say it out loud. He could continue to ignore it until he said it out loud.

Makoto stirred, making another attempt at rising. Touma stilled her again, and she shot him a determined look, pushing up on her hands and arms, sitting so they were nearly eye to eye while his shoulders were slumped. Even half out of it, her gaze still held a core of steel in its depths.

"I have to get up. I have to help my friends," she said in a steady voice. Touma felt the anger inside him rear up and take another big bite out of his rationality.

"You're not in any condition to help right now. Do you have any idea how long you've been unconscious? Are you trying to get yourself killed?!" he growled, mortified at the outburst but unable to hold himself back. Where was his cool head? His rational demeanor? He couldn't seem to find the cork to stuff back in the bottle.

And what in the hell was she thinking?! Exactly what was in her brain right now?!

She blinked at him, eyes wide, and pulled away slightly, clearly taken aback. She studied him for a moment, and he felt a little uncomfortable as her gaze seemed to detect more than he wanted her to see.

"Something happened. To you, I mean. You look…worn out. Were you…protecting me?" she murmured. She dropped her eyes to her lap then, her cheeks pinking slightly, bringing color to her pallid complexion. "I'm sorry if I was a burden on you," she continued in a voice so low he could barely hear her.

Touma put his face in his hand and scrubbed at his skin before tangling his fingers in his bangs and tugging in frustration. Now he'd made her feel bad. Great. Maybe he should be asking what the hell was wrong with him, not her.

"You're not a burden," he grumbled, trying to pull himself together. Tie the frayed ends of his temper to some kind of anchor. "I just…if you keep going like this Makoto, you're going to…it's not going to end well, right? I'm not saying you're not strong. You're unbelievably strong. I'm not saying you can't handle it – you just keep handling it for everyone and you can't do that. There are still plenty of us here that are capable. You did your part. You need to sit a few rounds out of the ring, ok?" Was he even making sense now? Boxing metaphors? Was he channeling Shuu?

He heard her sigh and looked up in time to see her wrap her arms around her knees and rest her chin on her legs. Her face was full of melancholy and some other emotion he didn't really know how to interpret. "Ok," she said quietly. "I'm sure you're right. I have nothing left in me right now." She lapsed off into a silence that felt wrong to Touma, and stared at her toes in the brittle brown scrub.

But there was still steel in her eyes, and he had a feeling that when it came down to it, she'd throw herself into the fray regardless.

He also realized that he'd probably jump in front of her with another Shin Ku Ha. Then they could trade places and he could be the one unconscious. He huffed a bitter laugh. They made a pair, that was for sure.

"I don't know why you're laughing like that, but it can't be that bad. Not yet. And anyways, the Senshi have been through way worse than this and still made it through. Believe me. It's a long way down before it feels hopeless," she replied, giving him a small, sweet smile over her knees. "It's hard, but we have to have faith in our friends and each other."

He just wanted to kiss her. Mentally, he was all over the place right now, and he knew it. But…He needed her optimism and he hated that he needed it. He wanted to be rational, but pragmatism was only bringing him down right now. He needed that light. That strength. He struggled to clear his throat. "Yeah," he managed to reply hoarsely.

They lapsed into another awkward silence, during which Touma cursed himself for being so scattered right now.

She huffed amused air from her cheeks suddenly. "Did you call me Makoto before?" she asked, her smile playful. Touma felt warmth suffuse his face. Had he? He tried to pull off a careless shrug, but the movement felt jerky.

"Maybe? It was a serious moment, Kino," he fired back, feeling strange now. She tilted her head, the movement still conveying amusement.

"It's not a big deal. After everything else, you can call me Makoto. Mako-chan if you want even," she grinned at him weakly, mischief sparking in her eyes, her gaze daring him not to. Touma reached out and ruffled her ponytail, wanting to shake her unflappable amusement.

"Fine, Mako-chan. I guess you might as well call me Touma," he said, feeling more relaxed than he had moments ago. She flushed prettily, looking back at her feet, and Touma had to remind himself that he shouldn't be having those sorts of feelings for her either.

Another brief silence fluttered between them.

"…I like that," she whispered to her feet. Touma blinked at her. Liked…what, he wondered. She peeked at him and went back to staring at the ugly scrub on the ground. "When you call me that…" she clarified, in an even lower voice he had to strain to hear.

Touma jolted, sitting upright, and stared off at the field where Ami and the zombie were engaged in what probably should be riveting conversation. They fell into another strained silence as he tried to figure out how he was supposed to feel about that, never mind answer her.

"…Can we pretend I never said that? I'm sorry. It just sort of…slipped out." Makoto's mortified tone gave him the answer he was looking for. He scooched closer, so they were sitting side by side now, and shook his head.

"Nope, we can't. You're stuck with it now, Mako-chan," he replied, the smile evident in his voice despite the low tone. She straightened abruptly, turning then, and bringing them nose to nose. Touma found himself staring at her lips – pink and perfect – and unable to break his gaze away.

Do not kiss her. Do not kiss her, he reprimanded himself. He swallowed and forced himself to pull back. His mouth quirked into a smile. "Besides. I like it too. It's cute," he continued. Her blush deepened and she turned away again, eyes wide.

Hell. Was he flirting with her? What was he doing right now?! There was a zombie Sailor Venus not ten meters from where they were sitting, the real Venus had nearly just been taken out, and his own armor was stealing vast swaths of his life force when he tried to use it.

And here he was, thinking about kissing Makoto Kino senseless.

"Is…is that….a zombie Venus?" Makoto's tone was strangled and he snapped his head up just in time to see her gaze finally take in what was going on around them. Without thinking about it, he reached down and gently took her fingers in his own, trying to comfort her.

"It is," he affirmed. Makoto snapped her wide-eyed gaze toward him.

"Hashi – er – Touma. Why is there a zombie Venus?" she breathed, her skin losing color. Touma gently ran his thumb over her knuckles.

"I gather she's here to help us. And I hate to say it, but I think more zombies are coming," he murmured, trying to gently introduce her to the idea of working with zombie versions of herself. Trying to figure out how he was going to be ok working with her past selves. The idea of working with Makotos that had died in battle made him feel…his gut tightened almost unbearably. Nevermind how bizarre the entire concept still felt to him.

"Oh. They're on our side?" she asked. He nodded.

"Yeah. As far as we can tell?" he replied. Makoto smiled up at him then, the expression carrying a curious amount of relief.

"That's pretty creepy, but honestly? I'd take my past selves on my side in a fight any day, even if they are zombies." And just like that, she simply accepted what was happening. That same buoyant faith that everything would just…work out unshakeable. Selfishly, he wanted some of that for himself. If he understood things right, she'd been battling just as long as he had – might even have memories of battling in other lifetimes before that – and she still somehow had this bright, untarnished optimism.

And something inside of Touma suddenly needed to protect that optimism, at all costs. He'd lost his own. But Makoto Kino still dreamed. She still hoped. She still had faith. And he wanted to keep it that way.

The silence between them now was comfortable, and curious, he turned to look at her from the corner of his eye. Her eyes were drooping, and her head had dipped. Touma felt alarm spike his heart rate.

"Mako-chan?" he called softly. She blinked her gaze open again and gave him a heart stopping smile.

"Mmhmm. I do like the sound of that," she teased, her words slurring a bit. Touma flushed, reminded himself that she might not have a high level of mental acuity right now and he shouldn't be taking things like that to heart.

"Are you all right?" he asked, wondering about her lapse back into exhaustion.

Her eyelids dropped again. "Mmm ok. Just a little sleepy," she rasped. He felt the weight of her land softly against his shoulder and reminded himself that she still needed rest. She'd been out of it for a while, and it was going to take her time to recover.

"Hey Touma?" she whispered after a moment. He leaned toward her to hear her better.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"I like you. A lot."

Touma made a strangled sound of surprise in his throat and cleared it discreetly before replying.

"You like me?" he rasped, feeling his face infuse with color, grateful everyone else was occupied.

She nodded against his shoulder, sleepy, half awake. "I like you. I've got a crush on you, Touma Hashiba." She was sleepy but her tone carried a hint of tease in it.

He wished he could see her face, but her hair hid it from him. All he could see was the top of her head. He sat in breathless silence, trying to figure out what to say to that…and realized that the sound of her breathing had evened out while he'd been debating.

She'd dropped that bomb on him…and went to sleep!? His heart was pounding now, but not because of overexertion. Makoto Kino had a crush on him?

He mulled it over. Was that what had been going on between them? He wasn't usually this dense, but he admitted he'd been trying so hard not to let things slip in an inappropriate direction that he might have ignored any signs from Makoto.

His heart beat harder as he considered it.

She liked him.

She liked him.

Touma knew he was smiling now. Knew he shouldn't be.

But she liked him.

And now that he was thinking about it? Maybe…he liked her back.