I Never Said Thank You For That

~oOo~

It wasn't often that the Organized Crime Control Bureau worked with Special Victims, but now that they were working as a joint task force, Captain Olivia Benson was commuting more often than not. It had been good, working with her former partner, Detective Elliot Stabler, again. They were so rarely able to spend time together due to their individual family lives and conflicting work schedules, that when work brought them together, they were taking full advantage of it.

Oftentimes it was in bulletproof vests, but talking during stakeouts and being in their own world during briefings, communicating in the unspoken language only they knew, made it feel like it felt back then and in many ways, so much better.

They had put in a full day, said their goodbyes, and left headquarters together, and since Liv was already on his side of the bridge, Elliot invited her over for dinner. After assuring her she wouldn't be intruding and he wasn't cooking, she agreed. The drive to and from Manhattan was only about twenty minutes, but with traffic, she'd likely get home too tired to cook and had asked Lucy to stay late this week, though they didn't know how long they'd be working this assignment. The case itself had become complex while things between Elliot and Olivia felt almost effortless.

Bernie had made lasagna and was in the kitchen tossing a salad when they came in, Liv offering to help and Bernie tasking her with opening a bottle of wine.

"Mama," Elliot looked up from where he was struggling to help Eli with math homework, "You know you're not supposed to—

"A glass of red wine at dinner is good for heart health." She waved him off and he laughed good-naturedly, shaking his head as Liv poured them each half a glass. It was pointless, he thought, she knew she wasn't supposed to drink with her meds and he knew better than to argue.

Dinner was delicious and Olivia was a little sad as the evening started to wind down. They'd all talked and laughed, even Eli, who excused himself early. Eli was a sweet kid, introspective, and starting to warm to Olivia, who he'd never really known. Elliot enjoyed watching his mother interact with Liv. Bernie had wanted to hear all about his meeting with Noah, asking questions about her nine-year-old son, leading to stories about Elliot at that age which had her laughing.

Bernie's overall demeanor was good and it seemed her symptoms were being managed but it was hard to watch her search for words here and there and struggle with some memories. But then, she could be very sharp and with it.

"Listen to me going on," she interrupted herself. "It's getting late. I should give you two some privacy."

"Mama." Elliot was visibly flustered. "That's not necessary. Please, just—"

"What? I don't ask about your sex life, son."

"Mama, that's inappropriate."

Liv shook her head, amused, and started to clear the dishes. Elliot helped and they stood side by side at the sink, bumping each other's shoulders and talking in low voices as Bernie put the leftovers in glass Tupperware Liv to take with her for lunch tomorrow.

"Bernie, thanks again," Olivia said as she started toward the door.

"Any time, dear."

"I'll walk you out," Elliot offered, bending to kiss his mother's head and reminding her about her nighttime meds.

"Will you get out of here." She tskd. "Don't keep your girlfriend waiting."

Elliot took her around the back door and through the garden, which was not actually a shortcut.

"I love seeing you two together," Olivia commented, giving Elliot a sideways glance. He was quiet, thoughtful, hands shoved deep in his pockets.

"I never said thank you for that."

"Hmm?" She asked, not fully paying attention to his words.

"My mom and me."

It stopped Olivia in her tracks. He'd never said 'thank you' for a lot of things but was more clear about how much he appreciated her and having a place in her life again, whatever it was.

He sat down on one of the two outdoor chairs on either side, legs wide, arm slung over the back of it, inviting. So, she joined him on the other side of the small table where Bernie would drink tea or sneak out of the house to have a cigarette.

"What do you mean by that?" she asked, knowing exactly what he meant by that.

"I mean," his hand reached for hers across the table, "you going to my mother and asking her to talk to Kathleen."

Maybe God just remembered how cute you were as a carrot.

"I just–" She didn't know how much Bernie had told Elliot, but she had promised not to tell him, though she more or less had. "I was just trying to help." Her fingers found his.

"You did." He kept his voice low. "You always do."

"How'd you know?"

"You think I'm that dense?"

She looked at him and they both laughed. He could see her face in the light from the kitchen and his mouth went dry. He didn't know how, after all this time, his heart rate could speed up whenever she was this close, how she could still steal his voice and take his breath away, but–

"She told you," Liv surmised and Elliot nodded.

"The first few weeks Kathleen was in treatment, she was struggling. We would visit and she wouldn't talk to me." He started to recall what had been a trying time for his family, particularly his daughter. "She was really going through it, therapy and meds and being in a hospital and I tried not to take it personal but I still felt like I'd let her down."

"El," Liv interjected but let him continue.

"Kathleen and I have always been close. Out of all my kids…" He trailed off and she understood. He didn't play favorites but he and Kathleen had a bond. "So when she came home, we'd be around each other and say things in passing, but we still weren't talking, not like we used to." Olivia nodded. "Scared me," he said. "Thinking my kid hates me, that maybe she'll never talk to me again."

"That would never happen."

"Made me think about how my mother must feel."

"Oh."

It made more sense now. Elliot had, in Bernie's own words 'erased his childhood' by walking away from his past, and from her, and he'd never really thought about how much he'd hurt her, only how much she had hurt him. Neither of Elliot's parents had cared for him the way he needed, but only as a parent, could he understand that the ways his mother had failed him were largely not in her control. She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back.

"I went back to the shore and we talked, really talked," he told her. "She said you'd taken her to Rikers to talk to Kathleen, said I should keep you around." She smiled at that. "I listened, probably for the first time, and we kept talking, we talked with Kathleen, and eventually…" His voice was thick with emotion. "Mama said she wanted to get help."

"You did that, Elliot," Liv said. "You fixed your relationship."

"I wouldn't have tried if you hadn't done what you did."

Olivia didn't want to take the credit but she didn't argue. After a few minutes just sitting under the stars in companionable quiet, Elliot finally spoke up. "It's cold, and it's late," he said, standing. "I should let you get home to Noah."

"I should," she agreed, doing the same and taking his arm when he offered it.

"Mama says I should keep you around." Elliot toed the pebbles with his shoe.

"Yeah, what else does your mama say?" she asked.

"That I was a dummy for not kissing you last time you were here."

"You are a dummy," she teased, her pulse quickening when she added, "You should listen to–"

Elliot cut her off by pressing a kiss to her lips, his hand on her lower back as he pulled her closer. She deepened the kiss before pulling back, smiling, her brown eyes shining in the dark. It was simple, soft and sweet, like they'd been kissing each other goodnight forever.