Chapter 23

Shin stared at the fire, lost in thought. Across from him, Ami had fallen asleep leaning against Ryo's shoulder. Rekka was stooped over a bit, elbows leaning on his folded knees, and the deep, even movement of his shoulders told Shin his leader was also very likely dozing at least. Good. Ryo needed rest.

Touma and Makoto hadn't moved since they'd dropped, exhausted, and Shin resolved to let them sleep as long as possible. Touma was no less than amazing, managing to use his surekill without his armor, but that had taken a great deal of wind out of the boy-genius' sails, and he needed plenty of time to recover. He was also a beast when he was tired or hungry. And Shin was not in the mood to deal with a cranky Tenku. Touma was already angry enough.

Seiji remained vigilant over Minako's slumbering form, though judging by her tightly curled posture, Venus wasn't having good dreams. Korin observed, a helpless expression occasionally flickering briefly across his features, as if he weren't quite sure what to do but felt the need to do something.

Shin gave his curiosity free reign as he studied their normally stoic member discreetly from beneath his lashes. He hadn't ever seen Seiji act so solicitously towards any female, though Shin supposed these were fairly exceptional circumstances. Venus also wasn't behaving like the usual type of woman that tried to cling to Seiji. They were equal partners here, and Shin was certain that needing to rely on Venus and her powers to get him safely reunited with the other Troopers had muted Korin's normal stand-offish tendencies a bit.

Regardless, Shin admitted he was having a good time watching Seiji out of his element. Even if that meant they were all out of their element.

Shuu had fallen asleep next to Usagi, his head propped on his hand, his elbow propped on his leg, and Shin stifled a chuckle. Kongo could sleep anywhere, in any position, and that was a skill Shin admired.

And Rei? The quiet sound of her even breathing gave Shin a warm feeling in his chest as she slept against his shoulder. He was getting a sore neck, but he wasn't moving for anything if it meant Rei got some sleep.

So here he was. Sore and wide awake.

Their eerie zombie ring hadn't so much as twitched or made a sound. It wasn't really helping him relax. Minako whimpered in her sleep, curling more tightly into herself, and Seiji made a quiet noise in his throat, squeezing her shoulder with one hand. She settled.

He locked eyes with Korin for a moment, but no words came, so Shin shrugged and went back to staring at the fire. He knew Seiji well enough, but it wasn't like the two of them often had heart-to-hearts. They'd all experienced some distance after Suzunagi, but had managed to finally, slowly rebuild the connections between them. Those connections hadn't been the same though.

And that made sense. They'd been fourteen year old boys when they'd first met and battled together. They'd bonded as teens over trauma and adrenaline. Shin loved the Troopers with everything in him, but that didn't mean they lived next door to each other and connected on a daily….or even monthly basis.

He felt a little guilty now. He had no idea what Seiji, Ryo, or Touma had been up to recently. He'd taken it for granted that they were all fine and living normal lives.

Seeing them all now, he was willing to bet they'd all been struggling. He wondered if the Senshi were the same. They all seemed very closely bonded. And…familiar with each other in a way that Shin could understand but not recognize between himself and the other Troopers. It made him feel just a bit melancholic.

But he didn't really know the Senshi well enough at all, and he acknowledged he might be projecting things that weren't actually there with his own wistful thinking.

Either way, Shin had no idea what was going on between Seiji and Minako, but he'd never seen Seiji so….doting or affectionate with a girl. It felt a little strange, and he preferred to let whatever was happening over there be None of His Business. He also didn't want to damage any budding relationship by making Seiji feel he might be under scrutiny. Seiji was incredibly private, and Shin liked to leave him to his privacy.

He turned his attention back to their surroundings as a distraction, and began formulating a planned schedule for shift changes with the Troopers. Since he and Seiji were awake now, they should probably trade off with Ryo and Shuu in a bit. Touma was out of rotation as far as he was concerned.

It had gotten dark again, at some point, and he was grateful for the light and heat of the fire. One of the zombie Mars kept feeding the flames, and the fire never dimmed or wavered. He was already taking that for granted, even if it was weird as hell to watch a rotting Rei, her face expressionless, her movements unhampered by the condition her body was in, set about something as mundane as keeping up a campfire. It made him feel very uncomfortable for a lot of reasons he didn't really want to try and sort out.

He eyed the living priestess as she slept against him, wishing he was brave enough to offer her comfort or security. But Rei was fierce, and he wasn't quite sure exactly how she'd feel about overly affectionate contact. It seemed like a good way to push her away, so he simply let her rest.

Minako made another noise, her fingers twitching as she shuddered.

"Mako-chan!" she whispered, her low voice full of tears. "Oh no, Mako-chan!" she twitched again, and Seiji tried to gently shake her shoulder and jostle her from her sleep, without success. She seemed locked in a nightmare.

"Kunzite," she growled, her voice so low it was barely audible. "Traitor! He's your prince!" she hissed.

There was more silence as she curled in on herself again, tightly. "How could you?" she breathed, her voice breaking. Seiji gripped her shoulder, jostling her more firmly.

"Minako!" he whispered fiercely, leaning down near her ear. She gasped, jolting from sleep and scrambling up so quickly she and Seiji nearly bumped heads. Venus clutched at the fabric over her heart, her eyes wide, sweat rolling down her brow. Seiji laid a careful hand on her shoulder.

"Minako?" he breathed. She looked at him, her eyes lost.

"I couldn't save them," she whispered, her eyes on Seiji's face, but not seeing him. She stared at the fire for a long moment, expression haunted. Gradually, as Shin and Seiji observed, her expression shifted to dark and withdrawn. Her eyes dulled, and she wrapped her arms around her knees, resting her chin on them, as she stared at the fire.

The air slipped into a tense silence.

"Sorry. Did I wake anyone?" she murmured, dashing her fingers under her eyes in a discreet attempt to see if she'd been crying before wrapping them back around her legs.

"Who's Kunzite?" Seiji blurted, then immediately covered his mouth with his hand. Shin face-palmed. Why everyone thought Seiji was so suave was anyone's guess. The only reason he came across as suave to other women was mostly because he hardly gave them the time of day. Asking a woman about names she called out during her sleep was probably not a good way to get closer to her.

Minako stiffened up so badly Shin worried she'd sprain something, and they all sat in awkward silence for a moment.

"Kunzite is in the past." Rei said definitively from his shoulder. "…And that's where he belongs," she added as an afterthought, sitting up and stretching in a leisurely manner.

Minako, already a raw, open wound waiting to be picked, snapped her head up, sending Mars a strange look. Rei seemed unaffected, pulling her long, dark fall of hair over her shoulder and combing it idly with her fingers.

"He betrayed you?" Seiji asked, and Shin stared holes into Korin's brain. What on earth was Seiji trying to do? This seemed like a terrible way to pry into their new friends' lives. Was he trying to make connections between what was happening now and other influences in the Senshis' lives? Shin supposed that made sense.

It still seemed a shade too rude for the Warrior of Korin to pursue. Ryo, maybe. Shuu, definitely, but Seiji? Rei sent the Warrior of Korin a flat look.

"Do you always eavesdrop on what a girl says when she's dreaming?" she asked blandly, her lips pursed with disapproval. She shoved her hair back over her shoulder and sent Minako a sharp look Shin couldn't interpret.

"Rei's right. It's in the past. It doesn't matter now. Just…bad memories," Minako interjected quietly. Rei's brows furrowed as she studied the Senshi of Venus closely.

"Stop moping," she instructed after a moment. "If it's in the past it has no place in your head right now." She cast a significant look around them at the zombies and then fixed Minako with an intense stare, as if daring her to argue.

Minako's expression twitched with irritation. "Sometimes remembering the lessons the past teaches is important," she finally muttered, breaking her gaze away and staring resolutely at the fire. Rei huffed a breath.

"Are you remembering a lesson or is this self-punishment?" she snapped, her patience clearly at its end for whatever they were talking about. Her gaze was fierce as she studied Venus, but Shin could see the passion burning inside it. Rei was trying to pull Minako out of whatever funk she was in.

Venus' shoulders lifted in a tense shrug, and her face went stony, barricading whatever trauma was hiding underneath her withdrawn demeanor.

"Mina-chan. Learning from mistakes is important. But so is letting go," Rei replied softly, melancholy folding itself into the sharp lines of her face. Venus' shoulders hunched further, her posture curling in on itself. Shin a brief glimpse of the pained misery on her face before she tucked it into her legs and held herself tightly together, a small tremble working through her.

"I can't forget," she whispered into her legs. "I can't ever forget. Not the Silver Millenium. Not Point D or the Dead Moon Circus or Galaxia….I can't forget. If I let go of my mistakes, I'll only make them again."

Rei sighed, slowly closing her eyes. When she opened them, she looked back at the fire, her expression full of sadness for a moment.

"You don't need to forget to let go," was her only reply. Venus didn't answer, just stayed sitting next to Seiji, curled into a ball of tension.

"Mina-chan." Usagi's voice interjected. Shuu didn't stir as the Moon Princess sat up, staring at Minako with an aged sadness in her face. "Please. It's ok to let some things go, isn't it?" she said in a soft, kind voice.

Minako's shoulders shook briefly again, and then she huffed a breath into her legs. When she pulled her face up, she was smiling. Smiling for Usagi, Shin realized, and not for any other reason. There was an edge to that smile. An edge that made him uncomfortable. This woman was hurting, and a campfire heart to heart wasn't going to fix it.

"Of course it is, Usagi-chan," she replied in a tone that was far too cheerful considering the trauma he'd just borne witness to. Usagi frowned, her face full of frustration before it melted into an earnest expression.

"I know what your duties are. I know how seriously you all take them. But that's not what I want for you. That's not what I want for any of you. I just want you to be happy. It isn't fair. It isn't fair that your life or your happiness should be sacrificed just to keep me safe. I just….I just want you to find happiness," she said quietly, looking heartbroken.

It struck him, in this moment, how good Usagi was. She might not have the most eloquent words or the most sophisticated demeanor, but in this moment, he could feel her sorrow for her Senshi, and her need for them to be happy. He could feel that she didn't ever want her own well being to come before anyone else's. She was royalty. She was powerful. But neither of those things mattered to her – unless they could be used to keep her friends safe and happy.

Rei rolled her eyes and let out a dramatic sigh. "We can't all be hopeless romantics, Usagi. Some of us actually have to live in reality," she grumbled half-heartedly. Usagi scowled at her.

"I live in reality too Rei," she protested. "And anyways, how do you know I'm the one out of touch? All you guys ever do is think about this stuff." She flicked a sullen gaze over to Minako, who was trying to look unaffected and cheerful. "Mina-chan gave up on her volleyball dreams and her idol dreams because she didn't think she could be a good Senshi if she followed her heart. Ami's skipped out on so many opportunities to be even more amazing than she already is just so that she was never too far away. Mako-chan left her old hometown and all her friends just because she felt the need to come find me. You're all amazing at being Senshi. You're always there when I need you, even when I don't know I need you, and I just want you to make yourselves happy too….I just want you to be who you are – not just my Senshi. You're already my Senshi. Nothing is ever going to change that. Not even if you decide to follow your hearts or chase your dreams."

Rei's expression was pinched for a moment, and Minako had stiffened. Shin got the feeling this wasn't a new argument. "You have no idea what you're talking about Odango Brains. How do you know we're not following our dreams?" the priestess snapped, her irritation raw.

"And anyways," Venus added," you know what they say – Dumplings rather than diamonds." She nodded her head sagely, but Rei's sour expression intensified and Shin blinked.

"Isn't that supposed to be Dumplings rather than flowers?" he asked. Minako blinked at him and then flapped a hand in his direction carelessly.

"Of course. That's what I meant. You know what I'm trying to say," she said breezily. Rei's eyebrow twitched.

"Do we…?" she muttered under her breath. Minako gave her side eye but didn't comment on it as she pushed on with forced cheer.

"We have to be realistic about some things Usagi, but that's ok. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm perfectly happy with the way things are," she said, giving another one of those smiles that looked genuine but had an edge to them that Shin couldn't identify.

"Usagi-chan, please don't worry about us, all right?" Ami's voice joined the mix, and now Shin wondered if anyone was actually going to get any rest. Usagi looked ready to protest, but seemed to think better of it. She smiled sadly, rubbing her hands on her thighs in agitation where she sat. She nodded after a moment, almost to herself, and there was an odd determination in her eyes.

"Ok Ami-chan. I'll try not to worry too much," she capitulated. They all gave her wary, suspicious looks, but the conversation stopped there.

Behind Usagi, Shuu had fallen over so he lay on his side, and had started to snore. Shin couldn't help but smile at him. Usagi pulled her knees to her chin, wrapping her arms around her legs and staring into the fire. Rei watched her discreetly, gaze sharp, giving Shin an even better idea about how deeply her love for her friends went, despite her prickly demeanor. She'd given Minako stern advice to Let Things Go, but Shin wondered if Rei were any good at taking her own advice.

She was so strong, and seemed so in control of herself and he admired her for it. Especially in battle. Rei's focus and confidence were inspiring to him. Fighting had come as such a struggle at times, and he still carried the burden of battle heavily on his shoulders. He didn't like fighting. But he'd made peace with his role as a Trooper.

Rei seemed completely confident that the battlefield was where she belonged, and seemed to have no qualms with what she might be called upon to do there for the sake of those she loved.

But beneath that strong, confident demeanor lurked deeper, more intense emotions, and Shin found himself longing to know more – to understand what kind of woman Rei was, and what burdens she might carry

She was a kindred spirit, he realized. The Senshi were feminine mirrors of the Troopers, sharing their struggles, their burdens, their trauma.

He couldn't help but feel as if their encounter were precious, despite its hardship. Having someone outside of the Troopers that could understand and support him? That he could understand and help support?

How could he ever let that slip away? Still. It wasn't like he could be pen pals with someone from a whole other dimension. He had no choice or control in the matter.

And that just felt cruel. Like he'd been given a taste of something wonderful.

Just enough so that when he lost it, the pain would echo inside him for the rest of his life, when he thought about what might have been.