Chapter 36

For a woman with a personality that was usually calming, Ami seemed to excel at driving him nuts.

Ryo tried not to tear his hair out as she sat on the side of Usagi's bed and proceeded to give her the same thorough going over she'd given Everyone. Else. He understood that she needed to see Usagi for herself, make sure the woman was fine – that she'd only gotten the other Senshi to rest by assuring them that she would – but dammit Ami needed rest, and who was going to convince her?

Thankfully the exam for Usagi was mercifully brief. Once Ami ascertained that she was fine, and resting well, she moved away to avoid disturbing her sleep. Nasuti moved in then, like a shark that'd smelled blood in the water, and gently guided Ami from the room, informing her that Shuu had been doing a fabulous job taking care of Usagi so far.

Finally, Ryo thought, cramming his hands into his pockets as he followed them out.

He nearly threw his hands up when he saw the two women heading downstairs. Now what?!

Ami should be in bed. She should be sleeping. She'd been through way too much. He needed to know she'd been set on the path to recovery. Ryo followed them downstairs and drew up short when he passed through the kitchen doorway.

He'd kind of forgotten about Kayura and Rajura. That was dangerous, and proof of how distracted he was right now.

It was really, really weird to see them sitting at the table drinking tea. There was a plate of crackers set in the center, and the Empress of the Youjakai was nibbling on one delicately as she greeted them. Exhausted, Ami simply nodded back, dropping into the seat across from the Empress. Nasuti put an empty mug in front of Ami and Kayura politely filled it with tea.

Ami took it gratefully, tucking her hands around it's hand-thrown curves and sighing as they warmed.

A strange silence that was both awkward and not awkward at all settled over them as Nasuti bustled around in the kitchen.

"I'll be right back," she said suddenly, and vacated the room. The tension began to mount with her departure, but Ryo was a little worried it might all be him, and tried to reign himself in. It was hard to do. He wanted Ami to be resting. He definitely didn't want Rajura and Kayura just…hanging out at Nasuti's kitchen table drinking tea. He'd just gotten back from Ami's dimension, which had been completely wrecked, and sitting here at the table having tea and snacks calmly when everything was not wrecked was…well it was kind of surreal.

All in all, it had been exactly the sort of day that tended to elevate his temper, and personally, he thought he'd done an excellent job keeping everything under control.

But the longer Ami sat there, looking lost, staring at her tea, exhausted, the worse his temper got.

"I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you," Kayura said quietly after a moment, her voice full of a surprising amount of compassion. Ryo blinked at her. Rajura, his visible eye closed, nodded quietly. Ami twitched, her eyes moving over to Kayura's peacefully seated form shyly.

"I…admit I haven't really been able to wrap my mind around it," she finally admitted softly. "Everything is so strange right now. I feel like I'm not really here," she confessed. Ryo felt his temper evaporate beneath the weight of her trauma. Concern and compassion crept up his throat, and he reached a hand out, gently placing it on her shoulder. She flicked a brief smile at him and went back to staring at her tea.

"Rest will help," the Empress continued gently. She smiled at Ami and Ryo was surprised at how the expression transformed her face. She looked young. Innocent. Ami nodded.

"Yes. You're right. Rest would be a good idea, but isn't it funny? I can't close my eyes right now," she replied, looking lost. Kayura reached across the table, still smiling, and gently placed her hands around Ami's.

"It'll be all right. Give yourself time. Sit and enjoy the tea," she replied. Ryo stared at both of them, wondering what was happening right now. When had Kayura gotten so…gentle?

Touma bustled in at that moment, taking the scene in with a single glance. As soon as she saw him, Kayura rose, as did Rajura. Ryo stayed seated at the table, wanting to keep Ami relaxed.

"I've sealed the connection. With the Senshi all on this side of the mirror, everything should remain sealed. Our concern at the moment is how this monster found the Troopers or the Senshi in the first place, but that will keep for now," she said to the archer.

"We'll be scouting the edges of the Youjakai kingdom. There are territories that are ancient – separated by decrees so old they're crumbling – but it's time for us to take a closer look at our borders and what might lay beyond them. If they threaten the Troopers, the Youjakai is no safer," Rajura intoned gravely.

Touma nodded.

"Whatever it was, it devoured the Galaxy Cauldron. That's not insignificant," Ami said in a wooden tone of voice, looking up at them. Touma winced, as if he'd forgotten she was there.

"What is the Galaxy Cauldron?" Kayura asked, fixing Ami with an intent stare that made Ryo uncomfortable. Even if he wanted to know what that was too. Ami huffed a breath, firming her lips for a moment and scrubbing her hands over her face.

"It's the birthplace of all our stars – and all life in our galaxy," she said into her palms. The room went dead silent then as they all stared at her.

"That is certainly not insignificant," Touma finally said. He looked a little strung out to Ryo's eyes, and he suspected their resident genius was already worried about figuring this out and keeping them all safe. Somebody needed to remind Touma that he might have the brains, but that didn't mean this was all on him.

"That's a bigger threat than we realized," Rajura said quietly. Kayura nodded, and Ami pulled her hands down, wincing momentarily with guilt.

"I'm sorry. I wish we could have figured this out before things escalated this way," she said quietly. Ryo scowled.

"Hey," he said in a firm tone. When she looked over at him, he smiled for her. "This is in no way your fault, ok?" he assured her. Touma nodded.

"It pulled us just like it pulled you. I'm guessing it would have only been a matter of time before it came here – with or without the Senshi being here," he assured her. "We're better together, Ami. I'd rather have the Senshi here than trapped and helpless somewhere else," he told her softly. Ami winced again, but nodded.

"Yes. I suppose that makes sense," she replied, her tone wooden.

"We have much to do now. We will continue to monitor, and I advise you to do the same. We'll be in touch," Kayura said brusquely.

She and Rajura then simply disappeared, as if they'd never been. Beside him, Ami startled.

"Oh," was all she said, looking concerned.

"S'ok," Touma reassured her, taking Kayura's seat. "They do that a lot." Ami nodded absently, finally drinking her tea. She closed her eyes with the first sip, savoring the taste.

"Oh," she breathed again, "It's been some time since I had good tea. This is lovely."

Ryo wanted to give her all the tea then. "Are you hungry?" Touma asked her. Ami smiled weakly at him and shook her head.

"I don't think I could eat right now," she said. Touma nodded, as if he'd expected that. This was all becoming mind-numbing to Ryo. Why wouldn't she just pass out already? She needed rest dammit. As if privy to his inner thoughts, Touma shot him an amused half-smile – subtle enough that Ryo saw it but Ami didn't. He scowled in Tenku's direction.

"Have some more tea. Try not to think about too much. Just the tea," he advised. When Ryo looked at him, he shrugged. "That's what Seiji's always doing right? Any time he talks about quieting the mind," and here Touma made a face, as if that was simply unthinkable, "he's always saying to focus on just one thing, so you can be present."

Oh yeah. Seiji did kind of say stuff like that, right? Seiji and Shin were probably the only two people in their group that actively practiced mindfulness, and Shin didn't do it very often that Ryo could tell. They all knew how to do it, technically, but Ryo felt like the life or death need to figure out his armor was a pretty good motivator for focus.

Otherwise, he made no promises to anyone.

Nasuti came back in then, and Ryo would have to be an idiot not to notice the way Tenku's gaze clouded with anxiety as he looked to her. She met the expression with a reassuring smile.

"She's resting comfortably," she said to him, and Ryo assumed she must mean Makoto. That was good. Walking around with Ami had given Ryo a close-up of the Senshis' conditions. They deserved a little peace and comfort right now. Touma rose, leaning across the table and patting Ami's hand reassuringly.

"It's going to be ok Ami. You're safe here. We're all together, and together we can figure things out," he told her calmly. He straightened, nodding at Ryo and Nasuti, and then hustled out of the kitchen. Ryo couldn't blame him for wanting to get back to Makoto.

Nasuti removed the pot from the table and began preparing a fresh batch of tea. "I thought we could all sit in the living room," she said casually. "It's more comfortable in there."

Ami nodded absently, and Ryo rose, helped her up, and carried her cup for her as he led her into the other room with a hand gently on her back. He seated her comfortably on the couch, setting her cup on the small table in front of it. His anxiety crept upwards at how….malleable she was being. Ami had always been gentle and seemed easy-going, but this was a little too much.

Nasuti entered and set a tray on the table with additional cups and a fresh pot of tea. She topped Ami off, poured for herself and Ryo, and took an armchair across from him and Ami.

And then proceeded to fill their ears with the most inane chatter Ryo had ever heard.

She talked about local news. The weather. Wildlife she'd seen outside, and how the temperature of the lake was just perfect right now. She went on about the addition she'd put on the back of her house with a full workout room, and the extra fancy ofuro she'd added as well.

She talked about everything except precisely what was on everyone's mind right now, and for a few minutes, Ryo questioned her sanity.

Until he saw Ami's eyelids start to droop as she nodded along with Nasuti's stream of chatter.

Nasuti moved on to recent television programs, the last movie she'd seen, and then jumped over to her favorite restaurant. Ami's head started to nod off occasionally. Ryo tried to contribute but found himself unable to keep up with Nasuti's constant conversation.

He'd never heard her talk this much.

Maybe she was spending too much time alone? He'd never really seen her hang out with friends or anything. It wasn't like they'd spent a lot of time with her once the battles had been over either. They'd kind of...taken her for granted, he realized now, and felt guilt swamp him.

About the time she moved into discussing her latest research project, Ryo felt the weight of Ami's head land against his shoulder.

Thank Kami, he thought.

Nasuti went on for a bit longer, but her voice softened, the pitch changing to something very low and relaxing. Finally, she trailed off, letting out a huge sigh.

"Whew. Well. I think she should probably just sleep down here. I wouldn't move her much," she said easily, rising. Ami slipped from his shoulder and Ryo caught her without thinking, holding her awkwardly halfway down to his lap. Nasuti moved in, and helped him settle Ami's head on his leg. The position was a bit more intimate than what he'd planned, but at this point, if she slept, Ryo didn't really care what it looked like.

Nasuti seemed to be of the same mind because she simply covered Ami with a blanket that she swept from the back of the couch, waved at Ryo, and left the room. In the aftermath, the house was dark and quiet. The feeling of everything being so settled helped relax his muscles, and he reached behind him, turning off a lamp and casting the room into darkness save a warm golden glow that radiated from a lamp in a far corner.

Ryo turned, looking out a window and taking in the serenity of night that surrounded them. Fireflies danced at the dark edge of the wood through the window, and moonlight gleamed silver against the surface of the lake. A peace, however brief, finally settled on his shoulders.

The mundane arrangement on the couch seemed so…strange after everything that had just happened, but it was also sort of nice. It felt good. It felt normal. Ami was safe. She was alive. He had the proof right here, laying in his lap.

He heaved a deep breath, and let it out slowly, letting go of the terrible panic and rage that had twisted his insides up since they'd discovered Usagi alone and the dread had taken him in a stranglehold. They weren't out of the woods yet. Not by any means. Ryo didn't want to think about what sort of obstacles lay ahead or what kind of danger might be stalking them now. But Ami was finally resting, and Ryo knew he'd need to catch up on his own rest while he could.

For just a few moments, he simply sat, listening to the night, in the warmth and darkness of a familiar house, full of all the people he cared about.

He was out before he even realized what happened.

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Ami blinked awake slowly, inhaling through her nose. It felt a little like she'd had the flu, and this might be the first day after the fever had broken. She hurt. She felt tired and was weak. But she felt much, much better than she had before she'd gone to sleep.

Sunlight beamed into the room, and the sound of bird song filtered through the windows. In a room not far away that Ami supposed must be the kitchen, it sounded like someone was cooking. She stretched, marveling at how much better she felt, and tried to remember why she'd felt so awful before.

Had she been sick?

Her hand made contact with something warm and soft. Curious, Ami brushed it with her fingertips, caressing the softness of cloth that had something warm and firm beneath it. She looked at where her fingertips were making contact and jerked back, flushing.

She'd been feeling up someone's thigh. Ami felt her face burn, and froze, lifting her hand immediately.

She was laying with her head in someone's lap.

Whoever they were, their hand was in her hair. Ami flushed again, to the roots of her hair, and jerked back as if slapped.

"Whoa, hey! You're awake!" a husky male voice said.

Ami blinked and turned her head.

And looked up into the eyes of Ryo Sanada for the second time in as many days.

In an instant, all her memories slammed into her at once, making her gasp. She shot up, feeling panicked when she didn't see any other Senshi. Or anyone else at all.

"Everyone, are they—"

"They're here, Ami. They're upstairs, with the other Troopers, remember? It's all ok," he reassured her in a rush, hands out and palms up like he was trying not to spook a wild horse. She felt a bit indignant that he thought she needed to be soothed, but couldn't deny she'd been on the very edge of a total panic attack a moment ago.

Right. They were in the Troopers' universe now. The Senshi were ok. Usagi was ok. They were all here. In this new place. This new, strange, unfamiliar place. Ami felt her throat constrict with unshed tears. She looked out at the sunshine. The green trees and plants. The birds. The lake in the distance that gleamed, beautiful and serene.

Yesterday she'd woken up in the deteriorating Hikawa Shrine, wondering how long she had left, facing the prospect of having her soul harvested and used by an unspeakably evil entity. Usagi had been gone – her location unknown.

And today she'd woken, well-rested, with sunshine on her face. She knew where Usagi was. She knew where the Senshi were. And they weren't alone.

She could not process this turn in events. She didn't even know how to start. Complete and utter grief over their loss hit her first. So much loss. So much. The scale was nearly incomprehensible and all she wanted to do was weep.

Guilt over the fact that she was still alive and had left her own world behind began to swamp her next, mingling with the grief. She had utterly failed to protect her own world. The Outer Senshi. Mamoru. Luna. Artemis. And all the other lives that had relied solidly on the future carried to fruition by their existence.

It had all collapsed.

On the heels of the guilt, the insidious feeling of relief snuck in, giving her guilt a terrible added weight even as she was unable to stop wave after wave of relief from washing over her. She was alive. She was safe. Her friends were safe. Usagi still had the starseeds. It wasn't how she'd have wanted things to go, but it was better than nothing at all.

And behind the guilt and relief, a kind of lightness – joy – at seeing Ryo again warmed her insides. Shame followed the joy, even as she basked in that feeling of warmth and safety. How could she feel joy? How dare she feel relieved? How could she relish the feeling of safety, when so many would never have that again?

No, she corrected herself, they would have it. The Senshi would see it done.

The relief crept back in, dragging the guilt and grief with it, and it was too much. It was way too much. Mentally, she was still back in the shrine, wondering how she'd missed so many invaluable clues and failed so utterly. Looking at the sun and green and blue sky physically hurt.

Ami buried her face in her hands and erupted into sobs.

Beside her, she felt Ryo shift, heard him stammer, and felt mortified for losing control of her emotions, but she simply couldn't stop herself. She had missed him, so much. The security, the warmth. His kindness. The strange way he seemed to know what she needed even when she herself didn't know. And being safe next to him now just made her want to cry and cry and never stop. His energy surrounded her with warmth and safety, and feeling safe seemed to be breaking her down, and she didn't understand why.

Worse, she was just so happy to see him. She wept at the joy. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that an entire world had been thrown into oblivion for her to see him again. She had no right to soak up his attention, his affection. But she needed it. She needed it so badly right now.

She cried even harder, trying to get herself under control, but couldn't find an anchor in the sea of grief, misery, panic, and elation she'd been cut adrift in. She tried to unknot inside, tried to find something to focus on, something to calm her.

The starseeds.

That was a good focal point. It was the one way that she could make up for her shortcomings. To redeem her failures. If she could figure out how to rebirth them, how to give them life, she might be able to climb out of this awful hole she'd been dropped into.

But how did they rebirth starseeds without a cauldron?

Her shoulders trembled as she tried to think her way through it. How did you create lives without the womb they needed to be birthed? Maybe…maybe they could create a cauldron-like environment? How would they even do that? She shook again, and tried desperately to get herself under control. This course of thought wasn't helping. It was just overwhelming her with the difficulty of the task before them now.

"Ami, please. Take a deep breath for me. You've gotta get some air. It's going to be ok. It'll be ok."

Ryo's voice, desperate and low, jolted her from her cloud of misery. Ami blinked, realizing that she'd shifted position. Ryo had her tucked up against him, curling himself around her as his arms held her securely against his body. He was frantically rubbing her shoulders with one hand, and the other moved as she watched, taking her hands in his own large, warm hand, trying to give her his warmth.

The feeling of his skin – rough and dry – the callouses on the pads of his palm and fingers, grounded her, pulling her down into the moment. The sun was warm on her back. The room around them was peacefully quiet, and bird song drifted back into her ears.

Her sobbing dropped into weeping, and then into sniffling. She heard Ryo sigh, breathing some kind of epithet of gratitude that she didn't quite make out as she calmed. She was still shaking, but not as badly now.

"I – I'm o-okay," she gasped in between post sob hiccups, needing to reassure him. Ryo merely held her tighter, one hand rubbing her arm.

"You're not ok," he said quietly. "You're shaking. You're cold." The hand rubbing her arm reached up then, and as if it were the most normal thing in the world, he cupped her face gently, guiding her to rest against his shoulder, tucking her beneath his chin. His thumb caressed the line of her jaw absently.

"I've got you, Ami. I've got you," he murmured. Ami felt her eyes tear again, but this time it was his sweet sincerity that burned in her throat. His hands were shaking. He was wrapped around her, cradling her, as if he could keep her safe from the storm inside. And oddly enough, the affection he lavished her with had done the trick.

Ami couldn't help herself then. She'd never been held like this, like she might just be the world to someone. It felt amazing. It felt beautiful. His affection was a gift. She felt all the fondness she'd built towards him and buried deeply inside her well up, spilling over. She had missed him. His absence had been a gaping hole underneath all the other pain and grief, quietly fueling her sorrow with its presence.

"Ryo," she whispered tearfully, "I missed you so much." He made a noise in his throat, tucking her even closer, rocking them together on the couch.

"I'm here now. I won't ever leave you alone again," he promised her fiercely. Ami huffed air from her lungs, smiling. It wasn't a promise anyone could keep, and her rational mind knew that, but she loved the sentiment of it, and she rested against him, feeling at peace, even if only for a brief moment. She closed her eyes, and let herself soak in the warm security of his embrace.

"There. Better," he said gently. He tucked his palm beneath one of her hands and raised it, interlocking their fingers and then tightening his grip. He pulled their joined hands against his chest and closed his eyes for a moment. Ami looked up at him, watching his face. He was so expressive, she thought. So open. She watched his brow furrow for a moment, watched him struggle, almost as if he were in pain, but then the expression cleared, and when he opened his eyes and looked down at her again, he was smiling.

"You scared the crap out of me, Ami Mizuno," he said. Ami flushed, putting her free hand to her face. He still hadn't let go of her other one.

"I'm terribly sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't – " she stammered, feeling completely embarrassed now in the aftermath.

"-Stop." His face had gone serious again, those intense blue eyes pinning her in place. "Everything is fine. Don't apologize for being human." Ami smiled at him uncertainly, not sure what to do with someone so very straightforward.

"Ryo, Mizuno, would you like some tea and breakfast? I've got fresh salmon and miso soup."

Ami jumped, startled, completely forgetting where they were. Lord. She was in someone's house. She'd met Nasuti but her memories weren't very clear on who the woman was. And then to her further mortification, at the mention of food, her stomach let out a roar. Self-conscious, she began trying to extricate herself from Ryo's embrace, wondering what sort of impression she'd made on this perfect and generous stranger. He chuckled, his movements incredibly gentle and competent as he helped her right herself and then stood, leaning down to grasp one of her hands and pull her up with ease.

"You are not missing breakfast Ami Mizuno," he told her with a grin. He turned, yelling through the doorway, "We are definitely ready for breakfast! Thanks Nasuti!"

He tugged her behind him as he made his way out of the room and Ami stared resolutely at the floor as she followed Ryo's lead, trying to make peace with the fact that a complete stranger might have just seen her sprawled all over Ryo, bawling her eyes out. She didn't really have much dignity left at this point, did she? She sighed in resignation as Ryo stopped walking and let go of her hand.

She looked up to see him smiling at her, gesturing her towards a long table with a bank of windows on one side and what seemed to be a kitchen with a pass-through window on the other. His expression was strained, as if he were trying to be upbeat and normal for her sake. She wanted to comment on it, but the sight of the table laden with food completely side-tracked her thoughts. She forgot her shyness at the sight of more food than she'd seen in months, and all of it looking incredibly fresh instead of boxed or canned.

"Oh!" she gasped. "This looks wonderful, thank you so much!"

Ami bowed deeply towards Nasuti, and then sat carefully in the chair Ryo offered her. The woman smiled at her as Ryo pushed her in.

"You might not remember me. I'm Nasuti Yagyu. I'm a close friend of the Troopers. I'm so relieved they managed to bring you here safely. How are you feeling this morning?"

Her tone was friendly, inviting, and didn't contain any censure that Ami could figure out and she felt a small amount of relief there, but not enough to ease her utter embarrassment. She gave a small, polite bow.

"I'm Ami Mizuno, pleased to meet you. Thank you for taking such good care of me, I'm feeling much better this morning. I apologize for the intrusion," she whispered to the tabletop.

Then she noticed that someone had thoughtfully filled the plate set in front of her with a mosaic of traditional breakfast foods and her stomach growled again at the sight and smell. Her mortification tripled, but Nasuti only gave a brief, warm laugh. "Don't let me keep you from breakfast. You must be very hungry. You'll want to keep up your strength, so please dig in!"

Ami might be polite, but she didn't need any additional encouragement. It was taking a good deal of self-control not to just face plant into her meal and slurp it up like Usagi. "Thank you for the food," she murmured, clearing her throat awkwardly. Then she didn't say anything else as she dug in.

The flavors exploded on her tongue. The fish, the rice, the soup. It was heaven. There was even ham and eggs. Ami ate all of it. In a disappointingly short amount of time, her plate looked as if it hadn't ever had food on it to begin with. She flushed, but considered going back for seconds. She thought better of it when her brain reminded her that if she ate too much at once she might make herself sick, even though the food was so tempting...

She looked up from her internal debate, realizing the room had gone silent, only to find Ryo and Nasuti, mid-meal, simply watching her.

She jerked upright, putting her hands back in her lap and sketching a quick bow, feeling selfish and trying to hide her now red face.

"O-Oh! Thanks so much. It was delicious," she murmured to her lap.

"It's no trouble. Would you like some more?" Nasuti asked, her voice full of warm hospitality.

"I think I'd better digest a little first, but thank you!" she murmured, bowing again.

"Of course. Would you like to rest more? I'm sure you're tired," Nasuti offered. Ami considered, but decided against it. She still felt weak, and achy, and she was starting to become aware of every bruise and scrape, but she wasn't quite ready to let go of such a casual domestic routine. Later, she would rise again, check on the others, reassure herself that they were all really ok. Then maybe she could rest again.

But right now, sitting at a breakfast table with sunlight streaming in and chatting with other humans like everything was perfectly normal seemed necessary to her wellbeing.

"If you don't mind, I think I'd just like to sit here right now. This room is very nice, and I'm enjoying the sunshine," she replied, finally looking up. Nasuti sent her a smile radiating warmth.

"Please do. Whatever you need, just let me know, ok? Please make yourself at home," the woman gushed. Feeling overwhelmed, Ami simply nodded at her.

Nasuti and Ryo seemed to sense Ami's state of overload because they began engaging in casual small talk as they ate at a leisurely pace.

As if Ryo and the Troopers hadn't gone into an alternate universe only yesterday to rescue a group of magical girls from another dimension.

As if Ami hadn't spent the last several weeks, if not months, enduring a rough existence she'd barely survived.

As if that knowledge wasn't still vibrating through every part of Ryo's being, creating a heavy tension in the air.

Even still. Everything was so normal in this moment.

It was so weird.

But she needed it more than she realized. It helped her find her center and organize her memories, her emotions, around the calm core of herself. No new stimulation or information. Just breakfast. And talk about the weather.

It took her a full moment to realize she was smiling. Just a little. But she was smiling. She felt better than she had in so long. Ryo had told her she was safe.

She was actually starting to believe him.

She was starting to feel safe.

Ami leaned back in her chair, resting a cheek on her palm, her elbow in turn resting on the arm of the chair. Slumped, feeling a little frumpy, full, and content, Ami let her mind wander idly.

She completely missed the relieved looks Ryo and Nasuti shot each other over her head.