Chapter 38

Usagi did not want to wake up.

She couldn't remember why she didn't want to wake up, but whatever the reason, she knew that waking up was just a bad, bad idea. Lying still, she tried to listen, attempting to see if there was any nearby looming threat that meant she should continue to feign sleep.

All she heard were the pleasant sounds of daytime ambiance. Bird calls. The wind through leaves. And someone far away, working in a kitchen.

Hmmm.

The air smelled like yakisoba.

Yakisoba.

When was the last time she'd had Yakisoba?

Her mom made the best noodles. The only person Usagi knew that made better soba than her mom was Mako….chan.

Mako-chan.

Usagi's memories erupted then, and her eyes shot open as she bolted upright in bed. "Everyone!" she shrieked, locked in the last moments of battle before she'd literally been ripped from the landscape. She had to find them. She had to find the Senshi. Right now.

Usagi wrestled with the covers, feeling incredibly weak, but desperate to get up.

"Whoa, whoa, hey! Take it easy."

Usagi snapped her head to the side at the familiar voice and found herself face to face with Shuu Li-Huang. Confused, she whimpered. And then remembered. The Troopers. The mirror.

Her Senshi.

Where were her Senshi?

"S-Shuu?" she rasped, feeling incredibly lost.

"Yeah. You're awake," he replied in a low voice, his face softening into the sweetest expression that she'd ever seen. "You've been out of it for awhile, but Ami said you needed the sleep, so we didn't wake you."

At the mention of Mercury's name, Usagi felt her spirits rise. "Ami said that? She's here?!" she breathed, looking around, as if Ami might suddenly pop out of a closet and wave hello. Shuu smiled at her.

"Yeah. The Senshi are all here, Usagi. They're safe. They're all sleeping right now though," he said quietly. "Ami gave everyone a thumbs up before she finally went to bed, so they're all ok,"

She closed her eyes for a moment, sending up a prayer of silent gratitude. She looked at Shuu again, his face so sweet in his anxiousness to put her at ease.

Forever, she thought. She would be forever indebted to the Samurai Troopers. They'd rescued her Senshi, offered them all refuge, and put forward their own world as a place to safely integrate the people from hers.

Anything they ever needed. She would give it to them. The Silver Crystal would be dedicated to protecting them as it had protected her own world. Never would she allow any tragedy to befall them – not if she could help it. She dedicated herself as their benefactor in this moment.

It wasn't much, compared with the gravity of what they had done, and she hoped to never have to save them from a situation so dire, but she would be here for them. She smiled beatifically at Shuu, and apparently something must have shown on her face, because he flushed to the roots of his hair.

"Uh. You ok?" he asked, eyeing her. Usagi couldn't help but laugh a little as she gazed down at her feet beneath the blankets.

"Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, for bringing them back," she said quietly. He laughed nervously.

"Well hey, it's not like I did anything. It was everybody else," he said, trying to brush the sentiment off.

"You stayed here. Kept me safe. Kept the starseeds safe," she told him gently. The red in his cheeks deepened, but faded after a moment into something serious as he reached out, gently taking her hand in his own.

"Usagi. I'm really sorry. What's happened to you…it's awful. I feel so terrible right now. If I can do anything…"he floundered here, seemingly unsure of how to express himself. Usagi smiled at him gently. He was pretty cute when he was tongue tied. He really cared so very much about her.

The way he was looking at her was hard to stomach though. It reminded her a little too much of Mamo-chan. As if summoned by the thought of his name, memories of him tore through her mind, and she buried her face in her hands for a moment, shaking, trying to get herself under control again.

No Mamo-chans, she thought. She could not handle even the thought of his name or she'd break down and weep until she died.

No more Mamo-chan.

She shook harder.

Now that her Senshi were here with her, it was much, much harder to forget the people she'd lost. Usagi felt a touch on her shoulder and pulled her face from her hands, blinking at Shuu's concerned expression.

"Are you ok?" he asked in a low voice. Usagi wanted to smile at him. She wanted to. But if she moved her lips to smile, she was going to start crying. For some reason, she didn't want to cry with Shuu sitting next to her after he'd been so supportive. Desperate to keep her emotions under control, she looked out the window.

Outside, trees were green. Birds sang. The lake looked….clean.

She felt lost. Everything looked so beautiful. Beautiful. She felt her eyes begin to burn at their corners and ruthlessly beat it back. She felt so alone, thinking about all those people she'd lost. People she'd failed. She refused to let herself see their faces in her mind's eye. Doing so might make her cry and never stop.

She turned then, looking back at Shuu now. He was staring at her with an open, patient face that also made her want to weep, but for a different reason. He'd said the Senshi were here. That they were safe. The Samurai Troopers had come to the rescue – new friends, but loyal to their core.

She felt her face crumple again, but this time it was relief shooting through her. After everything that happened, all the horrific things that she'd lived through, the knowledge that she was not alone – that somehow she was safe – was almost too much.

They had survived the odds, and made new friends.

Thanks to the generosity of those friends, they'd found a safe place to land, and rebirth the lost souls from her world. It was more than something. They would figure out the rest somehow, she just knew it. So why was she still on the verge of a breakdown?

She buried her face in her hands as the first awful sob burst from her lips. After that, the dam had ruptured, and she couldn't hold anything back. Two strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her against something warm and firm and soft. They cradled her there, securely, stroking her hair and letting her cry.

And then it was too much.

A calm, warm, hug in a safe place seemed to be the very last thing she could handle.

Usagi lost track of time after that. Shuu made low noises and rocked her and stroked her hair, but those things just made her cry harder for some reason, like having his comfort when so many people had suffered, had been lost, was something she should be ashamed of. Mamo-chan was gone, and here she was being comforted by someone else.

She just couldn't think about it. Not right now. Maybe not ever again. She couldn't hold on to those awful awful memories. Not Luna. Not her family. Not anything. She lived in the Underworld. It was the only thing she could think about without being sent over the edge. The only time she'd existed without those precious people around her, and she couldn't leave the confines of that awful place. Usagi boxed herself into the memories of their time together in the Underworld as if her heart were made of glass.

She couldn't focus, couldn't be present here, if she didn't. She couldn't handle memories that reminded her of all the people she'd lost. She just had to be here and now. She just had to live now.

She wondered, with despair, if she could manage that.

But she owed everyone she'd lost a try.

Feeling calmer, resolved, she tried to dry her eyes. She wasn't her old self. But she hadn't been her old self since the moment they'd been dropped back in front of the Hikawa Shrine to discover it had been ripped apart. She wouldn't ever be her old self again. She didn't know who her new self was. Didn't know if she wanted to know who she was now.

The Keeper of the Silver Crystal, she supposed. She wasn't even the Moon Princess anymore. Not technically. This was a different place, and a different moon. Usagi shivered, feeling incredibly uncertain, and wrapped her arms around herself. When a pair of strong, warm hands buffeted her arms gently, warming her, she blinked, remembering who she was with. Reality slammed back into her suddenly, and she felt herself detach from everything else in a strange moment.

Suddenly she was just Usagi Tsukino, getting a hug and some comfort from Shuu Li-Huang.

Her stomach growled. She remembered that she'd smelled yakisoba before, and her stomach rumbled again, louder, as she thought about it. Shuu shifted, and feeling shy and embarrassed, Usagi pulled away, having difficulty meeting his eyes. She fidgeted with the blanket in her lap and tried to think of something to say.

"You've gotta be starving. Want me to get you something to eat?" he asked, leaning down and trying to meet her eyes. Usagi looked up at him then so he didn't have to stoop. She attempted her best smile, and then nodded.

"Yeah. I guess I am kind of hungry," she replied.

He backed away from the bed and then took off as soon as she agreed, and Usagi sat in the stillness that followed, looking out the window and not really letting herself think about much of anything. In the distance, waves flowed across the lake, sparkling with warm golden light. It lulled her into a partial doze for a moment. Just water and sunlight. Water and sunlight.

Shuu came bustling in then, snapping her out of her daze, a bowl full of something on a wooden tray. He carefully set the tray up so that it balanced above her lap on the bed, and then arranged her pillows for her. Dealing with his sweet attentiveness was more than enough for her right now. Her eyes started to fill again but she blinked it away. She refused to ruin any meal by crying into it.

Usagi managed a real smile for him and then looked down at the noodles. All other thoughts fled her mind as her stomach growled loudly. It seemed as if she blinked, and the meal was gone. It settled, warm in her belly, and Usagi leaned back against the pillows, feeling incredibly sleepy all of the sudden.

Exhausted, overwhelmed, she simply let her eyes close.