Chapter 43
Usagi was trying way too hard to be happy.
And Shuu didn't know what to do about it.
He'd been around her enough to know the difference between genuine happiness and…whatever the emotion was that she was putting out right now. It wasn't unhappy. Not exactly. But it definitely wasn't even close to the boundless optimism she'd been putting out in the Underworld.
Though she was making a lot of effort to convince everyone that she was just fine.
The Senshi all knew innately that the outward appearance of cheer was false. But they were all dealing with it in very different ways, which was almost as frustrating as Usagi herself.
Minako seemed to be trying to out-cheer Usagi. Between the two women, even Shin was beginning to admit the everything is fine here routine was getting on his nerves.
Ami had doubled down on her research, and when she wasn't obsessively checking the other Senshi to ensure they were making a proper physical recovery, she was obsessively trying to figure out how they could rebirth billions of displaced lives.
Personally, it seemed like an excessive task to give a group of five women to Shuu. Five women. Billions of lives. That seemed like a massive burden to saddle someone with.
Try telling that to the Senshi.
Rei had been doing the spiritual equivalent of research. She could be found most days, nearly any time of day, outside at Nasuti's fire pit trying to daydream. Well. Shin had called it something else, but it pretty much sounded like a guided daydream to Shuu. He'd never been much for meditation admittedly.
And Makoto had divided her time between making use of Nasuti's new work out room to an extreme Shuu felt was unhealthy considering her condition, and cranking out five-star level cuisine for all of them. He'd plotted to introduce her to the idea of working in one of his family's restaurants eventually, but Touma had shut him down immediately.
Apparently, Makoto had some sort of dream to own her own cake shop, and Touma was determined to see that dream become reality. And that was fair, he supposed. Makoto had lost everything else. It would be nice if they could help her gain something instead.
But the Senshi were very clearly fractured.
Everyone kept telling him that this was normal, that what had happened was something that couldn't be pushed aside overnight, and he got it, he did.
But no part of this was normal, and it hurt to see them so clearly struggling, and not be able to make it better.
Shin had reassured him that time and patience were important right now. They could only be here, quietly waiting, until they knew what was needed.
Shuu was worried about how long that might take. How long was it healthy for a person to walk around pretending she was totally fine when she was completely the opposite?
"There you are." Shin's voice startled him back to the present. Suiko's steps were confident as he moved down Nasuti's small dock to join him. He dropped onto the dock, dangling his legs over the side, and they both simply sat in silence for a moment, the sounds of the lake and surrounding woods lending the pause a serenity that Shuu knew wasn't really there. It reminded him of being fifteen, and trying to find a sense of purpose and stillness in the face of so much horror and darkness.
It had taken him a long time to find a light.
"It's not like you to sulk," Shin finally said softly. Shuu jerked one shoulder up, not really knowing how to answer him. He wanted to be irritated, to deny it and maybe wrestle Suiko to the ground to prove it, but his heart wasn't in it. Not when he knew Shin was right.
He'd been sulking like a kid, but he didn't really know what else to do right now.
"The Senshi think we shouldn't put off our own lives for much longer," Shin continued. Shuu bristled, fists clenching.
"What the hell does that even mean?!" he snarled, looking across the lake like the answer might be on a distant shore. Shin sighed heavily.
"They're not wrong. As much as I want to stay here and make sure they're ok, at this point my teaching assistant position at the University is going to evaporate if I don't step back in soon. I sort of need that if I want to keep funding my doctorate," he added quietly.
Shuu blew an explosive breath of air from his lungs and tried to see things from Shin's point of view.
He didn't know the ins and outs of getting a PhD, just that it was a pain in the rear and prohibitively expensive. Shin's family were supporting him – and they were also counting on him to bring that fancy degree home and help preserve their family's sacred duties in the modern era.
He thought about the numerous calls he'd been fielding from various members of his own family as they'd taken shifts to help him run things while he'd been…occupied. They'd been incredibly supportive as well, but reasonably, that support probably had an expiration date, and it wasn't a good idea to see how long that might be by pushing things to the edge.
But he didn't like it. He didn't like the idea of leaving the Senshi alone when they were still so…vulnerable.
"I guess," he admitted glumly. Shin chuckled.
"Don't sound so enthusiastic," he grinned. Shuu grunted, balling his fists tighter.
"You can't tell me you're just fine with leaving them alone like this," he muttered.
"Well, I'm not throwing a party, no," Shin snipped. Shuu sighed, rubbing his face.
"Sorry. I'm just…" he trailed off, trying to figure out how to express himself. Shin sighed again.
"I know. I figured this might be difficult for you to get behind. I'm not thrilled either, but Rei made a very good point to me this morning – she reminded me that things are going to be…chaotic for them for awhile. And that this is our reality, and we can't put it on hold forever," he said. Shuu was grateful to hear the frustration in his voice. Not because he wanted Shin to struggle too, but because it helped him to feel less alone.
"Rei told me that letting our lives pass us by would be wrong, and I think she's right," Shin added.
Shuu hated that she was right. But he couldn't argue the point. If Shin let things go, he'd lose all the progress and hard work he'd made. Shuu didn't want to think about disappointing his family. He also didn't want to think about what Seiji's grandfather might do if Seiji continued to put him off. Touma…probably had a lot of research he'd need to catch up on. And Ryo…well, Shuu kind of hated Ryo's job anyways. They all knew it wasn't really a long term solution to Rekka's need to be…not in a city. But no one really knew what the long term solution looked like, least of all Ryo.
All of that aside, when he looked at it from Rei's point of view, the Troopers just…staying here with the Senshi and ignoring their regular lives seemed…a little insulting to the Senshi.
That didn't mean he had to like it.
"I guess," he repeated, slumping a bit in his posture. Shin huffed a quiet laugh.
"I can always count on you to make a visual representation for the rest of our feelings," he said with a smile. Shuu wasn't sure if that was an insult or not, so he opted to let it pass without comment. They sat in companionable silence again. Finally, Shuu couldn't keep himself calm any longer.
"So what now?" he asked with trepidation. Shin lifted one shoulder.
"We go back to our lives. That simple. I'm sure we can work out some scheduling to make sure that we're around when we're needed. Nasuti said if we're available, she can plan for big dinners with all of us. Though she'll probably have to fight Makoto to cook them," he said.
Shuu snorted. "I'm pretty sure Makoto wins any fight over the kitchen," he replied. Shin nodded.
"I won't complain. Nasuti is a good cook, but I've been enjoying the gourmet meals," Suiko said with a grin. Shuu chuckled, nodding. Shin's expression went somber again. "We also need to start thinking about how the Senshi are going to fit in here. They're going to need lives. That won't happen overnight. I have no idea how to blend them into this Universe," he said.
Shuu blinked as the implications of that statement hit him full on.
Yeah. There wasn't going to be an easy or convenient way to fold them into things. They had no past. No paper trail. They had no way to prove they existed even. "Well, I agree with Touma there. We should really try to get them into something they want to do. I feel like that's the least we can do." Shin nodded silently.
"It's just…figuring out how to do that," he added. They both lapsed into moody, thoughtful silence.
"…So who's gonna tell Ryo?" Shuu finally asked. Shin grimaced.
"Whoever isn't the one that's gonna tell Seiji," he said. It was Shuu's turn to make a face. Normally Korin was levelheaded and easy to talk to about all the….emotional stuff, but lately he'd been…less approachable. He was quiet – more reserved than usual, and there was a new weight in his gaze.
Not that Shuu could blame him.
But that didn't mean he was the messenger for the job. "I'll take Ryo," he said quickly. Shin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and furrowing his brow.
"I figured," he muttered. Shuu shrugged.
"You're probably better at talking to Seiji anyways," he acknowledged quietly. Shin merely nodded, a sign of distraction. Shuu was kind of glad he wasn't in top form today, because the probing questions that might have normally followed a crack like that would test the limits of his patience.
Suiko…might be at the limit of his patience too.
Shin shoved up, and reluctantly Shuu followed, both of them making their way toward the house.
He still didn't like any of this, but there was no avoiding it.
This sucks, he thought.
