Caillou still couldn't believe that he'd gotten her to say yes. He still couldn't believe that a perfect girl like her would go for a guy like him. Caillou fixed his tie and looked in the mirror: unhealthy, lazy, bald, no license, could barely hold a job, and to top it all off...

"Caillou! Are you almost ready?"

...He still lived with his parents. Rosie had moved out years ago and gotten a job as the CEO of some big company in America. It was named after a fruit or part of a house or something. And her older brother hadn't done anything with his life. Pathetic.

"Coming, dad!"

As Caillou hobbled down the stairs, he saw the smiling, wrinkled faces of his aging parents. They had done so much for him, and what had he done to repay them? Sure, they laughed and told him to get a real job when he said he was going to become a full-time YouTuber, but they had still tolerated him. They hadn't even asked him for a cent of rent and he emptied their fridge every time.

"You look wonderful," said his mother, her hands on his shoulders. "Please, try to be polite and don't break the girl's heart." /We don't want a repeat of Clementine/ went unsaid. An old childhood friend of his, Caillou and Clementine had met again over drinks. After a drunk night, an abortion, and many fights resulting in her leaving him for Jason AND Jeffery, they hadn't spoken since. Caillou sighed. "I won't mom, I promise I'll do my best."

After a goodbye and some advice, Caillou got into the car with his father, who provided him with more advice on the way there. Outside of their venue, he stopped the car and looked Caillou in the eye. "I'm proud of you, son." Both their eyes almost welled with tears, but Caillou nodded and shook his dad's hand. "Thanks dad." With that, he stepped out of the car and made his way into the Chipotle. Immediately as he walked in, a million delicious smells hit his slightly-boogery nostrils. He contemplated what he would get to eat as he made his way towards the table where his date was waiting. Her pink skin looked particularly radiant in the Chipotle's poorly-wired lighting, and her makeup was on fleek. She perked up when she saw him.

Caillou tipped his fedora. "M'lady," he greeted.

The dashing gal known as Peppa giggled, "hello *oink oink*" she said. "I haven't been waiting long."

They looked through the menus for a little bit before the waitress came over to take their orders. "I'll have a Dr. Pepper and a vegetarian chili," Peppa requested. "Get me a Mountain Dew and the deluxe burritos," Caillou ordered. The waiter went away and Caillou watched her go. She had a fine booty but Caillou was here with his perfect girl Peppa so he couldn't hit on waitresses. He decided to start up conversation. "So you said you liked jumping in muddy puddles?"

"Oh yes," said Peppa joyously. "It's my favorite thing to do. Besides go out shopping and collect things for my dollhouse, anyway. What about you?"

"Well, I like exploring. Trying new games, new foods, that kind of thing. I like to think that each day I grow some more."

"That sounds grand.*oink oink*" Peppa seemed impressed. "Do you have any siblings? I have a little brother named George. He doesn't listen sometimes and cries a lot when he doesn't get his way, but otherwise you might like him. He's also into video games."

"Oh, yeah, I have a little sister named Rosie... well her full name is Roseanne and she prefers that, she says Rosie was a babyish nickname. She works for some big technology company now so I don't see her often anymore. We didn't exactly get along too well as kids. Sometimes she sends me software to test and review for my YouTUbe channel so I suppose things are okay now."

"You're a YouTuber?" Peppa's expression was a little hard to read. Caillou couldn't tell if she was interested or disgusted. "Yeah, it pays. What do you do?"

"I work at Disney. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a fairy princess, and at Disney I finally got the chance to dress up and be one in real life! *oink oink* I mean, it's just pretend, but I love getting into character and seeing all the kids' smiles."

"That sounds like a great dream job to have," Caillou complimented. In reality he didn't give a rat's ass and thought Disney was for stupid babies and brainwashed people, but his dad told him to be polite. At that moment, the food arrived. Caillou bit into his delicious burrito, the flavors filling his face-hole. They had pork burritos, his favorite. While she was eating, Peppa began to make a face as he chomped down on his foodd.

"What is that smell?" She asked, wrinkling her snout and looking disgruntled. She leaned over and sniffed his burrito. "Ew, what's in that, that's making it smell like that?"

"Oh, just the usual. Beans, rice, cheese, meat..." "What kind of meat?" Peppa asked, to which Caillou replied, "Well they've got these new pork burritos-" "PORK!?" Peppa looked horrified. "That's pig!" She shrieked as she stood up from her seat. She gathered her bags and rushed to the door. "Wait, don't go!" Caillou pleaded, but the damage was done. "You monster!" Peppa shouted, taking a random patron's glass of water and throwing it at him. Now he smelled like hot wet garbage, the kind that stunk faintly of onion sweat, cheeto dust, and pork burritos. Peppa flagged a taxi and immediately the driver peeled out and she was gone. Caillou stood outside the restaurant alone, soaked, stinking, and sad. The waiter came out and handed him the bill. Caillou mumbled something about "nice guys finishing last" and threw the money at the guy before texting his dad to pick him up.

Looked like he wasn't getting a second date.