Guys. More Touma and Mako so this is going to be so gross and sugary sweet. LOL. #sorrynotsorry
Chapter 47
Touma sighed and rubbed at his face, straightening from the slump he'd been sitting in for an indeterminate amount of time.
He wasn't liking these accelerated growth patterns he'd noticed on the starseeds belonging to the Outer Senshi. It made no sense. They felt like little magical warp spaces to him and the instability made him nervous. He still knew so little about the Senshi, and being so clueless wasn't sitting well with him.
Touma flipped back to the Guardian Senshi's starseeds, taking a moment to study them.
They looked steady. They seemed fine. But something that had been bothering him since he'd first really understood what the starseeds were and what they meant had been Ami's comment about the fact that they were an anomaly in his Universe – tied to an engine of death and rebirth that had been devoured by some kind of demon.
She'd mentioned it in passing, but it had been haunting his dreams since.
What if Makoto just…vanished one day?
What if she died because her essence had been consumed? She could die, right in front of him, and he'd be helpless to do anything but watch.
The vivid memory of the surprise on her face as she'd disappeared from the Underworld landscape still stuck with him. But now it was worse. Because he'd found her. And he knew what she'd suffered while they'd been apart.
The nightmare of losing her had become terrifying. He woke up in a cold sweat nearly every night, watching her disappear in his dreams, knowing the horror that might be waiting for her – knowing that he couldn't keep her safe.
It was messing with his head.
Touma blew out a breath and focused back on the Guardian seeds.
They looked ok, he reassured himself. Makoto was fine.
A plate landed next to him suddenly, a beautiful buttery pastry shaped like a crescent set on it. Beside it, a delicate demitasse cup with black coffee steamed gently.
"Time for a break!" Makoto's voice said cheerfully. Touma closed his eyes, rubbing his hands over his face as the relief of hearing her voice cascaded over him.
She really was here.
He tried to get himself together. So far, he'd been able to hide his unease, and the last person he wanted to burden with these awful thoughts was the very woman whose life was still at risk. He needed her to feel safe with him. He needed her to feel safe in his Universe. To be confident in the fact that he could protect her.
Even when he was terrified that he'd be helpless to stop something from taking her again.
A delicate hand landed on his shoulder.
"Touma. What is it?" Her voice had gone serious, fingers applying gentle pressure. Touma let out a breath, swallowed hard, and concentrated on the now. She was here now. Everything was fine. He flicked his eyes over the Guardian seeds again.
Fine.
He worked up a smile for her, hoping it would pass muster. "Sorry, just a little tired," he said. It wasn't a lie. He hadn't been sleeping well.
"Hmm. You're a crummy liar," she said, a laugh in her voice. His chair was pulled out from the desk suddenly and angled away from the monitor. Man, he'd forgotten how strong she was. And then the sight of her filled his vision as she bent slightly, resting her hands against her lap.
The green eyes he'd come to love studied him sharply, and she pursed her lips together before her expression went sad.
"Something's weighing on you," she said quietly. She turned, grabbed another chair, placed it next to him, and sat, taking one of his hands in her own. "Tell me?" she plead softly.
Touma bit his lip.
He'd never had this kind of support. Ever. Her sincere desire to shoulder the burden with him hit him in the heart like an arrow.
How could he live without her?
It was too late for him. He was completely attached now, and if anything happened to her, he couldn't say what might happen to him as a result.
Maybe even more frightening than that? He already didn't care. At the mere thought of losing her, parts of him were ready to shut down. And she was still sitting right next to him.
She'd changed him, irrevocably, but he couldn't be upset about it. Couldn't say he was worse off for it either.
"It's ok. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she persisted sweetly, a note of self-doubt in her tone at his silence.
Something inside of him broke.
He never wanted to give her a moment of doubt.
Touma turned, using the hand she'd taken so carefully in her own to pull her onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair, breathing deeply, unsure of how to calm these intense feelings but knowing she was the key.
"Mako-chan. I can't lose you," he whispered against the crown of her head, unable to hold the words inside of him. He felt guilt hit him as soon as they were out of his mouth. He had no business burdening her with emotions so heavy. He waited for her to stiffen, be overwhelmed, pull away. He'd let her go, if that was what she wanted. Needed.
She relaxed against him instead, giving him a full body cuddle.
"Touma…" she sighed. She slid her hand over one of his own and threaded their fingers together. "It'll be ok. I'm not planning to go anywhere," she reassured him with a small laugh.
Touma turned his hand over and clasped at hers desperately. "Last time…" he began, unable to finish the thought.
"You found me and brought me back," she finished for him. "You're smart Touma. You can figure out anything. You'd find me again. Or I'd find you."
Her confidence was a balm over the raw feelings inside of him. She trusted him to keep her safe. More than that, she believed in him. The way she talked about it as if it were fact and not theory… Of course he'd find her. Or she'd find him. Her conviction was humbling. It made him feel like he could do anything. He pulled her against him, tucking her there more securely.
"I've done a pretty crap job of giving you space," he muttered with a small, self-deprecating chuckle. "I wanted to give you what you needed to heal. To adjust. I can't seem to stop dumping my own needs on you instead."
"Touma," she said seriously. "I don't need space. I've had plenty of space my whole life." She ducked her head, and continued quietly, "It's…nice, when I'm with you. You make me feel…" she hesitated, and it took everything he had in him not to push her.
But man, he needed to know what came at the end of that sentence.
"…I've always been alone. I have the Senshi. And they're the family I never had. But I've never…I tried, for a long time, to be optimistic. It was like…" she trailed off again, and her shoulders started to tremble. Touma felt alarm course through him. He hadn't meant to upset her.
"Mako-cha – " he started.
"…It was like…being back in that hospital room, and waiting for my parents to come get me," she whispered in a voice so low he could barely hear her.
Shit.
Touma grabbed at his chest with his free hand, vaguely worried his heart had just stopped beating.
"I think part of me has still been sitting in that bed, my whole life. Waiting for someone who loves me to come and get me," she sniffled. She buried her face in her free hand. "And I…How stupid is that?" she hiccupped. "Just…waiting. And it's not fair, that I should feel this good now. It isn't fair, when everyone else lost so much that I finally feel…" she broke off into sobs.
Touma cinched her against him, vaguely aware that he could actually hear his brain cells dying off as they frantically tried to figure out the appropriate response to something this sweet and heartbreaking at the same time.
"I met you," she continued quietly. "And I'm not waiting anymore."
Hell.
A wave of emotion swamped him at that declaration. He made a noise in his throat and wrapped himself around her. Maybe she was throwing all of herself in far too early. Maybe his emotions were too intense to be appropriate. Maybe this had happened much too quickly. But after those words, Touma didn't care.
Nothing was going to stop him from reassuring her every minute of every day that he was absolutely ready to be the answer to what she'd been waiting for. He was here for her. He would always be here for her.
She didn't have to wait anymore.
And she was right.
If someone or something ever took her from him, he would find her, and bring her back. It wasn't even a question.
Touma reached up, cradling her jaw in his palm and aligning their faces. Her expression was earnest, still anxious, as if she was worried that somehow what she'd told him might drive him away. Tears sparkled on her lashes.
He leaned down and kissed her like he meant it.
The tiny gasp of air she took when they parted sent him under a second time, and he let his emotions ride on his lips as he savored their connection.
When he finally pulled back enough to take her in, both of them catching their breath, the anxiety in her expression had shifted to hope. She gave him a small, tentative smile, and he caressed her cheek with his thumb before resting his forehead against her own.
"I love you," he breathed against her lips. "You don't have to wait anymore."
She cried out, turning, throwing herself against him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Thank you," she rasped. She pulled back then, smiling at him despite the tears still in her eyes.
"Touma," she sighed, sinking back against him. "I love you too."
888
It was going to be pretty difficult to top the high he still had going. Ever. He wasn't sure anything could possibly be better than the last half an hour, though with Makoto in his life now, it wasn't too much of a stretch to assume she'd find plenty of ways to keep his high going.
Case in point?
Touma took another bite out of his croissant and was unable to stop a tiny moan from escaping his throat. He wasn't going to lie. He might have fallen in love with her for other reasons, but her talent in the kitchen was fast becoming one of his favorite things about her. Especially since she was constantly spoiling him with little goodies. And boxed lunches now, too.
He didn't have the heart to do the polite thing and let her off the hook by telling her he didn't need her to keep lavishing him with such amazing food. Honestly, he kind of did need her to keep doing it, because she was starting to ruin him for most other food.
Instant Ramen just didn't have the same appeal when he was remembering five-star meals now.
And knew that he had only to ask to literally get anything he was in the mood for. He took a sip of his coffee. Even cold, it was delicious.
"Aww. It's probably cold now. Want a fresh cup?" she asked him, as if it were important to her that everything was perfect. Touma tightened his grip on her hand as he set the coffee cup back in its saucer.
"Nope. It's perfect. You just stay right there," he murmured, going back through his displays. She giggled, and his lips curved. He was going to catch so much crap from the other Troopers for acting so gross.
Whatever.
He was going to need to talk to everyone about this accelerated growth pattern though. And sooner was probably better than later. Ami especially was going to need the information.
It wasn't something he was looking forward to.
He finished his pastry, savoring the delicate buttery flake of its texture. "Mako-chan, is everyone else up?" he asked.
The Senshi had been sleeping a lot more in the days since the starseed rebirth. The Troopers had been very concerned by it until Rei had roused herself enough to assure them they'd just expended a lot of energy and needed to rest.
When she'd eaten her way through an entire platter of omurice afterwards, it had backed up her assertion in an obvious way. Rei wasn't a heavy eater, but she'd put the dish away as if she were Usagi, and then promptly wandered back to bed.
"Yeah, I think so. Actually, I'd better go help Shin and Nasuti. Everyone's so hungry today," she said with a smile. Touma rose, finishing his coffee and stacking his plates in one hand.
"I'll come help. I need to talk to everyone about some data I've been seeing," he replied. Makoto nodded.
"That sounds good. Let me get food into everyone first – they've been a little cranky," she said with a laugh. He frowned as they made their way to the kitchen.
"Is it because you need to replenish your energy? What exactly happens when you do a Sailor Teleport?" he wondered. Makoto shrugged.
"I don't really know the specifics, honestly." She flushed, a touch of her embarrassment coming across her features. "Ami sort of…handles that stuff. I guess we just combine our energy and kind of…will ourselves to a different location?" she finished lamely.
She might not think much of it, but Touma couldn't help but be fascinated. The way the Senshi were built was so different. And he wanted to understand every aspect of it.
Part of that was curiosity.
Part of it was to help the Troopers better understand how the Senshi functioned – and how to build support around that. They'd be a team moving forward. And despite wanting to simply stand in front of every threat coming at Makoto, he knew she would never permit it. That the Senshi would never permit it.
He needed to know how to fit both groups together, and he wanted to give the Troopers an edge that would help them feel confident in their ability to keep the Senshi safe – despite what the Senshi might say. The Troopers worked best when they felt sure, knowledgeable in what they were doing. And they had a lot to learn right now.
Both about their armors, and their new teammates.
They entered the kitchen to chaos and light and sound. Laughter, yelling, color – if he'd thought just the Troopers being in one place had been a lot to take in, that intensity had doubled.
Makoto waded right into the fray as if she belonged there. Smiling, chatting, making her way to Shin at the cooktop. He shot her a grateful look, his expression slightly harried, and she laughed, sweeping right in and organizing the activity. Nastui had a hand on her face and she was laughing as Rei and Usagi fought over snacks on the table. Ryo and Seiji looked on, their faces not quite sure about what was going on and likely wondering if they should attempt to get between the two women.
Shuu was munching on something else, looking completely unbothered, and Touma recalled that he'd come from a huge family with lots of siblings, so maybe this was normal for him. Minako was slumped next to Seiji looking sleep-tossed still, as if someone had just dragged her out of bed. A steaming mug was clutched in her hands, and Touma noticed the way Seiji seemed to be guarding her space from the knock-down drag out happening just on her other side.
He zeroed his gaze in on Ami, rethinking the idea of just blurting his concerns out to the entire group. Maybe he could just…talk to her first. Maybe she'd already noticed, and it wasn't a big deal. Mercury was clicking around on her computer, completely tuning out the chaos around her, her expression calm, a steaming mug at her elbow.
Occasionally, Ryo would clasp the mug gently when the table shook, ensuring it didn't spill on sensitive electronics. Rekka was seated close to Mercury, and despite his distracted appearance, Touma was willing to bet he was highly attuned to Ami's presence.
Which might make it difficult to draw her aside.
She looked up as he approached and smiled at him. "Oh! Touma. There you are. I wanted to talk to you about a few things," she said, tone even and friendly.
Or, she'd take care of getting them space on her own.
He nodded at her, pausing to carry his dishes to the sink. "Sure, I'm all ears. Maybe let's head to the living room?" he asked, casting another glance over the boisterous table. She nodded, laughing a little.
"That's probably wise," she agreed, picking up her tea and her machine. Ryo rose, following them, and Touma supposed he could live with an extra audience of one instead of a whole room. They settled around the small coffee table, and Ami set her machine in front of her, focusing on the screen. Ryo flopped back on the couch, looking…not bored exactly, but as if he was fully expecting to tune them both out.
So Rekka had followed them in here why, Touma wondered. Shrugging it off mentally, he turned back to Ami.
"Have you noticed it yet?" he asked, hoping she might make this easier on him. She bobbed her head.
"Yes. I'm not quite sure what to make of it though. It doesn't make any sense to me that they'd be growing at such an accelerated rate," she fretted, biting on her bottom lip. He sighed, leaning back and studying the ceiling as he tried to sort through his thoughts.
"I was hoping you might be able to shed a little light on…uh…well Senshi in general. How do these starseeds work? How does the Senshi energy co-exist with your civilian forms? How does the Senshi part of you impact your regular biology?" he wondered. He colored, realizing he'd just blurted all his awkward questions out loud. He put a hand out.
"I mean – " he amended. Ami giggled, and Ryo's lips curved up – an almost subconscious reaction to her laughter, Touma thought.
"It's fine," Ami reassured him. She frowned then. "Unfortunately, I've been working to understand those questions for a long time," she continued softly. "I'm afraid I haven't made much progress. The only conclusion I've been able to reach is that for some reason, the starseeds of the Outer Senshi are triggering the acceleration. It looks to be pushing towards the teenage phase of life, and I'm concerned because generally, that's when most Senshi awaken, if you will."
She paused, gathering herself and taking a sip of her tea. She fidgeted with her fingers, not making eye contact as she pushed on.
"If the Outer Starseeds have been re-established in this Universe, it's possible that if they…sensed a growing threat they might…" she scrunched her nose, making a frustrated face. "I don't know. It's like they're trying to get the Outer Senshi ready to defend this Universe. I don't really like considering that possibility, but I can't imagine there being many other causes."
She looked to Touma, her expression a mix of helpless frustration and guilty dread. "Unfortunately, the best we can do is keep an eye on them – and everything else for now," she told him. He nodded, and then cleared his throat, deciding to press her on the other huge burden that had been weighing on him.
Hoping she could reassure him.
"And the Guardian starseeds?" he asked quietly. "Would the Outer starseeds…be uh…linked to yours?" Ryo leaned forward, his expression keenly focused on Ami now.
Maybe Touma hadn't been the only one haunted by the idea of the Guardian Senshis' starseeds being vulnerable. When Ami's expression went politely blank, a red flag went up in his mind.
"Well," she began diplomatically, "It's very probable that our starseeds may not be completely linked with this Universe. If that were the case, then the Outer Senshi starseeds wouldn't recognize any other defenses in place."
Yeah. That answer didn't exactly give him a good feeling.
"It's possible," she continued hesitantly, "That the Guardian starseeds are still linked to the cauldron of their origin."
A tense, heavy silence dropped over them all. A pit opened up in Touma's stomach, and he swallowed hard.
"The cauldron that was devoured by some kind of monstrous demon," he said carefully. Ami nodded, but refused to make eye contact with either of them, her posture radiating shame for some reason.
"I'm sorry, but it's possible that the Guardian Senshi remaining in this Universe are exposing you all to terrible risk. We could be acting as a link between our Universes that could be exploited – putting everyone here in terrible danger," she whispered. Her eyes filled, and she blinked the moisture away stubbornly. "I'm so sorry," she said, voice low.
"Cut it out," Ryo growled. He'd dropped to the floor beside her, stooping to make eye contact. "You're not actually suggesting that we send you back, are you?" he snarled. "I really hope that's not the solution you're giving us."
Ami straightened in protest and snapped her head around to stare at Ryo, a few stray beads of moisture on her cheeks now.
Yeah. She had been thinking in those terms, Touma realized. He felt a little sick.
He wasn't about to lose Makoto.
He wasn't about to lose any of them.
"That solution is off the table," he growled, drawing both of their attention. "I'm not sending you to your death, because that's exactly what we'd be doing, and you know it. And anyways, it doesn't matter. It already knows we exist and where we are, whatever this thing is. I'll keep repeating myself until you all get it – we're better together than we are separated. Stop feeling guilty for something you had no control over. The only thing guilty here as far as I'm concerned is whatever this thing is. And we're going to make sure it can't keep devastating entire damn Universes. It was never a matter of if it comes here to the Troopers – it's always been a matter of when."
Ryo nodded, shooting him a grateful look.
"You're here now. Get the idea that we'd just ship you off because of some danger you think you're putting us in out of your head." Ryo snarled. He took her hand gently in his, despite the temper rolling through his tone, his expression earnest. "Ami. How could you think I'd even consider sending you back there?! …I would die before I let something else happen to you," he said sincerely.
Touma winced as Ami flinched, her expression shocked as she stared at Ryo's face now.
The amazing confession Touma had just shared with Makoto aside, Ami was a completely different personality, and he gathered that while Ryo might have thought he'd made his feelings clear leading to this moment, Ami clearly hadn't picked up on it.
Touma'd had an inkling into Ryo's feelings simply by watching the way he fussed over her, but if Ryo thought he'd made those feelings obvious, Touma felt he should probably drop his leader a hint. He rose.
"Uh. That's my cue to leave. Ryo, I'm guessing that Ami has no idea what you're thinking right now, so you might want to tell her", he tried.
And then shuffled quickly out of the room before things could progress.
Man. He was glad he wasn't in Ryo's shoes right now.
The kitchen was much calmer, everyone now crowded around the table eating. "Where's Ami and Ryo?" Makoto wondered, looking up to smile in greeting as she set another full platter on the table. Touma shrugged awkwardly and scratched at the side of his nose.
"Um. Talking," he muttered, dropping into a chair and busying himself dishing up food. Shin shot him a look from where he was standing at the stovetop and Touma shrugged again, defensively. If Shin wanted to go in there and find out what was happening, he was welcome to walk into a big pile of awkward. Besides, Suiko seemed to enjoy catching them all in private moments.
Makoto fussed with a few things at the stove before she and Shin brought final dishes over and seated themselves. A tiny thrill went through him as she sat beside him, pulling in close. He looked up and realized that Seiji and Shin were staring at him now, and Touma did his best to ignore them.
Makoto cleared her throat beside him, and he realized then that Minako was giving her a dead-eyed stare. He cleared his throat and tried not to give the blonde any additional ammunition. Touma reminded himself that they were behaving normally – it wasn't like he'd made out with Makoto right in the kitchen in front of everyone.
…Today anyways.
"Mako-chan, this is so tasty!" Usagi chirped, piercing the tension.
Rei twitched suddenly, without looking up from her lunch, and then Minako yelped and shot her a dirty look. "Knock it off," the priestess snarled. Minako stuck her tongue out at Rei and the priestess ignored her. Shin chuckled.
"Everyone is so energetic this afternoon," Nasuti said with a smile.
Touma surveyed their newly expanded group as he ate, reaffirming the vows he'd made to Ami and Makoto in his mind.
Maybe they'd come from someplace else, but the Senshi were part of this Universe now. They belonged here.
And Touma would fight with everything he had to keep them safe. To give them a bright future.
