Chapter 59

It had already become habit to seek Rei out when he was feeling unsettled.

That fact had stopped bothering him almost as soon as he'd realized it. After the confession they'd shared on the train, after he'd realized how deeply she felt for him, he'd had no reservations letting himself get very, very attached to her.

It was scary, to have someone be necessary to his wellbeing, but not unwelcomed.

The surprise in this moment was Usagi. She'd seated herself, knees drawn to her chest, arms wrapped around her shins, and was staring moodily at the fire. She looked as if she were the only woman in the entire world, and Shin felt his heart go out to her.

Everyone was focused on protecting her.

And that was precisely the thing that Usagi was afraid of.

Shin didn't know how to make that better. The Senshi wouldn't ever stop protecting her. The Troopers had picked up on the vibe, and after understanding the sort of person Usagi was – and how much hope, how much burden, she carried on her shoulders – it had been as natural as breathing to keep her the center of their focus.

She was a woman that needed protecting. Shin didn't know how to reconcile that with Usagi's need to protect. He approached hesitantly, trying to gauge her mood and if she wanted company.

She looked up as he smiled at her and sat down, her expression bright and cheerful, as if a light had turned on inside of her. The change seemed genuine, as if she'd turned on her good will just for him – to help him feel better. Shin found he didn't like the idea of Usagi trying to hide her inner pain.

They sat side by side, staring at the fire for a moment. Across from them, Rei appeared to be in a deep meditative state, though she seemed relaxed. Simply running his eyes over her form, peaceful and quiet, calmed him. Made him feel warm.

He searched for the right words as he felt more than saw Usagi slip into the same melancholy again. It hurt, knowing someone as loving and compassionate as Usagi was suffering so deeply.

"How are you doing?" he asked quietly. She straightened, favoring him with another smile.

"I'm great! How are you?" she chirped at him. Shin huffed a quick, frustrated breath, resting his hands on his folded knees.

"Usagi. You don't have to hide your pain," he replied quietly. She jerked beside him, and then composed herself, pulling her legs in more tightly and resting her chin on her knees.

"What makes you think I'm hiding anything?" she asked softly.

Shin snorted, gazing into the heart of the fire. It glowed pale, nearly blue, mesmerizing.

"I can't imagine someone in your position feeling particularly happy right now," he said softly. She sighed, and he watched her fingers clench around her elbows so hard her fingertips turned white. There was a long, heavy pause between them.

"I still have my friends. I even have new friends," she began softly, throwing him another smile. "We're all together right now, and we're ok. I have to focus on that."

Another pause slid between them, and Shin felt like each moment of silence was a missed opportunity to help her somehow. Make her feel better.

"And if something comes after us, I know what to do," she added, so quietly he almost didn't hear her. She snapped her big blue eyes up toward Rei, but if the priestess heard the comment, she didn't react.

"So you've said," Shin replied softly, not sure what else to say. The Senshi and the Troopers were going to protect her. But when it came down to it, nothing could stop her from using the Crystal. From making the ultimate sacrifice to keep them. To keep their world safe.

And Shin…kind of couldn't argue with that. It would be selfish, to ignore the peril their world had been placed in. And as much as he wanted to be selfish, Usagi was the opposite of that. At least when it came to things like this.

Like saving lives. Like saving existence.

"Is Shuu mad?" she asked tentatively.

Shin froze. He hadn't been ready for her to just…come out and ask about him. Finally, he shook his head.

"No. He isn't mad Usagi," he said gently.

He loves you and knows that you're not in a place to return his feelings. Probably ever, he added silently. And he doesn't know what to do with his emotions.

"I'm sorry I made him uncomfortable," she added quietly.

The girl everyone thought was oblivious was maybe…not so oblivious. Usagi was, apparently, very aware of Shuu's feelings. Shin wasn't sure how to feel about that since she didn't seem to be discouraging them.

A log shifted quietly as the dim and burning glow of sunset slowly began to tint the late afternoon sky.

She buried her face in her knees. "I'm so selfish," she said in a low voice tinged with bitterness. "I have no right to….take comfort from him. I hurt him." Her voice was still a whisper but the self-loathing in the tone was clear.

His doubt dissolved in an instant. And a heavy sorrow took its place.

She had lost so much. Even if it was selfish, just a little, to take comfort from someone so freely, Shin couldn't really blame her. Usagi was someone that needed love. She needed to love. Shuu had given her what she'd needed, fully knowing what it meant.

It wasn't really her fault she couldn't Shuu's feelings. She couldn't return anyone's feelings. And she was terrified of losing someone again. Shin could understand her completely, and it just made his heart ache for her.

"I don't know what to do. I miss Mamo-chan so much. But I….it isn't fair," she murmured, shaking her head and burying her face more deeply into her legs.

Shin agreed. It wasn't fair. Not to anyone. Gently, unable to resist the compulsion to comfort her, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"You're right, Usagi. It isn't fair. But it isn't just Shuu I'm talking about. It's not fair to you either," he said quietly. Her shoulders trembled beneath his arm.

"I can't do anything to fix it," she rasped. "I can't do anything. I feel so helpless, all the time. I let everyone down, and it's so selfish, but I still want –" She cut herself off, her body settling as she went quiet.

"Stop it," Rei snapped. They both turned to see the priestess with her eyes opened and fixed on Usagi. Shin flushed guiltily, caught trying to comfort her with a side hug, and reminded himself he was just being a good friend, and there was nothing to worry about.

Still. Rei was scary when she wanted to be…

"We keep going over this and I get it. But you can't do this to yourself anymore. So what if it's selfish? Do it anyways. Be selfish Usagi-chan."

Usagi looked at Rei with tearful eyes. "How could I?" she whispered. "What kind of person does that make me? Mamo-chan – "

" – told you to be happy, Usagi. He told you to be happy. I don't think he included any buts in that sentence," Rei snapped, cutting her off.

"How could I!?" she yelled. "How could I do that?! How can I let myself be happy when he's dead because I wasn't there?! I failed him! What kind of terrible person would love someone else after something like that!?"

Shin blinked his eyes wide even as he realized in that moment that they'd all underestimated her. Rei's widened eyes across the fire seemed to indicate as much. Usagi hadn't been oblivious. She hadn't been leading Shuu on.

Usagi loved Shuu.

She hadn't been so damaged that she couldn't love someone else. She was Usagi. Of course Usagi could love.

But she'd been torturing herself over it.

She'd been punishing herself for it. Punishing herself for something her heart couldn't help.

Rei's eyes had a glassy quality to them as she fixed Usagi with a fierce scowl. "You idiot. How do you think Mamoru would feel, knowing you've been hurting yourself like this?!" she snapped. Usagi reared back, her expression shocked as she looked at Rei.

"Wh-what?" she breathed, tears spiling over the rims of her lower lashes.

"All this time, you've been punishing yourself? For what?! Usagi, you dope, stop hating yourself for something you can't control. It's ok to love. You should love," Rei spat, the glassy quality of her gaze intensifying though the fierceness in it didn't abate. "Between you and Minako, I don't know who's dumber lately."

Usagi looked indignant now. "Rei, how could you even think that I'd –"

"That you'd what, odango brains? Move on? I get it. Mamoru wasn't some civilian you met at a café. We all know that Usagi. But what does this even mean for you? You wait until he gets old enough to be legal?" Rei made a grossed-out face, and Shin agreed with her. He hadn't really thought about it that way, but he would be now, thanks to her.

Usagi squealed. "Rei, ewwwww!"

Rei shrugged. "Ok. So clearly, you're not waiting for him to grow up. What then? You think you're supposed to never love anyone again?" the priestess shot her an incredulous look.

Usagi hunched her shoulders against the thought. "I don't know! It feels wrong. It feels like I'm betraying Mamo-chan, and I would never do that! I can't do that. It hurts!," she wailed. Rei closed her eyes for a moment, her brow furrowed with empathetic frustration.

"You big dork." Minako's voice was a surprise, and Shin turned to take her in as she approached, flopping down on Usagi's other side. "You backed yourself into a corner. Luckily for you, the Goddess of Love is here to help!" The blonde's tone was cheerful, but Shin could sense an edge of something in it.

He expected something silly to follow that light hearted introduction. But Minako's face softened into something thoughtful and sad.

"Usagi. Mamo-chan wanted you to be happy. You can't hold yourself back from loving someone if that's going to make you happy. And loving someone else doesn't mean that you stop loving Mamo-chan. It's completely possible in this case to love two people at the same time, ok?" she said gently.

Rei blinked.

"Wow. That was surprisingly insightful Mina-chan," she said, giving Minako an impressed raise of her eyebrows. Minako scowled at her.

"Have you ever doubted my prowess as the expert in all things love?!" she said, looking arrogant as she straightened and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "I am the reincarnation of the Goddess of Love," she added, as if that explained everything. Shin tried not to laugh. It sounded like she took this very seriously, but he just sort of thought it was funny.

Usagi nodded, but Rei snorted.

"Minako, you are a lovable dolt," she replied, looking both affectionate and exasperated at the same time. "But in this case, I agree with you. Usagi-chan, your heart is big enough to have room for more than one person. You can treasure the memory of Mamoru but still lead with your heart in life," she said, staring at the Moon Princess.

Usagi sighed, looking lost, but less hopeless now and more conflicted.

"I feel like every time I come out here I'm interrupting something important," Ami said apologetically as she approached. Rei shook her head.

"Cut it out. You're fine," she said simply, as Ami sat. Shin noticed she was carrying the Mercury computer, and she set it into her lap, her focus zeroing in on the screen, lapsing into silence. He wondered if she was even sleeping at this point.

Usagi might not be the only person that needed an intervention.

"Working on anything new?" Shin asked her politely. Ami nodded absently.

"Yes. Sorry, I'm just finalizing a few things before Kayura gets here," she said. Shin nodded, his gut cramping a bit at the idea of Kayura showing up again to share in their strategizing. But the Empress and the Masho could provide valuable insights and it was time they all stopped pretending the Youjakai was fine on its own and didn't require any attention from any of them.

Or that it was completely and totally disconnected from them.

It had formed out of negative human emotions. That seemed about as connected to the mortal realm as they could get without actually being there.

He didn't have to like any of this, though.

"Reeeeeeiiiiii. The lake looks so romantic. Walk with me." Minako sing-songed at the priestess. Rei's face dropped into a sour expression, but she rose dutifully, carefully brushing off her hakama.

"Fine. I could use a bit of exercise, and someone needs to keep you from getting lost I guess. We'll be back before Kayura's due," she said, waving at them all as they departed.

"Rei-chan you are so mean!" he heard Minako wail dramatically as they moved away. He chuckled a bit, wondering at the abrupt leave-taking until he spotted Seiji exiting the house. Korin was distracted, helping Makoto get some sort of huge basket out the door.

Seiji set the basket down near Shin, dropping onto the ground between he and Ami.

"Where're Mina-chan and Rei?" the blond asked. Mercury shot him a quick and unreadable look, then went back to whatever it was she was doing. Makoto seemed…quiet again, uncertain – a fact Shin knew was sure to upset Touma. He tried not to sigh. It wasn't just Minako and Usagi that had lapsed in mood.

"Mina-chan and Rei-chan went for a walk," Usagi said helpfully, her cheerful, oblivious face back up and going strong. She batted her eyelashes at Seiji in an over-dramatic way. "Minako said the lake looked soooooo romantic, so she asked Rei to take her on a long walk," the Moon Princess said in a mushy voice.

Seiji made an odd noise, and Ami cast him a discreet side-look from her machine again. Shin recognized the expression now – wary curiosity. Touma appeared next, and Makoto smiled at him before she stood, putting a hand to her forehead like a visor against the burning sunset. She eased when she spotted the two women, and then waved in a huge arc, as if she might be giving signals to an airplane.

Shin turned in time to see the tiny figures of Minako and Rei waving back before they resumed their stroll. Seiji got up then, and Shin and Touma locked eyes, a subtle nod passing between them. Shin rolled his eyes, jumping up to keep pace with Touma as they worked to overtake Seiji. Shin waved over his shoulder as they headed down the slope.

"What're you doing?" Seiji asked them, clearly not wanting company.

"Saving you from yourself," Touma muttered, reaching out to grasp Korin by the shoulder and pull him to a halt. When Seiji shot them both an irritated look, it was Touma who rolled his eyes. "Cut it out," the blue-haired man snarled, annoyance riding his tone.

"What makes you think I need saving?" Korin snarled, fists clenching, his back already up.

Touma crossed his arms, the archer's stance patient but firm. "I don't know," he countered. "You about done opening your mouth wide enough to put your foot in it or are you going to keep banging your head against the same damn wall?"

Seiji narrowed his eyes. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he snapped.

Shin sighed. "Seiji. I'm not sure if you noticed, but Minako hasn't exactly been happy to see you over the last week," he said bluntly. Seiji sent him a duh look, but there was a terribly uncertainty beneath the expression.

"I'm trying to fix that, if you'll let me," he said, gesturing in the direction Minako and Rei had gone.

"How? By reminding her again about everything she lost? Or were you going to continue helping her feel like a lousy leader?" Touma groused, gesturing in the same direction.

Shit. Touma wasn't exactly Mr. Tactful.

Shin understood – Touma just wanted to get right to the point and fix what was broken. But Seiji wasn't really in a flexible, patient sort of mood, so looking past Touma's blunt statements wasn't going to happen.

They were going to hit like a hammer on a bell instead.

"What Touma is trying to say," he cut in before Seiji could retaliate," Is that we understand how you feel. We're all in the same boat. I know you're worried about Minako's safety, but we can't keep them from this."

Seiji sighed, closing his eyes, his brow furrowing as if he were in pain.

"I know," he said quietly. He opened his eyes and pinned each of them with his gaze. "What about you? How are you handling this?" There was a challenge in his tone, but Shin only felt compassion. He understood. Seiji wasn't in a good place, and Shin could empathize.

"You said it yourself," he replied quietly. "They've lost everything. And I've said it before. If it were me? Nothing would stop me. And I'd hate anyone who tried to keep me from what I felt was my right. I can be strong enough to set my own fears aside and be the man Rei needs right now when I think about everything she's been through. Do I wish I could just…do this for her? Yes. Am I terrified about what could happen to her? Absolutely. But Rei needs me to be strong for her sake. And I can't let her down."

"And they need our confidence, Seiji," Touma jumped in. "Of course, I want to shelter Mako-chan, but trying to shut her away hurts her. If I stepped in front, if I shouldered everything for her, she would feel like I didn't have faith in her strength. She needs to know that I believe in her. The only way I can do that is to show her. By standing beside her instead of in front."

He moved forward, putting a hand on Seiji's shoulder, his expression earnest.

"Minako is a leader. And she needs to feel like everyone believes in her ability to lead. That we all believe she's a good, capable leader. Just like Makoto needs everyone to believe in her strength and her courage."

"And Rei needs to know that we all trust in her instincts," Shin added.

One side of Seiji's mouth curved in a small, sad smile.

"I know," he said quietly. "I guess I haven't been doing a very good job of that." He turned then, taking in the distant figures of Rei and Minako as they ambled slowly by the lake. Minako stooped then, and rose, showing something on the flat of her palm to Rei, the two women nearly touching heads for a moment as they studied whatever it was.

It couldn't be easy for Seiji. The Senshi seemed so petit – so fragile. It was important not to forget the strength that lay beneath their exteriors.

"What will you do now?" Touma asked softly as they all watched the two women.

"I don't know," Seiji admitted. "I'm sorry, I guess."

"An apology is a good start," Shin agreed. "Try to look past your fears. She is strong. She's clever, and she's competent. They're no different than we are."

"Except that they're not wearing armor," Seiji grumbled. Touma chuckled, and Shin joined them.

He felt warm suddenly, and looked up. Rei had raised a hand over her eyes and was looking for him. He waved, signaling her, and she turned and gestured Minako back towards their location.

"I'm jealous," Seiji sighed. When Shin raised an inquisitive brow in his direction, he shrugged. "You understand Rei so well. I don't have that," he admitted, sounding a bit put out. Touma laughed again, but then quieted, putting his hand back on Seiji's shoulder.

"You can. You will," he said confidently. He patted Korin firmly on the back, Seiji choking a little as he was jostled. "Well, good luck." Tenku said, sticking a hand in his pocket and waving with the other one as he turned and headed back up the hill.

Shin watched him go, smiling in amusement. Touma was definitely not subtle. But that was all right.

Seiji shot the man a dirty look. "I'm not going to my execution," he muttered under his breath. Shin raised an eyebrow at him, giving him a bit of side-eye. Korin hunched his shoulders, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Shut up," he muttered.

Rei was casting them a wary look as she drew close. Minako had separated from her and was heading down the dock, a favorite spot she seemed to have adopted during her time in their Universe. Shin tried to give Rei a reassuring look, hoping to convey that he trusted Seiji not to be an idiot. The priestess came to a stop at Shin's side.

She took the elbow he offered her delicately, and didn't say anything to Seiji, just shot him a burning look that made Shin uncomfortable before letting him guide her towards the walking path. They made their way into the shelter of the trees and turned, watching Seiji approach Minako warily.

Shin nodded, satisfied, when she didn't tell him to get lost immediately.

"We've done all we can. The rest is up to him," he sighed. Beside him, her hand tucked against his forearm, Rei snorted.

"If he doesn't sort himself out, I will," she muttered. Shin chuckled. For his own sake, he hoped Seiji did sort himself out.

"He loves her," he replied simply. Rei nodded, her expression weary now.

"That doesn't always mean everything will work out," she said softly. Shin blinked, surprised.

"I thought the Senshi were all about the power of love," he said lightly, but a heavy feeling undercut the sentiment. He didn't like the cynicism in her voice. It seemed out of place. Rei huffed a brief laugh.

"Not always. That's mostly Usagi's deal. And sometimes, Minako's I suppose. For everyone but herself, anyways. Mako-chan is a hopeless romantic, but in the end she's always realistic, and Ami is painfully shy and often uninterested, if you hadn't noticed," she said quietly. She smiled at Shin then. "I suppose I'm not as immune as I thought," she teased.

"Lucky for me," he grinned, waggling his eyebrows at her. She huffed a laugh and rolled her eyes, but her answering smile was full of warmth.

"Lucky for you," she agreed with a bob of her head. The fact that he'd been the guy to break through her barriers made him feel…tender. He vowed to himself he'd never break that trust.

They moved more fully into the darkness of the woods, and Shin savored the scent of the air. Autumn would be arriving swing soon. He soaked in the quiet presence beside him, happy to let her sort her thoughts as they moved.

"Minako is worried that she's…not Seiji's type," she confided hesitantly after a moment.

Shin laughed a bit at that. He'd initially thought the same thing about the two of them, but as he'd come to know Minako, he could completely understand why Seiji felt attracted to her. She was very his type, and he was only happy that Seiji had realized it.

"I think she's exactly what he needs," he countered, smiling. "And Seiji knows it. That's not the issue here."

Rei huffed the air from her lungs. "I don't understand how he can have feelings for her and not trust her," she murmured. Shin felt sadness ease the warmth from his mood.

"It isn't that," he told her quietly. "He's scared. We all are. I think Seiji loves her more than he can say. And to be so attached to someone so quickly…he's struggling with the idea that he could lose her – that he could be powerless to help her. Again," he replied.

Rei looked up at him then, sharply. She studied his profile for a moment before she sighed quietly and leaned against his arm. "Everything is happening so fast, isn't it?" she breathed. Shin nodded.

"We're still coming to terms with…all of it," he admitted softly. Rei nodded against him.

"I can understand that," she said wryly, and he knew she was remembering their conversation on the train.

"Give Seiji time. He cares. Probably too much," he reassured her. Rei huffed air again.

"I don't think he can care too much. Minako deserves to be loved. Exactly as she is," she insisted.

Shin smiled at her. "I can guarantee, Seiji does. He loves her so much, he doesn't understand how to handle the strength of his own emotions."

Rei sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. "I guess this is new to all of us," she said quietly. Shin smiled at her tenderly.

"I think we can figure it out," he encouraged her. She opened her eyes, and smiled back up at him softly. Her smile faded after a moment. She hesitated, biting her lip with indecision, and then said reluctantly, in a low voice, "She's a lot more like me underneath all her goofiness than you might guess. I wasn't the only Senshi swearing off boys."

Shin blinked, and then turned, furrowing his brow at the couple through the gaps in the trees. While that fit with her Senshi Leader personality, it didn't fit with the rest of her. "That surprises me," he replied, looking back to Rei.

She looked uncomfortable for a moment, then back up at him, and he realized that she was trusting him now, with whatever she was about to tell him. He took both her hands in his, giving her his full attention. She looked down at the ground between them.

"Minako has let herself fall in love before. It ended badly for her, both times. I know she mentioned the Four Heavenly Kings from the Silver Millennium." Rei paused, closing her eyes for a moment. "Kunzite, Zoisite, Nephrite, and Jadeite," she recited.

Shin nodded.

"I'm sure you've realized by now that she sort of…glossed over things in her explanation. One of the things she glossed over was that she loved Kunzite. It happened to all of us, but Minako…fell pretty hard. He was charming and…a bit like Seiji. Smooth. Formal. Classy. When she'd realized that he had betrayed her trust, ultimately leading to the destruction of the Moon Kingdom, she was crushed. But she was also furious. Mostly at herself. He used her, and I think a part of her feels like maybe she deserved the consequences of the betrayal," she explained.

He felt the heaviness of the confession slide over his shoulders. Of course, Minako would turn something like that in on herself. But he had a feeling she wouldn't be the only one.

Shin swallowed, looking out at the lake for a moment as he steeled himself to ask the first question on his mind.

"And you?" he said in a low, gentle voice.

Rei smirked, but the expression was a mix of sorrow and self-loathing.

"I trusted Jadeite," she said, tone self-deprecating, "And it literally killed me. But not before I got to watch the Princess I'd sworn an oath to protect die by her own hands when Endymion was slaughtered by Metalia. Not before I realized that I had loved someone, trusted someone, who had used that love and trust to completely obliterate everything I held dear."

She flashed him that same sad, bitter smile again, her violet gaze clashing with his. "I guess we've all made some terrible decisions. Which is why it's important to us to set things right."

Shin put his hands on her shoulders, frowning at her. "He murdered you," he said, trying to suppress the helpless anger that welled inside him at the thought of someone squandering something as precious as Rei's trust. At the thought of someone hurting her like that.

Rei's smile faded into amusement then. "Oh you got that, huh?" she grinned, huffing a brief laugh. "Yeah. So you're really lucky, you know that?"

Warmth flooded his senses pushing the anger aside.

She'd given him her love and her trust when she'd had every reason to harden her heart.

"Yeah. I am," he replied warmly, leaning down to kiss her forehead. She blushed. He was willing to bet she'd expected something a bit lighter from him in answer to her sassy quip. But Shin needed her to know, deep down, that she'd put her trust in the right person.

That her heart was sacred to him, and he would never, ever betray her. She could count on him until the day he died. And for the rest of eternity after.

She seemed reserved suddenly, biting her lip. He'd never tell her, but she looked adorable right now. A brilliant, golden leaf dropped on the sleeve of her blouse then, and she plucked it up with graceful fingers, twirling it idly, concentrating on it, as she tried to form her thoughts. She looked back out at the lake, leaf pinched delicately in one hand.

"I have no regrets," she finally said, her voice serene, even if the quick smile she shot him was shy and tender. Warmth flushed through him all over again, more intense this time. Hearing her reaffirm her feelings for him never got old.

"I won't ever give you a reason to have them," he vowed. She turned, leaping at him then, throwing her arms around him, and Shin enveloped her in a hug, squeezing gently.

"It scares me sometimes, how much you understand me," she admitted into his chest after a moment. Shin chuckled, running a hand gently over the silken fall of her hair, savoring its texture beneath his calloused fingers.

"I love you," he said matter – of – factly. "I can't help it."

"Cut it out!" she wailed, her lower lashes rimming with tears. "Are you trying to make me cry like a baby?" Shin laughed again and squeezed her close.

"I'll try not to do in public," he promised. "But I think you like it when I'm mushy," he added, grinning. She let out a wet laugh, her fingers tightening their grip on his shirt.

"I should have guessed you'd be an operator," she grinned, looking up at him then. The quippy reply died on his lips as he took her in.

She was beautiful, he decided. In this moment, she took his breath away. A light blush still crested her cheeks. Her lashes sparkled with unshed tears, even as she smiled at him with warmth and affection. The smile faded as he put a hand on her cheek, caressing beneath an eye with his thumb as he admired the violet of her gaze.

Around them leaves rustled quietly, a few beginning to drop early. The sky above had begun to burn in pinks and peaches, oranges and yellows and reds, against a backdrop of turquoise and blue, and Shin was smart enough not to waste the moment.

Still smiling, he leaned down, and fit his lips to hers.