Over the years since the expedition into the Crystal Tower, after Dragonsong War, and during the efforts to free Ala Mhigo and Doma, when her longing would reach the unbearable level, Surr would find herself here, at the colossal crystal gate.
On better days, she would sit down, leaning her back against cold crystal, and trailing unfocused gaze along the walls leading back into the labyrinth, she would tell stories of her adventures to uncaring echo. She would close her eyes and imagine them laughing together over the silliest things. About Alphinaud and Alisaie fighting again, about Thancred driving her crazy with his teasing, about Y'shtola scolding her for not paying enough attention during her lectures, and how she still struggled to understand Urianger's flourish tongue.
He never met any of them before crystal doors closed, stealing him away from her, but in her imagination, she would let herself lean her head against his shoulder and listen to his low, soothing voice telling her to hold on, to keep going, focus at the task at hand… That maybe in just another day, week, moon… it'll stop hurting as much. That she'll be able to look back at these few unbearably short weeks when everything was so vibrant, so good… when she could touch him, feel him… and she'll be able to smile. That it won't feel anymore like her soul is tearing itself apart.
On those good days, she allowed herself to believe that everything she did, everything she lost and suffered, and everything she experienced after those doors closed was worth it. That someday in the distant future, when they will open again, and beautiful crimson eyes will gaze at the world she left for him… he will smile that gorgeous, charming way she adored, and he'll be proud of her. He'll look back and feel that she was worthy of his love in the end.
That she was worthy of their beautiful children.
That someday, at the end of her days, be it in the battle or simply at the end of her time, she'll look back and really believe she deserved the memory of him. That it was enough to pay the universe back for letting her know him, love him… for letting her belong to him for that few short weeks, and she'll be able to let go without regrets.
Then there would come worse days, when her selfishness and pain would find her trying to beg, cry, scream, bargain with unyielding, blue crystal. Just for one look, one touch, anything… Trying to pry the gate open with any and every weapon she could think of and sob desperately when it inevitably didn't work.
On one of such days, on the third anniversary of gate closing, she snuck away from the Scions and their efforts in Ala Mhigo, and even though she promised herself she'll never, ever do that… She crept into her parents' cottage in the middle of the night, woke her two and a half-year-old kits… and even though she knew in how much danger it put them, she stole them and brought them to the crystal gate, hoping…
But of course, they were too little, and they couldn't understand why their mommy they were not allowed to call a mommy was banging at the huge, crystal door and crying her heart out.
After she exhausted herself, she sat down against the cold gate with scared, clinging to her sides kits, and she was ashamed, heartbroken all over again, and terrified at her own weakness. At the idea that it would work, and she would render his sacrifice, his selfless bravery, meaningless. Or worse, that she'll break his heart the same as hers was broken when a moon after gate closing, during one frigid night in Ishgard, she understood what her sudden bout of dizzy spells and nausea meant.
So she procured a thick, woolen blanket from her bag and their favorite sweets she stole from her parents' pantry and let them curl against her sides, and at least this one, dark night, in the middle of ancient, Allagan corridor, she told them that it's okay, this one time, to call her mom. She brushed soft, pearly-white strands from round cheeks and smiled through tears into wide-open, failing to understand huge, crimson eyes, telling them a story… A fairy tale about a bitter young girl being led through the forest by a disembodied voice on a merry chase, sparking a near-forgotten sense of adventure in her tired heart. About lonely girl falling in love at first sight with a mischievous glint in a red-cyan gaze and a charming, wide grin.
She told them about frolicking like kits in the cold waters of Silvertear lake on hot, lazy days. About bells of listening to the low, soothing voice telling her stories of a long-gone empire. About bashful blushes, mischievous smirks, and brilliant mind, they were bound to inherit.
And as two sets of curious, mesmerized crimson eyes stared at the cold, crystal gate baring them from meeting their father, she swore them never to come there again. Never open those doors, no matter their curiosity… or her begging.
She brought them back to her parents' cottage and listened to bells of her own father's furious scolding at the risk she put them in. She took it with uncharacteristic humility, knowing she deserved it. She knew what her moment of weakness could cost, even if he didn't fully realize the risk's scope.
She went back to the camp in Ala Mhigo, feeling guilty and heartbroken, and even Scions were surprised at her unyielding zeal and determination in the following days. Unaware that she tried to atone for her weakness.
After all, they had no idea about them. Most of them, anyway. Only her parents and Alphinaud knew. Her parents, because she needed a safe place to hide them, yet was unable to let go entirely. Alphinaud, because he was with her in Ishgard, and she could only hide her state for so long.
She still sometimes would giggle maniacally at the memory of his expression when she broke the news and swore him to secrecy. She would still be endeared at the thought of his fumbling and fluster. And she would feel more than a bit guilty for forcing him to keep secrets from his sister and their friends.
But her children's safety was her utter and foremost priority, and she was too terrified at the thought of her enemies finding out about them. Of someone realizing what the color of their eyes meant and trying to use them.
Later on, when Zenos and his obsession entered the picture, the importance of keeping them hidden became even more pronounced.
So even as she shared with her friends stories about her lost love, unable to help herself, she never mentioned its unexpected outcome.
Then came a battle at Ghimlyt Dark, and when Elidibus, in possession of Zenos's body, swung a katana at her head while a mind-tearing headache was splitting her skull to pieces, she found herself in the rift between worlds, facing a mysterious stranger hidden behind the cowl.
She was furious and beyond confused at first, not really comprehending what happened or why that voice sounded so heartbreakingly familiar. And then, as words about battles and worlds tumbled off the strangely mesmerizing curve of plush lips, her heart stopped when a nearly forgotten scent invaded her nose… And then she became truly furious! Only years of practice in hiding her feelings behind the mask of the Warrior stopped her from marching right up to him and tearing that silly cowl off his head. From demanding an explanation why he was trying to hide from her! When she spent years yearning for him, mourning him, missing him.
Her beautiful, silly Raha seemed to think she would ever forget his scent. When even as the memory of his voice slowly faded from her mind, explaining why she didn't recognize it immediately on that meeting with Alliance leaders when Thancred collapsed, the memory of his smell would still wake her at night, aching with want.
So she was furious and beyond suspicious as she glared at him, listening to his wish to look for the beacon near Crystal Tower… knowing his selfless, brave heart, leading her mind to arrive at the conclusions she didn't like one bit!
After waking up, she was tempted to rush to Mor Dhona, rush across the rift, and give him a piece of her mind about what she thought of his secrecy and sad excuse of deception! But instead, she forced herself to calm down and stopped at her parents' cottage. She hugged her beautiful Sura, a daughter that was already showing signs of fascination with grand stories and adventures. She hugged her little, sweet Rasu, a son she adored for his mischievous nature. And she promised them that she would bring their wayward father back, even if she had to do that while he was kicking and screaming!
There's been self-sacrificing enough in her life already!
After crossing the rift and landing on the First, she was beyond fed up while he led her on a tour of the Crystarium. He was acting all high and mighty with his soft, polite smiles. And all the while making her blood boil with his insanely delicious smell! He was acting like he really believed that she would ever forget him! Finally, feeling gracious enough, she gave him a last chance to come clean, letting her mask slip as she looked at the Crystal Tower's towering spire and asked straightforward about her Raha…, and he had the gall to lie and pretend it wasn't him!
The nerve of that man!
So with fierce determination, he should have expected in the first place, she set out to goad him into breaking. Focusing on the sight of the Tower, she purposefully feigned ignorance and described their kits to him, nearly breaking herself when his voice started to shake, and only visible part of his face went white as a sheet.
Enough said she was beyond relieved when he finally broke! And feeling guilty as he sobbed against her shoulder, mourning the time lost.
But now, while the gate lit up, intricately carved slabs parting before shinning, crystal vessel she carried hugged tightly against her heart, she really believed it was worth it. Who knows how it would go if she didn't do that!
Her beautiful, silly Raha and his tendency to self-sacrifice, really… Later, when he meekly explained his original plan and what prompted him to try to hide from her, she flicked him on the nose for good measure! Then she proceeded to fuck any suicidal notions out of his mind! She turned him into a whimpering, writhing mess on the cold floor of the Ocular, begging for release and swearing off all of his previous plans.
That part, she really enjoyed.
Then they saved the First and averted the Eighth Umbral Calamity… and though she failed to defeat Emet-Selch and even ended up owing him for sparing her and stopping her transformation into Sin-Eater… but they won.
Even if it didn't exactly feel like that at the time.
But it all led her to this moment as she climbed crystal staircases leading up to the throne room at the top of the Crystal Tower. Even if she didn't feel the weak pull of her old mark on him, she would still head toward that place, fondly remembering his flair for the dramatics when he was young and free of the Tower's hold.
A small part of her heart hoped that even with the memories of the Exarch's hundred years long vigil, he'd rediscover that part of himself when he is free again. She missed that specific mischievous glint in his eyes that showed in their son's.
When she finally entered the throne room and spotted a familiar figure sagged against the armrest of the crystal throne, her heart thundered in her throat, and involuntary tears filled her eyes, turning everything around her blurry.
She was terrified after the crystalline vessel flashed, stealing light from the beloved, crimson eyes. Beyond that even... fearing that fate will decide to steal him away from her again. No matter how much he assured her it'll work and they would be together and free of the Tower's hold over his body, she couldn't help but sob desperately, dreading the outcome.
Even when Ardbert scared her half to death by 'borrowing' his vacant body and trying to make up for it by assuring her that the vessel she held contained her mate's soul. For that scare, later watching him struggle to adjust to having a tail, she felt validated in laughing mercilessly at his fumbling.
Especially since she had to help him down crystal staircases and explain the situation to poor, confused Lyna! She almost dreaded what Raha will have to say about their ghost friend's actions!
She took a deep breath, trying to calm her pounding heart and nervous trembling of her hands as she neared the crystal throne. Her lips tilted in a tender smile when she brushed strands of red hair back from where they covered his cheek. She barely noticed how her fingers shook when she let them trail delicately along his jaw and down his throat, some of the tears spilling while her fingertips followed the line of the tattoo on his skin. Boundless relief and hope filled her heart at the feeling of warm skin instead of cool crystal she became quite used to, even as it scared her with the idea of crystallization climbing higher, Tower's greedy bond claiming more of her love.
But here, now, at this moment, while she placed her palm gently against his cheek and leaned in to brush her lips against his brow, her ears twitching with relief at the sound of his quiet, even breath… she finally let herself believe it'll be alright. That he'll wake up, open those gorgeous, crimson eyes, and smile at her with this charming smile that stole her heart years ago, and everything will be right in the world again. That she'll bring him back to meet their kids, as she promised.
And finally, they'll be a family. Together, no matter what, they could protect them. She'll be able to relieve Alphinaud from his promise. And she will probably have to listen to a looong lecture from Alisaie and the rest of their friends about keeping secrets… but in the end, it'll be worth it.
She sighed softly, dreamily, and climbed the crystal throne, then pulled gently on his arm till his head rested in her lap. He looked so peaceful and relaxed like this, slightly younger and unburdened by the fate of the star and its shards. She couldn't help but smile, trailing her fingertips along his eyebrows and nose, stopping them on pretty, plush lips while she leaned in and placed a delicate kiss on his forehead.
She took another deep breath, exhaled slowly, and placed the crystal vessel against his chest. Then, unable to look, she closed her eyes, and bending forward, she rested her forehead against his, praying silently.
"Please, Raha," she whispered softly, pleadingly, after a long moment while her heart pounded unevenly with uncertainty. Tears pricked at the corners of her tightly shut eyes, and with her throat feeling so tight, she could barely breathe. "Please, wake up for me, my love, my precious mate."
She twitched when long fingers carded through her hair, brushing against her lowered ear, but she didn't dare to look, her breath stuttering to a stop.
"Surr…?" she heard an uncertain rasp, his beloved voice hoarse with unuse. "Surr, what…?"
She sobbed, framing his face with her palms and claiming his lips in a gentle, loving kiss. Swallowing his tiny, surprised gasp and uncaring as she heard the crystal vessel clatter against the throne room floor.
After a long moment, she broke the kiss, sighing with relief as she lifted slightly and finally opened her eyes. She was grinning madly while happiness filled her chest.
"You're awake," she whispered while watching dark-red eyelashes flutter open, revealing crimson eyes. She smoothed her thumbs against his cheeks, nearly dizzy with joy. "Tis' so good to see you awake, G'raha Tia," she said with a chuckle.
Then her grin fell when he frowned, peering up at her with confusion and uncertainty. She frowned as well, when his eyes darted around, taking stock of their surroundings.
"Surr…?" he finally rasped again, looking at her as he licked his lips, his hand tightening in her hair and pulling her back until her forehead rested against his again when his eyes closed and a painful grimace marred his features. "Surr, you… can't be… here. You have to… go… before the Tower… is sealed."
She froze, blinking hard a few times, trying to understand…
"Surr, you… have to… leave," he finished with a breathless sob, his hand falling from her hair. "…fast… till I can… let you…"
Then he went completely limp against her with a gasp, and she straightened, looking at his face with dazed confusion. Slowly, her gaze trailed toward the crystal vessel resting on the floor near the throne, its crystal facets dark and spent.
Understanding dawning, she sobbed desperately, helplessly, gathering his body against her and coiling her arms around him tightly, possessively, as she cried her heart out.
It didn't work… didn't work… and part of him that used to be Crystal Exarch was gone.
She cried and cried until she exhausted herself, and no more tears were coming. Then she took a few deep, calming breaths, and maneuvering carefully, she got to the ground again, pulling his limp body with her. She put his arm across her shoulders after picking up the crystal vessel off the floor, and with her teeth clenched hard with determination, she started a long descent down the Tower.
She made a promise to him and their children. And she intended to keep it, even while her heart was breaking.
G'raha knew he was dreaming when his clone smiled at him gently. Though calling the man standing in front of him his clone wasn't precisely accurate, he realized with a frown. They shared his face, eyes, and build, but the man's hair was half-faded to white, and he looked slightly older, with crystal eating up his neck and spilling over his cheek. His right arm was wholly crystallized as far as he could tell with the strange robe he was wearing, distinctively Allagan in design.
He looked around, though for some reason tearing his eyes away from the stranger came at an insane effort. They were in Crystal Tower's throne room, but blue, intricately carved walls seemed a bit blurry and distorted, confirming his suspicion that it was all in his head.
When sealing the Tower, he thought his slumber would be dreamless. So he hoped, terrified of being tortured with the images of what he left behind.
Images of her.
He looked again at his silent, new companion, with a bit dry smirk, raising his eyebrows.
"And who are you, my friend?" he finally asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I'm you," the man answered in his voice, and G'raha couldn't help but gape a little. His clone was amused at his stare, moving away and looking around before leaning against the crystal throne and staring back at him with another gentle smile. "Three hundred years older, mind you, but you, nonetheless."
"Three hundred?" he gasped breathlessly, feeling a shudder run down his spine. He hoped, beyond hope… even as he knew… he still hoped… His ears fell flat against his head, and his heart wilted as his gaze dropped to the ground when his eyes filled with tears. Blindly, his hand moved under his vest, touching the comforting scar on his shoulder even as his heart broke, his soul wailing at a loss. "She'll be gone," he whispered, his lips feeling numb.
Suddenly wish of the ancients didn't seem as vital as it did when he decided to follow his destiny. He closed his eyes, not caring when tears spilled, recalling the last time he saw her, his beautiful mate, stretched out on top of his bedroll, purring blissfully in her sleep and utterly unaware of what he planned. Because he was too much of a coward to watch her heart break, same as his own was broken, at the thought of leaving her.
But Tower needed a keeper, and he wanted to deserve her. To prove to himself that her love wasn't misplaced. So he deluded himself into believing that it was worth it and that as much as the thought alone hurt, she'll move on and forget him. After all, who was he in comparison to her…?
"You have a choice to make, G'raha Tia," his clone said, shaking him out of his musing. G'raha blinked hard, opening his eyes and looking at him with confusion. The man wearing his face had a soft, polite smile on his lips, though his eyes seemed to contain a strange sort of nervousness. "You're about to wake up, almost four years after sealing the Tower. With Surr at your side and free to do whatever you wish to do. Free of the Tower."
His heart stuttered to a stop, then started to pound furiously as new hope filled it to the brim. He could see her again…?
"What's the catch?" he rasped, surprised at how hoarse his voice sounded.
"There's none," his clone smiled, shrugging easily, looking away from his gaze. "You'll wake up regardless. You'll be free… regardless. The choice you must make lays somewhere else."
He frowned, looking at the man carefully.
"I don't understand," he said finally with a sigh. "This is a weird dream."
"It's not a dream," his clone chuckled, though his eyes were quite… sad when he looked at him again. "I do not wish to say too much, not to influence your decision, so you must forgive me for being… confusing."
"What must I choose between, then?" he asked with growing irritation, feeling his tail whip with agitation.
"To either wake up as you are now," the man looked away again. "Or accept me and all the memories coming with me."
G'raha stared at him, confused, trying to understand… and failing.
"Explain," he snapped, rolling his eyes. Was he always that annoying…?
"As much as it pains me," his crystalized version sighed, looking at him with a frown. "I thought it would be… unkind not to offer you that chance to refuse to fuse our souls. So many things happened since you went to sleep… much of it wasn't pleasant. And if you agree, we'll have to carry the burden of those memories for the rest of our lives. Or you can refuse and stay as you are now, and it'll be as if nothing ever happened…"
G'raha couldn't help but tap his foot impatiently, the sound bouncing off the room's walls. His clone glared at that with another frown, and he smirked right back at him.
"So far, by the sound of that… and if it really isn't a dream," he drawled through his teeth, raising his eyebrows expectantly. "The real question is why in the world should I ever agree…?"
"Because without me…" strange determination flared in the crimson eyes of his crystallized version. "…you won't be able to protect her… But be it as it may… that comes with the price of the memories of hundred years of loneliness and suffering. With the memory of waking in the world without her. So as I said… you have to choose, G'raha Tia."
He hummed with consideration, then sighed.
Who was he kidding? It wasn't really a choice, was it…?
When he opened his eyes next time, blinking blearily through the fog claiming his mind, a view of an unfamiliar ceiling welcomed his gaze. His mind swam with a mix of emotions and memories worth of few lifetimes like pieces of puzzles trying to fit together and falling apart constantly.
Though his body felt stiff and numb, he lifted his right hand toward his eyes with an effort, soon clenching and unclenching his fingers, marveling at how strange and unfamiliar it felt to not feel the crystal covering his skin.
He forgot, he mused idly, raising his hand to his throat and letting a small, wistful smile tilt his lips; he forgot how it felt to be free. Finally, he closed his eyes, sighing deeply while his arm dropped to his side. He enjoyed the strange silence in the back of his mind where the constant hum of the Tower grew so natural he didn't notice it until it was gone.
Then his ears twitched slightly at the sound of the door opening somewhere near, and he frowned somewhat, hearing someone whispering… straining his ears to catch the words in between the mess his mind seemed to be in at the moment.
"…he wake up at all…?" a familiar, sweet voice had his heart jump up in his throat and pound unevenly. Not helping his confused thoughts and memories as they scrambled to supply the mixed images of her face; both of his souls reeling in ecstasy and leaving him breathless and even more disoriented.
"No, he didn't. Asleep as a baby," another voice chuckled softly, and his throat tightened when his muddled mind supplied the image of Lalafellin scholar, his oldest friend, his only friend in a cold, distant city. "What was that screaming over there, by the way? Alisaie and Alphinaud fighting again? And who are these gorgeous little guys?"
"Ah… that… well, no, they aren't fighting," her sheepish giggle had him frown, and he opened his eyes again, peering from under his lashes toward the voices. His frown deepened when he couldn't see her; the long, white curtain around the bed rendered it impossible. "Alisaie is just expressing her… annoyance with her twin. I was spared thanks to them… But I think that's only temporary. I fully expect to get my own scolding later," she sighed with resignation. "But those are… my kits, Sura and Rasu," his heart positively stopped, and his eyes went huge. "Say 'hi' to auntie Krile, sweeties."
"Hi," two tiny voices said in unison shyly, and he closed his eyes, feeling tears stream down his temples. Wicked white, his heart was pounding so hard it felt like he was dying…
"…I guess we all will get an explanation later?" Krile sounded at least miffed.
"Mhmm," another sheepish giggle followed. "Now, if you excuse me, I got to fulfill a promise."
"Take your time," his oldest friend sighed with resignation. "If anything manages to wake him, that surely will do the trick…" she chuckled again, then he heard retreating footsteps.
"Okay, babies, remember what I said?" his mate whispered, sounding a little closer.
"Yes, mommy!" a tiny, distinctively female voice gasped with apparent excitement. Sura.
"We will scare daddy awake!" another tiny voice giggled with mischief. Rasu.
"That's not exactly what I meant," Surr chuckled softly, and he heard the curtain moving. Too uncertain, with his heart still going absolutely insane, he kept his eyes closed and struggled to keep his breath even. "Now, do your magic, kiddos."
Something… or someone… dropped on the bed at both of his sides, and two sets of tiny hands landed hard on his chest, with accompanying it sing-a-songed in unison 'wake up, papa!' that had all the air rush out of his lungs and his eyes shooting wide open and down. Twelve, they were strong!
He blinked hard, meeting a set of two identical faces with huge crimson eyes and surrounded by white locks… and fell in love instantly and irrevocably.
"Hey, it actually worked," even his mate's amused voice wasn't able to steal his attention as his eyes devoured hungrily two identical, wide grins splitting tiny faces and excitement blooming in vertically slit crimson eyes, right before two kits jumped on him with squeals of laughter, soon purring with delight when he wrapped his arms around them immediately, though with effort.
He closed his eyes and buried his face against their locks, taking a deep breath and almost losing it when their smell lodged itself in his brain to stay, a lovely mix of his own and his mate's scent nearly robbing him of his mind.
If this was another dream… he didn't want to wake up.
"Hey, Raha," said a soft voice while a delicate hand brushed his forehead. He opened his eyes with an effort, letting his head drop against the pillow, and even the pain in his neck was worth it when his gaze met the amused, dark-purple stare of eyes he had loved for centuries. "Not sure if you remember that, so let me repeat…" There was something… sad in the depths of her eyes that had him frown slightly. "Tis' good to see you awake, G'raha Tia. Sorry to do this, this way at least, but after a full week of waiting for you to wake up again, I was getting desperate. So I figured, if something is going to wake you up, that will be it. Not to mention they were climbing the walls and whining, driving my dad absolutely insane, after I unwittingly called to tell them about you."
He licked his lips, then cleared his throat… and smiled smugly.
"Told you it's… going to work," he rasped, his voice hoarse with unuse.
She stilled utterly, blinking a few times before she gasped, placing her hand against his cheek. He nuzzled in it with a content sigh, his smile widening when her eyes lit up with delight.
"Raha…?" she whispered, then leaned in, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against his. "Damn you… you scared the seven hells out of me!"
"Surr… language," he gasped weakly with indignation, curling his arms around tiny kits that seemed completely content to rest against him, purring blissfully—stealing his heart completely.
"Oh… oops," she giggled, straightened, and braced her arms against her hips. Then she pouted playfully, fluttering her lashes at him coquettishly. "Any chance there's space for the fourth, my lord?"
G'raha sighed patiently, rolling his eyes theatrically and earing her quiet, amused giggle.
"You'll have to… help me," he rasped. "I feel utterly… stiff."
Surr sighed dramatically, then promptly leaned in and pushed him delicately to the side, earing brilliant peals of laughter out of the kits, then soon crawled next to them, bracing on her elbow while she put her free arm around them. Finally, when their combined scents surrounded him, he closed his eyes with a sigh of bliss and… relief.
"Tis' good to be awake," he whispered.
She sighed softly, then he felt her rest her head next to his, and when he peered at her, tilting his head despite the stiffness in his neck and shoulders, his heart stopped at the sight of boundless love and adoration filling her gaze.
"Welcome home, my love," she whispered, then kissed him, and when he drowned in her taste, feeling warm weight resting against his chest, set of two happy purrs filling his ears… he was. Home, that is.
First time in his very long life, in this singular perfect moment, G'raha Tia had no regrets.
