Nothing built can last forever, and every legend, no matter how great, fades with time. With each passing year, more and more details are lost, until all that remains are myths - half truths. To put it simply…BULLSHIT! And yet in all the known universe, between here and Hollywood, the legend of the Goons of the Stone endures, unabridged, as self evident bullshit. "Ugh, this is taking too long! Can we just wrap this up already?" Alex stopped with her story and glared at the two people who were sitting on a couch in front of her. One of them, a young man with an edge lord complex named Thomas, was resting his face against his hand, looking bored out of his mind. The girl who so rudely interrupted Alex's story, Annie, was crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently. "What the fuck, Annie?!," snapped Alex. "I was just in the middle of telling this awesome, kickass story! I swear, if you cut me off one more time, I will come over there and shove my dick up your ass!" "Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?," asked Annie, suddenly shifting into a more seductive pose. Thomas groaned and rolled his eyes, though his dick did noticeably harden. "Guys, we don't have time for this," he said. "We have a super busy schedule today." "Yeah, yeah, we know," sighed Annie. "First, we gotta go to Endercon, then meet Guy with a Sword, then participate in our annual three person orgy. By the way, Thomas, did you use the viagra that I bought for you?" "Shut the hell up, Annie!," yelled Thomas, his face growing red. "So I have a tiny dick! Is that such a fucking crime?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU CUNTS!," screamed Alex, steam literally blowing out of her ears (this is supposed to be based off of a cartoon, after all). "Will all of you just let me fucking finish already? After I'm done, then we'll all go to that stupid competition!" "YOU'RE a stupid competition," Annie muttered angrily. "I don't fucking get it," groaned Thomas. "Why do you even need to tell us the story about the Goons of the Stone anyway? This literally serves no purpose to the story or the plot!" "Yes, it does!," Alex snapped angrily. "If I don't tell at least SOME form of exposition, then the reader will be totally confused!" "Really?," asked Thomas, raising a single eyebrow. "Because it sounds to me like the fucking author is just copying from one of Smashbits Animations' dumb animations on Youtube because he can't write original content to save his own pathetic life." (AN: Hey!) "See? He's even trying to break the fourth wall because that trope totally hasn't been used to death in a bunch of other fanfics. Like I said, pathetic."

"...will you whiny little bitches just let me finish my story already? Please?!," asked Alex. Then, she cleared her throat and continued on with her story. Introducing our four HE-ROOOS! Guy with a sword! With his sword, he would stab things. The Nerdy Dude! With his engineering skills, he would read books and collect stamps, among other nerdy things. "I'm not a dude!," screeched Ellegaard, crashing her head through the window. "Shut up, DUDE!," yelled Alex, throwing an ax blade into her face. "You're not supposed to be here yet! Now, where the hell was I? Oh, yeah!" Mr. Boom Boom, the psychopath! Mr. Psychopath loved his bombs, and committing arson. Ginger Beard! With his ginger beard, he created the world, and was the head of all the goons. …Oh, and there was also this fifth guy named Ramus or Jeb or whatever, but nobody gives a fuck about him. Anyway, these five friends got bored one day and set out to fight the Ender Dragon. In the end, the Goons of the Stone emerged victorious, and the dragon was defeated - hence causing their extinction for dragons. The dragon was just trying to live its life, but the goons didn't care. Now proclaimed 'heroes', they slipped away into something more comfortable, and now appear in the stories of . But when one story ends, another one begins… "Anyway, would you rather suck 20 dicks all at once or have 20 dicks sucking you?" "...what the fuck, Alex," Annie whispered, staring at her in disgust. "Oh, sorry," said Alex, shrugging her shoulders. "Just felt the sudden need to ask that for some reason."

"Okay, great, you're done with your needless exposition, so can we GO now?," Thomas asked impatiently. Alex rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, we can go now…you little punk." "So we already packed up everything we need, right?," asked Annie. "Our tools, our blocks, our building materials…" "And don't forget BILLYYYYY!," Alex cheered, taking a dirt block out of her pocket. Thomas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, Alex, as your friend…never mind, 'friend' is too strong of a word. As your acquaintance, I'd highly suggest that you leave Billy at home. At least, just for today." "Yeah," said Annie, nodding in agreement. "You take that dirt block everywhere you go. It's fucking creepy. And retarded. But mostly creepy."

"Oh, HELL no!," Alex retorted, holding Billy to her chest protectively. "I'm not going anywhere without my precious Billy! He's my best friend!" "Wha– but what about US?!," asked Annie. "I thought WE were your friends!" "Oh, please," Alex scoffed. "You two are just a bunch of fucking assholes." She didn't notice how Thomas and Annie narrowed their eyes at her in anger. "Neither of you can hold a fucking candle to Billy," Alex continued. "Isn't that right, Billy? Oh, you are so cute, yes you are!" She began rubbing her cheek against the dirt block and even began licking it while making weird, sexual noises, much to Thomas and Annie's disgust. "Please… end this…," Billy pleaded. "Never~," Alex hissed, placing Billy back in her pocket.

"...okaaay," Thomas drawled. "Well, that just happened. So are we going now or what?" "Yeah, I guess we'd better go now," Alex finally agreed. "That guy standing right outside of our window is really starting to freak me out." "Huh? What guy?," asked Annie. Alex pointed at the same window where Ellegaard crashed her head through earlier, and sure enough, there was an old man with a black beard standing at the window, dressed in a giant chicken costume. "Cluck, cluck," said the old man. "Cluck, cluck, you can't see me, cluck, cluck, I'm totally not watching your every move right now, cluck, cluck, ignore me, I'm just a normal chicken, cluck, cluck." "...he seems trustworthy," said Annie, smiling and waving at the old man.

Suddenly, Alex felt a shudder crawl up her spine. "Oh, no," she muttered, her eyes wide. "What?," asked Thomas, noticing her sudden change in demeanor. "What is it?" "...someone just pressed the montage button," Alex spoke in a dead serious voice. "WHAT?!," Thomas and Annie cried simultaneously. "BACAW?!," clucked the old man in the chicken suit. "Well then we need to head to Endercon, and fast!," Thomas said urgently. The three of them nodded and ran out of the house as fast as they could. "...heh, they have no idea," the old man snickered.

The three of them were able to make it to Endercon just in time, and when they arrived, they saw a group of people in matching leather jackets insulting another group. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the Order of the Losers!," said the blond guy, clearly the leader of the first group. All four of them began laughing hysterically. "Ohohohohoho!" "I'm offended," said the big guy in the green hoodie. "Looks like the fail squad's here!," said a girl wearing the same leather jacket, causing another bout of laughter. "Ohohohohoho!" "Yeah?," the boy in the blue overalls snarked. "Well, you're all cunts and I hope your moms all get AIDS." "Wow," said the entire first group, looking downcast. "Dude, you can't say that!," said the dark skinned girl with the goggles. The boy sighed irritatedly. "Oh, right, yeah, family-friendly…Umm…You guys smell of poo." "Wow," the entire first group said again. "Why, hello there, handsome~," said Alex, making sexy duck lips at the boy, who turned around and immediately facepalmed upon seeing her. "Goddamn it, not you again…," he groaned. "You're Jesse, right?," asked Alex, walking up to him and stroking his chest with her finger. Everyone else stared at her in shock, taken aback by how bold she was acting, their faces turning red. "You know, Jesse, I was thinking that maybe you should just ditch these cunts and hang out with me tonight," Alex continued, grinding herself against Jesse's body. "I'll fuck you so hard that you'll cum your fucking brains out." "What?! But Alex, what about our orgy?!," cried Annie. "DAMN IT, ANNIE!," yelled Alex, her face turning red.

"Okay, one, that was way too much information. I did NOT need to hear that," said Jesse, pushing Alex away from him. "And secondly, I thought I already told you to stay away from me a bunch of times. You do know I still have that restraining order on you, right?" "Oh, come on, Jesse," said Alex, rolling my eyes. "I didn't do anything TOO bad to you." "Just last week, you tied me to my own bed and pissed into my mouth!," yelled Jesse. "Ha, yeah, that was hilarious," said Axel. "Shut up, Axel!," Jesse snapped. "Details, details," said Alex, waving it away casually. "When will you accept that we're meant for each other?" "Alright, listen up, you little shit biscuit!," growled Jesse, harshly poking Alex in the chest. "I'll never go out with you, got it? You're a stupid whore with shit for brains, and I hope that you'll see that one day and fucking kill yourself. Now get out of my way. We got a contest to win." He and the rest of his group began heading to the entrance booth while pushing us out of the way. "...he's totally into me," said Alex, placing her hands on her hips with a smirk on her face. Behind her, Thomas and Annie said nothing and just shook their heads in disgust and pity respectively.

"Hey guys, what's your team name?," asked the lady at the entrance booth. The entire group began saying totally different names at the same time, causing Jesse to turn back and glare at them. "Come on now, guys, I thought we agreed on this," said Axel. "I'm not having our team name be called 'Grease'!," Jesse snapped. "Ohohohohoho!," the group with the leather jackets laughed. "I don't know why YOU'RE laughing," said Jesse. "You look like the guys from the movie." "Wow." "Just call us 'Cringe' and we'll move on. Thanks," sighed Jesse. Axel tried to enter the competition, but ended up getting stuck at the entrance. "Ohohohohoho! It's funny cause he's fat." Finally, it was time for Alex's group to build their creation. There was just one problem, however. "Uh, guys…what were we gonna build again?," asked Annie. "Are you fucking serious?!," yelled Alex. "How could you guys have forgotten what we're supposed to build?! You're gonna embarrass me in front of Jesse!" Suddenly, Thomas tapped Alex on the shoulder to grab her attention. "Hey, Alex? Sorry about this, but I'm gonna have to beat you up for no reason now," he said, before proceeding to punch and kick her into the ground. Everyone around them cheered because nobody really liked Alex anyway. Jesse was enjoying it the most. "Holy shit, this is priceless!," he laughed, watching her getting beat up from the top of the creeper statue that he and his friends had built. "Oh man, I wish I got a camera with me so I could record this and rewatch it over and over again!" "Guys, she's in trouble!," cried Olivia. "We gotta save her!" "No way, she's an asshole!," Jesse protested. As they began arguing with one another, nobody noticed Aiden walking towards their creeper with a torch in his hand.

"This is what you get for comparing me to Grease!," he growled, before tripping and dropping his torch. "Whoops! I totally tripped or fell or something!" The torch ended up landing on a sleeping Reuben and set him on fire along with the creeper. Squealing in pain, Reuben ran into the nearby woods. "Oh no…My spooning buddy's on fire!," cried Jesse. "I can't live without you!" He jumped off the creeper and landed on the ground, breaking his arms and legs. "WHAT ABOUT THE CREEPERRRR?!," cried Olivia. "Who cares? It sucks!," yelled Jesse.

After Olivia went crying to her mom or some shit, Jesse went into the woods to look for Reuben. "Reuben, come here, boy! I need you to keep me warm tonight…" Suddenly, in the distance, he saw Reuben running in his direction with a terrified squeal. Not far behind him was Alex, who had several bruises all over her body and a deranged look in her eyes. "Get back here, you dumb pig!," she screeched. "If anyone's gonna be Jesse's spooning buddy, it'll be me!" Jesse quickly ran up to Reuben and grabbed him in his arms. "There you are, you pink ball of bastardry!," he said, before glaring at Alex. "What the fuck are you doing, you little shit?!," he yelled. "I thought you were getting beat up by that Thomas guy, who I think is now my favorite character in this story just for beating you up." "Oh, please!," Alex scoffed. "He turned out to be no match for a protagonist's greatest weapon: good old fashioned plot armor! Now give me that dumb pig right now! I'm gonna be your spooning buddy, not him!" "...Are you fucking crazy, you damn psycho?!," Jesse retorted, squeezing Reuben to his chest - a little too hard, since the pig's face was beginning to turn purple. "I'd rather die than have you be my spooning buddy! By the way, I just realized how dark it went really quickly." Suddenly, a lone zombie appeared out of nowhere. "Yeah, that's what that means," Jesse deadpanned. "YOU OWE ME MONEEEY," the zombie spoke, causing Jesse's eyes to widen in fear. "Ah! Zombie Steve!," said Jesse, a fake smile on his face. "Yeah, can we not do this right now? It's embarrassing, y'know, in front of my pet pig and everything…REUBEN, RUN!" Jesse, Reuben, and Alex began running away from the zombie, with Reuben squealing angrily. "YEAH TRUST ME I'M FULLY AWARE IT'S MY OWN FAULT!," Jesse yelled back. The three of them quickly hid behind a tree.

"I think we're safe…," Jesse sighed with relief. "You owe me money…," another zombie said, popping up out of nowhere. They all screamed and ran away again. Reuben let out an accusing squeal. "Yes, I'm fully aware, Reuben!," snapped Jesse. "I'M GONNA PAY THEM ALL BACK!" Suddenly, an arrow landed in front of them, causing them to jump back in fear. The arrow came from a skeleton that was standing on top of an abandoned stone structure in the woods. "WHERE'S MY MONEY?," the skeleton yelled. "I'm too young and pretty to die!," Alex cried. "I haven't even decided who will attend me and Jesse's wedding!" "Jesus Christ, shut up already!," yelled Jesse, before seeing that they were completely surrounded by zombies that wanted Jesse's money. "Ya know what? SCREW THIS!," yelled Jesse, before taking out an ordinary garden hoe and swinging it around wildly. "Did I get 'em?" Suddenly, he saw another arrow heading towards him, and thinking quickly, he grabbed Alex and pulled her in front of him, causing the arrow to pierce Alex's arm. "OW!," she cried. "What the…? Did you just use me as a human shield, you little bastard?!" "Consider this payback for tying me to my bed last week and pissing into my mouth, though I STILL have no idea why you did that!," Jesse retorted. "I mean, seriously, you've got problems. Reuben, just stay close to me, I'll protect you!"

Unfortunately for Reuben, a zombie got close to him and managed to land a few good punches on the pig, even knocking some of his teeth out. "Never mind," said Jesse, before he and Alex were suddenly ambushed by two spiders, one of them wearing a brown bear costume. "Oh god, this is so gross! Get the hell off of me!," he cried, feeling their little legs all over his face and no-no area. "Aw, this is disgusting! Alex, fucking do something!" "THIS IS THE GREATEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME!," cried Alex, having the time of her life. "I'M SORRY FOR INTERRUPTING YOU!," Jesse sobbed, seeing that Alex was going to be of no help.

Suddenly, a redhead with a bandanna attacked the spiders with her sword and drove them away. "C'MON WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!," she said in a nasally voice. "Who are you again?," asked Jesse, getting back up. "I'm Petra, your friend?," said Petra, putting her sword away. "Like a mercenary or something? I do appear earlier in the game, but for time constraints I figured I'd like just introduce myself now. This is kinda pointless. Takes me too long to explain why." "Aw, why'd you have to drive those spiders away?," Alex whined. Jesse rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, we get it, you're a freak of nature, NOW CAN WE GET AWAY FROM THESE LOAN SHARKS NOW?" "Okay, sure," said Petra, dragging both Jesse and Alex into a cave with her. She didn't bring Reuben along, but the pig was somehow able to follow them into the cave with his injuries completely gone. But hey, this story hasn't been making any sense since the very first sentence, so why start now? "Hey, lemme show you something," said Petra, walking deeper into the cave. "Are we gonna have an orgy right here?!," Alex asked excitedly. "Okay, seriously, what the hell is up with you and orgies?," Jesse deadpanned.

"This is a wither skull," said Petra, taking out a black skull that slightly smelled of sulfur and baby powder. "Cool…?," said Jesse, sounding unimpressed. "There's a strange guy who wants it," said Petra, "so I'm gonna trade this for an item that he's got for me." "Thanks for sharing that…?," said Jesse. We walked out the other end of the cave and out onto a bridge, where a group of creepers appeared out of nowhere. "Ah shit, creepers," said Petra, who didn't really sound that surprised. "Wait, where's Reuben gone?," asked Jesse, looking around for his missing spooning buddy. "Who cares," said Petra. Both of them heard loud squealing and turned to see Alex clutching Reuben with one arm while holding a rock with her other hand, about to bash the pig's head in. "Oh, goddamn it, Alex!," yelled Jesse. "You can't prove anything!," Alex retorted, even though both Jesse and Petra could clearly see what she was about to do.

"Prepare for an explosion in slow motion," said Petra, right before the creepers blew up and destroyed the bridge that they were standing on, causing them to fall through the air. Jesse and Alex had excited expressions on their faces while Petra looked bored out of her mind and Reuben was squealing in fear. Instead of landing in the river, all four of them fell into some sharp rocks that were right next to the river, barely surviving the impact.

After that, the four of them dragged their broken bodies all the way back to Endercon. "Okay, so for this deal, lemme do all the talking okay?," said Petra. "You just said okay twice," said Jesse. "Wait, what deal?" "The DEAL that I told you guys about," Petra said irritatedly. "In our defense, we were too busy staring at your flat chest," said Alex. "Oho, burn!," cried Jesse, grinning at her joke. Petra glared at both of them and pointed her sword at them. "SCREW YOU BOTH," she snapped. "Jesse," said Axel, popping up out of nowhere along with Olivia. "Jesse? Is that my name? Jesse?," Jesse rambled. "Yeah, that's your name," said Olivia. "Oh. Ah, right, okay," said Jesse. "I'm Petra?," said Petra, waving. "And I'm Alex, Jesse's future wife!," Alex proclaimed. "So you cunts better not touch him or else." "Jesus Christ!," cried Olivia, staring at Alex in shock. "Okay, Alex, are you TRYING to get a rise out of me?," Jesse asked angrily. "Is that what you're trying to do? 'Cause it's working. Anyway, Alex and I got attacked while we were looking for Reuben. And Petra saved us so…" "Why was she in the woods?," asked Axel. "Having sex with a bear," Jesse answered, causing Petra to drop her friendly demeanor. "Har, har," she growled, pointing her sword at Jesse's neck. "Well we gotta go," said Axel, while Olivia was trying to push him through the entrance. "They have free cake at the Endercon. I'm fat, you see, so that's my character trait. So I love food. Food food food food, let's go get food."

"See ya I guess…," said Olivia, leaving with Axel. "You will be sorely missed," said Jesse in a sarcastic tone. After that, Jesse and Alex followed Petra into an alleyway. "C'mon, down this alleyway. Let's make this deallll," said Petra. The four of them waited in the alley for a while, and after some time had passed, Jesse fell asleep while cuddling Reuben, while Alex glared at the pig with unbridled jealousy. "Where is he, he's never late!," groaned Petra. Jesse woke up with noticeable bags under his eyes. "That's okay, we can pass the time," he said. "RPS?" Petra shrugged and held out her hand, as did Jesse. "Rock, paper, scissors, ah ha! You're shit!," said Jesse, winning the game. "Wouldn't it be cool if we had fingers to make this game easier?," Alex asked out of the blue. Both Jesse and Petra stared at her in bewilderment. "Fingers? What the hell are you talking about?," asked Petra. "Yeah, Alex, don't be such a retard," said Jesse.

"Anyway, I have to piss, I'll be right back," said Petra, walking over to a nearby wall with a sign saying "POST NO PISS" on it. "What, right here?," asked Jesse. "Yeah there's a wall I use over here," said Petra. "My special pissing wall. I call it PISStra. Cuz my name is PETRA." "Brilliant," Jesse deadpanned. "I'll stand guard then." "So…," Alex crooned, sitting next to Jesse and leaning against him in what she thought was a seductive manner. "Looks like it's just the two of us, huh? Just you and me. In this alleyway. Together. ALONE." Jesse groaned at Alex's less than subtle approach and pushed her away. "Don't you have anything better to do than being a total whore?," he said harshly. "Come on, when are we gonna have another chance like this?," said Alex, gesturing around them. "This might be one of the few chances for us to have some alone time. Just you, me, Reuben…" She growled at the last name while glaring down at the sleeping pig. "Oh, and don't forget Billy~" She took out the dirt block and held it up in the palm of her hand. Jesse just gave her a blank stare. "Wow…this just proves to me how pathetic you are," he snarked. "I mean, you STILL carry that thing around with you everywhere?"

"Billy's not a THING," Alex pouted. "He's a living, breathing person, just like you and me. Isn't that right, Billy?" "Jesse…help me…" "Holy shit!," cried Jesse. "Did that block just–" "No, he didn't!," Alex said frantically, shoving the dirt block into Jesse's hands. "Just give him a try, will you?" Jesse groaned loudly, but since the guy that Petra was going to make the deal with still hadn't arrived and there was nothing else to do, he decided to give it a try. "Uh…hello, Billy," he said awkwardly. "How's, uh…how's life treating you?" "What the hell are you doing?," asked Alex. Jesse gave her a bewildered look. "What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?," he shot back. "I'm talking to Billy, just like you want me to." "What? No!," said Alex, wrinkling her nose. "You're not supposed to TALK to him." "Well, what do you want me to do?!," groaned Jesse, at the end of his rope. "You're sending pretty mixed messages right now!" "Billy's not a talkative guy," said Alex. "He prefers things to be more PHYSICAL." At first, Jesse had no idea what she was talking about, but then, for the first time, he noticed just how WET Billy felt in his hands. Putting two and two together, Jesse let out a high pitched shriek and tossed away the dirt block, which landed on the ground next to them, leaving behind a gross smear. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!," he shrieked, frantically wiping his hands on his shirt. His screams were loud enough to wake up Reuben, who bolted up with a frightened squeal of his own.

Alex grinned at the sight of that dumb pig finally getting what's coming to him, but she managed to hide the grin with her hand. "Why the hell would you do that, you crazy bitch?!," yelled Jesse. "Hey, I don't judge YOUR sex life, do I?," Alex retorted. "Besides, you know that I've done WAY worse things than that, right?" Jesse opened his mouth to retort, then closed it back up again. He couldn't really argue against that. "Plus, you might as well get used to my perverted fantasies when you're gonna be joining in our annual orgy tonight."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up!," said Jesse. "When the hell did I say that I was gonna join in on your dumb orgy? Once this is all over and done with, I plan on sitting up in my treehouse reading a nice book while all of my friends perish outside at the hands of a monster straight from a tentacle hentai movie." "...okay, that's oddly specific…," said Alex. "Well, maybe not tonight, but I'll convince you sooner or later. Trust me, you're gonna enjoy having my dick in your little asshole all night long." "Right, like that's ever gonna happen," Jesse snorted. "And thanks for putting that disgusting image in my head. The last thing that needs to appear in my nightmares tonight is the thought of you having a penis." "But I DO have a penis," said Alex. And it was true. At their very first orgy together, Thomas and Annie absolutely flipped out when it was revealed that Alex had an additional piece of…equipment attached to her body. But on the bright side, that made for some very interesting orgies later on. "...are you serious?!," cried Jesse, throwing his hands up. "You're a woman! How the hell do you have a dick?!" "Who said I was a woman?," asked Alex, placing her hands on her hips. Jesse didn't dare try to answer that.

Suddenly, another man decided to join the fray. He had a dirty, black beard and wore a moss green robe. He also had a ridiculously large nose. "AHAAAAAA!," he yelled, pointing a sword at them. "JUST WHO ARE YOU?" "Yeah, you shouldn't creep up on people like that," said Jesse, somehow completely forgetting what had just happened earlier. "Especially when your nose is THAT big. You're like a rectangle version of Squidward." "SILENCE!," yelled the man. "I was on my way to trade with Petra when I was suddenly drawn by the sound of a screaming damsel. Instead, I find you two! So gimme one good reason I shouldn't walk outta here right now." "My favorite color is yellow," said Jesse. "Ooh, mine too!," said the man. "But my deal here is with Petra." "Well, you just missed her," said Alex. "She's taking a shit in a bush or something." "IVOR!," said Petra, choosing now of all times to come back. "Ivor, what a name," Jesse whispered to Reuben. "What the hell was that noise I just heard anyway?," asked Petra. "It sounded like some girl was in trouble." "It was Jesse," said Alex, pointing at Jesse straight away. "Screw you, Alex!," snapped Jesse, his face turning a bright tomato red.

"This deal, proceed then," said Ivor. Petra gave the wither skull to Ivor, who just…hugged it to his chest while humming for some reason. "Now where's my diamonds?," asked Petra. "Oh, they're in that chest behind you, take 'em!," said Ivor, pointing at a nearby chest in the alleyway. "What do you think we are, IDIOTS?!," Jesse asked angrily. "I guarantee there's nothing in there and he's gonna run off." Ivor began fidgeting nervously. "N…no that's n…no uh…uhh…HEY LOOK AN ALIEN!," he yelled, pointing upwards. "Where?!," everyone yelled simultaneously, looking up at the sky. Ivor, of course, chose this moment to vanish in a puff of smoke while they were distracted, running off with the wither skull. "AW DAMMIT!," Jesse groaned. "Classic Toy Story!" "You know, this wouldn't have happened if we just invited that guy to participate in our annual orgy," Alex remarked casually. "Oh, to hell with your fucking orgies!," Jesse snapped. "Come on, we gotta go after him!," yelled Petra, but suddenly stepped in something wet and mushy. "Ew, what did I just step in?" Jesse looked down at what Petra stepped in and his face turned green as he suddenly remembered what he had just touched. He ended up puking all over Reuben. "Jesse, what the hell?!," cried Petra, taking a step back. Suddenly, the mushy dirt block that she had just stepped in began glowing red. A strange creature with red eyes, yellow teeth, and a white hoodie floated from the block. "Aw, man! Thank you guys so much!," said the creature. "You have no idea how long I've been trapped in that disgusting dirt block!" He gave Petra a grateful smile. "Thank you for freeing me, ma'am. In return, I shall give you everything you want to your heart's desireAAAHHH!" He was interrupted by an ax blade to the face, courtesy of a still green faced Jesse. "My face! My beautiful face!," the creature wailed, rolling around on the ground. "Kevin, what'd I tell you about leaving your dirt block?," Alex scolded, scooping up the wet remains of the dirt block and holding it out in the palm of her hand. "Now get back in there!" The creature whimpered and went back into the dirt block. Alex stuffed the brown and white goop back into her pocket. "What?," she asked a bewildered Jesse and Petra. "*Sigh* Nothing," Petra sighed. "Now c'mon, let's go after that guy."

After a bunch of aimless running, the three of them had to stop and take a breather. "He's gone," groaned Petra. "Thank you, captain obvious," Jesse snarked. "You're a great help to society." "Let's try and find him," said Petra, running ahead. "Nah, let's just stand here for two hours, why not?," said Jesse, still out of breath. As he was busy panting for breath, Alex slowly reached towards his ass while being as discreet as possible, but Jesse somehow knew that she was going to do that without even looking and slapped her hand away. "Not in the mood!," he grumbled. Afterwards, the group split up to continue their search for Squidwa– I mean, Ivor. So far, there was no such luck. As Alex continued walking through the festival - though she wasn't really trying too hard to look for Ivor since she was too busy fantasizing about Jesse possibly joining their orgy - she was suddenly grabbed by the arm and dragged into yet another alley. "Jesus Christ, where the hell have you been?!," asked Thomas, the one who dragged her away in the first place. "You were about to miss the orgy that we scheduled tonight!" Alex's eyes widened. "Holy shit, I almost forgot about that!," she cried. "Well, it's a good thing we found you in time," said Annie, crossing her arms. "Missing our orgy tonight would've been a total disaster." "Even more of a disaster than some old guy releasing a monster on the world to get revenge on a bunch of other guys who lied to the whole world?," asked Thomas. "WAY worse!," said Annie, shuddering. "It's been fucking forever since we've had any sexual contact with each other, and I feel like I'm gonna fucking strangle someone if we don't fucking do this tonight!"

"Yo, yo, yo!," said a man dressed in diamond armor, walking into the alley with them. "It's me, Guy with a Sword! I heard there's gonna be a massive orgy taking place right here and I really gotta destress before the keynote address. Heh, look at that, I just rhymed." "Whoa! Who invited Guy with a Sword to our orgy?," asked Alex. "I did," said Thomas, raising his hand. "Well, come on, what are we waiting for?," asked Annie, already starting to take her clothes off. "Let's fucking do this!" And so, the three friends plus Guy with a Sword fucked each other for three hours straight, with Alex completely forgetting about Ivor and the stolen wither skull.

Meanwhile, Jesse finally gave up on his friends and went back to the treehouse to read a book, just as he said he would. But he hadn't even flipped to the second page before a loud explosion suddenly went off in the distance. Jesse looked out of the window and saw a giant Cthulhu like monster flying in the sky and shooting red laser beams down at all of the screaming people below. Needless to say, he wasn't surprised in the least. "WHAT'D I TELL YA?!," the boy yelled out in pure outrage and frustration. "WHAT'D I TELL YA?!" In the end, Jesse sits there reading his book while all his friends perish and die around him. All because of a simple mistake caused by calling a teenage boy…fffaaattt. Now that, is some bullshit…

…then everyone starts dancing to the song "Eat My Asshole" because why not?