Flashback: Part Five

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Wednesday night

Lee Stetson lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. An empty bottle of Chivas Regal sat on the nightstand next to his wallet. Despite ingesting some rather expensive Scotch, his haunting nightmares continued to consume him. In a futile attempt to keep from falling back to sleep he had the television blaring and the curtains open, which allowed the blinking neon lights to permeate his room. Unfortunately, neither the noise from the irritating commercial nor the flashing lights from the street outside could keep his mind off the incident he wanted to forget the most – being kidnapped and tortured by Addi Birol…

"You should have slit my throat when you had your chance," the voice mocked from nearby.

Lee Stetson gradually awoke recognizing, but not being able to place the familiar voice. Trying to move his arms, he winced in pain. Turning his head, he realized his hands were handcuffed behind him. The feeling of cold metal tightly fitting on his wrists was unforgettable. Trying to stand, he teetered precariously when he realized that his legs were also shackled to a chair.

"You're not going anywhere, Scarecrow," the voice taunted.

Squinting, he tried to make sense of what he saw in front of him, but something was wrong. What happened? They'd gone out to dinner. Amanda wore that exquisite red dress, the rain, the flooding, the detour – the accident. He remembered that their car was run off the road, but then what?

Blinking and shaking his head, he tried to wake himself from the dream. He was just confused; he must have a concussion. Wouldn't they have taken him to a . hospital? God, he hated hospitals, but this delusion was rather menacing. However, as his vision became clearer, he grasped it wasn't a hospital or even a bad . dream. It was his worst nightmare, come true.

"Where's Amanda?" he demanded once he realized who the man across the room was.

"You mean the harlot in the red dress who paraded herself around the restaurant like a strumpet?" The terrorist smirked and raised his eyebrows. "She's getting . rather comfortable on my bed."

"You bastard, if you touch her…" he struggled to free himself as a searing pain shot through his shoulder.

"You'll do what?" Birol laughed a sickening laugh.

"You son of a bi …" he began to shout.

Birol shoved a putrid handkerchief into his mouth, stifling him from shouting. Lee choked on it at first as the end dangled towards the back of his throat and then . he gagged on it.

"Settle down, Scarecrow. You're not going anywhere," Birol boasted.

Lee continued to struggle. That's when the first blow came to the left side of his face, then an upper cut to his jaw. His head bobbed like an apple and throbbed worse than it had a few moments before.

Gasping for breath as his eyes watered, he nearly vomited before Lee finally controlled his breathing. The dizziness had returned, his vision blurred and it felt like his lip was bleeding from the blows, but he knew this was no hallucination. Struggling against the handcuffs did nothing to free him.

"I'm surprised at you, Scarecrow, wasting all your energy this early in our visit. You'd be smart to save your strength. You really should have killed me when you had your chance. Excuse me now, I have a rendezvous with a woman in red …" Birol taunted before he walked out of the room leaving Lee Stetson alone, bound and gagged with little hope of escaping his tormentor...

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"Go to hell!" Lee shouted as he bolted up in bed, once again bathed in sweat. Glancing around the room he realized it was another vivid flashback. Getting off the bed he went into the bathroom and splashed water onto his face. Glancing at the mirror he shuddered at the reflection that gazed back at him. Gone was the handsome, confident agent he once was. Instead, he saw a weary, withered man who was such a coward he abandoned his wife at a time she needed him most.

Unable to stomach his own image he went back in search of his bottle of scotch. Viewing the empty bottle from across the room he felt defenseless. He stumbled to the bed. Had he really drunk the whole bottle? Suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the close space, Lee grabbed his wallet and staggered, rather numb and drunk out the door.

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Later that night

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It was almost midnight when Amanda Stetson arrived at the hotel and glanced around. Caesar's Palace Hotel and Casino was quite an impressive complex. The first floor was enormous and expansive with tiny boutiques and shops. The décor was elaborate and the atmosphere rushed with excitement even at this late hour. The hectic energy was oddly comforting, allowing her to be anonymous in the throngs of people who clambered about. Suddenly she had a slight understanding as to why her husband had escaped here.

Following the bellman to the front desk, the clerk looked up and greeted her. "May I help you?"

Glancing around nervously, suddenly she wasn't sure her ruse would work. Then determination took hold. "Yes, I'm Mrs. Stetson. My husband, Lee Stetson, checked in yesterday. He's expecting me, but I never anticipated arriving this late. I didn't think I'd ever get here!"

"Welcome, Mrs. Stetson," the clerk offered politely while accessing his computer. Moments later he handed a key over to the bellman. "I hope you'll enjoy your stay. The bellman will take you to your room."

"Thank you," she smiled with relief and followed the bellman to the elevator. The elevator whisked them effortlessly to her floor and before she realized they were standing at the door to the room. Amanda had a moment of panic as she suddenly wondered what she might find.

"After you, Ma'am." The bellman opened the door gallantly suggesting she go in first and followed her into the room.

Walking in the room she immediately turned down the volume on the television set. The bright lights from 'The Strip' illuminated the room, no other lights were needed. The room itself was unoccupied at the moment.

"Would you like the curtains closed?" he asked.

"No, I think I'll leave them open for now," she answered giving him a tip; he gave her the room key and politely left her alone.

Wandering towards the window at the colorful lights on 'The Strip' Amanda watched them blink, flash and chase each other in assorted colors without any special cadence. Finding herself becoming peculiarly mesmerized by them, she finally turned away and pulled the curtains closed. Walking over to the lamp by the bed she turned it on and inspected the room. It was hard to miss the empty bottle of scotch. The odor nauseated her. The bed had yet to be slept in, but the covers were wrinkled. The room itself was relatively tidy other than Lee's suitcase and now her own.

"Are you in the bar, Lee?" she presumed as she deposited the empty bottle into the trash then sat down on the bed all alone in his room. Part of her wanted nothing more than to get a little sleep, but she knew she was too hyper despite the time zone change and the late hour.

Getting back up and opening her suitcase, she grabbed her makeup bag, went into the bathroom and freshened up. Putting the room key in her purse she decided to go back downstairs and search for her husband, unsure of the reception she'd receive, if and when she found him.

Returning to the main floor of the hotel, she wasn't sure where to search first. Since the bottle of scotch was empty, she decided to start in the bar that she'd noticed when she arrived. It was crowded and noisy. The smoke was very thick in the air, visible like fog. Scanning the people at the bar and the tables as she tried to casually stroll through the room was difficult given the crowd. Working her way to the far side of the bar she didn't see Lee anywhere. Taking a different route to leave, she saw a tall slender man with his back to her, hunched over his drink. Detouring through the crowd she made her way over to him.

"Lee…" she called out, but the drunken man who glanced up at her was not her husband. "I'm sorry; I thought you were someone else."

Hurrying out of the bar, her throat was now scratchy from the smoke. Taking several deep breaths when she reached the mall area to clear her head, she glanced around. Captivated by the vast size of the hotel, her eyes drifted around trying to take it all in. The first level was more like a city and she didn't know where to go next to find her husband. Amanda gawked at the ritzy opulence as she wandered about. Finally, she was drawn into the casinos by the intriguing sights and sounds.

Walking past the slot machines, their bells were ringing and clinking out coins in a frantic pace as their lights blinked. Amanda was pretty certain Lee wouldn't be sitting in front of a one-armed bandit. He'd more likely be at one of the tables playing blackjack or craps. Plowing her way through the vast rows of slot machines towards the gaming tables she passed a roulette wheel and the crowd of people cheering it on. The blackjack tables were more subdued and the crowd was thinner, but she didn't see Lee.

Overwhelmed at the enormous size of the casino, she wanted to go back to his room, but she pressed on. As she neared the craps table the crowd was livelier. Several tables away she thought she noticed a familiar face - a tall man flanked by two women. She swallowed hard when she got closer when she realized it definitely was Lee. On one side of him was a blonde in a skimpy dress, her hands pawing her husband with sparkling gold fingernails which matched her shimmering gold dress. Sidling close on the other side of Lee, a redhead was clinging to him in a hideously low-cut black dress decorated with rhinestone studs and a large rhinestone necklace which fell in between her ample breasts which were barely covered by the scant dress. She was whispering something into his ear.

The closer Amanda got to them the angrier she became. Pushing into the vibrant crowd she watched as Lee played with his chips on the table. The two women were cheering him on. As she got closer to Lee, she could hear the exchange.

"Oh, Lee, baby, let's cash out and party," the blonde suggested in a sultry voice as her gold fingernails danced gawkily on Lee's chest.

"Yeah, sexy, you've won a bundle. Let's go somewhere a little more comfortable," the redhead purred, rubbing her hands down his backside.

He didn't have a chance to answer as Amanda pulled Lee away from them both. "Come on, Lee, time to go," she insisted in a firm voice, trying to conceal her anger.

"Get lost, lady. This guy's ours," the blonde complained. "Just who do you think you are?"

"Mrs. Lee!" Amanda answered determinedly as she stood inches from the blonde, staring down at her venomously.

The blonde quickly detached her claws from Lee and vanished. The redhead disappeared into the crowd as well.

"Aah-maan-dah!" Lee slurred; his eyes bloodshot and his head bobbing and rolling. "I'm not done playing yet."

"Yes, you are. I think you ought to take your new friends' advice and cash out." She grabbed him firmly by the arm and tried to pull him from the table. "Come on, Lee, time for coffee."

"I'm not drinking coffee," he answered, pausing long enough to reach for his chips on the craps table. "I'm drinking scotch."

"You were drinking scotch. Now it's time for a lot of coffee."

"No sugar. I hate sugar," he reminded her as he tripped, falling to the floor and dropping his chips.

"Yes, Lee, I know," Amanda answered patiently as she bent down to help him up.

He was more intent on picking up his chips and stuffing them in his pockets. In his drunken state it took him forever to pick them off the carpeting. Once more Amanda tugged on his arm and navigated through the casino, finally reaching the elevator.

"Where are we going?" he slurred as he leaned heavily on his wife for support.

The elevator door opened and Amanda walked in and Lee stumbled grabbing the wall to prevent him from falling. The motion of the elevator caused Lee to lose his balance again and he grabbed onto her to keep him on his feet. "Back to your room to sober you up," she answered.

"I only had a couple of drinks in the casino," he offered as the elevator door opened up to their floor.

"It was probably the bottle you downed in your room before you went to the casino," she observed while supporting his weight as they walked down the hallway to their room. He'd become very unsteady on his feet and they were walking the hall in a zigzag pattern. Propping him up against the wall she got out the key and opened the door. "OK, Lee, let's get you off your feet before you pass out."

With her remaining strength she managed to guide him to the bed. Unable to turn the bed down before he'd collapse upon it, she shrugged. It appeared he was out for the count.

End Part Five

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Flashback: Part Six

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Thursday morning…

"No…you bastard… NOOOOOOOO," Lee thrashed and screamed, throwing punches into the air at an invisible enemy.

"Lee, Lee, sweetheart, wake up." Amanda came out of the bathroom and dodging his punches, shook him until he woke up. "You're having another nightmare."

His eyes darted around the room as he gasped for air. Finally, his eyes locked on his wife. "Amanda? Wh... where are we?"

"Las Vegas. Are you all right?"

Slowly he got his breathing under control, but then his head started to pound from all his drinking the night before. Groaning he nodded, but then asked. "When did you get here?"

"Late last night. You don't remember?"

He paused for a moment trying to recall what had happened, but his head was throbbing too hard.

"I found you in the casino with a blonde and a redhead," she reminded him with a raised eyebrow.

"I was winning at the craps table and they latched on."

"You remember them, but not me?" she questioned.

Focusing on his wife's face, he couldn't tell if she was angry or hurt by his lapse of memory. Holding his head in his hands he answered. "Everything's rather fuzzy right now, Amanda. How did you find me?"

"If you wanted to disappear, you shouldn't have used your credit cards."

"You shouldn't have come," he warned, turning away from her.

"I'll get you a cup of coffee," she answered, ignoring his comment.

"You offered me coffee last night," he recollected as he watched her disappear for a moment around the wall. He continued to rub his throbbing temple, to no avail. Pulling his legs up, he leaned his elbows on them and dropped his head.

Coming back into the room she handed him a hot cup of coffee. "Yeah, but you passed out before I could get any into you."

"Why is it that after a night of drinking everything tastes awful?" he asked after sipping at the hot beverage, grimacing at the bitter taste. His mouth felt like it had been stuffed with cotton. "It probably wouldn't have helped much. I finished off an entire bottle of Scotch by myself before I went down to the casino last night."

Focusing on the empty bottle that sat in the garbage, she nodded. "I know; I found the evidence."

With one hand on his forehead and the other holding the coffee, he asked. "What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you the same thing."

"I needed to get away…"

"You're running away. What you need to do is to talk to Pfaff." She sat down on the other bed.

"Amanda, please…"

"You're still having nightmares. They're not going to go away by themselves, Lee."

"I need time…"

"For what? To build a wall around yourself so impenetrable even I won't get through to you?" she yelled.

"Shhh, not so loud. You don't understand…" He wanted to explain, but how? Putting his coffee down, he stood up on his weary legs. Feeling both lost and trapped he knew he owed her an explanation, but where should he start? He walked towards the window, needing some space and distance from his wife.

"I do understand. I was there. I was in the other room the whole time."

Lee started to choke up and his eyes filled with tears. Pulling open the window curtains the room was flooded with daylight. Squinting, his head pounded even more, yet he couldn't turn around and look at her. He'd let her down when she needed him most. Staring out at the busy city below, he tried to push the brutal memories from his mind.

"Lee, we can get through this together, but you have to talk to me," she suggested in a comforting tone. Getting up from the bed, she went over to the window standing only inches from him before placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

He jumped and jerked away, putting his hands up in the air. "Don't," he pleaded as he backed himself into the corner.

"Touch you? Why the hell not?" she shouted, her eyes now filling up with tears. "Lee, I need you. I need your arms around me. I want you to hold me. Stop pushing me away."

Glancing at her, he could see the pain he was causing her by not being able to reach out and hold her. Leaning against the wall, his head continued to pound so badly he couldn't think straight. Never good at expressing himself in words, he was at a loss to explain to her how dreadful he felt now and how much he loathed himself.

"Lee, I really need you. I need to know that everything's going to be all right. I want you to hold me right now."

Swallowing hard, he whispered to her. "I can't. Not now after what's happened… I need to work things through – without you."

"You keep saying that, but what's going to change?"

"I can't stand being in my own skin right now, Amanda. How can you expect me to touch you? The things I let him do to you."

"You didn't let him do anything to me. There was nothing you could do. Or do you blame me for the things he did to you? The beatings, the drugs…"

"Of course not," he answered.

"I know you were shackled in the other room. Birol told me. I heard when he hit you. I heard when you pleaded for him to let me go. I heard his sick laugh…"

"Stop!" he pleaded desperately, placing his hands over his ears. "Stop. Please… Just go."

"No! You have to work through this. We can do it together. I want to help you…"

Staring out the window, now rubbing his throbbing temples, he mumbled almost silently. "I don't deserve your help. I know what he did to you, Amanda."

"You read my debriefing," she surmised calmly.

For a few moments the room was engulfed in silence. Shaking his head, he answered. "No, I know the real truth. Birol told me… everything," he choked out, his voice low and barely above a whisper, tears in his eyes. His stomach turned at the thought and his hand covered his mouth, trying to prevent himself from getting sick. Swallowing hard he added. "He shared each horrid detail with me."

Amanda's eyes got wide and her mouth opened, but nothing came out. Finally, she forced out. "Wh…what did Birol tell you?"

Lee turned away from the window and faced his wife, but he stared past her. He was no longer in a hotel room in Las Vegas, but shackled in a room with a madman…

"You know who belongs to this dress," Addi Birol arrogantly declared when he shuffled into the room. In one hand, Amanda's tattered red dress, in the other, a knife with her blood dripping from it.

Lee's eyes flew open in panic and his heart started to race, he struggled against his chains futilely. "You bastard, what have you done to her?"

"Relax, Scarecrow, she's alive… for now. She probably wishes she was dead…" Birol mocked with an evil grin as he stabbed the dress, ripping it once more before allowing it to tumble to the floor. "She's a feisty wench, putting up a bit of a fuss, but it only made it more fun. I had my way with her."

Swallowing hard, Lee turned away. The bile racing to his throat threatened to explode.

Birol came closer to Lee, turning his face with the bloody knife. "Look at me!" he shouted as he allowed the knife's blade to penetrate the skin under Lee's chin. Birol laughed at him. "You're not as much fun as your wife, Scarecrow."

"What do you want? Why don't you kill us and get it over with," Lee pleaded as blood now dripped from his chin.

"In good time, I'm not done with either of you yet. I might choose to pleasure myself with your whore again…"

"I'll kill you…" Lee began to scream but Birol stuffed another gag into his mouth.

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"Lee!" Amanda shouted, now only inches from his face.

"I'll kill you…" Lee screamed as he raised his hand to hit Birol, but it wasn't Birol standing in front of him.

Amanda grabbed his hand before it could hit her, clutching it with all her might. "Lee, it's me! Birol's dead. We're alive. Don't let him win."

Lee focused on Amanda's face, realizing another flashback had gripped him and he'd almost struck his wife. Tears were now streaming down his face and his knees buckled. Leaning against the wall, he slowly collapsed to the floor where he sat in miserable silence.

"Lee, talk to me! Let go of the pain." Amanda knelt down with him, but still he didn't answer. "What did Birol tell you?"

"I'm sorry, Amanda. I couldn't stop him. I wanted to kill him. I wanted him to die. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands. He hurt you and every time a little more of me died inside." Lee swallowed hard. "Birol was right. I should have killed him the first time he kidnapped you. Then he wouldn't have…" he stared at the floor. His face flushed. Finally, he gasped out. "I'm really… very… sorry."

"Sorry for what, Lee?"

Lee was unable to look at his wife. "For what he did to you," he finally answered, devastated by his memories. "I couldn't stop him. There was nothing I could do."

"Did Birol tell you he raped me?" She reached for his face, but he pulled away. "Lee, look at me; I'm all right. Birol lied. He never…raped me. He tried, Lee, but I stopped him."

Not believing his wife, the tears continued to flow.

"Listen to me, Lee," she shouted at him. "Birol lied. He wanted to hurt you in every way he could. He knew that would be the worst thing he could do to you."

Their eyes met for a moment. Blinking, he tried to reconcile what she was telling him, but doubt mired his hopeless eyes. "I know he forced you… I saw your blood… on his knife…"

"Lee, Birol was lying!" she insisted in a steady voice. "I kneed him in the groin. You've got to believe me, Lee, please. Listen to me now! He used his knife to cut the straps of my dress off. The knife cut the skin on my chest, he sneered in delight. I got really mad. He was hurting me. I knew what he wanted. I knew what he planned to do. He climbed on the bed. That's when I kneed him in the groin."

Lee focused on her voice. It was angry, but composed. Could she be telling him the truth? Had Birol lied? "He ripped off your dress…"

"Lee, I kneed him with all the strength I had. He fell off the bed and writhed around on the floor for several minutes, gasping in pain before he could even crawl. He couldn't stand up for the longest time, but eventually he crept back onto the bed where he had me chained. He was furious; he cursed at me in English, Arabic and a combination of the two. You had to have heard him swearing at me. Think, Lee!"

Lee sat there for a few moments and thought about what she said. The muscles in his body slacken faintly. Tilting his head to the side he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to remember. However, the evil image of Birol was still too much for him to handle and he reopened his eyes swiftly.

Amanda continued. "That's when he cut the dress off me with his knife. He sliced it right down the center and threatened me again. He choked me," she said hoarsely as she reached for her throat. Her words now were soft, almost a whisper, "I thought he was going to kill me then. Everything started to go black. I couldn't breathe and for a couple seconds…"

"When you were unconscious, he could have…"

She shook her head. Her voice was again steady, confident. "No. It was only a few seconds. The next thing I realized, he was slapping and punching me. This time I thought he was going to beat me to death, but without warning, he stopped."

"He didn't…?" he asked, beseeching her.

"No. He got off the bed. He yanked what was left of my dress, leaving me almost naked on the bed. I curled up into a ball as best I could to protect myself from him. He called me a whore and took the knife and tried to stab me with it. I screamed really loud and he gagged me. In his rage, he tied the gag so tight it was cutting my lips. He said he'd cut my heart out." Her hand touched her side, just below her heart, rubbing it tenderly. "Lucky for me, the blade hit my rib. I started bleeding, and he snickered. He could have killed me then, but he didn't. He left, Lee. He never raped me." In a soft, unruffled voice, she answered. "I'm not sure after I kneed him if he could have…"

Leaning his head against the wall, he calmed down. The hopeless look began to fade. "I tried…"

"Sweetheart, I know what he did to you. He drugged you. He beat you and lied to you. Birol bragged to me every chance he got. He planned to blow up the Agency. He was going to park a car out front packed with explosives with the two of us inside. He wanted us to die and for everyone to think of us as traitors."

"But he never…" he still couldn't' say the word.

"No," she answered adamantly. "Read the debriefing. Everything's in there. Dr. Kelford examined me. He confirmed there was no sexual assault. Birol beat me, he stabbed me, but he never raped me. Billy got there before he could try again…"

Finally, he reached out to the woman only inches away from him and touched her face. Her skin was soft, warm and most importantly - alive. They were alive. Whispering, he confessed. "I hated myself. When I looked at you, I kept thinking about what he told me. Birol told me things no man should hear about the woman he loves."

Amanda moved over and sat next to him against the wall on the floor. "I understand now, Lee, but believe me when I tell you they were all disgusting lies. Birol wanted to hurt us, to drive us apart and to keep us apart. Read my debriefing. The truth is in there. You need to know."

"Billy put a lock out on them," he reminded her.

"I'll tell Billy to give you access."

"Amanda, I'm not sure…" he hesitated.

Turning to face him, she explained. "Lee, you need to know what's fact and what's fiction. Birol fed you lies and drugged you. I'm not lying to you. Birol was brutal to me, but rape wasn't among his many crimes. When we get back to DC promise me, you'll read the report?"

He nodded. His hoarse voice promised. "I'll read it."

"And you'll talk to Pfaff?"

"Amanda…" Her silent stare persuaded him. "All right. I'll even go talk to Pfaff. Will you promise me one thing?"

"What's that?"

"That you'll give me time to work through everything? I look at you and it's hard to believe how quickly you've adjusted to what happened."

"It's more show than I'd like to admit, Lee. I have to put on this face for mother and the boys. At times, I'm falling apart. I want to scream or cry or just spend the day in bed with the covers over my head…"

He nodded. "You do understand."

"Unfortunately, yes. But Birol is dead and I want to keep him that way. That's why I keep talking to Pfaff. That's why you need to talk to him or we won't make it through this, professionally and more importantly, personally."

"I didn't mean to shut you out…"

"It's not going to be easy, but we've got to work this thing through, Lee. Together - no doubts between us and no lies…"

"I know." Rubbing his throbbing temples again, he rested his head back against the wall. Although emotionally he felt relieved, his head was still pounding furiously.

Hugging him she smiled. "How about we continue our conversation a little later," she suggested. "For now, what do you say to a couple aspirins for that headache you're sporting?"

Groaning he massaged the back of his neck a little. "I'll give it a try, but to be honest, I don't think they'll help."

End Part Six

The entire story Flashback is posted in full on my website: Google search IFF FILM LIBRARY for all my fanfics.

Happy Endings... Robin

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