Rick Bauer had been sitting in the vinyl covered high backed chair for hours holding her hand. During those hours he heard her ask the question "You love him, don't you?". Her voice barely above a whisper as she struggled with each breath. When it came time to choose between them, she demanded that he choose the baby. "Do whatever it takes to save my baby" He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. "Oh Meredith" he sighed, "how am I ever going to make sense enough of this to explain it?" He asked out loud but got no response. The baby wasn't his, he had known that since their wedding night. Had he known sooner there wouldn't have been a wedding. Had Meredith known sooner there wouldn't have been a baby. Each decision they made, either conscious or unconscious had a resulting butterfly effect. He leaned back in the chair and thought about the initial flap of the wings.
He and Meredith had a huge fight. He wanted a wife and a family. She wanted to run a private practice with him. They broke up, she went to Chicago she said, got drunk and had a one-night stand that resulted in a pregnancy. She married him knowing that he wasn't the father. She could have left him, she offered to. It would have been neat and tidy. She could have terminated the pregnancy, claimed a miscarriage if she really wanted to, or she could have left town and been a single mother, but neither scene played its self out. No, she had gone into premature labor just four months before nearly losing their son. That was the day he knew he loved that baby, that he loved her, and that DNA meant nothing. He loved them both and yet on this day he was forced to choose, his wife's life or the babies. "Do whatever it takes to save my baby" she told him again. He leaned forward, the muscles in his lower back aching as he moved, he kissed her forehead.
He took her hand in his, tracing the spot on her finger where she had always worn her wedding band. He kissed the tips of her fingers when he heard her voice, barely above a whisper. "Promise me you will save the baby" Her breath choppy, her heart beating a mile a minute. He squeezed her hand and then replaced it on the bed. "Promise me" she said more intently. Tears cascaded over his lower eye lids as he grimaced. He nodded in agreement knowing that it was a lie. He would tell Margaret to save his wife. "Oh Meredith" He sobbed.
The bottom of the door scraped the floor as it was pushed open. Rick closed his eyes, but didn't turn towards it. "Rick" the soft voice belonged to head nurse, Lillian Raines. Lillian was as much a Cedars Hospital staple as Rick or his father were as well as Bauer family friend. He heard her coming closer. He sat on the edge of the chair. She put her arms around him and leaned her chin on his shoulder. "Rick, I'm sorry to do this but it is time." Rick shook his head in the negative. "I'm not ready Lillian"
Lillian frowned. "Sweetie, you're never going to be ready, but I promise we will take good care of her."
Rick held onto Meredith's hand. "Where is her wedding ring?" Symbolism wasn't huge for either of them. They didn't wear crosses to designate their Christianity, nor did they wear Caduceus emblazoned adornments, but the wedding band he gave her was one she cherished. "Fletcher has it." Lillian confirmed. Rick remembered then. Fletcher, Meredith's brother had arrived at the hospital in the middle of the chaos. He had asked to see her while she was still awake. If Meredith was going to trust anyone with the symbol of her marriage it would be him. "Rick, I really need to insist now. We will take good care of her, I promise. Do you need me to get Ed?" Rick's mouth quivered. He suddenly couldn't form words. He did however comply with Lillian's request. He knew had he not been on staff, and had his father not been chief of staff that he wouldn't have been awarded such latitude seeing as visiting hours had concluded hours before.
He stood, letting go of Meredith's hand. Lilian weaved her arm through his to aid in guiding him to the door. "You love him, don't you?" Rick heard Meredith ask again. He stopped suddenly, pulled his arm our of Lillian's grasp as he turned to face his wife. "I do Meredith, I do." He felt Lilian's hand on his back. "Rick, now" Her tone was stern. She nodded her head to an unseen figure as they reached the door. Rick leaned against the opposite wall and watched with increasing anxiety as the orderly checked Meredith's wrist band before gently laying her hands on her still protruding stomach before covering her from head to toe with a white sheet. Rick sank to the floor, letting out a guttural wail as he did. His wife was dead, had been for hours, and this was last visual memory he would have of her.
At the nursery window, Maureen Bauer along with Phillip Spaulding, Blake Lindsey, and Fletcher Reade stood. On the opposite side of the glass was Ed Bauer, Rick's father and chief of staff, Ed carefully listened to the baby's heart and checked his glucose level by pricking the heal of his tiny foot. While the spectators couldn't hear it the later made him cry heartily. "I'm sorry buddy, I know you've had a rough day. Grandpa didn't mean to hurt you." Ed cooed at him as he carefully monitored the blood droplet. Satisfied with the results of his exam Ed wrapped the red-faced infant in a receiving blanket before gently laying him in his clear bassinet. With one hand he placed a pacifier in the baby's mouth while he made a note for the pediatrician who was charged with the infant's care with the other.
"Should we go ahead and feed him?" one of the young nurses asked as the infant continued his deafening wail.
Ed let out a sigh. "Yes, I'm not sure when Rick will make it down. Just call me before his next feeding, would you? I want someone from the family to start bonding with him" He patted the nurse on the shoulder before removing his yellow paper gown and exiting the nursery.
"How is he, Ed?" Maureen asked with a note of concern in her voice.
Ed yawned, then put his arm around her shoulder.
"I'd like to know that myself. How is he?" Phillip Spaulding asked."
"He is as healthy as we'd expect given his traumatic delivery experience and his mother's health prior to his birth. Meredith's congestive heart failure hasn't impeded his lung function. He has some bruising from his breach presentation and delivery, but his APGAR scores were good, his heart rate is good, his glucose is a little low as is his birth weight, but miraculously that tiny Bauer baby is going to be fine." Maureen turned into him and hugged him.
"Oh Ed, he is a miracle. When Dr. Sedwick said Meredith couldn't have a c-section and that a natural birth would likely kill him it was impossible to fathom." Maureen said, and then quickly stammered an apology. "Fletcher, I am so sorry. That was insensitive. Of course, I didn't want anything to Meredith either."
Fletcher rubbed a hand over his heart. "My sister wouldn't have wanted this to end any other way. She loved that baby, and I know that if the decision would have been hers, she'd have opted for the c-section."
Maureen let go of Ed and faced Fletcher. "Still, it remains insensitive of me. Rick was in an impossible situation. How on Earth was he to choose?" She bowed her head and looked at the ground. "I'm sorry Fletcher, I am making a mess of things."
Fletcher waved her off. "You're fine, Maureen. Rick made the same decision I would have made. I'd have chosen my wife over an unborn child every day of the week. I don't know how she managed to deliver that child safely but whatever my sister did to make it happen was her will. She wanted him to live. She is the reason he is here; no one needs feel guilty about that." Fletcher put his trademark hat back on his head, and continued to stare at his newly born nephew.
"Ed, are you sure that the baby is alright. There is nothing he needs? Does he need blood or anything like that? If he does, I'll go donate right now. Maybe we should call a specialist? Get him a private nurse or pediatrician. I can make the arrangements" Phillip offered.
Ed put his hands up in the air. "Easy Phillip. I said the baby is fine. Now I haven't done a pediatric rotation since med school, but I can still navigate my way through an exam. He doesn't require anything but formula and a warm blanket right now. In the event that he does need a donation we'd type and cross him against family first. Most likely, Rick would donate since he is the father, or Fletcher as he and Meredith were siblings. But, as I said, he is fine. The crisis for him is over."
"Right, you're right Ed, his father should be the one to donate his blood if needed, what was I thinking?" Blake placed her hand in his in the hopes that he would stop talking.
"Phillip, it's been a very long, exhausting day, maybe we should think about going home. Leave Ed, and Maureen to visit with the baby as a family." The look in her eyes did not match that of her voice.
Of everyone at the window she was the first to know the paternity of the baby they were all concerned about. It wasn't some nameless guy from Chicago, but rather the golden boy himself, Phillip Spaulding who was the father of that child. He had come to know the truth not so many weeks before, but had agreed to keep the secret for the sake of Rick and Meredith's marriage.
"Blake, if you're tired you go home, alright. I'm going to stay here until I'm sure that the baby is alright." Phillip spat through gritted teeth.
Ed took his glasses and rubbed his weary eyes. "Phillip, there isn't anything more to do. The night nurses will call me if there is a problem, but I promise, Rick's son is perfectly healthy. Why don't you go on ahead, take Blake home." Phillip began to protest, but was interrupted by the arrival of Lillian.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but Ed, they've taken Meredith and Rick is in pretty rough shape." She indicated the direction from which she came with a thumb. Ed replaced his glasses and inhaled deeply. "Alright, I better go to him. Maureen, I will be back as soon as I can." He patted her elbow before taking off at an almost run.
Behind the glass the nurses pulled the blind closed indicating that visiting hours, which had officially ended hours before, we now over for the first family of Cedars Hospital too. Phillip continued to lean on the glass staring at the same spot which now yielded nothing but his reflection. Fletcher helped Maureen over to a small bank of couches. "I better go relieve my sitter; Ben never goes to bed when I don't read him to sleep" he said quietly. Maureen's head shot up. "Oh, my goodness, Michelle, how could I have forgotten about Michelle?" She asked. Michelle was Ed's daughter by Claire Ramsey. Maureen had adopted her as an infant. She immediately began searching for her cellular phone which had been in her purse. Fletcher knelt in front of her.
"Listen, why don't you let me pick up Michelle. She and Ben can have a sleep over. We can tell them both about Meredith in the morning." Fletcher suggested. Maureen wished Ed were here to confer with.
"Oh Fletcher, it should be me offering to take Ben, not the other way around." Fletcher gave a half smile.
"Maureen, you were there for me and Ben when Maeve died. We've both lost Meredith, neither of us is mourning any more than the other, but I could use the distraction. Please, let me get Michelle. I promise I will put them both straight to bed and have her home before lunch tomorrow." Maureen stopped digging through her purse. "Thank you, Fletcher." She stood and hugged him silently.
With Fletcher gone, Blake sat next to Maureen. "Thank you for staying" Maureen patted her on the knee. Blake's blue eyes turned stormy. "Meredith was my best friend, there is nowhere else I'd be." Tears fell openly on her cheeks then. "This is terrible, but I wish she were still here. I wish she had been the one to live." Maureen wrapped an arm around Blake. "I know sweetie, I know." She looked over to the nursery window "Phillips taking this hard. I'm kind of surprised to be honest. I know he and Rick are best friends, but he never really seemed to hit it off with Meredith. They always seemed to be jockeying for a position in Rick's life." She sighed and waved the thought away. "Not that it matters now, I suppose."
"What doesn't matter?" Phillip asked having finally peeled himself away from the nursery window.
Blake stood and wrapped herself into Phillips arms. "It's not important Phillip. Listen, can we please go home." She asked again. She lifted her head from his chest, "unless you'd like us to stay and wait with you Maureen?" In her head she prayed that Maureen wouldn't take her up on it.
"No, no, you two go. I will ride home with Ed, but thank you."
Phillip let go of Blake and bent in to hug Maureen. "Do me a favor, if there is any change with the baby will you please call me. I don't care how trivial it seems, just call me" Blake tugged at Phillips hand.
"Come on Phillip, we need to leave now."
Raised voices echoed through the Spaulding mansion as Blake and Phillip navigated the halls to the living room. The space was still disheveled due to the hastily abandoned party the two were throwing just a few hours earlier. Phillip went straight for the bar that sat in the middle of the empty space. He chose the decanter filled with scotch. He dropped the crystal stopper onto the marble top sending it skittering across the surface with a thud. He poured a glass and drank it down in a swallow, repeating the process a second and third time before facing Blake. "I'm sorry do you want one?" He pushed a glass towards her. "No, thank you" she said quietly, dropping her purse and wrap on the sofa that had been angled in the middle of the room.
"Phillip, I know you're upset, but what were you thinking talking offering to donate blood tonight?"
Phillips face was red from the alcohol and anger. "What was I thinking? I was thinking about my son." He poured another drink. "Do you now Rick actually asked me my opinion on whom he should save. The baby or his mother. Damn it"
Blake swallowed hard "What did you tell him?"
Phillip narrowed his eyes. "I told him to save her. I told him to save his wife. I was willing to sacrifice my son for his wife." He wiped a lone tear from his cheek.
"I'm sorry Phillip, that must have been horrible, but I have to know. What do you intend to do now?" She feared the answer.
"I honestly don't know Blake. I agreed to keep Meredith's secret for Rick, for their marriage but now she's gone. That boy is mine. I don't know how I can walk through life knowing that my son is yards away and being raised by another man, my best friend at that."
Blake walked over to the bar and poured herself a glass of wine. She peered over the edge of the glass as she sipped it. "Phillip, Meredith wanted Rick to be that child's father. Don't you think you owe it to her to honor that?"
Phillip turned around and grabbed her arm. "Owe it to her? Like you owed it to me to tell me I am her sons' father? Hell Blake, if it weren't for you, we wouldn't be here now. You could put an end to this months ago, but your loyalty was to her, not to me" He squeezed harder than was warranted. "Don't you think you owed it to me to be honest? I'm your fiancé for heaven's sake. Oh wait, you're incapable of honesty. After all, you only came to town after sleeping with my Alan, the man who claimed to be my father. How ironic is that." The blow was a low one, causing Blake to reach out with her free hand, slapping him. In turn he did the same. The blow was so hard that the bruise on her cheek started to form quickly. "Oh God, Blake, I am so sorry" He reached out for her, but she pulled away, rubbing the spot.
"Just what is going on in here?" Alexandra, Phillips aunt demanded from the edge of the living room. Her blue eyes volleying between the pair. Blake turned away from her so she couldn't see the mark Phillips hand left, or the tears that had formed in her yes. "Aunt Alex, I hope we didn't wake you. If we did, I apologize." Phillip averted his eyes to the floor.
"You did, and I'd like to know why. I can hear you two all the way in my bedroom. You had better not wake Alan!" Alexandra cautioned. "Now, would you like to tell me what all the raised voices are about?"
"I'm sorry Aunt Alex, we just came from Cedars. Meredith Reade delivered her baby tonight." Phillip said quietly.
"Oh, how wonderful. Did they have a boy or a girl? I will have to call the florist and have flowers sent to her in the morning. I imagine Rick is over the moon. Their first baby" Alexandra gushed.
"Not so wonderful Aunt Alex." Phillips mouth suddenly went dry. "Meredith didn't make it."
Alexandra furrowed her brow "What are you talking about, Phillip? Didn't make it? What is going on?" She looked from Phillip to Blake who still had her back turned towards Alexandra.
"Meredith was on medication to prevent pre-term labor. A side effect of the medication was congestive heart failure in a small percentage of women, and Meredith was one of them. She started having symptoms tonight at the party. Rick rushed her to the hospital, where they discovered that on top of the heart problem, she was already in labor. Unfortunately, the baby was in a breach presentation. Dr. Sedwick wasn't able to perform a caesarean, so Rick had to make the horrific choice of choosing Merdith's life or the babies." Phillip poured another drink and downed it in one gulp.
Alexandra's hand flew to her open mouth. "Oh my God, Phillip, he lost them both? Oh no, I can't fathom it."
Phillip shook his head "No, Aunt Alex, not them, just Meredith. The baby seems to be doing alright."
Alexandra went over and embraced Phillip, "Oh darling, no wonder you two are so tense. Tell me something, is the baby a boy or a girl?"
"It's a boy" Blake whispered from her spot on the couch.
"Aunt Alex, it's been a long day. I'm sorry that we woke you, but I should be getting Blake to bed."
Alex looked between the pair again. "Oh, my goodness, of course. No need to apologize, I understand the tension. Just do me a favor and keep the Alamo to a dull roar. I really don't want you waking Alan. " Alex gave Phillip a peck on the cheek and patted Blake on her shoulder before taking her leave. When she was gone Blake stood. Phillip reached out to take her hand which she pulled away. "Don't touch me" she warned. She walked to the door way before turning to face him.
"Phillip, I'm going to sleep in one of the guest rooms tonight." She didn't wait for a response.
While she told Phillip she was going to sleep in one of the guest rooms actual sleep eluded her. At one point in the middle of the night she saw a sliver of light cross over the floor and wall of the bedroom. She rolled onto her side facing the wall, holding her breath. She waited for him to climb under the covers beside her, but he didn't. He simply sat on the end of the bed. She heard him whimper, she felt sorry for him, but didn't reach out for him. "Oh Blake, I've screwed things up so badly. I'm so very sorry." He whispered before rising and leaving the room bathed in darkness again.
Phillip wandered the halls aimlessly. He hoped to find solitude but instead saw the light on in the den. He walked in spying Alan sitting behind his desk studying a file folder. He looked up from behind it and greeted his son. "Phillip, it's awfully early for you, isn't it?" His eyes immediately went back to the line item he was studying. "Awfully late really. I haven't slept." Phillip answered. Alan dropped the folder on the desk. "I can imagine. I heard about Meredith. What a shame." Phillip wasn't surprised that Alan heard the news. He had eyes and ears all over Springfield and beyond. What surprised him was that he cared. Phillip walked over to the bar. "You want something?" Phillip asked. "No, it's far too early for me son, and to be honest I'm not sure you need any more yourself." Phillip ignored him and filled the glass to the top of the rim.
Alan leaned on his hands while he took in the scene. "Tell me something Phillip, when will you be bringing my grandson home?"
Phillip dropped the glass sending liquid sloshing over the side of the bar. He turned slowly locking eyes with his father as he did. "What are you talking about, Alan?" His mind a flurry of activity. He had no idea that Alan knew.
Alan broke out into a smile. "I'm talking about your son. The child you conceived with that woman. You know I was never a fan of her. After all she was a Reade, but she has given me a grandson so I can overlook that I suppose."
"She's dead Alan, that isn't something to celebrate"
Alan chuckled. "No, it's not, but a Spaulding heir, well, that deserves a 21-gun salute. So, tell me, what's his name and when will he be released from Cedars?" Alan sat back down behind his desk. "You know, I could call a nursing service right now. Get him a private room until he's ready to come home. Get him round the clock care. Oh, and we should hire someone to mind the nursery here as well. I will let Alex take care of the decorating; she'll enjoy that. She never was able to make one for Lujack." Phillip never took his eyes off of his father.
"Have you lost your mind Alan? Have you had a stroke?"
Alan tsk'd. "No son, I'm of sound mind and body, so let's not play games."
"Alright, no games. How did you know? What do you know?"
Alan sneered again. "Phillip, when it comes to a Spaulding baby, I make it my business to know.
You bedded Rick Bauer's wife, and you got her pregnant. Her death while unfortunate does make things far less complicated. Now we only have to get custody of the boy."
Phillip lunged forward without warning and wrapped his hands around Alan's throat. "You are a disgusting human being. Go to hell, Alan" He squeezed even more tightly.
"I suppose you're planning on sending me there?" Alan sputtered, his face turning a molten purple.
Phillip barely felt the hands on his shoulders. "Enough Phillip, stop" Blake called out. Phillip let go long enough push her off of him. When she regained her balance, she tried again. "Phillip, he isn't worth it" Blake screamed. She pulled harder this time knocking Phillip off balance along with her. He fell on top of her. They could hear Alan gulping for air. "Are you alright?" Phillip asked coming to his senses.
"I'm fine, no thanks to you." Alan quipped.
Phillip reached out for Blake's hand and helped her to a standing position. "I didn't mean you." Phillip spat. Blake remained quiet. Phillip jutted his finger into Alan's chest.
"You better remember this moment, Alan because if I find out you've gone after my son in any manner, I will kill you. You stay away from him, and you stay away from me. I will handle this situation in my way, and in my time. Do you understand me?" He grabbed Alan's suit jacket lapels and shoved him one last time for effect.
Later in the morning Blake slipped out and found herself at Company, the local boarding house and restaurant. She chose an out of the way corner booth where she nursed a hot cup of coffee. She had done her best to cover the bags under her eyes and the bruise on her cheek. As she drank her coffee she spied her mother, Holly Lindsey entering the room. She tried to look busy, but it was too late, her mother saw her and made a bee line to her booth. "Hi honey, mind if I join you?" Holly was oblivious to the turmoil in Blakes life.
"I'm kind of busy, Mother" Blake said, but Holly would not be deterred.
"Oh, come on, I can't stay long. I have to be back at the station for a meeting. I just need some coffee." Blake frowned as Holly slid into the booth.
"How are you honey? It's been a while since I've seen you…" her words trailed off. She reached out and held Blake's chin, turning her face to the light. "What happened to you?" Her tone changing from jovial to concern. Blake pulled away from her mother.
"Nothing, it's nothing" She tried to wave it off. "What's going on with you mother?" Blake attempted to change the subject.
Holly frowned, and narrowed her eyes. She looked around, making sure there was no one listening. "Don't tell me nothing Blake. You forget, I was married to Roger Thorpe. I know what a bruise looks like under make up. Now what happened?"
Blake was given a momentary reprieve when the waitress came to take Holly's order, but it didn't last long. "Blake, what happened?" Holly demanded again when Blake wasn't forth coming. Blake sighed. "Alright Mother, Meredith had her baby last night, and then died." Her tone was flat, emotionless.
Holly searched her eyes for answers but none were to be found. "Blake, I'm not sure that that has to do with this" She indicated Blake's cheek. Blake winced, not due to pain but the memory. "Phillip had a bit too much to drink afterwards. …"
Holly tensed her lips "and he hit you. Well, that just won't do Blake. You can't allow that to happen again. No, we're going to the mansion, we're going to pack you a bag and you're going to come stay with me."
Blake was both surprised and grateful for her mother's reaction. The two had a tepid relationship since Blake returned to Springfield. "Mom, I don't think that is necessary. I've moved into one of the many guest rooms where I intend to stay."
Holly put down her coffee and took both of Blake's hands. "Honey, listen to me. I am an expert in domestic violence. You need to leave. Now I don't know Phillip that well, but I do know that once they hit you that they will do it again. Please honey, at least consider it."
Blake smiled "Ok Mom, if it comes to that I will consider it."
"It's an open invitation." Holly looked at her watch. "Oh darling, I have to run. I'm sorry, I will call you later and we will talk about Meredith and Phillip and anything else you want to talk about" Holly pushed herself out of the booth, and dropped a few dollars on the table top. "Thanks Mom. I love you" Blake whispered.
