LIGHT HOUSE-DAYS LATER
Rick sat wearily on the end of the bed. He could hear the voices filtering up the stairs. It was white noise now. He could no longer hear individual conversations for which he was grateful. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his oxford shirt. He was starting in on the cuffs when he heard the knock on the door jam. "Mind if I join you?" Fletcher asked. Rick waved his arm over the empty spot beside him. "Needed a break too, huh?" He asked as he took his spot beside him.
"Everyone is sorry, everyone is glad that the baby is alright, they tell me how hard it's going to be but that it will get easier with time. They go from me to him and back again not sure what else to say. The conversations among themselves stop when I'm nearby. It's as if I will collapse if I hear them say say Meredith's name" Rick lamented.
Fletcher knew exactly what he meant. He had lost his wife not all that long ago. "I hear ya man. Everyone was sorry, but were so glad that I had Ben in my life. They wished there was something they could do to help. Well, what would have helped was if they could have brought Maeve back, but they couldn't. I know they meant well, but I could not wait for them all to go home."
Fletcher followed Rick's lead loosening his tie. "I will say this thought, they are right. We are lucky to have the boys. It helps so much. Ben needed me to help him navigate his grief which in turn helped me navigate mine. Then one day I was packing his lunch and the biggest problem I had was what kind of bread to use. It was such a normal problem to have, then I felt guilty because I wasn't sobbing. The next day it was bread and athletic shoes. The day after that was would I give permission for a sleep over and not to forget to sign his math test. My point here is that life will go on, and it will go on faster because of the boys, and for their need for it to."
He draped his arm around his brother-in-law. "Rick, there is something else you need to know. DNA, it doesn't matter."
Rick looked sideways at his brother-in-law. "You know? Of course, she would have told you. Why wouldn't she?"
"Rick, my sister came to the idea of being someone's wife and mother very late in the game, but once she did, she embraced both with open arms. She made a mistake, one that could have cost her you. He greatest fear was losing you. Knowing that you weren't the father of that baby twisted her inside out. When you accepted him as your own, and decided to stay with her she made it her mission to make you happy, and Rick, I promise you that my nephew is right where he belongs. Meredith wouldn't have wanted it any other way." He lowered his head and removed his arm from Rick's shoulders. "No that's not true. She would have wanted to raise him with you. She would have wanted to celebrate his life with you."
Rick wiped the tears that had fallen to his cheeks. "Thanks, Fletcher. She loved you too. I just don't know how I'm going to do this without her."
Fletcher clapped Rick on the back "You will surprise yourself, but remember, you are not alone. You have the whole Bauer clan behind you, and of course Uncle Fletcher, once he can hold his own head up and stops drooling" He looked at his watch. "I better get going. Bens with the sitter." Fletcher stood and re-tied his tie while Rick did the same. "I'm serious. You can call me any time. Even if it's just to talk. All you have to do is ask."
"Actually, now that you mention it, I could use a favor" Rick told him.
"Ok, but I don't do diapers and I don't give loans." Fletcher could always be counted on to diffuse a tense situation with humor.
"It's not for me" Rick said. "It's for Matthew. How would you feel about being his God father?"
Fletcher covered his heart with his hand. "God father to my nephew? Rick, wow, I thought you'd ask Phillip. I'm honored, really, I am."
Rick smiled at him. "Well Uncle Fletcher, is that a, yes?"
"Of course, I'm honored. Godfather and Uncle to Matthew Edward Reade-Bauer. Make sure he knows that because he is family, I'm willing to make an exception on the diaper and loan thing." Fletcher pulled Rick into a hug. He let go when he heard footsteps outside of the door.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but many of the guest are getting ready to leave. I thought you'd like to come and say good bye" Maureen said.
"I will be right there" Rick told his step mother. When she disappeared, Rick turned towards Fletcher.
"Fletcher, thank you for being there for Meredith. I'm glad she was able to confide in someone even if that someone wasn't always me."
Fletcher bowed his head. "For what it's worth I did not approve of the lie, and almost didn't come to your wedding because of it. I just couldn't be a party to that deception." He paused. "But I meant what I said, in the long run DNA doesn't matter, love does, and you were Meredith's husband, and you are Matthew's father in all the ways that matter." Once again, the pair clapped each other on the back.
"Rick, are you coming?" Maureen could be heard yelling upwards to him.
"On my way." Rick announced heading for the stairs.
When the last guest left he leaned heavily against the door. Maureen, Ed, and Blake remained and started talking to him all at once.
"Why don't you sit down, I'll get you something to eat" Blake offered
"I'll heat up a bottle for Matthew, he should be waking up soon" Ed announced.
"I'll start cleaning up. There are a lot of left overs to be put away" Maureen added.
As if on cue the baby did start screaming. Ed immediately headed towards him.
"Stop" Rick demanded. "Everyone just stop"
He pushed himself off the door and went to the baby. He reached in and expertly lifted Matthew, blanket and all from his bassinet. Rick replaced his pacifier and performed a swaying move that immediately calmed him.
"Listen, when he is ready to eat, I will feed him." Rick informed his father.
"Maureen, I will put the left overs away, but if there is anything you want to take home, please do."
Finally, he turned towards Blake. "I'm not hungry, but when I am capable of making myself a meal."
The trio looked at each other and then back to him.
"What I would like is to be alone, please. You all have lives that need to be lived, and Matthew here needs a clean diaper and."
Ed whispered something in Maureen's ear. " I guess I will go and get my purse." she said shortly after.
Rick noted that she looked wounded. He watched as she rounded the stair case.
"Look Dad, I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, I'm just feeling a bit claustrophobic." Ed watched as Rick expertly changed Matthew's diaper.
"Rick, I've been where you're at. I know your mom; Leslie and I weren't married when she died, but I had to take care of you. If it wasn't for your grandmother Bert you and I probably wouldn't have survived it. Don't shut us out for too long. When you're ready know that we are here for you both." Rick made faces at Matthew as a way to distract himself from the memory of his mother.
"Ed, I'm ready" he heard Maureen say.
Rick propped the baby over his shoulder then closed the space between he and his step mother. With a free hand he reached out for hers. "Maureen" he smiled. "Thank you. Thank you for everything you have done and will continue to do for both of us. I know I sounded ungrateful, but I just need some time."
Maureen reached out and gave him a hug. "I know sweetie, I know. Just remember what your dad said, don't shut us out for too long." He waved to them as they left bouncing a now hysterical baby as he did.
Only Blake remained when he went back into the house. "Can you hold him while I make his bottle?"
Rick didn't wait for an answer. He pushed the baby into her arms. Blake, an only child had never really had much cause to hold babies, but Matthew sank effortlessly into her arms. She searched his face for anything resembling Phillip but couldn't find it. Rick handed her the bottle. When the nipple came in contact with his waiting mouth, he grabbed it eagerly. Blake watched in awe as his tiny jaw worked for his meal. She could hear him swallow and simultaneously breathe. She walked backwards to a rocking chair and continued to stare. "He looks just like her" she whispered.
Rick kneeled down beside them and ran a hand over Matthew's head. "I know it" Rick agreed with a sigh. "Here, let me take him, he's going to need burped now that he's eaten that much." Blake pulled the nipple from Matthew's mouth causing him distress. "I know buddy, but your tummy will thank me for this later" Rick told him as he patted gently.
As Rick patted, he observed Blake. "What's going on with Phillip?" He asked. "And Blake, please don't lie to me. I can see the bruise coming through the make-up"
Blake's hand went to her cheek. "The curse of being fair skinned." She lamented. "It was a knee jerk reaction. I slapped him and he hit me back." She said wistfully. "Mom thinks I should leave him, move in with her. She's comparing Phillip to Daddy."
The baby belched and began sucking on his hand. Rick continued to pat him rhythmically while studying Blake. "Blake, I don't think Phillip is Roger, but he does have a short fuse and an even shorter temper. I've been on the receiving end of both before and it is not pleasant, but if he struck you, that is something entirely different." Recognizing that Matthew had fallen asleep he laid him gently in his bassinet. "Look, Blake, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I'm concerned for you. Phillip is not behaving like himself. Why, he didn't even come to the cemetery after the funeral and he certainly didn't show up here.
Blake frowned. She knew exactly why Phillip had retreated to himself, but she couldn't tell Rick this. "I don't know. He hasn't been himself since the night Matthew was born" She inhaled deeply, and exhaled slowly. "Rick, I am going to miss Meredith terribly, so if it's alright with you I'd like to be involved in Matthew's life. Maybe I can be Auntie Blake. He is after all her son." Rick smiled and joined her at the door. "I know she'd love that Blake, and remember, you still have a friend in this light house if you need anything"
"Thank you, Rick, I am only a phone call away too. I better be going. I need to find Phillip" Rick walked her to the door, hugging her close before she left.
After she was gone, he collapsed onto the couch, pulling his tie off, before he laid his head back and allowed himself to fall into a restless sleep as Matthew remained soundly in his.
At the Spaulding Mansion Blake pulled into the garage and noticed that Phillips car was absent. He must have gone to the office after the funeral. "Typical", she thought. She parked her car in its designated spot and entered the house via the kitchen.
"Hello Miss. Lindsey" Vera, the only house manager the Spaulding's had ever employed said to her jovially.
"Hello Vera." Blake's tone wasn't a match. "Do you know where Phillip is? His car isn't in the garage."
Vera continued the task of preparing dinner for the family "I'm not sure Miss. Lindsey. To be honest, I thought he was with you at that poor woman's funeral. How tragic." She tsk'd. "To die on the day your child is born, it's just too cruel." Vera consoled.
"Yes, it's very tragic for everyone involved. Vera, I'm going to lie down. If Phillip should return, please tell him where to find me." Blake headed towards the guest room where she had been staying.
She opened the door and flipped on the light. She immediately noted that there was an envelope leaning against the pillow at the head of the bed. In his hand was her name. She closed the door behind her and leaned on it. She stared intently at the rectangular piece of paper willing its contents to come into view. After what seemed like an eternity, she pushed herself away from the door and towards the bed. She picked up the envelope and opened it carefully.
Blake,
I needed to get away for a few days. I suppose I shouldn't have abandoned you at the funeral. I couldn't handle one more persona worry about poor Rick. Poor Rick lost his wife and now was saddled with raising a baby all by himself.
I've given some thought to what Alan said. Matthew is my son, and I want him to know me as his father. I know what I promised Meredith, and I know what it will do Rick yet, no one has given any thought to what it will do to me if I deny him. Oh Blake, promise me that you'll support whatever I decide. Please, I love you. I just need some time to become clear headed before I make any final decisions.
Don't let Alan and Alexandra run you out of the mansion. That is your home for as long as you want it to be.
Phillip
Blake read the note twice before crumpling it and throwing it in the garbage pail by the desk. She thought better of that, retrieving it and placing it safely in her purse. She collapsed on the bed only to be disturbed by a knock on the door.
"Miss Lindsey, I know you said you wanted to rest but your mother in on the phone for you."
Blake let out a sigh "Thanks Vera, I'll take it" Blake pushed herself off the bed and went back to the desk. She picked up the receiver and pushed the blinking light that would connect her to Holly.
"Hello Mother" Blake only called Holly mother when she was annoyed or upset with her.
"Hello Darling, I wanted to see how you were holding up. I'm sure today had to be rough on you"
Blake felt guilty for being disappointed in the call. "Not as rough as it was for Rick, but hard enough. Meredith was my best friend." She blinked back tears that she felt were coming.
"I'm sorry darling, I wish I could have been there for you, but I didn't really know Meredith well enough to be at her funeral." Holly paused unsure if she should proceed, but did so while lightly treading. "How are things with Phillip?"
It was Blake's turn to allow a pregnant pause. "Mom, is the offer to come stay still good?"
Holly smiled lightly, Blake would hear it in her voice "Of course, that offer doesn't have an expiration date. Does that mean I should change the sheets on the guest room bed?"
"I don't know. He is away on business for a few days" she lied. "I just don't know if I want to be in this house with Alexandra and Alan"
"Oh Alexandra isn't bad, why I think in time we may be friends"
Blake rolled her eyes. "You do that mother. If I decide to come stay, I will let you know."
"You don't have to do that Blake; you have a key. If you decide to come and I'm not there, just let yourself in."
"Thanks, Mom" Blake hung up the phone only to pick it up again. She pressed the intercom and waited for connection
"Yes Miss Lindsey" Vera's voice could be heard. "Vera, would you mind bring me a suitcase please."
"Of course, Miss Lindsey, right away. How long of a trip will you be taking? Do you require a garment bag as well?" Vera was always cheerful and willing to help which is why she had been in Alexandra's employ for as long as she had been.
"I don't know to be honest. Just bring me a medium sized bag. If I require any thing additional, I will make those arrangements myself. Thank you, Vera,"
"Yes ma'am" Vera disconnected their call.
Blake looked down realizing that she was still wearing the dress she had worn to the funeral. Slowly she began to unbutton it, allowing it to fall to her feet. On her way to the bathroom for a shower she left behind her a parade of undergarments. She turned the water on making it as hot as she could stand it. The water was cold by the time she emerged. She wrapped herself in a thick bathrobe and was towel drying her hair when the knock on the door came. Assuming it was Vera she called out to come in. When she entered the bedroom from the bath, she stopped short, it wasn't Vera, but Alan.
"Hello Blake, I'm sorry to bother you, but do you have a minute?" Alan asked, taking her in from head to toe. He smiled lasciviously, remembering the carnal knowledge he experienced first-hand beneath the robe she was currently wearing.
"I do not Alan, please leave" She pointed a finger to the door. Alan closed the space between them. He put a finger on the knot of her robe sash. "Why? Phillips not here. Perhaps we could get to know each other better again." He moved his hand to her face and traced the bruise that was fully evident as she just stepped out of the shower. "After all, it doesn't look like you and my son are getting along all that well, unless of course you're going to tell me you walked into a door."
Blake batted his hand away. "Leave me alone Alan" She tied a second knot even tighter than the first.
"I can't do that Blake; I need your help."
Blake sat on the edge of the bed. "Help with what?"
"I want you to convince Phillip to move your wedding day up on the calendar. The sooner the better. I also want you to convince him to claim paternity of my grandson."
Blake threw her head back and laughed. "I'm sorry Alan, but Phillip and I aren't going to move our wedding date to suit you. Secondly, if you want a grandson, I suggest you talk to Alan Michael and Harley. Because unlike some people I take precautions to prevent a pregnancy." She stood then and went to the door. "You can leave now Alan" She pulled the door open coming face to face with both Vera and Alexandra.
Alexandra wore a shocked expression. "Just what is going on in here?" She demanded.
"Alan was just leaving." Blake answered "Vera, thank you for the suit case. Would you mind putting it on the bed, please?"
Vera looked at Alexandra and stammered a "Yes ma'am" She quickly exited the room not looking at the trio. "Alan, you can leave too" Blake demanded.
He waged a finger at her. "You remember what I told you Blake. If I don't get what I want there will be consequences that neither one of you will enjoy" He stormed past her. "Alex, I won't be home for dinner" Alexandra looked from Blake to the space Alan had just vacated. "Is there anything you need, Alexandra?" Blake asked through narrowed eyes.
"No, not really. I was actually just passing by." Alexandra indicated. "Well, I have some packing to do, if you'll excuse me" Blake slammed the door closed.
Once alone Blake began placing items into the suitcase Vera had left her. She started haphazardly throwing undergarments and the like in the suitcase. Then as suddenly she pulled it all out and began a sensible excavation of her personal effects. Maximizing the space within her bag while leaving behind those items that she didn't need or want. When she was done, she sat back down at the desk and pulled out an envelope. She tugged the ring from her left finger and dropped it in. She licked the seal then wrote Phillip on the front. No more, no less.
Shortly thereafter she arrived at her mothers. She let herself in the front door "Mom…" she called out as she laid her suitcase at her feet. "Mom, I'm here" She called again.
Holly appeared from her bedroom. "I didn't expect you so soon"
Blake's shoulders slumped. "If this is an inconvenience I can go stay in a hotel, or better yet I can see if I could stay at Daddy's." Blake knew the later would get under Holly's skin.
"There is no need to make threats. I'm just surprised you're here is all." Holly wrapped her arms around her daughter. "Oh, my honey, I won't become a meddlesome mother but I will always have room for you, both in my heart and my home if you want or need it."
"Thanks mom."
"No problem sweet heart. I know you said it's just a few days, so I intend to utilize them to the fullest. Now, lets talk about what we should do for dinner."
