A/N: Tbh, this chapter was written ages ago. Just too busy to edit and post it. Sorry guys but I hope you like it. Thanks so much for the feedback on that last chapter. I am please to see that y'all still here with me after so long. xx
xx
Our Love Was Always Forever.
xx
Chapter 31 - Let's Review, Shall We?
xx
She has left him, she has left them. She has left the boy that means the whole world to her not only that but she also left the most precious, beautiful thing she created in this world. Her sweet 3 months old baby girl. Why?
She really doesn't know why because at this moment she has no rational thoughts running within her, all she was thinking was getting out of Lima. She didn't want this she wasn't prepared for this, that little girl deserved someone better than her, someone who isn't force to raise her selflessly she couldn't do that. She wasn't cut out to be a mum, especially at such young age, no. That little girl deserved better and she wasn't it she doesn't deserve someone who would constantly wonder if it wasn't for her would she have made her dream come true? And it wasn't fair so she left. God she hopes him as well as her baby girl forgives her one day.
'Just turn back around' a voice screamed at her. 'She needs you! He needs you!' And Rachel looked back around inside the taxi her lungs tightening in pain willing her voice to scream at the driver to turn back around, go back to her family and let Quinn hold her as she begs for forgiven at even thinking of leaving them but she couldn't do it. 'No, she deserves better.' She reasons just as the taxi comes to a stop.
"We're here ma'am" the taxi driver ever so politely says looking her through his review mirror. "You okay?" He's concern meant a lot to her and Rachel nods unable to even speak.
Once she paid the man she grabbed for her bag that she packed in a hassle and exited the vehicle. Her legs heavy as they stayed planted against the pavement unwilling to move toward the building, looking up she sees 'Port Columbus International Airport' stare right at her, judging her, scolding at her and the brunette swallow hard against the lump that formed in her throat.
She was so lost within her thoughts and guilt that she jumped at the sound of a vibration coming through her pocket, reaching inside to pull out the source of the sound only to discover her phone, the brunette squirted through teary eyes to see the caller ID and instantly freaked out in result she accidentally dropped the ringing device at the name that was displayed on it in shock cracking it open with batteries falling out of place due to the effect of it being hit against the pavement.
The brunette let herself cry silently as she bends up to collect the pieces of her phone, then debating in between repairing it back together or just leaving it alone because she knew if she inset that battery back into place she will be tempted to call 'him' but she just couldn't bring herself to because she told herself this is for the best, she was doing a good thing giving 'her' the life she deserved some people might think she's being selfish but she wasn't, she reasoned its because she loved 'her' that's why she was doing this! She insisted as she shoved the pieces of her cell phone inside her handbag and marched toward the entrance of the place that will take her far away from 'him' far away from 'them'. With a heavy heart the brunette glanced back toward the distance mumbling 'I'm sorry' before walking forward entering the building to live another life, the one she always dreamed about since she knew she could sing as well as she does.
/
It's been a few months since Rachel left her whole world behind in Lima and the pass months has been hell for the brunette, what with finally getting into her dream city, trying to sell out the apartment her dads brought her so she can rent an accommodation in the campus but since the year was about to start already it was a bit difficult to do so but at the end the brunette was given a dorm after one student had pulled out the accommodation on the last minutes. Really she did count her blessings.
The pass months has been nothing but hell to her, every time she thought of Quinten and they baby girl she had the urge to take a flight back to Lima to face the storm that she left behind if it meant she gets to be with her family because as Quinn always says 'we can do anything as long as we stick together' god how that hurts whenever she thought of the blonde's words. He meant the world to her, he still does but she doubts the feelings are now mutual in the blonde's opinion.
Her first night in New York was spent with her crying to herself locked inside the bedroom of the well decorated apartment that was brought for her by her dads, she and Quinn had a dream together and although she always knew she eventually wanted to carry his children, at 17 wasn't the age she saw it so call her selfish but she just can't be a mum now she doesn't know how to! She never even had a mother figure in her life until she started dating Quinn and Judy somehow was the only woman figure in her life. It has always been her and her dads so how was she supposed to be a mother to someone? She's not saying she doesn't love her baby with all her heart because god she loves her so so much but she doesn't have the guidance she needs to be a good mum. Yes Judy Fabray is there if she needs help but there's just something about having your OWN mother helping you through this than the mother of your boyfriend!
There's no a day that goes by that Rachel doesn't want to pick up the phone and dial Quinn's number just to hear his voice, just to hear how her baby was doing. But every times she was hit with the realization that she left so that little girl would have a good life she is convinced that her baby will have a better life without her as for Quinn? He will eventually find someone else to love and as much as it pains and hurts Rachel, she knew it was true and Quinten did deserve the best.
"Hello, earth to Rachel." The brunette snapping out her thought she realize she had zoned out.
"Sorry what did you say?"
Her companion looked on annoyed because this isn't the first time the girl has zoned out in mid conversation, she's always thinking about something that she refuses to talk about and it was getting annoying but to not show they annoyance toward the brunette they fake a chuckle.
"Someone seems to be far up in the moon again" they joked although they chuckle was fake, thy hated to be ignored and Rachel was doing just that!
"Yeah, sorry." The brunette replies so distance. She either didn't detect the falseness of her companion's laughter or she did and just chose to ignore it, either way she just seemed to not give a fuck.
"Hey, what's the matter?"
Rachel at the sound of gentle voice looked up into her companion's eyes and suddenly brown turned into familiar hazel-green, taunting her and the brunette quickly snapped out of her trace that she suddenly found herself in.
"I'm so-sorry...I err, I have to go." She quickly got out of seat trying to gather all her belongings. "Thanks for the coffee." She said once she finally got out of her seat and stood straight.
"But Rachel-"
"I'm sorry Jesse but I really have to go." And with that said she practically threw out the coffee shop door.
Jesse St. James sighed in between fed up and annoyance. He had meet Rachel Berry on the first day of orientation at college, the brunette literally ran into him as she was lost deep in thoughts she had apologized profitably and Jesse thought she was just adorable. That's when the chase for Rachel Berry started the brunette curly haired boy was so smitten with the shorter girl that he would always show up out of the blue beside her. It freaked and worried Rachel for a bit before she got used to it. Then he started to slowly drop hints of them maybe going out or grabbing a coffee together but whenever he mentions that Rachel always seems to swerve the conversation elsewhere. It did piss him off though because it seemed like she was turning him down and he was not used to rejections so he vowed to himself he will get with her one way or another.
Which lead them to where they were, fair enough when Rachel walked into the coffee shop Jesse was already there but he did buy her a coffee and she sat with him, it's when he started dropping hints of being interested in her that she zoned out. Maybe she had commitment issues? Or she just didn't like him. Jesse laughed at the ridiculousness of his own conclusion because what's an absurd thing to think, what's not to like about him? He's handsome and rich! Well sort of but that's not the point she probably was just playing hard to get. He will get her, one way or another.
/
Today of all days of the months was the worse for one Rachel Berry who refuses to get out of her bed let along dorm to attend her lessons because today marks the day her baby's 1st birthday. Her little girl was 1 year old today and Rachel had no idea how she looks like. Does she have Quinn's or her hair and eyes? Does she look like her or Quinten? Rachel had tried so hard to avoid thinking of the family she had left behind and she somehow had succeeded well until today! Of all day. And Rachel couldn't help nor stop the tears that flowed freely because she realized she wasn't celebrating her daughter's first birthday with her. She has missed a lot of her baby's first many.
With shaky hands and heavy heart the brunette reaches over her bedside to retrieve her cell phone, quickly dialing the all too familiar number she knows by heart and praying it's still the same after a year. To Rachel's relief she heard the ringing tone of the phone as she nervously chewed on her fingernails impatiently waiting for the other person to pick up but at the same time wishing they wouldn't pick but of course to Rachel's misfortune or fortunate the other person picked up and a voice Rachel thought she would never hear again came through. she almost forgot how to breathe.
"Hello?" He sounded confused and curious and Rachel realised it's because this is her new number so he wouldn't know it and it wouldn't show a caller ID as "My Little Star" follows by a heart.
"Hello?" The voice cameagain and Rachel realised she had gotten lost in her thoughts because now Quinn just sounded impatient but Rachel couldn't speak, her throat felt like it was being held down and blocked by an invisible force and the brunette started to breath heavily.
"Hey are you're okay?" Quinn's voice now sounded concern because it sounded like Rachel was having a heart attack but she couldn't answer him and after a moment he said something that she was sure sent her into a stroke. "Rachel? Is that you?" He sounded hopeful but also doubtful and Rachel wanted nothing more than to scream...
'YES QUINN ITS ME BABY IM SO SORRY I MISS YOU I MISS OUR DAUGHTER I MISS MY FRIENDS I MISS MY DADS CAN I PLEASE COME HOME PLEASE'
But she couldn't she just stayed silence and Quinn's hopefulness died down.
"Look I'm-I'm sorry; I err got you confused with someone...else. Sorry." He ended.
Rachel was screaming and yelling at herself. 'TALK STUPID OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SPEAK!'
"Are you still there?" He asks and Rachel actually opened her mouth to say something until.
'Yo Q! C'mon, it's cake time and your daughter is looking for her daddy' Puck's voice came through and Rachel perks up at the mention of her daughter.
"Alright I'll be right there." The blonde called toward his friend. "Listen you obviously not going to talk and I'm kind of busy so I'm going to hang up now" at the sound of that Rachel started furiously shaking her head in protest; she didn't want him to go. 'Stay – talk. I just want to hear your voice' she screamed subconsciously.
"Bye" and that was that, Quinn hunged up and as the dial tone came through the brunette sobbed because she realize how much she was missing with her daughter's life, friends, dads and...Quinn.
'Happy Birthday angel' she thought as she cried herself to sleep.
xox
It was a little later in the day when Rachel heard a knock in her dorm room door and tiredly crawled out bed and walked toward the sound, the bed sheet wrapped around her, with bloodshot eyes hair a mess and opened the door.
"Yikes!" Jesse yelps and Rachel rolled her eyes turning to walk back inside but leaving the door open for him. He swiftly followed in and sat on one of the chairs in the room.
"What the hell happened to you?" Some people would love to have the opportunity to have Jesse St. James speak to you but not Rachel, she honestly thought the boy was arrogant and a jerk but he was a good enough friend and god knows Rachel needs that here.
"Stuff" was all she said and Jesse either didn't want to push further or just didn't care enough to push but Rachel was glad when he took her answer.
"What are you doing here anyway?" She questions as she grabbed a tissue and wiped at her nose, blowing then wiping again.
The curly haired boy made a face at the sound before disguising it for the look of sympathy,
"Oh I just wanted to come and see how you were doing, and I can see now so well." He's tone was a hint of sarcasm and seriousness. "What happened? You completely skipped all of your classes and no one knows why."
"I just didn't feel well Jesse."
"Look Rachel I don't know what you're going through but whatever it is, can't be that bad. Besides I'm here if you just – you know, want to talk."
"Thanks but no thanks. I don't feel like talking."
"Well when you do feel like it, I'm here for you." The boy says giving her a small smile that Rachel found hard to return.
/
"Rachel!" The brunette in question turned back toward the voice and sighed. Jesse. She has been avoiding the boy for the pass weeks or so because whenever he would see her he wants to take her out even though they went through the same thing over the pass YEARS!
"Jesse, hi." The brunette greets trying so hard not to show her unpleasant at the boy's presence.
"Where have you been for the pass weeks? I even been around your place but your roommate said you weren't in." He frowns.
"Yeah sorry, I just have been busy preparing for exams and that." She part lied because she was in fact in when Jesse would turn up to her doorstep, she just asked her to cover for her when the boy asks for her.
"Oh that's cool." He says "but listen, I was just wondering if you would maybe like to go out this Saturday?"
And there it was the same question he has been constantly asking her for the pass 2 years none stop.
"Jesse, you're a great guy and that but-" she pause collecting her thoughts in a way to let him down easier. "I just got out a bad relationship and-"
"That was 2 years ago Rachel, how long do you need to get over this guy already?"
The brunette automatically fumed at his words. "Let me tell you something Jesse St. James, I will never be or get over him because he will always have my heart so no Jesse I will not go out with you! excuse me." the brunette then proceed to storm off leaving Jesse to call out to her to which she ignored until she disappear out of his sight.
/
"Come on Rachel, it's going to be fun!" The brunette in question sighed turning around in her chair to face her roommate.
"Besides it's been awhile since you went out, maybe this party is just what you need."
"And I heard Jesse is going..." She winked with a wide smile stretching her lips.
"Ugh, I think the mention of Jesse going is all the motivation I need to NOT go."
"What's up with that anyway! The guy is fine as hell. Why do you keep turning him down?" The other girl frowns as she took a sit on the couch.
"Jesse and I are two completely different people; we just don't have anything in common."
"And how would you know that if you barely give the guy a break, c'mon Rach who's this guy that holds the key to your heart this much that you can't even give other potential suitors a chance?" She questions her brow raised in wonder.
The brunette instantly went into a daze at the mention of Quinn, even if Melanie did not actually say HIS name but it was true, since the day she walked out on his life 3 years ago the brunette hasn't seem to give anyone else a chance at her heart let along the time of the day. It wasn't just Jesse who she has grabbed the attention of but Jesse was just one of the few to stick around, refusing to accept the fact that she wasn't interested.
"His name is Quinten..." The brunette began, she has never spoke about him or HER to anyone before but she and Natalie had gotten closer over the years, so maybe talking about him will somehow help her move on? Even if in her heart she knows she doesn't want to move on.
That day Rachel spent it telling Natalie about hers and Quinn's history together, even the part of them having a little girl, she knew the other girl wouldn't turn around and spread her secret around. She trusted her. In result the blonde haired blue eyes girl comforted her as Rachel bawled her eyes and heart out to her. She now understood why the brunette was relent to let other guys in, she and Quinten seemed like the perfect high school sweetheart that one day would find their way back to each other somehow.
"Are you ever going to go back?" The other girl questions after a moment of long silence after Rachel finished speaking then handling Rachel another set of many tissues she did to wipe at her eyes.
"I don't know Nat. There's a part of me that wants nothing more than to book a ticket back home to go see my family but then there's another that's still in doubt especially with all that I did. Who's to say Quinten would welcome me back with open arms? And his family probably hates me, heck I'm not a big fan of myself for what I did..."
"I get it Rach, really. You're scared but you never know what will happen if you don't take a chance! We all simply human beings and lord knows we make so many mistakes; we take action before thinking hard on it. Don't be so hard on yourself."
"You don't know understand! I mean what kind of mother that just up and leaves her new born baby!" She frustratedly yelled, years of press tears pouring out.
"I'm not trying to justify what you did but Rachel you did what you thought was best! You were young, confused heck you still trying to figure shits out but that doesn't mean you have to hold the weight of the world on your shoulder just because what you did 2 years ago. Believe me." She advice.
"Is this why you always lock yourself in your room every year refusing to talk to anyone?" She questions after a moment of pause.
"It just hurts knowing each day gone she's spending it without me. Each birthday she's celebrating it without me, I-" she choked feeling a sudden lump form in her throat.
Natalie said nothing but simply reaches over and pulls her into a hug.
"Everything is going to be okay." She whispers before pulling away and flashing Rachel a small smile. "You obviously love your daughter and Quinten, but I don't think you can fully give yourself up to the responsibility until you accomplish what you always dreamt of."
"What kind of mother does that make me if I'm putting my hopes and dreams before my child?"
"I don't know what to say to you Rachel, all I can say is that you either carry on to what you started or pack your bags and go back home to your family. The choice is all yours."
"As for Quinn, if you two are destined to be together believe me even if you end up dating someone else or he's dating someone, your path will always cross even if you're two states, countries away. Trust me no one fucks with fate!" She winked making Rachel share a tiny laugh. "But it doesn't mean you have to pull away from potential suitors coming your way." She adds afterward.
"Thanks for listening, I just- needed that." The short brunette says after a few minutes of silence between them.
"Hey your welcome, I'm glad you decided to tell me." Flashing her one last smile the dance student stood up and walked toward the ringing phone and picked it up.
"Hello?" She paused as the person on the other side spoke. "Oh hi Jesse." Her emphasis on the name as her eyes stared toward Rachel in silence question.
The brunette nods slightly as an answer.
"Yeah she's here, hold on." And she passes the phone to Rachel who mouthed 'thanks' to her before bringing it to her ears. The other girl was barely paying attention until she heard her friend say...
"Sure, I would love to go out with you this Saturday." And she smiled, glad to see Rachel taking a step into dating again. Yes this Quinten guy sounded amazing from what Rachel has told her but her friend deserved to have someone special instead of just mopping around, maybe Jesse was that person. He was sweet enough not to mention good looking.
She turned toward Rachel and flashed her a smile before indicating with her finger she was going to her room before disappearing out of sight, leaving Rachel on the phone with Jesse. Who unknown to her will come to hate as the years processes because of the way he treated her friend and the conflict he created that drew a wedge between the two of them.
Tbc...
A/N: I don't think I'm planning to pay a visit to this particular flashback again, but this chapter was necessary. Sorry if it was boring but it needed to be written. Next we'll be back to the present. xx.
Question:
1. What did you like or did not like about this chapter?
2. What do you want to see on the next chapter or as the story processes?
^^ Please ANSWER as it helps me with brainstorming. Thanks. xx
Also if anyone got spare time and want to help beta read this story for me, you are welcome. xox. Until next time guys!
