AN: Hello ladies, gentlemen and non binary folk, and welcome to the 2nd chapter of the first mission of the X-Squad. Our heroes have made it to Beacon Beach somewhat unscathed and clean, but they're gonna meet not only the Spark Hunters, the 2 most chaotic reapers ever, an Edgerunner, 3 Heylin, a thief duo, a nonbinary college student and their therapist, a porcupine faunus, a smoke demon, a chamberlain, 2 certain Inscribed, a penguin and the Cyberpunk Smasher, but 5 certain meddling kids and their cat demon. So be ready.
The spaceship then landed on one of Beacon Beach's many beaches. And then the team jumped out and started walking, Rabbid Luigi jumping into a puddle, splashing Kanade and Rabbid Peach along the way.
Just then the misfits bump into 5 kids and a black cat with heterochromia.
"Wait. I thought this was Japan." The redhead, Satsuki Miayanoshita, asked, dusting herself off. The black haired kid, Haijime Aoyama, sighed.
"Well, we all speak in English, and although all the signs are in Chinese or something, we do have American accents. Plus, the lazy bugger known as the author decided not to do anything about it and just kind of let it slide. Plus, who ever heard of a Jewish Japanese?"
"Actually, Jewish people have lived in Japan since the 1850s, and-" The glasses kid, Leo Kakinoki, said.
"Shut up Leo. Plus, Miss Jesus Freak over there is not exactly a Japanese stereotype, is it?"
"Again, although Christians are one of the religious minorities in Japan, they do still exist, and I'm sure some of them are-"
"Shut up Leo!"
"Hey, at least I'm not a liar who messes with the continuity of the story." The purple haired girl, Momoko Koigakubo, said.
Satsuki glared at all of them. "Thanks guys, you literally broke the fourth wall twice! We have a quota, y'know?"
Satsuki's little brother, Keiichiro tugged on Satsuki's skirt. She sighed, rolling her eyes at him.
"What is it? Is your bladder full again? Holy Hell, when will you learn how to use the toilet?" He pointed up ahead to the X-Squad. Haijime looked around hurriedly.
"Ah shit. The feds. Deny everything, if they mention drugs deny even more, and if they touch you scream rape. That always works." Keiichiro nodded sincerely. Satsuki glared at all of them.
"They're probably just here because of the weird shit that happens around here. Remember? At least none of us are black." Leo gaped at her, while Momoko nodded dreamily.
"I know that we're innocent."
"Um, hey, does anyone here know where we can find some Sparks?" Harry asked.
"Nope, believe me I know, it's almost like the author did not think it through at all with his plan. It's almost like this is sort – of – really ridiculous, amirite?" The misfits stared blankly at Haijime, as he continued babbling about continuity and world development. Momoko in the meantime tugged on Kanade's jacket, smiling ethereally.
"Do you know that you have the devil in you?" She stared wide-eyed as Momoko nodded sincerely. Kanade opened her mouth to speak, but something got lost, and she just kind of stood there, mouth opened and staring at the purple – haired girl. "Yes, it's true. For we all have the devil in us, but it can be countered with the power of Jesus." Kanade shook her head, rolling her eyes and inching away from Momoko, who was decidedly not letting go of her jacket.
"Hibiki?" Hibiki looked around to see Momoko staring intently up at Kanade, still clutching her jacket. "Help." She had been in a very weird conversation with Haijime about 'the fourth wall'. But now her attention was averted.
"Come on, everyone. No time to waste in this shindig. I need to finish my visual inventory." Robin said. Surprisingly, the kids didn't flinch or look taken aback, in fact they looked bored. As Robin said (well actually thought but whatever), weird. They turned to walk away, when Haijime yelled.
"Wait!" Kanade resolutely continued walking but Hibiki stopped.
"Yes?" Hibiki said. Kanade noticed her eyes were slightly twitching. Oh dear.
"You're here about the weird shit right? Especially the stuff to do with the star bunnies, and the hentai darkness, right?" Hibiki nodded. "Well, we might know how to figure out what – I mean who, did it?" Kanade narrowed her eyes. "But it's a bit weird."
Satsuki then grabbed him by the collar and dragged him over to the rest of her group.
"What do you think you're doing? They'll have us committed!"
"Well, maybe they won't." The cat, Amanojaku, said, eyebrows raised.
"Okay, what the fuck? Also, cats don't have eyebrows. This is really biologically inaccurate, combined with a stupid description. God author, can't you do better than that?" Haijime huffed as Satsuki hit him over the head.
"What did I say about breaking the fourth wall? Also, hey, Amanojaku." Everyone - including the cat, somehow - facepalmed at that.
"Somebody's on her period!" Haijime muttered to Leo, who did not laugh at all.
"So why won't we be committed?" Leo asked the cat, who was now sitting imperiously.
"Well, they're …"
"What the scrap? Did that feline just talk?" Nefarious was standing, slightly gaping at the possessed cat. Before anyone of them could even try to talk, he took out his blaster and pointed it between its eyes. The entire group of children widened their eyes and quickly stepped back. Amanojaku rolled his eyes.
"Talk about loyalty." As he said this, Keiichiro, wide-eyed and tiny, ran out to protect their demon companion. Satsuki grabbed him, as he started crying.
"This is not the time to grow balls, Keiichiro. The bot's got a gun."
"But we have faith. Or at least I do."
"Shut up Momoko."
"Wait, the cat's black. Do you think we can call it racial profiling?" Haijime joked nervously, as Satsuki ignored him, her eyes fixed on the gun, her body protecting her brother.
"As I was saying, they're probably heroes." The cat grinned. Nefarious lowering his gun.
"Okay, this is fucking weird even for us." Leo nodded in agreement with Hajime.
"Everyone, I think those weird-ass kids might be right. This is fucking weird." Aria said. "Also, how do you know them?"
"Well getting trapped in an firey lava pit of hell doesn't mean you stay there forever. Once I escaped I set my eyes on a nice cozy afterlife drinking second rate margaritas while watching reruns of soaps with a splash of hentai to spice things up. But I got sick of it. There's only so many times you can binge Days of Our Lives, Young and The Restless and Grey's Anatomy without going insane. So my next option was to get my feet back into the game of demonic highjinks but Eric Andre put me outta commission and I ain't a McCavity."
Amanojaku began to pace around the gang.
"Yeah I totally agree with that; CGI you would be absolutely repulsive," Haijime said.
"Now ask me a question that's more important to the plot. Like I don't know, why we popped up all of the sudden?"
"Yeah, why did we show up anyway?" Leo mused out loud.
"Good question! And that's when I pose this question to you: what's coming up very soon that people are gonna absolutely love?"
"Laundry day?" Keiichiro said.
"A Starbucks pumpkin spice latte discount?" Satuski added.
"The Skeleton War?" Was Haijime's suggestion.
"Do you think they'll find my Ted Talk educational?" Leo asked.
"Do they need God in their life?" Momoko asked.
Amanojaku groaned.
"God you kids are as idiotic as ever. It's finally the Null Equinox dumbasses, that's when the veil between realities become it's thinnest, permanently. It's practically a dimensional collapse and lemme tell you things will get wild. People usually do whatever the heck they want, but rumor has it that someone's been making a villain army and that's never a good sign."
"Daaaaannnng."
"And if my predictions are correct, what's supposed to be a time of mischief and mayhem will be one of chaos and destruction maybe even to apocalyptic levels of damage hm? I normally wouldn't mind, but the thought of someone pulling the strings on my ghostly form and telling me what to do makes me wanna die a gruesome death all over again!"
Just then a cardboard trident was heading towards Amanojaku.
"Oh shit, it's Paul Blart!" Amanojaku shrieked. Only for the trident to stop near him, and for Amanojaku to see that the one holding the trident to be a large rabbid with a beard and a crab in his hair.
"Out! Out! Out! If you're here to cause trouble we're at our limit already!" The rabbid said.
"Phew, and here I was, freaking out that you were Paul Blart." Amanojaku said, now smiling.
"Put that away! We're heroes, not unruly tourists!" Beep-0 said.
"Well, heroes are pushing it, we're more of a band of misfits passing through. Just like Kamen Rider Decade" Satsuki said.
"Heroes? You mean like, the "put yourselves in serious danger to help total strangers" kind of heroes?" The rabbid asked.
"Um, sure, let's go with that." Iroha said.
"Binga banga bonga, baby! Augie's gotta prayer! Ha ha!" Augie said.
"Or you accidentally summoned the worst choice of heroes." Satsuki snarked.
"Er... what I mean is - I've got some minor problems I could use help with. See that THING on our lighthouse?" Augie asked. "The sun disappeared the SECOND it showed up and snuffed out our Lighthouse signal fire!"
"That "thing" is a Darkmess Tentacle. By eliminating it, not only can we reverse its ill-effects on the weather...but we can purify its Darkmess Energy and use it to create a Warp Tunnel to our next destination. We must also eradicate any and all Darkmess Puddles They won't yield purified Darkmess Energy but they are still a threat." JEANIE explained.
Just then, they heard Rabbids screaming.
"Um... Can you stop by the village first? It's under siege by a HORRIBLE MENACE! Been meaning to get on it for a while." Augie asked.
"Augie's request IS compatible with our mission. I have detected a Spark in the village as well. We should make contact." JEANIE said.
""Spark?" THAT'S what you call those lil' star-shaped critters?" Augie asked. Then he sighed. "Well, they coulda done both of us a favor and stayed home, too."
"Well, we're all here, but this trouble in the village sounds like our job." Mikado stated.
"Easy as pie! Let's get it over with before my nano-diodes start to rust. Who's with me?" Beep-0 said.
The misfits started walking towards the village, while Drakus and Kanade struck up a chat with Satsuki.
"Well, you see, where I came from, this whole Null Equinox thing literally caused my world to go the way of Christian Slater's career. New York was in total chaos, there were ghosts, aliens and mutants running across the city. No one knew where they came from but they are similar to many things from fiction, hell, Slimer was there in his slimy glory like he won the election." Satsuki explained. "There were spaceships from practically every sci-fi franchise that there is hovering over the planet. People who were infected with the coronavirus ended-up getting turned into zombies. Dinosaurs, terminators and gang violence went all over Los Angeles. Japan got hit hard by Kaiju, especially Tokyo. Basically every single giant monster movie that Japan has created started coming to life and attacking the city. That also includes Godzilla. Yet some areas have been rendered safe when the giant monster fights have been taken further south of the country along with, well, every single giant robot you can think of."
"Okay, that is awesome!" Kanade said.
"Certain areas of Tokyo are safe for the time being. Akihabara became a safe zone and it is looking like a mix of the Akiba from Log Horizon and Shangri-La."
"Are they some sort of show?" Drakus asks.
"Yep...to some degree. They both started out as novels before becoming anime, but more on that later. Shangri-La takes place in Tokyo after an earthquake and a carbon market with many parts of Japan being turned into a jungle-polis. There was something called the Atlas Project, but there was a darker side to it. As for Akihabara, the place became similar to Venice with some areas flooded. The place became a bit of a black market for plenty of otakus. Kinda similar to Akiba after World War II that dealt with household electronic goods and post-war black market. As for Log Horizon, it takes place inside of a MMO that players get somehow absorbed into and become their avatars. Pretty much like Akihabara in Shangri-La, the place appeared old and overgrown with the exception of having a fantasy setting and the game they got trapped in takes place after some major apocalypse. Since it is a player town, the area is surrounded by walls and has a barrier to keep monsters out. Another safe place is Shibuya that surprisingly has all of its buildings intact yet became a bit of a fortress when the JSDF moved in and took advantage. There were also reports of anime characters that have super powers fighting against every single threat that comes near it. Those with no super powers are acting as volunteers to help those in need. Shinjuku seems to be also safe and also turned into a fortress. The Shinto gods came and were trying to help out. But there were reports about Tokyo being independent city-states just like in The Rolling Girls. Much of the United States ain't looking good either. New York City has turned into a major hellhole with stuff from Ghostbusters, that video game series called Prototype, some cyberpunk elements from Deus Ex, a plague from The Division, the Krang invasion from the 2012's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and other stuff such as Crysis, Resistance, Darksiders, and so much shit. Yet the Justice League, the Avengers, the X-Men, and even members of the Jump Force are doing what they can along with some assistance from the Grey Knight Chapter."
"And those are?" Drakus asked.
"They're from Warhammer 40k. Basically religious super soldiers that pack heat, and are under the thumb of a militaristic totalitarian theocratic dictatorship who are horrible oppressors to their own soldiers and subjects as they are horrible genocidal adversaries to everyone else. There were loads of reports about them across the world trying to stop monsters from destroying the place." Satsuki explained. "Anyways, Los Angeles was still under the threat of gang violence and Terminators trying to seize control of the city. The National Guard made a decision to blockade the city to keep everything in. Also, there were reports about dinosaurs all over the world roaming freely and some in the seas. There were reports about Wesen all over Washington state and Austria. San Francisco was now under the control of Blume from Watch Dogs while also having elements from Defiance, Jackie Chan Adventures, and...yeah, everything was a complete and total mess. I'm not sure how much detail I can give when there is so much. But Jesus, Muhammad, King David and Buddha appeared. Jesus is at the Vatican, Muhammad is at Mecca, King David is at Jerusalem and Buddha is seen roaming across China and India. We had the North Koreans trying to invade South Korea with stuff from the first Crysis game, Homefront and Call of Duty: Advance Warfare, but were driven back because they have a zombie problem of their own and nuclear hellfire."
Kanade laughed, "HA! That should get rid of those communist assholes!"
Hibiki then joined, "What about that Kim dickwad? Is he dead?"
"I think so." Satsuki said "But hard to tell since North Korea does keep everything hush-hush and isolated."
"I find it hard to believe that all of the holy people would come up and help out." Drakus is finding it hard to believe that holy people would appear out of the blue and do what religious people do.
"But what about the capital?" Kanade asked. "What happened to Washington D.C.?"
"Some of it is in ruins and a major firefight zone. It is a mix of The Division 2, Fallout 3, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, Battlefield Earth, The Purge, Night at the Museum and...shit, a lot of crap was there." Satsuki explained.
"I know The Purge." Hibiki remembers something about that movie, "Isn't it the one where people can commit crime for one night and it's legal?"
"Yeah, but now it is every night. The whole place is a war zone."
"What about the presidential candidates?" Kanade asks, "What happened to them?"
"Since Trump was assassinated, and no, Momoko didn't vote for him, she wasn't that dumb, the other candidates were taken to a shuttle to head towards the moon to discuss stuff on the transformed moon. That and all the other leaders that are still alive and survived are taken to the moon by the variety of shuttles. Europe was in a lot more trouble than the United States. There are many different versions of the gods and they were fighting each other rather than helping people. London was in total disarray with Reapers and their synthetics roaming about along with zombies, demons causing chaos, wizards casting their spells all over, vampires and werewolves running amok, and some company called Albion trying to seize control with state-of-the-art weaponry and combat drones. The rest of mainland Europe was under siege with zombies and mythical creatures from legends and folklore. Germany was in the middle of a civil war between the actual government and Nazis."
"Which kind?" Kanade asks.
"All forms from many different Wolfenstein games, Zombi Army, S.S. Doomtrooper, Marvel Comics and other stuff as they were being led by a zombie Hitler that is part Bludbat, part cyborg and part whatever the hell else he is."
"Oh shit!" Hibiki is upset, "Why did it have to be Nazis?!"
"Not only that, Russian forces from Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 were trying to invade. Basically, Germany was fucked." Satsuki states. "There were robots attacking Stockholm, Sweden. And there were reports about animalistic robots in Colorado, Utah, southern and northwestern Wyoming, and some parts of Idaho and Montana."
"Do they have white armor and glowing blue lights?" Hibiki asked.
"Yeah. Wait, why?"
"Then those are machines from Horizon: Zero Dawn. As for the ones in Sweden, I have no clue."
"They're from Generation Zero." Kanade speaks up, "That game came out in 2019 and I've played it. It was alright." Then she laughed. "Oh god, I'm with one of the biggest nerds ever."
"Hey now!" Satsuki rolled her eyes, smiling, "Without nerds, we wouldn't get all of our cool electronic shit. Like the iPod, and televisions and...lots of stuff."
Kanade smirked. "Okay, okay. Sorry for calling you that."
Satsuki then grinned. "Eh, I'm used to it." Satsuki continued. "Also there was word in the about some organization called the Department of Unified Protection that seized control of Seattle. In other words, Conduits from Infamous. Especially in New Orleans with many of them killing zombies from the Left 4 Dead series alongside Vermaak 88 and the Militia. And there was a report about a volcano erupting on the Montana and Idaho border. And me, Keiichiro, Momoko, Haijime and Leo got something called HUDs, even Amanojaku got a HUD."
Then they got to the village only to find a Bob-omb there. Satsuki kicked and threw it to the ocean. Just then, a portal opened and out came 2 people, a cyborg, a pale skinned boy with red hair, a fat man in a ninja suit, a blonde girl in a cat suit, a person with long, dark hair, dressed in a blue jacket and shorts, a man wearing a white and red ensemble, a penguin faunus in a red flannel shirt with blue jeans, a porcupine faunus, two people with wiry wings and a bird monster. Then one of them stood up.
"HahahahaHAHAHAAAAAAAA!" She was short, slender, ghostly-pale, with a mane of thick lavender hair that cascaded past her waist. She was still clothed in a sweater vest and mildly torn dress pants.."Oh, you think you're so SMART, Sweet Jazz City and its various authorities, but MERA SALAMIN RISES AGAIN!"
She punctuated this with a dramatic gesture, flinging her hands out to either side. And in doing so, bumped her pinky finger against a wall.
"OWWWWWOWOWOWOW DAMMIT!" Mera shrieked, doubling over and holding onto the finger. All because of her Epithet. "Fragile" allowed her to unleash devastating attacks upon others, making herself a powerhouse in battle. She could also break apart other items in her vicinity…and people, if need be. But the cost was a fragility in her own body as well. Her clothes were always scuffed, her nail polish always chipped, and, most frustratingly, her bones brittle, leading to constant risk of breakage and deep-set chronic pain.
"LADY MERA!" The cry came from her ever-present assistant, Indus Tarbella. A tall, very well-muscled man whose pants matched Mera's but whose deep-tan chest with its decorative tattoos was on full display, unhindered by any sort of shirt. A perky, spiky white haircut really brought out the expression of constant confusion in his eyes and the naïveté of his smile. He rushed to Mera, reaching for her hand. "Are you all right?"
"Don't TOUCH me, idiot!" Mera waved at him, careful not to actually strike him, because that would result in another injury for her. "I just broke my stinkin' finger. Ah, well, you win some, you lose some. And I'm not gonna let a little setback stop me from enjoying my NEWFOUND FREEDOM! Oh, Indus, we're free again to do whatever we want! Find the Arsene Amulet! Steal more Epithets! Scour this place to find a counter for this stupid pain! Hijack as much loot as we can get along the way! I dunno, maybe become king and queen of some remote village or something! NO LIMITS!"
"You could say…" Indus beamed. "There are no BARRIERS in the way!" He paused. "It is funny because my Epithet is named Barrier."
"…Yeah," Mera sighed. "Hilarious. Anyway, we can go anywhere! We can do anything! It's WONDERFUL! …Um, where do you want to go, and any ideas on what we can do?"
"My head is empty," Indus replied.
"Yeah, that's no surprise," Mera snarked. "Also, I'm kinda having a hard time thinking past this broken pinky. Kinda just wanna go to the hospital. How's that for an anticlimax?"
Kanade realized something. "My guess is you have a condition."
Mera knew how to play this smart. "Condition? I don't know what you're talking about."
Indus did not know how to play this smart. "Lady Mera, they must be referring to the fact that your Epithet causes you near-constant pain and makes your skeleton brittle!"
"WHY DON'T YOU PUT A BARRIER ON YOUR MOUTH?" Mera snapped.
"Must hurt," Kanade said. "In more ways than one. You're not like other people, so you went all the way with that. The world never played nice with you, so you stopped playing nice with the world."
"Yeah?" Mera retorted, folding her arms. "You got a problem with that? You a cop or something? I thought they all died in some freak demon accident."
"Actually, quite the opposite," Brandon said. "We're on a rather complex business venture, and we're looking for people with particular skills, wether or not they were acquired over a very long career or make you a nightmare for people is up for debate. You just so happened to catch our eye."
Mera raised a brow. "Well, this sounds shady as hell."
"We're a band of heroes, criminals, villains, murderers, cons, and glamour royalty of all kinds!" Hibiki cried triumphantly. "United by our desire to save this place and our extravagant pageantry!"
"Saving this place?" Mera replied. "Like, okay, that sounds pretty sweet and all, but I'm looking for something else first and foremost."
"A cure for your Epithet," Mikado replied.
"Bingo," Mera replied. "Without having to lose it completely, of course."
"Because you've come too far with it to take the easy win," Hibiki said with a nod.
"Because I've come too far with it to take the – " Mera flinched. "Wait. How did you KNOW?"
"Mera, Mera, Mera." Kanade sighed. "Look at me! What do you see?"
"A cute lady?"
"Yes, but what else?" Kanade urged.
Mera thought it over. "Cute…outfit?"
"I'm insane!" Kanade cried. "I am very, VERY screwed up! First of all, the fact that you didn't even comment on it makes me like you even more than I already did. And second, look up Melody Rhythm Curse! Do you know what most people ask when they see me? They ask 'What is holding this girl's mind together?'. For years of my life," Kanade ranted on, "I've been regarded as a monster! A killer! Even a crooked girl! And yet…here I am. Helping to save this world from being ruled by a terrorist group."
"Cool," Mera replied. "What does this have to do with me?"
"Really?" Kanade sighed. "Let me spell it out for you. You're not doing so hot right now. Nowhere to go, something fell through, not sure what your next step is, and, oh, that's right, your body feels like it's on fire. Pretty pathetic, but not too different of an origin story from the rest of our flock. We've learned how to work through weaknesses and turn them into strengths."
"And let me spell MY question out for YOU," Mera growled. "Can. You. Fix. My. CONSTANT. PAIN?!?!?"
"Actually, yes." Drakus replied, pulling out a pale purple vial. Mera sighed. "Well, bottoms up."
She accepted the vial, popping the cork with her good hand. Then she downed it in three swigs. "Tasty."
Mera could feel the subtle clicks of her bones fusing back together the way they should be, and her skeleton strengthening. She held up the afflicted hand, wiggling all the fingers. "Wow."
"But is that really what you want? Or would you rather live a life where you can achieve great things in spite of that pain? After all…when you DID plan on softening out that Epithet, what were you going to do?"
"Do?" Mera replied. And she realized she had no answer. "The cure is all I've ever looked for. I don't…I don't actually know what I wanna do when I get it." A long pause. "Huh."
"I think we have had a lot of fun on our adventures," Indus suggested. "Remember all those times you tricked people and stole things and were so happy about it?"
"Yeah," Mera said softly. "I guess…I'd still be a thief, or a con, or something."
"Now, this is important," Kanade urged. "Conscience? Yes or no."
"Please," Mera huffed. "The things I've done to get my cure? I had to abandon my conscience a long time ago."
"I just tune it out and don't think too hard about the moral implications of anything I'm doing!" Indus said happily.
"So you're saying this does sound interesting," Beep-0 noted with a smirk.
"…Yeah," Mera replied. "Because you know something? You're right. No frigging clue what I'm supposed to do once I've normalized out. Along the way, I guess I corrupted pretty bad. And honestly? Compared to the life I had before, playing the good girl and staying locked up in my room so I wouldn't get hurt?" She blinked a little too often. Hiding tears. "Crime's better, but this gig might be the best it's gonna get. By a long shot. So no. If I had my cure, I wouldn't give it up. I'm a thief, I'm a con, and I may or may not have a body count depending on what qualifies."
"I still do not think you were at fault for that one," Indus told her. "You may have wanted him to die, but no one could've expected that electric guitar to fall on that crossbow."
Mera shrugged. "It's the thought that counts."
"So you're in?" Drakus asked excitedly.
"We're in." Mera said, nodding and shaking Drakus' hand, smiling at the fact that she won't be on the verge of breaking again.
"Wait, is that SkekSil from Dark Crystal?!" Satsuki realized. "I thought he merged with his...Um, what's the word?"
"Mystic," SkekSil clarified in a smug falsetto. "UrSol was Mystic."
"Yeah, I remember that." Satsuki waved it off. "UrSol was a creature of peace and SkekSil was a creature of war. Together, they made up a complete being: SilSol. SilSol pretty much encompasses both halves…but this is purely SkekSil, with none of UrSol's influence."
"Think I see how it is," Iroha realized. "These…Mystics, was it? They were the good twin and the adorable bird man was the evil twin."
"Oh, no, no, no!" SkekSil argued, still smug as could be. "It is not so simple. We are evil Mystics, as they are FRUSTRATINGLY Skeksis who turned to peace and good. Heretic was one. Used to be a Conqueror until he decided he wanted such foolish fripperies as love and artistic fulfillment! Bah! Heretic was a weakling! Admittedly, I'm also a weakling, but an intricate mind makes up for a withered body. Which is why I know flattery when I hear it." He fixed a suspicious eye upon Iroha.
"Flattery?" Iroha replied. "I've always had a taste for the unusual, the…beautiful in more unique ways. And you might be one of the more unique things I've seen. You even look like a sculpture." She gave a wink.
SkekSil sighed, shaking his head. He looked at Kanade. "What is the title of the impudent girl in a beret?"
"She's my friend and a painter," Kanade replied. "I suppose the closest profession in your society would be an artist."
"The artist is strangely jovial, yet I sense that the archivist is manipulative," SkekSil wondered. "No one is allowed to be more manipulative than me. But perhaps we shall see just how far the artist is willing to take her flattery."
"I still don't get it," Nikei admitted. "If you're not good and evil, then what's the split?"
"In all beings," SkekSil explained, "there are two desires. One is to create. It is a passive desire that requires little ambition. Mystics are the desire to create and avoid the battle. Mystics sequester themselves, working on useless skills while hiding like cowards. The other desire, the Skeksis desire, is to HAVE. Skeksis pursue action and conquest! Skeksis operate on a much superior desire to possess only the best that can be had! Power, immortality, wealth and territory! Of course, respect is a bonus."
"Well now," Beep-0 realized, "a good fit for our association. Though I feel like skekSil has an interesting history."
SkekSil frantically waved both hands; "It is a story for another time! Do not need to know Chamberlain's past, no! Will learn later! It is not important NOW!"
"Is that…reluctance?" Kanade teased. "Are you not willing to boast of your many victories?"
"Moment is about this hero group," SkekSil said quickly. "Chamberlain should hold tongue and not intrude upon such important exposition."
"Yeah, you messed up and don't wanna talk about it, huh?" Iroha asked.
"You DARE!" skekSil barked.
"Well, don't you worry about that one single stitch," Kanade told him. "After all, you seem to know what you're doing and love to laugh. Plus I did some bad stuff too, like murder and maiming. Though I mostly murdered people close to Hibiki."
"Interesting." SkekSil cocked his head. "What are Musician's other dark deeds, exactly? Perhaps Chamberlain could be persuaded to divulge some of own…"
"Nice try," Kanade told him. "How about for now, you keep yours and I keep mine?"
SkekSil thought it over. While Kanade's furtiveness could've implied that she had only been trying to flatter SkekSil…it more likely meant that she really was telling the truth, and not about to admit something very embarrassing.
Then, a man in a full black ensemble, Sho Minamimoto, along with a girl dressed in a full pastel ensemble, Coco Atarashi, woke up and yawned. They had just had the most amazing dream.
They dreamt that this guy told Sho how they could create Taboo noise, and become the next composers, got killed by some red-haired hectopascal, got better, went on a vicious rampage, and were about to kill the Composer when they got crushed by a telephone booth.
"Wait a nanosecond!" He said, "That was no dream! That was our victory equation!"
He kicked his feet against the ground. "And we would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling undefined variable…"
Sho then scratched his head, and looked in every direction. Where were they, anyway? "Argh! Stupid composer! Stupid subtracting-us-for-real irrational integer!" Sho jumped up and down repeatedly in frustration. Then he got to his knees, looked at the band of misfits in front of him and screamed, "WHAT THE ZETA!?"
"Your name, dude?" Nikei asked, slightly freaked out.
"The name's Sho," he said with a toothy smirk, hands in his jacket pockets. "Sho Minamimoto. Would-be Composer."
"And I'm Coco!" the younger girl called out. "Coco Atarashi! Also would-be Composer."
"Composer?" Iroha wondered. "Isn't that a music term?"
"Yeah, but we ain't it," Sho replied. "We were GONNA be it, but some NULL managed to shut me and Coco down like we were less than prime!"
Coco put on a dramatic pout, beleaguered. "I'd give you a cookie," she lamented, "but I eated it. And you gotta admit, our past before here didn't exactly let us smell like roses! You were pretty sus from the start. And the same goes for me! LOL!"
"Yeah, well, I mighta pulled a coup or two back on our homeworld." Sho adjusted his hat. "What can I say? Any old idiot can drop an apple. We were born to drop the MOON."
Kanade put up her hand. "Start from the beginning. WHERE are you from?"
"The whole matrix used to be plotted on Shibuya," Sho explained. "Probability's low that it was any Shibuya you knew. The world matrix is INFINITE! Which makes the possibilities for a guy like me BEYOND INFINITE! But then our world was deleted. Long story involving the head honcho and our little Mersenne number here."
"He calls me that because I'm less than prime!" Coco laughed. "LOLOLOLOLOL!"
"Less than two to the power of a prime," Sho said flatly. "So even LESS than less than prime."
"Mersennes can be prime." Iroha said.
"Anyway, with our city kaput, we were brought here! The UG changed, and Coco and I are integers in the equation again! We're Reapers, see."
"a.k.a. Shinigami!" Coco clarified.
"Oh, Japanese death gods," Kanade muttered.
"Gods is right!" Sho crowed. "Well, we WERE gods, we traded that away to become Noise! A pure frequency of cacophony!"
"Wait, is that nova chrome?" Iroha wondered, half to herself. The borg looked to the side and down at her.
"You say something?" he asked, in a deep, sinister voice that was more machine than man. Iroha jumped slightly, her hair going a bit wild, and looked up.
"Oh, I was just saying your chrome is nice, sir." she said.
"Arasaka's finest," the borg said, looking back down. He looked back at Iroha. "You're Iroha Nijiue, right?" If Iroha had been unsettled before, she was now very, very scared, between those two statements; his expression and general demeanor reflected that, as she backed away,
"I... how do you know that? Do you work for them?" she asked, stepping back, whimpering, Kanade stood beside her in a defensive stance, ready to fight head-on, even if it meant that she would get hurt while her friend escaped.
"Calm down, young one," the borg said. "What, do you think they'd honestly send me to go hunt you down? That'd be a joke. A nuclear bomb to swat a fly. I'm off the clock, and I just asked for personal interest."
"If this guy tries anything, I swear-" The guitarist began, but cut herself off when she saw the thing walk towards the small girls.
To their surprise, the borg didn't try to attack them. Instead, he looked both ways first to make sure that nobody saw, then took something out of one of his plates.
Iroha gasped in excitement as she grabbed the caramel candy out of his hands and held it close. "Adam! You're alive!" She exclaimed, running up and hugging the man.
"Um, who's he?" Kanade asked, relaxing her posture to a casual form.
"This is Adam Smasher. He was one of my guards, but he occasionally slipped me sweets while using his body to block the view of the camera. He was nice to me! Even if he had a shady past with Arasaka, like murder, assault and possible war crimes." The painter chirped before unwrapping the caramel and popping the candy in her mouth.
"So, if he's here and considered family, does that mean that all the other guards and the rest of Iroha's family are dead?" The guitarist questioned, and Adam silently nodded. "Well, that's great! Oh, I'm her friend, along with these guys." She informed, and he nodded again with a smile, gently rubbing Iroha's back as she continued to hug him.
"I see that Kanade's someone who can handle a Sandevistan, which isn't the most common thing in the world," Adam explained. "And I never liked those prissy jackasses, anyhow." Iroha burst out laughing, almost completely lowering her guard, and despite the full-borg's frame not being the most expressive, Kanade could tell Adam wasn't here for a fight.
"Are you here with anybody?" Iroha asked.
"I usually drink alone," the borg said.
"If you want the company, you're welcome to come join us." Kanade said. The borg stood there for a moment, considering it.
"I think I'll take you up on that offer," he said.
Just then, the porcupine man and penguin man stood up, the porcupine man revealing he was African-American, had a black hat and shirt, blue pants and was carrying a whip, while the penguin man showed that he was wearing black lumberjack boots. Roman then saw that it was his and Neo's partners in crime. "PECOS! ROALD!"
Pecos then turned around and saw Roman and Neo. "My hoes!" Pecos exclaimed with a smile and a Mexican accent.
Roald stumbled to his feet and smiled at Roman. "Roman, my dude!" He exclaimed in a New York accent. "You're back on the streets!"
Roman turned back to his cohorts, gesturing toward Pecos. "These two are Pecos Prickles and Roald D. Flipper, the freaks that are basically my little brothers who think me and Neo will blow up if we're left alone for two seconds." he introduced.
Behind his back, Pecos chuckled and stuck out a tongue while Roald chuckled.
Roman turned back to Pecos and Roald, and back into his mouth the tongue went. "So I see YOU survived," he remarked.
Pecos nodded, then stared at Roman and Neo. "And you're kicking too, it seems."
"Yeah, us too," he confirmed.
"You heard anything from Junior?" Roman asked.
"Can't say I have." Roald explained.
Roman was practically giddy. "How would you like to come work with us? Our new pals are mean on the battlefield AND the dancefloor. Though you have to be on the good side. But hey, better than the twin Ashes, I say."
Pecos and Roald nodded with enthusiasm, looking over the group.
"Do they even know what he's getting into?" Kanade asked.
"Do we know what we're getting into?" Drakus replied.
"You are not gonna regret this," Roman told the others. "Pecos has two specialties: control over light and killing things. While Roald can make anything out of ice and chat his way into any room."
"And the other two are?" Drakus asked.
"Dr. Albert Krueger, certified dream therapist, also a serial killer." The man dressed in red and white, Albert Krueger, said.
"My name's Taylor Lee." The person in a dark blue jacket, Taylor Lee, added.
"With all the energy of a pair of Final Girls." Momoko remarked.
"Ugggghhh!" Taylor groaned. "Not. A. GIRL!"
Roman snapped his fingers, pointing at them; "They/them?"
"Wha – " Taylor's eyes widened. "You are the FIRST one to get that right. I mean, I guess I get it, but I was afraid for a minute I'd have to chop off all the hair to look more GNC. And I like my hair."
"Hair is an ultimately personal feature that shouldn't conform to any gender standards, I personally don't see why I can't rock a ponytail." Drakus remarked, running a hand through his own.
"I do apologize for the mistake." Momoko said, sincerely.
"Fair warning to Taylor," Kanade said. "You're with some strange people."
"Hey, I never did anything wrong!" Taylor snapped at Kanade. "That was ALL Al! I just made friends with the wrong guy!"
"Oh, no, we're not NICE," Kanade corrected. "Actually, we'd better get that out of the way right now. To make a long story short – " She pointed to herself, then pointed at the others. "I'm a serial killer, Mikado, Nikei, Iroha, Emma and Hajime used to break into Hope's Peak's forbidden zones, Syobai provided contraband, Dr. Nefarious tried to take over a galaxy, Roman, Pecos, Roald and Neo were thieves, N, V, J and Shockwave committed murder, with Shockwave having committed terrorism and numerous illegal experiments before joining with N, V and J, Mimi and Sheshe worked for a terrorist and a cult leader, Bangray did poaching, Jeeves robbed people of their blood, Archibald tried to commit genocide on trolls, Grinch stole Christmas, Linda worked for a crime organization, Mera and Indus did some fraud and robbery with one murder to their name, SkekSil stole people's life energy, Adam did some shady stuff like murder and assault and Yoruko worked in a bar underage."
"Don't ask." Yoruko explained.
"How did Musician learn that?!" SkekSil asked, shocked. "You must be psychic."
"Wow." Albert needed a moment for all of that to sink in. "I, um…committed some murders because the people I killed made me angry."
"And I'm just slowly finding out that I'M A MAGNET FOR THIS!" Taylor groaned. "Why are ALL of my friends like this?"
"Explain why you're a magnet for this." Kanade demanded
"Well, I was a normal college student having a normal life, when some kind of hitman came after me because of Albert here. See, he was in some deep shit. I mean, the man tried to kill me or turn me into a Dream Eater, and I guess it turned out he actually managed that second one somehow. Anyway, he was tied up in some conspiracy involving his crazy ex, and THAT'S another story, but as many times as he's tried to kill me, he's still my friend for some fucking reason. I'm starting to think I just attract this type. So G4 sends a hitman to juice info out of me, I don't talk because he finally started wanting me alive so now I want him alive, and then, next thing you know, we're here." Taylor explained.
"And with that, evil boy genius Jack Spicer completes his thousandth Jack-Bot!" he declared, lifting his goggles up to rest on his forehead. "I now have an unstoppable army! Who even needs Hannibal Roy Bean, Chase Young, or Wuya anyway? Especially Wuya." He put on a high, raspy voice. "Don't do this, Jack Spicer! Don't do that, Jack Spicer! You're an idiot, Jack Spicer! Stop making fun of me, Jack Spicer! My voice doesn't sound like that, Jack Spicer!" He went back to his default range. "Well, I'm my own man now, and that's how it's gonna stay from now on! I'd like to see Wuya even try and win me back! She could walk right up to me in the middle of the street, and I'd tell her, right to her face – "
He turned around.
There, at the heart of wherever here is, stood a dragon boy, along with a host of strangers.
Jack Spicer completed his sentence with a long, high-pitched scream.
The X-Squad had to wait it out. When Jack finally ceased screaming, he yelped, "DON'T…SNEAK UP ON ME…LIKE THAT!"
"But it's gonna get hilarious," Kanade countered.
"Okay, let's cut to the chase," Jack sighed. "Who are you, what do you want, and no."
"No?"
"I want to know what you want," Jack clarified, "but no matter what it is, the answer is NO."
"We're the X-Squad, I'm Drakus Hydrax, that's Julie Hinikawa, Zap, Neo Politan, Asami Uehara, Roman Torchwick, Archibald Snatcher, Hibiki Otonokoji, Kanade Otonokoji, Shinji Kasai, Syobai Hashimoto, Hajime Makunouchi, Yuri Kagarin, Kokoro Mitsume, Yoruko Kabuya, Sora Akashi, Setsuka Chiebukuro, Iroha Nijiue, Emma and, Nikei Yomiuri, Pecos Prickles, Roald D. Flipper, J, V, Uzi, N, Shockwave, Sho Minamimoto, Coco Atarashi, Haijime Aoyama, Satsuki Miayanoshita, Momoko Koigakubo, Keiichiro Miayanoshita, Amanojaku, Leo Kakinoki, Metal Gear Rex, Louise De La Vallière, Will Vandom, Ghostface, Celestia Ludenberg or Taeko Yasuhiro, whichever you want, Muty, Harry, David, Robin, Emily, Kelsey, Lily, April, Chloe, Laura Bodewig, Brandon Tran, Linda aka Underling, Mine, Lark Cyclonis, Sapphire Ink, Montgomery Gator, Aria Grundel, Jasmine Queenston, Alestor, Bangray, Jeeves Weevil, Taylor Lee, Albert Krueger, David Livesey, Mimi, Sheshe, Lila Rossi, Namue, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Beep-0, Rabbid Mario, Rabbid Peach, Rabbid Luigi, Mera Salamin, Indus Tarbella, SkekSil, Adam Smasher, Fred, Dahlia, Jake, Max and Grinch." Drakus explained.
"Okay, wait a minute," Jack interrupted. "I just heard you say you work with someone named Sapphire Ink. That's not a real name."
Snatcher let out a sigh of relief; for once, it hadn't been he who was mocked.
"And was that other guy's last name SNATCHER? Because that's not real either."
So much for that.
"Making fun of my friends, are we?" Drakus asked, holding his hands to his sides. "That's a bad idea." Both hands ignited with electricity.
Jack let out another scream before screeching, "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! DON'T HURT ME! ESPECIALLY NOT IN THE FACE! I HAVE SENSITIVE SKIN THERE!"
"Well, he could be easy to order around and he actually has a gift when it comes to robots." Lila realized.
"Heyyyyy!" Jack whined, stepping back out from behind his protective robot. "I'm not so easy to order around anymore! I already told you that whatever you want, the answer is no!"
"What I want," Drakus clarified, "is to add you into an organization bent on saving this world from a psychopathic terrorist."
Jack blinked. "Okay, now I know you're lying."
"I am being very sincere," Drakus sighed. "We are planning a course to the stronghold of an evil organization led by a psychopath collecting magical animals called Dailons and magical star creatures called Sparks, and we need all the help we can get. You've served this Wuya person well enough in the past. You can do it with me."
"It sure has been boooooring since the Xiaolin Warriors took all the Shen Gong Wu," Ashley – better known as Katnappé – sighed. "I swear I'm going to just die if nobody comes along with a job for us."
"Then stop complaining and go for them yourself," Tubbimura responded as he moved his own piece.
"And take all four of them and their dragon on my own?" Katnappé whined. "That would be hard on an ORDINARY day. Now there were all those monsters in the streets."
"I have resolved not to let them stop me," Tubbimura insisted.
"Stop you from doing what?" Katnappé asked. "Have you even DONE anything since the Heylin broke up?"
"I've done…things!" Tubbimura grunted. "Lots of things!"
"Name one."
"I…you…they're secret things!"
"Nice work getting rid of that Bob-omb, I was worried it'd KA-BOOM the poor creature I found!" A Rabbid wearing an orange and purple ensemble said. "See, the door to the lighthouse can only be unlocked by the sun. With it gone, we can't get inside... NORMALLY. Lucky for you, this clever little critter can make its own light! Watch, I'll show you!"
Then, he untied the bag he was carrying, and out came a shining Spark along with a glowing white tiger cub that freaked out before flying towards a sun with a black spot in the middle, which then rose into a temple.
"Quick, everyone, follow that unknown integer!" Sho said.
Then the misfits rushed into the temple, just as another Spark, this time with a fire motif, bumped into Coco.
"Watch where ya going, ya noob! I could've pwned you like nothing!" Coco said.
"You gotta win this battle so I can leave with you. Else I'm stuck here!" The spark, Pyrostar said.
"You know, we were following a different Spark along with a glowing tiger earlier but...the more the merrier!" Beep-0 said.
"Here's a tip - the bad guys on this particular battlefield are pretty apathetic. Get to the other end of the battlefield and they'll give up!" Pyrostar explained.
"Not dealing with those hectopascals, today. INFINITY!" Sho said, shooting the Scopers and Fanglars dead with a megaphone, then just walking through the doorway, the X-Squad following behind.
Then, 6 mysterious figures jumped down, shushing Augie, and then heading into the temple.
Meanwhile, the X-Squad were walking through the temple, when Drakus picked up and put on a wristband that summoned a screen of a sort of Twitch Chat in the real world. The X-Squad and Rabbid Luigi (Except for Mario, Luigi, Peach, Rabbid Mario, Rabbid Peach and Beep-0) got the same wristband on their hands and were as confused as the chat.
One user broke the silence with the first question of many. [Yo, is that a fuckin dragon boy along with other fictional characters and whack jobs?]
[i think it is]
[where's the camera? in the hands?]
[what kind of person puts a camera in their hand?]
"Probably us, chat." Drakus said.
"There! I saw the Spark of Light! It went over that big ol' crevice!" Rabbid Luigi said, pointing towards a crevice.
"Hmm... Perhaps we could cross over it with that plank, but we'd need to raise the water level there somehow..." Beep-0 wondered.
"Maybe we should move those blocks, that might work." Roman suggested.
"That is true." Laura realized.
Then, the X-Squad got to moving blocks, getting the ravine, and allowing passage across.
[AY YO POGS IN THE CHAT THESE GUYS MADE A RIVER]
[PogChamp]
[PogChamp]
[PogChamp]
[look at these future architects! Never thought Kanade would be one.]
"That is true." Kanade stated.
After wandering the caves, our heroes meet the Spark of Light, who was scared at first, before Mario and Hibiki walk towards it calmly, the Spark smiles, then gets pulled into the waterfall by a tentacle of darkness.
[OH SHIT, HENTAI GOT THE CINNAMON ROLL STAR]
[HERESY]
[SAVE THE STAR BABY]
[imma add to the therapy fund] x 500 bits
"Please do, we need the beer." Hibiki said.
"I need the nog." Grinch said.
"Where do you keep essence?" SkekSil asked.
[good on you]
[how much do you think we can get for the star on the dark web?]
[dude,what the fuck?]
"Probably around 69 pounds." Robin suggested.
[Owa damn!]
[jeez. we need to save the star somehow]
Then, the X-Squad jumped through the waterfall, posing psychotically while Rabbid Peach dried her hair with a blow-dryer.
[okay who wants to crusade a temple?]
[DEUS VULT]
[DEUS VULT]
[DEUS VULT]
[DEUS VULT]
[DEUS VULT]
[finally, an excuse to punt hentai]
[DEUS VULT]
[DEUS VULT- wait what?]
[you know what i said coward]
"DEUS VULT!" The image of Drakus shouted on the computer Commander Khan watched as the mass of darkness swung the Spark of Light around like a flail, causing untold damage to the temple and the immediate surroundings. He then turned to Agent J and those other two guys whose names I can't recall.
"Agents!" the commander began, "A dragon boy named Drakus Hydrax needs your help! Your mission is to dance well enough to drive him to kick some butt. Any questions?"
The unnamed guy on the left raised his hand. "Um… sir? We don't have any songs for fighting monsters."
"Oh, really?" The commander looked skeptical. "Are you sure?"
"I checked." Said Agent J. "What should we do, sir?"
"I want you to find one dammit!" replied Khan. "What do I pay you guys for, anyway?"
"Hurry! We've got to go after that Spark of Light!" Beep-0 exclaimed.
"Indeed - without the Spark, we will not be able to enter the lighthouse." JEANIE agreed.
"JEANIE, that is far from the only reason we should save that poor creature." Beep-0 chastised.
"Obviously. Defeating the Darkmess Tentacle will also provide us with one of two purified Darkmess Energy Crystals we need." JEANIE explained. "However, this creature's higher density of Darkmess energy as compared to Puddles means our enemies will be more formidable."
Beep-0 sighed. "That's what I get for buying an "off-the-shelf" Al empathy module to save time."
Taylor sighed. "Listen, I'm SURE it could back up the fact that Albert, before all this, is the weirdest guy you'd ever meet."
[Ayo, TayBert real?]
[Age is just a number dude.]
[No, we all don't want another Haiji Towa.]
[Cringe Haiji]
"No, chat." Taylor cringed. "Albert is way older than me, technically my therapist, and also I ship him way too hard with Vincent. Seriously, you should've heard the man go on about him. No, it's more like…" They seemed to shrink a little. "Since graduating, I didn't have that many real friends. Most of them left. Hell, I left too. I hadn't made many new friends at college, and my parents were…supportive, I guess. But I only had one person I felt comfortable really talking to about things. Sometimes, if I had a shit day, or a good day but no one to tell, I'd dash him off an email and he'd write back all these reactions like it was the most interesting thing ever, since he didn't have any friends either."
Then, Taylor thought it over, then shrugged. "What the hell? I'm stuck with you guys and there's nowhere to go but up."
"So there won't be any moral conflicts?" Kanade asserted to Taylor.
"No, there won't." Albert replied. "I once sent Taylor a selfie and I forgot I had a pile of entrails on the floor in the background. Then I sent them an email asking them to please ignore the entrails and also to tell me how to edit them out of the photo. They didn't call the cops then, they wouldn't now. Let's just say they're used to it."
"The Asymptote is right!" Sho glared at the tentacle mess. "That inverse tangent yoinked that star into a mess of an equation, we gotta go after it!"
The X-Squad jumped into the tentacle, then saw that the Spark of Light was at the end of a long wasteland like road.
"Oh God, we have to Mad Max this shit, huh?" Satsuki asked.
"Well, let's hope Jesus is on our side for this." Momoko stated.
"I feel like God has forsaken us long ago, Momoko!" Adam said.
"Welp, time to make a rush to the end of this equation." Sho resigned himself to this fate.
"If Augie made this, GG! He deserves a cookie!" Coco realized.
The X-Squad then took an RV, painted it black, blue and gold with dragon wings, lots of booster engines (some from Fast and Furious), and set out into the wasteland.
Somewhere in a disclosed location, we got some people wearing white robes and pointed hoods in an underground bunker. Confederate and Nazi flags are hung with many portraits of Nazi commanders along with Hitler, Confederate generals, many racist radicals and detailed pictures of people of different races other than white being treated harshly, as if they were slaves. Even pictures of the Imperium of Man from Warhammer 40,000 killing aliens, Chaos worshipers and mutants while wearing more Christian symbols than the other symbols used in WH40K. In this wooden bunker, candle chandeliers light the room by candle light along with small, electrical lamps on some of the wooden beams that support the room. At the front, there is a large, brass Christian cross with a golden figure of Jesus Christ with a red liquid leaking out from the eyes and areas where the steel nails are. The room is filled with stone chairs that are twenty across and twelve down, filled with all members of this organization that are awaiting their leader, who is now approaching the podium. All members seem to be members of the Ku Klux Klan, yet some look like they're claymation of some show. The leader is also a claymation figure, wearing the same white outfit yet has a large cross with a red ruby at the center, while also wearing a golden disc on his head, meant to be a halo. The leader then makes a speech to his ill-minded followers as he speaks from the podium.
"My fellow followers." the man speaks in a similar manner to someone from the 1950's, "The apocalypse is here. But do not fret, for we are god's chosen. Loved by Jesus, who had blessed us with many who follow his teaching." Not really since people like these followed how he died. "Today, we are going to rebuild America the way it is meant to be. A land ruled by the Protestants! Not by liberals, people of different colors, devil rockers, or those stupid FUCKING HIPPIES! It belongs to those that follow the teachings of the cross. We will free America, and remake this land the way that our southern forefathers intended it to be!"
The crowd cheers with religious fervor. Raising their hands and standing on the chairs.
"We will also kill those that stand in the way! The open minded Catholics! The Jews and Muslims! The descendants of the immigrants that ruin this nation by demanding that we treat them as equals instead of animals! But we are now plagued by mutants and aliens created by these so-called people! Including the demons that we are supposed to be fighting against! We will-"
"Sir!" one of the members came bursting in all flustered, "We have animals trespassing close to our sacred site!"
"ROUND UP OUR VEHICLES AND WEAPONS!" the leader ordered with a thunderous voice, "We have disgusting degenerates to kill in the name of Christ!"
The leader then looks through binoculars at the RV with Sho at the front.
"That's them!" he speaks as he head backs in. "Start the engines, brothers! We got some illegal immigrants to teach them their proper place: buried in the ground!"
A fleet of Dodge trucks start their engines with some driving old army jeeps, army trucks and motorcycles with the same symbols of religious racism on them as they head out. Same with those that look like they're in claymation.
Riding through the wasteland, Sho notices something on the radar he installed. He takes a closer look and sees multiple dots coming in from the southeast.
"What the zeta?" Sho muttered.
Kanade leans over, "What's up?"
"I'm getting multiple integers on the radar."
Hibiki looks at the radar screen, "That can't be right." She then opens the back window of the rig to take a good look.
Hibiki looks to the southeast and is in total surprise by what she sees. She sees what is best described as the KKK coming down on them with everything that they got.
"Oh shit!" she says before a bullet hits the door of the RV. "Oh god!" she looks back, "WE GOT TROUBLE!"
[the offer of buying the star to the dark web still stands]
[monkey]
[dude, no]
Kanade is already loading a rocket launcher, "So I heard!"
"Heads up! We got company!" Monty said.
"What kind?" Drakus asked.
The right sideview mirror gets shot.
"THE WORST KIND!" Albert shouted.
Drakus looks at where the shot came from and sees the KKK coming down.
"Oh hell no!" Julie gets upset. "Those assholes shot the rig!"
Sho put the RV to auto pilot as he tries to get the rig away from the KKK as fast as he can. One of the clan members fired an RPG at the RV, yet it missed.
"Fuck!" Haijime swears from the close call, "This is why I don't wanna head to the southern parts of the States!"
Leo corrected, "But we're in another dimension! Aren't they supposed to be burning crosses in the swamps or something?"
"Beats the hell out of me! But those fuckers should stay in the southeast and die faster than the plague victims in Egypt during Moses' time!" Momoko vented.
"Didn't take you for a potty mouth, Momoko." Satsuki realized.
"I was with you guys for a while, and I kinda realized that I had to tone down on the right wing." Momoko explained.
"What is going on out there?! I spilled coffee on my pants!" Nikei asked.
"Those motherfuckers just damage the rig!" Julie explained
"What mofo's?!"
"Racist, white robe wearing assholes that wear Confederate flags on their vehicles!"
"Wait, you mean-" Nikei was interrupted by a loud whack to the side of the trailer that nearly yanked him from the chair, "OW!" he spilled more of his coffee, "Dammit!"
[OH FUCK]
[WE GONNA DIE]
[oh my god it's the Klan]
"We can see that, chat!" Taylor shouted.
[bro i'm screaming]
[oh god i think i'm going to have trauma around this]
[so will they, man]
[they need a therapist]
[i'm on it]
Kanade opens up the hatch and arms herself with her guitar. She aims at the nearest vehicles and opens fire while Haijime makes an energy shield to protect the RV. Kanade guns down a few motorcyclists and one of the trucks. Amanojaku also activated a shield ability to protect the RV from further damage as Sho slams one of the jeeps with it. Causing it to be flipped over.
"Ye-hah!" Julie cheers, "That's what you get for ruining the baby!"
In the rig, Coco opens a case, "Bingo! XD" and pulls out her weapon.
(The fact that the X-Squad and the chat now knew, somehow, that she can verbalize emoticons was weird to say the least.)
"Hey Coco, I'm getting a divorce because my wife is having sex with a erected moth. Can you please help me? Thanks." A Text-To-Speech voice said.
"Not sure if I can, but I'll try." Coco said.
The weapon she is holding looks like a minigun yet the barrel looks more like a cannon. Coco and Uzi fired shots at one of the trucks. What happened is that there is an electrical charge in Coco's gun that fired the projectile at lightning speed, almost like a railgun. Actually, it is a railgun. The truck exploded into dozens of pieces and killed the people in it. Roasting them to nothing but skeletons.
"FINALLY! ROFL! ROFL! LMAOOOOOOO!" Coco screams with joy, "I FINALLY GET TO USE MY RAILGUN!"
[YOOOOOOOOOOO]
[The drone packing heat!]
[So is Coco!]
[I swear they got that dawg in them!]
[what]
[THE ABSOLUTE MADLADS]
[jesus fucking christ the balls on these two]
"That is true, chat, I witnessed the gun's power first hand." J said, then shuddered.
A few bullets from a machine gun mounted on a jeep almost hit her and got the right side door.
"Oh fourth quarter profits!"
That one jeep is directly behind the RV and is about ready to take it down. But Kanade manages to fire her guitar at the driver, causing it to swerve out of control before crashing into a truck.
"Hey, uh, am I the only one that notices that some of the guys look like clay dolls!?" Pecos asked.
"Yeah!" Iroha said as she heads up to the front seat and threw a few sticks of dynamite that were coming to the right, "What's up with that?!"
One of the trucks is speeding on Kanade's side of the RV with the passenger saying, "Prepare to die, you filthy immigrants!"
Snatcher fired his revolver and double head shots the passenger and driver.
One of the motorcyclists got close to Pecos' side of the RV, "Your kind doesn't belong here!"
The one riding behind the driver says, "Yeah, black lives don't matter here in our America."
Pecos' whip turns into a MG-42 and fires at the motorcycle. Causing it to catch fire, lose control and explode six feet away.
Pecos angrily shouts, "TIME TO DIE, YOU RACISTA BASTARDOS!"
Another motorcycle pair then tries to climb onto the RV and try to pry the roof open. But thanks to his shielding, they can't get in. Pecos put his hand out the window with his gun and fires at the two on top.
"STAY THE MIERDA OFF OF THE RV!"
On the driver side of the RV, many machine gunners on the trucks and jeeps try to shoot at the RV. When they realize that they aren't putting a dent into the RV, they are confused about what is going on. However, a rocket came out of nowhere and destroyed them. In actuality, it came from Pecos as he controls the rockets via manipulating the light to direct them.
"Take that, pendejos!" Pecos says.
[what is he saying? he's talking too fast]
"You'll get used to it." Roald snarked, shooting any Klan member that comes close to the RV with his axe/M1 Garand.
[light em up pogchamp]
[damn going for the any% carnage speedrun?]
IceCream Maiden: [Have you seen Pecos before?]
Gator: [Welp, those bastards got the death boom.]
Momoko walks up to the front armed with a heavy machine gun, also from Doom: Eternal. As she looks at the opposition, one of the claymation KKK had their masks on backwards yet removed it. Momoko looks at the figure and immediately recognizes him. The man has black dots on his angry clay eyes, and has neat brown hair and eyebrows.
"Is that...Clay Puppington from Moral Orel?!" Momoko says as she recognizes the character.
"What's Moral Orel?" Zap asks.
"THAT'S RIGHT!" Clay shouts, "PREPARE TO BE DESTROYED, FILTH! PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE WHAT'S DESTROYING A-"
BOOM!
Clay and his fellows were killed in an explosion. From the west, they had more problems to deal with.
[OH MY GOD]
[lol]
[kek]
[HE DID NOT]
"Yeah he did." Jack said.
[OMEGALUL]
[OMEGALUL]
IceCream Maiden: [LMAO]
[HE DID THO BRO]
[HE'S DED]
[OMEGALUL]
[ULTRAOMEGALUL]
[BRO I'M DYING]
"Let's hope not." Mera snarked.
[BRO I CAN'T BREATHE]
[HE A PUDDLE]
"Uh-oh." Momoko says as she sees the new enemies arriving.
What is arriving are Bandits from Borderlands with their vehicles such as Cheta Paws, Out Riders, Bandit Technicals, Cara-Vans and Skagzilla Technicals. On one of the technicals, there is a bandit badass psycho standing on a tower of speakers that stands about three stacks while having his shoes strapped on it and playing an electric guitar.
"What the fuck?" Satsuki says as she sees this new opposition. "Are those...bandits from Borderlands?"
"Hey, uh, guys?" Kanade said, "We have more company."
"Yeah, we can see it." Amanojaku says.
"Actually, we got something coming from the rear." Shinji explained.
Haijime says, "Giggity Giggity."
Coming from behind, another fleet of vehicles are joining in to add to the chaos. They are a bunch of regular cars that are painted black yet some of them have graffiti on them. Some say, 'Man Yes!', 'Michael Bay Iz #One', a female symbol with a red circle and a diagonal slash, and many testosterone, anti-women messages. And another fleet with regular cars painted pink yet some have graffiti on them. Some say 'Girl Yes!', 'Twilight Iz #One', a male symbol with a red circle and a diagonal slash, and many anti-men messages.
"We got meninists and feminists." Satsuki said, just done with this.
In one of the vans, many of the men were wearing black leather jackets with spikes and Michael Bay movie shirts, some had more stereotypical nerdy outfits and one of them had thick black glasses.
"WOO!" they all say.
One in a nerdy blue sweater vest and tan slacks outfit says in a stereotypical nerdy voice, "Time for us to prove how manly we are!"
One guy in a biker outfit goes, "Man yeah! Kill every fucker and rape women into submission!"
"YEAH!"
In another van, many of the women were wearing pink leather jackets and Twilight shirts, some had more nerdy outfits. One even had thick glasses.
"EEEE!" they all say.
"Time to show them girl power!" One in a sweater and a plaid skirt said.
"Girl yeah! Kill the men and make the weaker ones submit!" Another in a biker outfit said.
"YEAH!"
Everyone was dumbfounded and confused about what Satsuki just said.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" SkekSil asked
"Meninists. Basically the opposite of feminists. In other words, older men that haven't gone past the age of eleven. In other words, whiny man-children. While some feminists are great, now though, it's just whiny woman-children or misandrists." Satsuki explained.
Snatcher is a bit disturbed, "So... Are they homosexuals?"
"No, no they are not." Brandon said.
[HE DID NOT]
[OMEGALUL]
[OMEGALUL]
[HE DID THO BRO]
[HE MAY HAVE BEEN ON THE PURE EVIL WIKI, BUT AS OF NOW, HE'S AN INNOCENT BOY]
"Well!" Snatcher straightened his coat, looking pleased as punch to receive such a compliment. "I thank you, dear chat."
Leo facepalms and says silently to himself, "This is the weirdest rip-off of Mad Max: Fury Road I've ever been a part of."
Haijime turned to Leo. "Did you say, Mad Max: Fury Road?"
"Yep, this is the weirdest thing ever." Leo stated.
Indus asks everyone, "Does anyone have a weapon I can borrow?"
Satsuki just spawns in the Unmakyr and gives it to Indus, "Here. Teach those morons a lesson."
"I will, for the honor of us."
Hibiki saw out the window again, "We also have another problem."
"Let me guess: SJWs." Kanade snarked.
"Nope. We got something and...um... Does anyone know any demons from a video game that involves heavy metal music?" Momoko asked.
Haijime answers, "Wait, is it the game Brutal Legend?"
Up ahead, they got a bunch of demonic-themed cars with some having the front as razor-sharp teeth and eyeballs for headlights. Many of them are painted red or the color of flesh with many BDSM demons driving or riding on them. Yet some of them look like demonic chariots with some having motor engines while others have giant demons similar to Bleeding Deaths that pull them and act like gorillas while charging. And we also got imps on motorcycles armed with bombs.
Hibiki facepalms and groans. "What the fuck...?"
"If you don't like that." Kanade said, "Pretty sure you're not gonna like what else is coming."
"Let me guess:" Adam said, "More tied up, leather wearing oddities?"
Over at the meninist side, one group sees a truck with a Punishing Party whipping their bulky, muscular slave that has spears on his back. The demon dominatrices use their tails to slash at him.
"HEY!" one of the more nerdier members say, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT! ONLY A MAN CAN DO THAT!"
"YEAH!" says one in a biker outfit, "YOU GIRLS SHOULD BE THE ONES BEING TREATED LIKE THAT!" So he pulls out a dumbbell and hits one of them by throwing it.
One of the female demons is knocked off and rolls out dead with a broken horn. The others look at the meninists in their van and are not happy.
"Uh-oh." they both say.
The slave demon takes out handfuls of spears and jumps onto the van. Many of the men screamed their dumbass soiled pants off and the slave demon stabbed the engine while Indus fired an Unmakyr blast at it, which caused it to explode. Taking some feminist vehicles with it.
Another meninist and feminist group in a truck is beside one of the KKK look at them from their own truck and sees two black guys and some black girls in it.
One of the Klan members points and screams, "FILTH! FILTH! THEY HAVE FILTH WITH THEM!"
So the KKK have their guns out and try to shoot at the meninists and feminists while the meninists and feminists shoot back.
Then we have the Triple K meeting with the Tainted Coil's Tick Choppers (imps on motorcycles) as one of them screams out, "DEEEEEMMMOOOOONS!" "PURGE THE DEMONS!" One of the Tick Choppers just threw a bomb and destroyed the Triple K and their truck while giving them the middle finger.One of the Bandits from Borderlands tried to steer some of the meninists off the road and vice-versa. That is until a Bandit midget goes kamikaze as it jumps off. Some of the bandits in a Cara-Van jump off from the roof and jump onto one of the demon chariots and try hacking and slashing with hatchets made from lawnmower blades. Lots of gunfire, rocket fire, screams and explosions fill the highway along with many wrecks and corpses that litter it. Over five miles, fire and smoke can be seen with the smell of burnt corpses from humans and demons. All four factions fight over the prize on the road that is getting further and further away as the fighting continues with ceaseless and senseless violence and mayhem.
Sho looks at the radar and says, "Heads up! More integers are coming in!"
Keiichirou babbles incoherently while Satsuki just facepalms, "Great." She says in a sarcastic tone, "So who else is joinin' us in this fuck fest?"
"My ex wife got a demon and they pulled the divorce papers out of the depths of hell, when I said I didn't have a pen they pulled one from a pentagram." The Text-To-Speech voice said.
Coming in are a bunch of vehicles that look like they do come from a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Many of the people driving them consist of people covered in white powder with some gray clay pigments around the eyes and mouth and look like they are drugged up and hyped for what they are about to do. Including this one truck with a lot of speakers on it with one guy that is deformed while wearing some red rags with one leg having some boot with straps on it while the other leg is exposed to reveal his white pale skin and wearing a skull mask. He is also playing a custom-made guitar as he plays it despite being blind with both eyeballs gone. Yes, this is the Coma-Doof Warrior. And yes, this is the War Boys/Cult of the V8 coming in.
In the Dodge Charger 1971 'Caltrop no.1', one of them happily screams, "WHAT A DAY! WHAT A LOVELY DAY!"
In the RV, Leo goes, "Soo... We're now under attack by Mad Max: Fury Road?"
Haijime says, "Oh, I loved that movie." Then he realized, "Oh shit."
Momoko pulls out a shotgun, "Yeah, I- Wait, I thought those guys only existed in Australia. Do all Mad Max movies take place in Australia?"
"They do, actually." Leo says as he tries to pick some form of bombs to use in his HUD. "Then why are they here?"
Everyone just shrugs with their arms up 'cause they have no idea why an Australian marauding cult would be on American soil.
Then Hibiki said, "And we have more shit coming."
Coming in from the west, there are strange people that look like life-size action figures. Which they are and riding in whatever post-apocalyptic vehicle that matches their themes. So there is a turkey with a red mohawk riding on a motorcycle while also wearing a leather jacket along with an ammo belt and metal shoulder pads. A motorcycle with a sidecar with the driver being a guy wearing a white sheet, being a Halloween ghost, with a red bandana. That, and he has chains on his torso. In the sidecar, with a shark's face painted on it, there was someone wearing a Jack-o-lantern mask with a black hood and cloak. There is a cupid with his wings replaced with miniature jet engines and is armed with a crossbow while also being bald and wearing an eye patch over his right eye. A shirtless, hatless Uncle Sam using the American flag as a cape while driving a dusty old ford with painted stars and stripes. Yet there is also a chaingun on the hood of the car and those bulldozer parts with spikes on the front. Dragging behind is some sort of cartoon tree action figure riding on a unicycle as he tries to catch-up. Yet the most strangest is a wooden carriage-like vehicle with spikes on a cylinder top and back along with six wooden reindeer silhouettes on the front. This vehicle is driven by a very muscular Santa Clause with a metal hockey mask, a red sash crossed with a metal ring with jingle bells, his Santa hat, and having red boots with white fluff on the rims.
"Ho-ho-ho!" Santa went as he whips the wooden reindeer over his mic.
Amanojaku looks over from the rear window of the RV and goes, "Is that the holiday icons from Robot Chicken's Holiday Road Warriors?"
The RV just comes to a complete stop as everything just went past them because they are too busy trying to kill each other. Uncle Sam fires a rocket at one of the Bandit's trucks that cause one of them to be flung. One Bandit saw the opportunity and sliced the head off of his fellow raider.
"YEE-HAA!" the guy went as he does a wheelie with his motorcycle. "Oh wait. I think I just killed Billy. Oops." Then gets shot in the head by one of Cupid's arrows.
Everyone in the RV just gawks and are confused on what the hell is going on with the chaos still going on in front of them.
Back to that chaotic, high-speed war; a member of the KKK looks at Uncle Sam with an RPG, but just couldn't fire.
He sighs, "Dammit! I can't kill Uncle Sam! He's an American icon!"
But Uncle Sam fired his gun at the jeep and killed all four members of the Klan. As Uncle Sam drives by the wreck, "Fuck you, assholes!" he flips the bird, "You guys are no longer American!"
The Arbor Day Tree tries to catch-up, but gets sliced in half by the bumper of the jeep flying at him. Santa Clause fires a rocket from his wooden sleigh carriage and destroys one of the Bandits' vehicles. One comes flying off as one of his buddies on a motorcycle cane in and sliced the guy's head off.
"HELL YEAH!" he cheers but realizes, "Wait. I think I just killed Billy. Oops!" he looks back, "I'm a team killing fucktard." But gets killed by one of Cupid's arrows.
A truck full of War Boys then started to attack the Thanksgiving Turkey with their sticks. But the Turkey grabbed one of them, yanked one that caused one guy to fall, and stuck it in one of the rear tires. This caused the truck to swerve out of control that crashed right into a Tainted Coil chariot and exploded. But one of the Bandits shot the front tire and caused him to crash. The front tire then crashes into the windshield of a Triple K car and kills the driver. Causing the car to swerve into a few Bandits, Tainted Coil, War Boys and other Triple K into one big giant mess of wrecks and bodies that stretch for almost a mile. Some managed to survive yet severely injured that they might die at any minute. So now the freeway is a huge mess of wrecks, bodies, blood, plastic/clay bodies, fake blood from those plastic/clay bodies, oil and gasoline set on fire, and many, many car parts.
Back at the RV, everyone just watched the massive battle of speed going further and further away and have no idea what to make of it as they just look at it slack-jaw at the carnage of bodies and metal.
"Um..." Sho said, "Did they just ignore us to go ahead and subtract each other?"
"Yep, they did." Brandon said.
[f for those dumbasses]
[f]
[f]
"That's our mood, chat." Emily said.
[f]
[f]
"Pay respect, chat." Setsuka said, then laughed.
"The carnage made those people disappear... magically." The Text-To-Speech voice said.
"O.O And now we need more therapy. But eh, X-Squad FTW!" Coco said.
Then, over a dune, 12 figures were watching through binoculars on a car shaped like a rabbit.
"Well congrats Gorath, the War Boys you had under your control got killed trying to get rid of the opposition. Hope you're happy." The gray skinned pirate, Kronos, said.
"Don't worry, Kronos. We'll get our prize soon enough." The monster with one eye and lots of tentacles, Shuma-Gorath, said calmly.
"And besides, we'll be ready for them when the time comes." The fish monster, Megafin said.
"Ummmm, yeah we are, Finny. They haven't seen us yet. No duh." The auburn haired girl, Birch Small said.
"Let's go before they see us, everyone, we wouldn't want to be attacked before preparation." The purple haired girl with sludge blotches on her, Calamity Plight, said.
"Amen to that, let's go. Our opening scene's not ready yet." The pale girl in a top hat and black and red ensemble, Ink Blotch, said.
"Now come on, better get back before Cheng comes back" The brunette in a circus themed ensemble, Yuika Iranami aka Chirol, said.
"No need, Ms. Yuika Iranami. You surely are a trustworthy person," said a voice as the 13 misfits turn around, revealing to be a Chinese man wearing pale white traditional Chinese attire with long braided black hair on the back, Cheng Daijin. "And as promised, my men will do the work of taking the legendary tiger's hide off as neatly as possible for Yuika to wear for my only interest is in the bones."
"Argh! Don't ye go scarin' me like that, Cheng! I almost saw me life flash before me eyes!" The man with gray hair and beard wearing a blue overall, a white shirt with red stripes, white gloves, black boots and a white cap, Taihei Isozaki aka Blackbeard, said in a seadog accent.
"Calm down, Blackbeard, we don't want to attract suspicion." The one in a pale yellow shirt and brown vest, a red tie, brown vest, gray pants and brown shoes, Satoru Roppo aka Prosecutor Ito, said, straightening his tie.
"Ya sure about that, Ito? All of us are wanted criminals." The man with dark blue cloud-like hair in a long blue jacket with red hems, a white undershirt with blue raindrops printed on it, dark green pants, black boots with gray sole, and sunglasses with red lens, Tsuyuharu Nyudo aka Vic, said in a snarky tone.
"That is true, I'm not going back to making mochi again." The rabbit, Monster Carrot, said, getting PTSD from being on the moon making mochi.
"Well, let's go everyone, it's time for us to get that Spark." The redhead girl in a pink and black ensemble, Circe, said.
The villains then drove off, the sound of dust blowing in the air.
Then the X-Squad hurried towards the Spark of Light, who smiled and floated toward them before some Fanglars, Feargulls, Clurkrahnnas, Buffoons, Soldier Heartless, Dusk Nobodies, Elfwolves and Stooges jumped down and tried to grab it.
On the other side of the room. A man, thin and pale, took a swig from a pint glass, which he then set delicately on a table. "Look at this crowd," he observed. "They just don't seem like they fit in, do they? Look at that dragon kid. What kind of idiot walks around this place wearing something that shows off how rich he is?"
A fluffy black cat sat on the other end of the table, his tail twitching. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" the cat asked.
The pale man, dressed all in black, grinned. "Easy pickings to rob."
The pale man, with the cat perched upon his shoulder, ducked and slithered through the temple of monsters, knowing now was his chance. He waited until Drakus was occupied with punching a Fanglar and helping Taylor and Rabbid Mario with the Stooges, then reached out and grabbed the enchanted bag along with the Spark of Light, spinning on a heel and charging into the waterfall with it.
[YOOOOOOOOO]
[MAN RUNNING POCKETS]
[PogChamp]
[PogChamp]
[PogChamp]
Drakus had felt the tug of the bag coming loose. "THIEF!" he suddenly cried. "HE'S STOLEN MY SHIT!" He bolted after him, heading for the waterfall. "He…will…PAY!"
[wait guys his bag got stolen]
[oh no]
[the thief's dead]
By that time, the X-Squad had knocked out the minions, so they decided to follow Drakus and the action right out the door.
The thief, Rémington Smisse, scrambled into the center. "Now, let's see what we've picked up…" As he opened the purse, his eyes widened.
"Let me see!" The cat, or, more accurately, Rémington's human brother Grany in the form of a cat, craned his neck to get a look. "Let me see! …What is that?"
"It's…full of who knows what," Rémington observed. "Some sort of clock with a panda on it, a chicken bone with gems on it…it's valuable, I think." He removed a miniature table and rocked it between his fingers. "Let's see what they do."
He chucked the table a few meters, at which point it expanded to its full size, revealing itself not only to be a perfectly functioning table but one with a marble top and ornately carved legs with gargoyle-head patterns: a relic Drakus' mentor, Avalonko, had picked up on an adventure long in the past because she knew it would be of use.
Rémington and Grany stared in awe at the Spark of Light. "Wonder what this is…" Rémington said reverently.
"YOU! THIEF!"
His attention was drawn by the shrill shriek of his name. He and Grany turned to see Drakus storming across the center toward them, smoke practically coming out of his nostrils. As he got closer, his Drakonian instincts kicked in, and lightning came out of his nostrils.
"You think you can just take my mentor's bag and then GET AWAY WITH IT?" Drakus raged.
"I, er…" Rémington backed up a step. Something about the anger in his eyes gave him cause to worry and an instinct that maybe, just maybe, this was a fight he shouldn't pick. "I didn't…wait, so you mean…?" He kept on backing up until his heel was on the edge; any further and he would end up on a deadly tumble. "This?" He held up the purse. "This is mine."
Grany, knowing a skirmish was coming, hopped down off Rémington's shoulder and cowered under the table.
"Don't try to tell me that isn't the Table of Raizo!" Drakus insisted, pointing to the heavy furniture.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rémington replied.
"You made me mad," Drakus crowed, "and now you're going to pay for it!" He morphed into a giant striking deep blue lizard monster with spikes of a very light beige color, a Lagiacrus. He pawed the floor once with a claw, making marks on it.
Rémington adopted a look of horror. Drakus charged straight for him, and he stood still until the last moment, then jumped over Drakus and ran to the other side of the circle.
Drakus turned around and charged toward Rémington with a roar of rage.
At the center of the room, Grany watched, wondering if he should get involved but not quite sure how he could and survive the attempt.
Rémington opened fire. But Drakus evaded all his shots, able to predict where they'd land and leaping from side to side to avoid even being so much as scraped…except for the last shot, which slightly singed his scales. He lunged at Rémington.
Unfazed, he leapt, higher than him, flipping forward, planting his hands on the shoulder blades and using him as a vault to complete the somersault and land on the other side of him. As Rémington turned to fire, he realized he felt exhilarated, alive. Something he'd felt devoid of for years, despite being involved with an array of interesting people. As he fired the next shot, he laughed, the sound of his gleeful voice intermingling with the BANG-BANG-BANG of the pistols. He did not by any means intend to miss…but he hoped that he would evade. The thought of Drakus expiring and ending the game so soon dismayed him.
Then Drakus appeared behind him, picked him up by the cape with his claw, turned to his normal self, and smiled. The X-Squad walking in.
"Stealing from me was a pretty bold move," Drakus remarked. "You obviously don't know who I am. Which would make sense, since I am new to you and all, but still, I would think you could tell that I'm powerful enough not to be messed with, so don't try it again, or you'll feel my true might."
Rémington flinched.
"All right," Rémington relented. "I wouldn't even try to steal this star thing, whatever Shushu it might be. Not just with me and Grany, anyway."
"What are we?" one of Rémington's guns asked. "It's NEVER just you and him."
"YOU are tools," Rémington snapped. "Now shut up and let me talk business. What do you need the star thing for, exactly?"
"One thing, it's a Spark, and another thing, we need it to open a lighthouse." Roman explained.
"I just thought if I was going to help you with this," Rémington stated, "I might as well know what I was helping you achieve. It does sound dumb though."
"Who said you were coming with us? And trust us, you'll understand when you get there." Kanade growled.
"You seem like the toughest customers on the block," Rémington explained. "Running with you only seems natural."
"Conference. X-Squad only."
Drakus, Julie, Zap, Neo, Asami, Roman, Snatcher, Hibiki, Kanade, Shinji, Syobai, Hajime, Yuri, Kokoro, Yoruko, Sora, Setsuka, Iroha, Emma, Nikei, Pecos, Roald, J, V, Uzi, N, Shockwave, Sho, Coco, Haijime, Satsuki, Momoko, Keiichiro, Amanojaku, Leo, Metal Gear Rex, Louise, Will, Ghostface, Celestia, Muty, Harry, David, Robin, Emily, Kelsey, Lily, April, Chloe, Laura, Underling, Mine, Cyclonis, Sapphire, Monty, Aria, Jasmine, Alestor, Bangray, Jeeves, Taylor, Albert, Livesey, Mimi, Sheshe, Lila, Namue, Brandon, Mario, Peach, Luigi, Beep-0, Rabbid Mario, Rabbid Peach and Rabbid Luigi, Mera, Indus, SkekSil, Katnappé, Jack, Tubbimura, Adam, Fred, Dahlia, Jake, Max and Grinch huddled some distance away from the Smisses. "He is pretty good with a gun," Grinch pointed out. "And he was brave enough to steal from us and quick enough to get away for some distance. He might be useful."
"I like him," Drakus said, matter-of-fact. "I say we take him along!"
"And how do we know we can trust him?" Hibiki hissed. "Even you, Drak! He just spent the past few minutes trying to shoot you!"
"We could always just kill him if he leads us astray," Shockwave suggested. "We're more than a match for him."
"Point," Kanade relented.
[I like the pale boi, PogChamp]
IceCream Maiden: [I say we add him.]
Gator: [He'll be fun]
[y e s]
[who are these people i've never seen them before]
[why do i feel like i shouldn't ask too many questions?]
DrakBot: [You shouldn't keep asking, child :)]
[oh]
Meanwhile, the Smisses were having a conference of their own. "You know if you even put a toe out of line, they'll kill you," Grany warned.
"I know," Rémington told him. "But if I go with them and help them with this job, I might get a cut of the profits."
"How do you know they're going to sell the star critter?"
"What else could they want to do with it?"
"Use it," Grany told him. "The same way what's-his-face did with the Eliacube. The Eliatrope with one arm."
"That could work in our favor too," Rémington mused.
"Are you seriously just doing this for that dragon kid?" Grany sighed. "There are other people out there!"
"He's different," Rémington argued. "I can't really explain it. He was the first since Eva that made me feel so…alive. Besides, he's too young for my tastes."
"You know what he and Eva had in common? Both of them TRIED TO KILL YOU. Is that what turns you on now?"
"It just might be," Rémington mused.
"Fine," Grany groaned. "Take the suicide mission."
"You don't have to come if you don't want to."
"Who else is going to make sure you don't get killed, Rémy? Besides, if we do score something good, I want a piece!"
Rémy ruffled the fur on his brother's back. "That's the Grany I know."
The Shushu weapons chimed in: "Are you serious?"
"We've only just met them."
"This is going to go as well as all your OTHER bright ideas."
"When I want your opinions," Rémington snapped, "I'll ask for them."
The conference broke. "We decided," Kanade said, "you're on the team. You get to come with us to save this universe from these Falcon Typhoonis and Cursa weirdos."
"Welp, this is gonna be fun." Rémington teased.
"How does the Spark fit into all this?" Grany added.
Drakus took the lead, stepping forth and offering his left hand. "Welcome aboard," he said. "Whatever your name is."
"Rémington Smisse," Rémington introduced. He put out his right hand upon instinct. "And you are?"
"Name's Drakus Hydrax, Prince of Drakonia."
"Is this gonna be a nightmare ride?" Grany asked.
[Ye, the ride never ends with the Drak Gang]
[wait, don't your bones become stronger when they break?]
[yeah, why?]
[WAIT]
"Erm, what's going on with this thing?" Rémington asked.
[break all your bones to become invincible, my liege]
[DON'T]
[P O W E R]
"This is the chat, Remy, Grany." Drakus explained. "It's a hot mess from here."
Just then, more Stooges appeared, trying to kill the X-Squad. Then a sword, a blast of ice, a chunk of rock, a cloud of smoke, some plasma blasts and a vine hit them all.
Then a Rabbid dressed like an anime character, Edge, a ghost Rabbid, Midnite, a blocky buff Rabbid, Bedrock, a Rabbid with vines growing out of her, Daphne, a short girl with stark white skin with pink and yellow robotic eyes, Rebecca, and a purple man made of smoke, Smoke, stepped out of the waterfall and started destroying the minions (the X-Squad and chat were confused and Rabbid Peach was blushing), before Edge held a hand out to the Spark of Light.
"Don't worry kid, we don't bite." Edge said.
Just then, a wolf spider-like monster wearing a hunter outfit jumped down from the ceiling along with Cheng Daijin, Shuma-Gorath, Megafin, Birch Small aka Sketchy, Kronos, Calamity Plight, Ink Blotch, Circe, Monster Carrot, Chirol, Blackbeard, Prosecutor Ito and Vic.
"Well, well. Looks like it's my lucky day." The spider monster said in a cowboy accent. "Name's Wolfhunt, the others are Cheng Daijin, Megafin, Birch Small aka Sketchy, Kronos, Calamity Plight, Ink Blotch, Circe, Shuma-Gorath, Jack Frost, Chirol, Blackbeard, Prosecutor Ito, Vic and Monster Carrot and we're here to hunt you down and take the Spark to the boss. So better be ready to be run out on a rail."
"Let's recap. Here we are, the top agents of the greatest organization of the omniversal criminal underworld along with a psycho spider hunter, my frankly deranged mind overflowing with vile schemes and plans. And then there's you, a band of buffoons whose intent, it would appear on thwarting said plans. Maybe it's the psycho in me, but I'd say this whole situation is primed for a bloodbath." Chirol explained nonchalantly.
"And who's Cheng?" Drakus asked.
"He's another one of Area 51's prime suspects. A Chinese doctor who almost got his doctorate in medical school, until he later got kicked out for using old Chinese medicines. Ancient Chinese medicine was thought to have both healing properties and magical powers. But even though it proved inaccurate, many still use these for rituals or other illegal purposes. When the university kicked him out for illegal practices on making medicine using parts of an endangered animal, he went mad and started collecting animals to make his medicine stock and then sell to the black market. Ever since then, Area 51 aims to put a stop to his treachery."
"Medicine? Like a tiger cough drop or a tiger pain reliever?" said Hibiki back in the Tortuga.
"More like a tiger potion made with only the bones." said Kanade.
"Killing the cute little tiger, just for the bones to make a lousy potion!?" said Hibiki.
"I see now, Cheng wanted to use the tiger to make medicine that doesn't even work only to make a little extra cash." said Drakus. "So that's why he's with those clowns, because he needs their skills to grab it."
[man looks like he got corona tho]
[it true]
[petition to get Cheng some chapstick]
[yes, please do]
Just then, a large drilling machine crashed through the wall. Then, a hatch in the machine opened up, and out jumped three guys in suits sporting outrageous hairstyles.
"Drakus Hydrax!" shouted the central one, turning to Drakus and holding out an official looking badge in his face, "I'm 'Agent J', and we're the Elite Beat Agents, here to motivate you to kick those villains' butts! What do you say?"
"Huh?!" Drakus said.
Agent J paused. "That's an odd thing to say at a time like this."
Then, Drakus sat down in a fetal position, wondering what was going on.
"Uh, sir?" said one of the other agents, "I think he broke. We might as well head for the hills."
"Too late for that, boys." Agent J replied. "No turning back. That's the EBA motto."
"Now listen, chumps... I'm in a good mood. Me and my fellow villains just want to have a chat with these people. Walk away and we'll let you go, no strings attached." Shuma-Gorath negotiated.
"Turn on the first song!" the leader shouted.
The third unnamed agent held out a small device, and turned it on. Instantly, the room was filled with the heavy sounds of "Through Fire".
"There's nothing human, nothing at all! There's nothing human about me now..."
Drakus continued to sit motionless.
[c'mon Drakus]
[get up and use da smooth]
[i'm mashing the wake up button as hard as I can]
[mash harder]
[i'm trying bro]
[fuck dude my fingers are hurting ]
DrakBot: [SPAM IT]
"He's totally unresponsive!"
"Then try another song!"
This time Blacklite District's techno-rock music filled the air.
"I'm ready for the bright lights, high life, Everybody's feelin' right!"
"Still nothing!"
"Keep going!"
Next, Digital Summer's melodic symphony filled the air.
"Come on, come on you wanna dance with the devil? Come on, come on you better pray for a miracle!"
"Sir! He still hasn't responded, and we're fresh out of songs!"
Agent J said nothing. He thought back to all his training, of those brutal days of sadistic choreography, angry sergeants, and really bad taste in music. He knew that his leadership was solely responsible for carrying out the mission. And in desperate time, he knew he was required to make snap life-or-death decisions that would decide the fate of him and his team members.
And he knew that this was one of those times.
"Not quite." The orange-haired agent said, "Bring out… Element 'S'."
"Sir, are you crazy?!" the other agent began to sweat, "Element 'S' is untested and nearly violates the Geneva Convention! There's no telling what effect such a concentration of pure symphony rock might have on this guy!"
Agent J sighed. "Soldier, am I your superior officer?"
Yes sir."
"Do you doubt my leadership?"
"No sir."
"Then activate Element 'S'. That's an order."
The agent gulped, and pressed another button on his little radio device.
An instant later, everyone in the room drew out their weapons as the melody of "Waiting on the Sky to Change" by Starset blasted out from every direction. Immediately, the agents broke into a dance.
[oh shit]
[It's Starset]
[STARSET]
[oh shit Starset?!]
[It's their most recent song too!]
"What's a Starset?" Rémington asked.
"Well, this should be fun." Wolfhunt said, drawing out a machete and rushing towards Drakus.
"Oh, I see," said Cheng as he claps his hands, "Some amateur heroes and the poacher of poachers? How interesting." Henchmen dressed like samurai started running up to him, holding various weapons. One Scout carries Cheng's weapon: a large Dao (Chinese broadsword) with nine rings on the back of the blade. Cheng laughed as Repo Mantis, Megafin, Sketchy, Kronos, Calamity, Ink Blotch and Circe got out their weapons, Chirol, Blackbeard, Prosecutor Ito and Vic turned into their Cross Fused forms, Shuma-Gorath got into a fighting stance and Monster Carrot got out a carrot themed sledgehammer. "This should be fun."
As the chords and silly dance moves continued, the dragon prince suddenly leapt to his feat, and wordlessly drew out BlueBlaze.
"Let's do it."
[oh shit]
[he's really gonna be laying on the hands]
[and i thought his revive rolls were good]
"Oh definitely." Katnappe agreed.
BGM: Waiting on the Sky to Change (Starset)
"Assuming we can trust the ominous strangers, having them on the battlefield would give a HUGE advantage!" Beep-0 realized.
"You think?" Smoke snarked.
Edge starts off by throwing her sword at Cheng, startling him and slicing him in the front and back.
"That bunny would make a good use as a lucky foot." Cheng vowed.
Shinji backflipped and was surrounded by Clurkrahnnas, but using his firefighter training, he swerved around their attacks, and kicked them all hard bashing them away and tripping them up.
"Ah, yeah… That's what I'm talkin' about!"
Alestor punched one henchman, and then kicked another. Then he saw one henchman pick up a geranium in a flowerpot to throw at him. "Oh, no you don't!" Alestor shouted and he rushed the henchman, tackling it to the ground, and then he swiftly grabbed the flower pot before it felt and set it and little plant down innocently. "There you go little one."
Cruel he may be, Alestor had a soft spot for plant life.
Taylor was held at the wrists by a Buffoon, but they flipped the creature over. Then, two more came at them for a sneak attack, but Albert came leaping in and split kicked the creatures away.
The two heroes nodded at one another, promising to look out for each other when needed.
"I prefer Steve McQueen's 'So Far, So Good' quote myself." Albert snarked, before blasting a Soldier Heartless away with his new blaster.
Cheng growled before snapping his fingers, making a dark portal appear. Out came more Fanglars.
"Look! Those appear to be Darkmess portals. Destroy them, quickly! More enemies are bound to pop out soon." Beep-0 explained.
Drakus then sliced the portal and the Fanglars that came from it in half before engaging in a sword fight with Wolfhunt.
[how much money we putting on Cyclonis wanting some of the dragon]
[why take a bet that's already won?]
[how can you tell?]
[look into the eyes, those are the eyes of a beast that hungers for Zinnia]
[nah they look purple to me]
Mr. Irwin: [and here we see the wild Cyclonis in her natural habitat. this species has been known for its homosexuality, and its desire to have a minimum of a female mate. why this occurs, scientists are still unsure]
[when did this turn into a documentary?]
[Steve Irwin came back from the dead to narrate some horny chick, fuckin slick dude]
Midnite started blasting mist into Yuika's eyes, blinding her.
"Ugh! Dang it, what's with these people?!?!" Yuika said, exasperated with the battle.
Wolfhunt slashed his machete at Drakus, but Satsuki defended with her bo staff, and parried him back, striking him hard. Hibiki hit a high note and fired a huge blast of pink energy, making sparks and explosions that blew him back hard.
"Oh! I love this thing!" Hibiki exclaimed as she stroked her microphone.
"Okay, that's it! Two can play that game! Try this on for size!" Wolfhunt launched a burst of fire from his pistol at them. "Oh, no you don't!" shouted Momoko as she leapt in the way and held up a shield blocking the blast, much to Wolfhunt's shock.
"Now I'm irate!" shouted Wolfhunt, and he began to charge, but Haijime lassoed him with a whip. "Sorry, line's more tied than a Barney Bunch video." And he yanked on him hard making him spin like a twister and he fell to the ground dizzy and weary.
"X-Squad, if you can hear me, combine your weapons into one. It will help you take down the monster." Anubis said in their heads.
"What, combine our weapons?!" snapped Kanade.
"But how can we?" asked Leo.
"Please, for the love of self, just do it." said Anubis, facepalming.
"Right, everyone set?" Drakus asked.
"Um, what?!" One of Rémington's Shushu weapons asked.
"Did we consent?!" Another asked.
The X-Squad activated a switch that appeared on their weapons, triggering an auto-voice (picture Slimecicle), "Weapons Combine!"
Kanade's guitar was first, then with Hibiki's microphone at it's top, Neo's umbrella on one side, and Dr. Livesey's swords on another side, then the other weapons cobbled together into a giant dragon skull, which connected to the end of Pecos' whip, like a weapon on a chain.
"Drake Jawslammer Ready!"
The rangers all stood together as Drakus held the weapon. "Okay, let's see what this thing can do."
Wolfhunt finally shook himself to his senses and saw the heroes, "Hey, what are you doing with that?"
"DRAKE JAWSLAMMER, HYPER-STRIKE!!" The heroes shouted, and Drakus whirled the weapon on its chain around and around, and thrust it towards the monster. The end of the weapon glowed brightly like a shining star.
"Oh great Cra, I'm gonna barf." Rémington's sword said.
"Oh shit!" shouted Wolfhunt as the skull slammed right into him. His body began to jolt and spark with bright bolts of lightning and stars shooting out from him. "AAAIIIIIEEEEE!" he screamed… and then…
KABLAM!! He went up in a fiery explosion.
"Whoa!" cried Hibiki.
"I can't believe that just happened!" squeaked Iroha.
[Sonic boom bitch]
[no relation to the series]
[This is truly a Fortnite Match on steroids]
[#1 Victory bitches]
Shuma-Gorath growled before grabbing a tarot card with a tower on it. "Wolfhunt, you raise once more like the sun itself, you'll be a bigger bug that won't be squished!" He chanted before slamming it into the ground. Causing a sludge to hurry to the lighthouse.
"So, you managed to take down Wolfhunt. You will pay for this. You hear me!? No one stands in my way! Nobody!" said Cheng as he pulls out smoke bombs and slams them into the ground, making a smokescreen and allowing the villains to escape. Just then, the Darkmess Tentacle exploded, leaving a light blue crystal with a gold center, Jack grabbing it.
END BGM
Agent J came up and wrapped his arms around the dragon prince. "Huzzah!" he said, "Thanks to our motivational song-and-dance routine, as well as the power of rock, you were able to beat that spider monster in combat!"
"Well, that was a shitshow." Grany snarked.
"That's the spirit!" Agent J laughed, "Now if you excuse me: Duty calls!" He then jumped back into the weird drill machine, and sped off.
"Aw man..." The 2nd agent groaned, with a large beat of sweat appearing on the back of his head, "Looks like he left us behind. Again."
The third agent sighed. "Relax. He'll come back for us eventually. Let's get some sushi in the meantime." The two agents then shuffled off to parts unknown.
"Excuse me, intimidating strangers, it's vitally important that the Spark come with us to the lighthouse." Beep-0 said. "Until we destroy the lighthouse Tentacle, we can't create Warp Tunnels to other planets, and eventually, to Cursa."
[Who?!]
"The eldritch demon we're fighting." Drakus explained.
[Is she hot?]
"Probably." Kanade said.
[I'm imagining a big Booba demon]
[No, this ain't the hub]
Gator: [What's the hub?]
[Don't look it up until you're older]
Gator: [Too late, I've seen things I didn't know existed.]
[oh no]
Gator: [Why do people like the idea of step-siblings fucking?]
[closest thing to doing what Alabama residents do]
"I can unlock the lighthouse! Watch - I'll meet you there!" The Spark of Light, Twinkle, said, before flying to the lighthouse.
"I can too! Come on!" The light tiger, Glowey, said.
Then, Augie appeared. "Binga banga bonga, baby! You got the Spark! Let's get it to the lighthouse and-" He said before seeing Edge, Midnite, Bedrock, Daphne, Smoke and Rebecca. "GAAAGH! YOU AGAIN! THE SPARK HUNTERS!" He shouted.
Edge then facepalmed. "NOT a Spark Hunter. Name's Edge. The others are Midnite, Bedrock, Daphne, Smoke and Rebecca."
"Well, we have a ship you can join us on." Kanade suggested.
"You have a spaceship, huh? Guess you can ride with us - for a time. It's not like you can't use the help." Rebecca said.
[yes please]
[join us]
[The ride never ends]
"The chat scares me." Daphne said, weirded out.
"You'll get used to it." Iroha said.
"Come on, let's go!" Roman said.
The X-Squad hurried into a room with a fountain in it.
"I heard Augie PAINTED himself in a corner again! Help him SAVE FACE by solving the riddle!" A mysterious voice joked.
"Ooh! A talking fountain. We SHOULD solve the riddle - it might grant us a wish!" Beep-0 exclaimed.
"Um, sure." Kanade agreed, placing the pieces where they belong.
Just then, a yellow Spark riding a lightning bolt, a white Spark with a megaphone, a black Spark with three mirrors, and a dragon made of blue lightning flew out of the fountain, and into a cage.
"Oh shit!" Nikei shouted. "Where did the cage come from?"
[this some bullshit]
"Yeah, who did it?" Kanade asked
"Ace, ha ha!" said a mysterious voice, "G'Day, mates. Ya bushies look all stonkered. Spiffy job for leading me straight to my catch of the day. I've been fossicking for these bloody things for some time."
"Who are you!?" said Kanade.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Ratbags, allow me to introduce myself. I'm one of those tall poppies, Marcus Marionette, and I am what they call a collector and seller of exotic pets." Said a man with an Australian accent, black and white hair in a mess, and wearing an outfit similar to Steve Irwin's outfit but with a formal theme.
"Of course, you're behind all of this." said Brandon, then he turned to the X-Squad. "Marcus is an Aussie exotic pet trader known for his obsession of collecting exotic animals to keep and sell as pets. Normally, he would take whatever he thinks will be popularized by the public en masse, causing a huge decline in their population. In fact, he was responsible for the downfall of the Spix's Macaw and now he has 2 creatures that will soon be sold to the black market unless we stop him."
"Exotic pets!?" said Mikado, "You mean pets that came from the wild? You can't do that. They're not toys to play with."
"I Reckon." said Marcus, "Like I want these bloody things. I have a client who's requesting this and I'm getting moolah to retrieve one. After all, that's how I make a quid."
"You can't have the lightning dragon!" said Kanade, "It's not for sale!"
"Oh, but it will be," said Marcus, "once I get it to the black market."
"You won't get away with this," said Kanade as she and Mera struggle to free the four from the trap.
"But I already have," said Marcus as he summoned some Paraxis, "Hooroo! Gotta shoot through to my ute to make more moolah! Make sure these blokes don't break them out, will ya?"
[oh shit]
[IT'S THE BUG PEOPLE]
[oh god]
"Okay, the question is how do we stop him?" Roman asked, "He seems to be a step ahead of us."
"True, he is known for his craftiness and ability to remain undetected by Area 51's radar. This will require some time to think through," said Brandon.
"Or we melt the cage, see?" Mikado shot a fire blast at the cage melting it. The Paraxis start charging towards them, and a fight ensues.
BGM: The American Dream (Memphis May Fire)
First, Kanade tackles a couple of Paraxis that were charging at her with their laser spears. Then, a few winged Paraxis aimed their laser spears at Kanade, but as they fired, she was able to flip out of the way of the blasts, and was able to roundhouse kick them to the ground.
"Didn't know I could do that." Kanade said.
Meanwhile, Hibiki was fighting her way through the Paraxis. She gave a few punches and kicks to the Paraxis until she came face to face with Marcus, who had brandished a whip at her.
"Nice moves! But, you still don't have what it takes to beat me!" Marcus said.
"I literally just beat up some of your goons." Hibiki snarked, before kicking Marcus down.
[that true]
[get the Steve Irwin knockoff, Hibiki]
[make him bleed!]
Then, Marcus gets back up, and lashes his whip at Hibiki as she dodges it. Marcus then saw the lightning dragon out of his cage, sending a ball lightning at him.
"Uh oh." Marcus said, before the ball lightning hit him, sending him flying.
"You haven't seen the last of me! Mark my words, I'll get you all, you bloody Buggas!" Marcus screamed while flying off into the distance. Then the dragon and Sparks turned towards the X-Squad.
END BGM
"Cages used to be fun to play in, you know?" The dragon, Blitzkrieg, said.
"I'm Electrodash and that's Blitzkrieg, Screech and Reflector. Thanks for rescuing us!" The Spark, Electrodash said.
"Let me get my second wind and we'll get going!" Blitzkrieg said.
"Thank you for rescuing me! I've been stuck in that cage for what seems like forever. Augie's not in charge still, is he?" The white Spark, Screech, asked.
"He is, strangely." Jasmine said. "You don't sound pleased with him."
"You see, Augie believes he is from a family of proud demi-gods. For such divine creatures, murals are like family photos. Unfortunately, the birth of Augie and his twin, Perfectus, is marred by Augie's chronic dyspepsia. By age ten, Augie's brother was the patron deity of effortless victories, epic love poems, and glistening, six-pack abs. The only trophy Augie won as a child was for second place in a bratwurst eating contest. The ocean is said to have been formed by the tears of Perfectus' hairdressers, who wept with joy while brushing his golden mane, while Augie was given the job of saving sailors in distress, yet he was terrible and mostly slept on the job. In wartime Augie was left behind to watch the livestock. It's how a flock of chickens came to briefly rule his city. His whole life Augie was eclipsed by his older brother. Which, if we're honest, couldn't have been all that difficult. The last straw for Augie's parents was when Augie drove the family sun chariot into the neighbor's swimming pool during Perfectus' wedding feast. Next thing you know, he has to guard this place." Screech explained.
[he did not]
[oh no]
[bro i'm crying again]
[fuck Augie's parents]
[ye they kinda cringe #CancelAugieParents]
"Yeah, Perfectus sounds like a Mary Sue. I prefer the dorky sea god." Jasmine said.
Just then, the X-Squad finally made it to the lighthouse where Glowey and Twinkle's powers made the lighthouse door open.
"C'mon Twinkle, let's light this place up." Glowey cheered.
"Erm, I'm not good at fighting." Twinkle said.
"That's fine, I'll stay here and keep you safe. Bye everyone." Glowey said before putting Twinkle on his back and riding off.
Just then, Laura accidentally caught a blue Spark.
"SO glad you're here! If you win this battle, I get to join you and leave here forever." The Spark, Aquanox, said.
"Um, why?" Laura asked.
"Watch the Flamin' Stooges! Their Burn effect can light multiple Heroes on fire if they're too close together, forcing you to scatter! If you come into contact with someone else while on fire, THEY'LL catch fire too! Tough luck, but that's fire for you." Aquanox explained.
Laura then flung a barrage of lightning, destroying the enemies in the area.
Then, the X-Squad ran up to the roof, where they saw Wolfhunt, only difference now is he was as tall and as large as a skyscraper and fused with the Darkmess, much to the X-Squad's horror.
"Well, what do you say now? I can blast you all away in one shot! The boss was mighty kind to me!"
"PLEASE, you've got to win this battle! I can't leave here with you unless you do!" A green Spark with sludge on it, Toxiquake, said.
"Poor Spark! We WILL win your freedom! Though it may take a few attempts. That's quite a battlefield." Beep-0 said.
"Psst! If you destroy the Eyes of Darkmess on the monster, it'll light him on fire!" Toxiquake explained.
"A-ha! And since the Darkmess Dimension and our world are connected, the lighthouse on Beacon Beach will light up, too!" Beep-0 realized.
Anubis, Chill Penguin, Tock, Taurus Bulba, Yuma, Trifa and Pascal saw everything.
"I wouldn't have believed it to be possible!" exclaimed Chill.
"If he uses his fire pistol now, he could blow up the whole city!" cried Yuma.
Anubis struggled with an idea and he decided on only one idea, "Launch the Argana!"
"Sir?" Trifa said in shock "But they're not ready yet. We haven't thoroughly tested them."
"Well, what finer way to test them than right now." stated Anubis, "The X-Squad and Beacon Beach are in danger. We have no other choice."
As much as Taurus wasn't too keen on the idea, he was inclined to agree. What was five years anyway compared to the lives of so many? "Prepare for launch."
Pascal sighed, "You always have ways of making people agree with you."
Anubis spoke to the heroes, "Hold on, X-Squad… help is on the way!"
In the hangar bay, everyone was running about to their stations and getting well out of the way as the fully-fueled and ready zords were prepared for launch.
One looked like a pale blue dragon robot. One looked like a giant green robot dove. One looked like the Leviathan of Hebrew myth. One was a robotic orange canine. One was a chameleon robot colored brown, pink and white. One was a robotic purple barracuda. One was a more modern version of the Mechadrill. One was a large robotic panda. One was a large blood red robotic porcupine. One was a large robotic penguin colored cyan. One was a large silver robotic duck. One was Bangray's ship, Yaban Great. One was a giant robotic version of Santa's sled.
The Argana Zords were programmed to taxi forward to the front of the hanger. The bay hatch opened wide revealing a long launch tunnel.
"Chill, you have the honors." said Anubis.
Chill nodded and he flipped the switch on his console as the auto-voice called out, "Summon Zords!"
The thrusters fired and the 13 Zords, one sleigh and one jet zoomed out the hangar through the tunnel, soaring all the way to the end of the island and flying out through a secret doorway.
The autopilot took the zords to where the rangers were, just flying past Wolfhunt, surprising him. "Hey, what in tarnation is going on?"
The heroes stared up at the jets in awe. "They're incredible!" said Drakus.
"My baby!" cried Bangray, looking at his ship, Yaban Great, in awe.
Torchwick turned to Drakus. "Dibs on Hound Zord!" The new Zord barked as Torchwick laughed.
"I get the Leviathan Zord." Zap said.
"I call dibs on the sled." Grinch chuckled.
"I guess the Porcupine Zord's the one for me." Pecos said.
"Penguin Zord, I like it." Roald said.
"I got the Barracuda Zord." Jasmine said.
"I pick the Dove Zord." Julie said.
"I vote for Panda Zord." Kanade said.
"I will have the Mechadrill." Snatcher said.
"I want myself the Duck Zord." Robin suggested.
"Guess I'm getting the Dragon Zord." Drakus said.
The zords then shot out multi-colored tractor beams, beaming the heroes into the cockpit.
[Ayo what the fuck?]
[This looks like a Power Rangers cockpit, and I love it]
IceCream Maiden: [This feels like a nightmare, but in a good way, I get the Chameleon Zord]
The controls all seemed so standard and easy to understand.
"Okay, how the hell do we work these things?" Hajime called.
"Don't worry about it." Anubis said to the heroes "The controls may look complicated, but they're as easy as playing a video game."
Kanade still felt a little nervous about this, but she shakily grabbed hold of the steering gear, as did each of the others. "Okay, it's go time!" declared Drakus.
The Zords steered back towards the giant monster ready for battle, and Wolfhunt furiously fired his fireballs at them again.
The X-Squad quickly veered off and avoided the attack. "WHOA!!" cried Kanade "This is scary!!"
"YA-HOO!! This is wicked!" shouted Alestor.
"Let's give the rocket fangs a try." suggest Roman, and he zoomed in closer and opened fire at the monster, making sparks fly.
The others then came in and fired their own missiles and weapons at him as well making more sparks and more explosions. Wolfhunt fell off his feet and rolled along the ground.
He got back up fuming, "So, you wanna fly high, huh?! Have some wind!" and he blasted a huge burst of wind from his revolver, which created such an air-current blowing the zords around.
"Whoa! Hey now!" cried Roman.
Drakus pulled on his steering gear hard to maintain control.
Hibiki tumbled around inside the Panda Zord. "GET ME OUT OF THIS CRAZY THING!!" She screamed.
The team back at the base saw this. "Man, they're still getting creamed!" said Tock.
"Not for long." said Chill, and he quickly typed up a program he had been working on in his help perfecting the zords and their design. "Okay soldiers, listen up. I'm sending you a new program. Now you can combine your zords to form the Argana Megazord!"
The heroes saw the program on the screens in their cockpits.
"Okay, let's try it." said Drakus.
"I'm up for that." added Julie.
"Welp, let's hope it works out." said Zap.
"Welp, first time for anything, I guess." peeped Roman.
"Alright, let's do it now!" said Drakus. "Initiate transformation, mark!"
"Ignite Combination Sequence: Argana!" Then an evil laugh was heard.
The zords autopilot took over and the zords began to run in astonishing formation and began to combine together.
The Dragon Zord's wings and limbs folded inward, becoming the main body of the Megazord.
The Dove Zord folded into angelic wings, attaching to the back.
The Leviathan Zord folded inward and opened out into three curves forming the lower body and the upper legs of the Megazord while the Mechadrill linked with the Leviathan Zord and folded it's claw and vacuum hands inward and the drill legs merged to become a sort of tail.
The Duck Zord split into two vertical halves down the middle and folded at the fronts forming the legs and feet of the megazord while Yaban Great linked with the Mechadrill into a club tail.
The Panda Zord and Barracuda Zord formed the two arms - The Panda Zord the right arm, and the Barracuda Zord the left- The fronts of the zords opened and folded out as the bodies pointed downward as to large fists folded outward.
The Hound Zord stood up on its hind legs and the torso opened up to let the canine head move downward before linking with the Dragon Zord. The head of the Hound Zord unfolded to become new armor, while the Porcupine Zord, Penguin Zord and Chameleon Zord approached the transforming robot. The reptilian mecha detached its body and separated into two pieces, linking with the arms, the Porcupine Zord's spines becoming bat-like wings below the Dove Zord, while the Penguin Zord hopped upwards, spewing out mist as it separated in half. The Penguin Zord attached to the right hand of the Megazord while the Porcupine Zord attached to the left arm. As the Zords combined with each other, the Sled Zord separated, merging with the legs to become more armor.
"Argana Megazord, Combination complete!"
"I don't believe it! It's not possible!" shouted Wolfhunt as he glared at the megazord.
Back at the base, everyone was very impressed with the Megazord. "Amazing… Most astonishing!" cried Taurus. Pascal smirked proudly at his husband for being so cheerful.
Anubis was most impressed as well. "This is turning out better than I thought, but the rest is up to the X-Squad now."
"Okay guys…" Drakus said to the others. "According to this program, we all have to work together. Everybody set…?"
The rangers all agreed as they took hold of their controls.
"Alright, let's take this rustler down!"
"Come and get some!" thundered Wolfhunt as he tried to hit the megazord with his machete, but the giant robot was much too heavy to be really sliced that easily.
The megazord began to stomp forward, engaging in a fist brawl with Wolfhunt. Their huge fists collided and parried one another's, but Wolfhunt managed to strike the megazord hard in the chest.
"Let's turn up the heat!" shouted Wolfhunt as he launched more fireballs, hitting the megazord mercilessly, rocking the heroes about in the cockpit.
"Hold it easy, guys!" cried Drakus.
Still standing, the megazord marched forth for more.
"Oh, no you don't!" snarled Wolfhunt and he prepared to launch more fireballs.
"Oh, yes we do!" snapped Hibiki and she pulled back on her controls, making the megazord kick Wolfhunt in the gut, flipping him over onto his back.
"Okay, let's try this!" shouted Coco, and she thrust the right fist clear into the mouth of the gun, just as the hot balls fired, resulting in Wolfhunt practically blasting himself hard and damaging his gun.
"That's a lot of air!" Wolfhunt groaned as he fanned himself to cool off.
"Alright!" cried Tock "We're really cooking with gas now!"
Anubis agreed, and then told the others, "X-Squad, draw the saber, do what you must."
"We got it, Mr. A." said Drakus. "Engage Drak-Cudgel!"
The Megazord removed the tail from its left arm and extended it into a cane.
"Drak-Cudgel… Engage!"
"All together, guys…" Drakus called the others. The cudgel moved its tip, revealing a swirling purple ball of lightning as the Megazord waved it around in a perfect circle forming a dragon, jolting with power. "HELLFIRE STREAM!" The X-Squad shouted as a dragon made of energy launched from the cane, crashing into Wolfhunt.
"LOOKS LIKE I'M GETTIN' OUT OF TOWN!!" Wolfhunt shouted as his body sparked and jolted with electrical currents… then he exploded.
Then, Augie jumped onto the lighthouse while the X-Squad was celebrating.
"How can you jump so high? You do thigh workouts - eh?" Rabbid Mario said.
"I'm just stoked that the SUN IS OUT and BEACON BEACH IS BACK, BABY!" Augie cheered. "Well, almost... When you popped that last Tentacle, it left behind some nasty Darkmess Puddle." Augie explained.
"Not for much longer." Mikado said, torching it with a fire spell.
"Also... there's somethin' I shoulda told you. It's about Falcon's ringleaders - the Ravenous Devas. They came to me before you got here." Augie explained. "They said if I didn't hand over all the Sparks here they'd "shred everyone into pizza topping" - my phrase, not theirs."
"Then we will save every Spark we can find - here, and elsewhere. The grievance will be with us." Emma said.
"Be careful! There's at least four of them now, and they're really dangerous. If they find out I told you-" Augie said.
"Then they will answer to all of us, for although we have enough purified Darkmess Energy to travel to Pristine Peaks, those Warp Tunnels go both ways. We can return here anytime, whenever you need us." JEANIE explained.
Augie then smiled. "There's a word where I come from - "Kooloowka", it means "chosen family". You're my Kooloowka now!" Augie cheered.
"Oh crud, what am I gonna tell dad? That I got a rabbit uncle who's also a sea god." Satsuki snarked.
"Not to mention us as new family members." Kanade snarked.
Somehow, Augie convinced DJ Cheeps, to play some music to celebrate. Along with food and, surprisingly enough, beer.
To Yuri's surprise, there was a folding table nearby with food and alcohol on top of it. "Ah, there's food?" She asked.
"Well, I figured that we would need lunch as well, so I bought a bunch of food from the shops for everyone." Emma explained, fiddling with the straps of her swimsuit.
Kokoro eyed the food on the table. "Everyone, if you eat the food, wait a bit before going in the water." She cautioned.
"Eh? I thought Kokoro wouldn't be coming." Kanade wondered.
Sora shook her head. "Setsuka carried her to the swimsuit shop and wouldn't stop bugging her about going. I think she's here just to make her be quiet."
"Mwahaha... Kinda harsh, but not wrong..." Setsuka sheepishly admitted.
"More importantly, the alcohol's here too! Now what kind would everyone want?" Shinji went over to the table and began to distribute the bottles.
"Get me the finest wine there is!" Drakus said." I'm gonna feel like I'm living the high life again!"
"What?! I can't believe you guys are drinking..." Hajime said. "And you didn't invite ME?! What the hell?!"
"Huh, I thought you'd be the responsible one." Roman snarked, swigging a bit of vodka.
"A bit of liquor is actually good for the body, y'know?" Hajime explained.
"To be fair, it does possibly reduce your risk of diabetes and heart disease." Momoko explained.
Once everybody got an alcohol of their choosing, they let themselves get some food as the intoxication kicked in. Yuri sat down beside Setsuka and Rémington, who were chugging their bottles with seemingly no fear of god at all, and frankly, she was a little concerned. "Setsuka, Rémington, that amount of liquor that fast is probably not a good idea for someone who isn't used to alcohol." She warned, knowing well about the risks of alcohol from her fondness of drinking it.
"Ahh, live a little, 'Ri! It's a party, after all!" Setsuka laughed, handing Yuri a cookie from the food table. The spaceman smiled and bit into it.
"Besides, I'm responsible-ish." Rémington snarked.
"S-Sora! You should put the bottle down!" Yoruko forcibly took the bottle from the albino, who stared at her owlishly. As Yoruko went to put the bottle back on the table, Sora hugged her from behind. "A-Aaaaah! S-Sora!" She blushed furiously.
Dipping his feet into the water, Mikado rubbed his head as he felt the effects of the alcohol. He looked around at the rest of the class before his eyes settled on Nikei.
At Kokoro's direction, the class waited a few minutes before going into the water. As the X-Squad got in the water, with Hajime keeping them all in the shallow end, Syobai climbed up into the lifeguard chair. Instead of keeping watch on the others while they entered the water, he took out a lighter and a cigarette and started smoking.
Setsuka was having a splashing contest with Iroha, Shinji swam laps, being the only one allowed to by Hajime, Emma was swimming and drunkenly rambling to Kokoro, who was amused to listen to her, Kanade was venting to about how cute Laura is to Hibiki, who was extremely zoned out and staring at Coco floating in a life preserver, Mikado was just floating in peace, having never been to the beach in his life and overwhelmed by all the sights, Sora was swimming around Yoruko and playing around with the sober hostess, and Sho sat on the edge of the beach, watching everybody play in the water with a sense of freedom he had never really felt before and making sure nobody was in danger while keeping a blue Spark riding a leaf, Aquadash close to his chest.
Coco was having an epiphany after the X-Squad got back on the ship. She knew that she wasn't good at thinking complicatedly (that was Sho's department), but all it took was for her to put a few 'puzzle pieces' together to get any kind of answer in general.
Mostly it was Hibiki kept close to her during their time together, but still.
With all this in mind, Coco's mind jumped to the closest conclusion it could reach: Hibiki was in love with her. She didn't mind, of course, and was even excited when she learned of it. But the question that lingered in her mind was why Hibiki had fallen in love with her.
1: It's true, look up is alcohol good for you. You'd be amazed.
2: Cheng Daijin and Marcus Marionette belong to ShorinRyuKarateKobudo. I don't claim to own them.
3: Hound Zord and Chameleon Zord belong to WaterDragonMaverick, I don't claim ownership.
