Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.


Chapter Nine

Dad's plan be at school on time ready to face the music, accept all of it, even from people who have no right to have a say, don't defend myself- as Bren said there is no justification. He said I need to show her that I'm owning it and not shying away from responsibility. It was going to be a shit day.

It was the start of a lot of shit day's. Brandon drove into the carpark with Bren and on seeing me waiting by my car, stared me down. Bren had to tell him to stop. When she took a step away from his car in the direction of the school building I took a step hoping to join her. She knew instantly and looked up at me, "no Dylan. I… just let me get through the day okay."

"After school?"

She shakes her head and walks off. She was talking not yelling but for Bren that meant she was sitting in her pain, in her emotions. She broke up with me the first time when she was like that. She was overwhelmed and she asked for time, the day. The day I could give.

The day turned into three. Each morning I'd meet her there, and each morning she said no. Brandon didn't stare me down by day three but he hadn't said a word to me since leaving my footpath. In comparison Steve had said all the words. So many words yelled loudly in front of everyone. Donna had no words just glares at me and confusion at who she should be comforting. David had no confusion he supported his sister like Brandon was now supporting his. Andrea hadn't yelled hadn't done anything but ask if I was okay, each day in fact she asked and then a follow up question.

The first day the editor of The Blaze followed up with why did I do it. The second day it was how do I know it's Brenda maybe with my dad coming back it was just fear of the unknown pulling me back to the familiar of her. The third it was how long would I wait before giving up. I knew they weren't Bren's questions, Bren knew all the answers already. Ego, escapism, and elusion. Home she's always my home but a home that is constantly having the furniture moved around, there's familiarity but also nothing is ever quite what you expect- life with her is never boring. I'm not giving up hope I'll wait until she's ready, like she had been waiting for me.

Andrea's questions were hers but I imagine her co-editor's as well. Brandon I couldn't imagine was okay with not knowing everything, not having the answers, and Bren wouldn't share them. She was still feeling it, that was obvious if you knew her. It surrounded her like a force field, she looked put together but her eyes her eyes were heavy with it. It didn't help that while her eyes were heavy everyone's else's eyes were on her. Steve's yelling had seen to that.

They were on her, me and Kelly, but her the most. They wanted to see what she would do. They didn't want to look away in case they missed the spitting fire they hoped for, or the self-destruction they thought may come; though drinking and drugs were not her thing so they'd be waiting forever to see that. And the former wouldn't happen either, she wouldn't stir the gossip pot with blasting either Kelly or me publicly. No this one was too deep for that, this one she'd walk tall but she'd be so lost inside. She was so lost inside.

It worried me. I knew Brandon was taking care of her, I knew everyone was sympathetic but their loyalties were split not with me but between the two of them. It worried me. Bren like after the holdup was great at putting on a show but she could break and this time I didn't know if I'd be there to help hold her together while she finally let herself feel it all. My bones told me it was coming. Something about day four felt different, her force field was different, she walked straight past me without saying no not today. Without saying anything at all.

All day I had made sure to be a little closer to her. She was always in my sight line for three day's she had been but today I made sure to always be in hers. I needed her to know I was there if she needed me. After last period ended something told me to get to my car. It didn't surprise me as I was rushing down the hall to get out that her locker was missing her usual presence at this time. I wasn't even surprised that she had managed to get out there before most of the school had even finished packing their bags. I wasn't surprised that she was sitting in her seat.

As I switched the car on I didn't say a word. Driving out of the carpark I went with my gut, I drove to the beach and parked. She was out of the car in seconds and walking towards the water. When she got to the last foot of dry sand she stopped. Within seconds she was shaking I moved in front of her and wrapped my arms around her and felt the tears seep through into my shirt. Her quite chant of "I hate you, I hate you", as she squeezed my shirt was answered in kind with my own tears, my own squeezing of her tight to me, and my own chant "I know I hate me too."