Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.
Chapter Fourteen
When I stop crying we both ring Hawaii and leave a message on her answering machine, it wasn't enough. Brenda wanted her here for me and she wanted her to have a chance to say goodbye to her ex husband. She asked Brandon how we could find the number for the local Maui Police to see if they could deliver a message to her about the death? He said he'd look into it. I then told him to my understanding she was flying straight home to Maui from her visit here but she could have changed her flight details needing a spiritual retreat somewhere after making the difficult decision. He asked if we minded if Andrea could help and I agreed, he couldn't promise anything especially without a Hawaii phone book but they'd try their best.
When he leaves the room Bren moves back into my arms and I drag us down to lay on the bed. She rests on my chest as I play with her hair. "He knows about the threat."
"Yes, that one wasn't just us Baby that one effected your family, your brother had the right to know. He… he said he could finally understand where your mind was at. He agrees with your mum and dad that it would have had a major affect on you."
"What do you believe?"
She begins to run a finger over my t-shirt in a design that appears random, "I don't need to figure out how much blame everyone has, or who's fault because we all played our part. My parents, Kelly, you, and me. I don't need to believe anything other than if I can trust you again, trust that we can get through this and we won't do this again to each other."
"And have you figured out what you can believe?"
"I knew from the start, I just didn't know if that was a healthy belief. If we were healthy."
"Have you figured that out?"
"Jack told me we were young that we were going to have growing pains becoming the people we want to be. I can handle the pains Dylan, I can handle the fact at times we may struggle to connect that we'll need to be patient with each other. Give each other space and other times we may want no space at all. I can handle that it won't always be easy but I can't handle the lies, and this is on the both of us there can be no more slips. Physical or emotional. No one can ever think that they have a chance with us that they have claim. I need to know that you are my home and you are stable, that I don't need to be on guard here I'm not being compared to anyone else."
I gently lift her face, "I scared myself here I got caught in something and I didn't know how to get out. I'm never going to put myself, put us in that position again I can promise you that. I can promise you that there is no comparison you have always been what I need." I kiss her nose, "my smart, sassy, beautiful, talented, stubborn, pain in the ass- who's perfect for me." A look of indignation sweeps across her face on the last two. I give her my cheeky smile before I renew our serious tone, "I need to know that you are my home and that you are stable, that I don't need to be good enough for anyone else, to prove myself to anyone to be worthy of you."
She moves to run that finger now over my heart, "even when you are at your lowest, your most self destructive you will always be everything to me. No one else needs to understand us, like us together. I can promise you I don't need anyones else's validation on you or us."
At that I reach up and kiss her. It's full of familiarity with our bodies knowing how to move against each other how to mould together so that there is no separation. It's intense, each nerve becomes alive but it's not passionate. We both lost someone today and while I know he would be thrilled for me, for her, for him- he'd be thrilled by what this means for the McKay family, but there is still too much sadness today for passion. We pull away only when our bodies rebel against not having a breath that fills our whole lungs for too many minutes. She gives me a water smile and then moves down to reclaim her place on my chest. I bring my hand up to cover, hers sandwiching it between my heart and my palm. It let's me know she's finally there willingly, even knowing everything.
Her parents knock on the door an hour later. I'm laying on the bed with her in my arms, while my fingers play with her hair.
