Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.


Chapter Fifteen

On Sunday we remember Jack.

The day begins like the last with me entwined with Brenda. Brandon had surrendered the fantasy and accepted that I'd never be staying in the fold out bed. His parents had not. My girls nightly showers the only time I ever laid in it, allowing me to be seen enough by their parents to appear settled for the night. I gave no illusion when the Walsh's were in their room for the night I stood and just moved to mine.

The explosion played out in my sleep and in my waking hours, over and over again, and some how my girl just knew. She'd run her fingers through my hair, grab for my hand or wrap her arms around me. She couldn't shake the image but she could give me strength to endure it. She gave me strength to endure it all.

The media found me on the Saturday and while they hadn't gotten a picture they knew I was inside. The deliveries of catering things for the wake arriving throughout the day must have tipped them off. Cindy and Jim had offered to hold it here, and Brenda had been calling Christine checking in on her and coordinating everything. Jack would have liked that the McKay women were supporting each other taking care of the family. The other McKay woman was still missing in action and when she hadn't called by the Saturday night Bren and I discussed it. I was angry she wasn't there for another time when I needed her, but Bren talked me down. Iris wasn't the target of my anger the person who did this was.

We discussed me saying something at the memorial, I didn't know what to say. Jack hadn't been a great father overall and I didn't know if two weeks canceled out all the failures he had made there. Bren said I could speak or not there was no right or wrong. She did say that it's up to me but it's a chance for me to get the last word on who Jack McKay was, the articles in the paper don't get that right it was mine as his son.

As she tied my tie and kissed my lips minutes before we needed to leave I still hadn't decided. She didn't ask me if I was ready for this as she knew I never would be. She did ask if I have everything I needed to get through it and at that I raised our clasped hands up and kissed hers. "Yeah you are here with me that's all I will ever need."

When we arrived Bren and I kissed Christine and the three of us moved to the front pew. Her parents had raised eye's knowing that Bren had spoken to her but assuming that they had never met. Bren told me not to worry about keeping it hidden, she wouldn't deny knowing Jack. Liking Jack. Loving seeing him try to finally be the father I deserved. She wouldn't deny that he had felt like her family, I told her it's because he was.

Ten minutes into the service while I was squeezing her hand so tight as Christine held my other I felt someone else move in beside Christine. In seconds her hand was covering both Christine's and mine. I don't know what message from Brandon's and Andrea's hunt reached her but I knew I owed the two of them my gratitude.

When the minister asked if I'd like to say a few words I stood up. Brenda squeezing my hand in support as she relinquished it for the brief time I would be away from her side today.

"Jack McKay could be an asshole in both business and in his personal life, he said that it was his darkness. He spent years in that darkness and unfortunately most of my memories are of him like that. On his first Christmas in prison I went to see him, he seemed changed. He said that he finally understood that my mother's meditation wasn't weakness, that all he did in there was read and think- it was his meditation. He apologised for his darkness for his mistake's but it wasn't till he got out did I see how sorry he was."

I take a moment to think of him in that limo, him at the party- he was happy larger than life, but it wasn't till he found me in my room in that hotel that I finally found my father. "He in the last two weeks showed me that he was a man that loved his family and wanted what was best for them. It was the first time that I can remember ever seeing my mother and father find common ground, a common ground that revolved around ensuring I was taken care of. I got to see him fall more in love with Christine every day, to see him begin to plan his future with her. I got to see him laugh loudly at being sassed and put in his place, how he found a daughter in my girl." I can feel my eyes fill, "he was bringing me the phone as she had called that morning, as he got to me he promised her something that he could tell annoyed me. Before giving me the phone he covered the mouth piece and told me to not blame my old man, that he was pretty sure if she asked him for a green pony he'd go find her one. And he would have. It was the last time we spoke." I wipe my eyes, "in two weeks he became my confidant, my biggest supporter, my champion. He gave my wise counsel, called me out when needed, and pushed me on when it seemed overwhelming. He wanted the best for me," I look at Bren. "He wanted me to be better than him. When in darkness he was the asshole everyone writes about but in the last two weeks when in light he truly became my dad."

As I make my way down the steps I pass my crying mother who gives me a powerful embrace and whispers words of love and comfort. Christine and I hug and I thank her for making him happy. When I get to my girl I kiss her head and spend a second with my eyes closed breathing her in. We sit listening to the conclusion of the memorial and the details of the wake afterwards. As we go into the reception room following the service, I don't let Bren's hand go. It doesn't pass my notice that in the corner Jim is whispering what looks like heated words with Brandon who is giving it right back, while Cindy tries to get the two of them to stop.

The gang individually walks up to me and I thank Andrea for her work in helping get the message to my mother. Steve shakes my hand and offers me condolences. Donna's hug and David's handshake follow next. Kelly is behind them and while she doesn't extend her hand she tells me she liked him and was glad she got to meet him. It's an awkward moment until Bren steps in and say's to the three of them, that we should go and check on Christine but we'd see them all back at the house. She holds Kelly's eyes as she says it.

It's not until I'm getting out of my mothers rental back at the Walsh's that I ask her about the invitation. She tells me that Jack thought we were young and bound to make mistakes. If that's true of us then it's true of her. She said we made commitments to each other that mean she has no power here no place between us, holding onto the anger with her would just keep the betrayal alive and between us. I knew then that she had forgiven me and that she was letting the last eight months go.

Jim avoided the two of us all day, he obviously wasn't pleased with Brenda knowing my father, of them having formed a familiar relationship. At three as I am moving through the kitchen after getting Bren a cardigan from upstairs Brandon answers the phone, when he advises me my uncle was on the phone he sees from my face that it was bullshit.

Hanging up I knew if I went outside Bren would insist on going with me, something that was never going to happen. Brandon instead helped me sneak out past the media, and then brought Bren's cardigan and a note from me apologising. He was to tell her everything no secrets.

When I walked back into the kitchen that night she was pacing back and forth next to the phone. On seeing me she immediately jumps into my arms and kisses me, and then preceds to spit fire at me for putting myself in harms way. She calms when I kiss her and hold her tight, whispering repeatedly that I am fine that I was safe. When I tell her about Jack and the FBI she cries. We share an understanding look that he did know and that he spent those day's making sure he got to live a life time with us just in case that was all we got.

As we eat a bowl of ice cream together I move her hair from the side of her neck so I can breathe her in. After laying a kiss there I ask about the silence of the house, "Brandon and I told everyone you just needed a couple of hours to yourself. The gang left soon after, and then it was just your mum and our parents. Dad decided then it was time to ask me about my sneaking around to see Jack. I told him everything and when he went off a little Iris came to our defence." She looks over her shoulder at me and I can tell she doesn't want to say what happened next, I gently squeeze her waist in encouragement. "She then told mum about his threat to you, and why she and Jack felt that the Trust had to be broken."

I put my forehead on her shoulder, fuck. "Should I go?" I say it as I hold her tighter.

"No Mum went off. They have been upstairs for the last hour. Cindy has declared you family and told Jim that he can go away on another business trip if he doesn't like it. You needed your family right now."

"They don't know about everything though, do they?"

She spins in my arm's and lifts her hands to run them through the back of my hair, "no they don't but Dylan that's between us. It's our business."

"Bren they'll find out-"

"Maybe, maybe not. Our friends, Brandon, Kelly, your Mum they aren't going to tell them. But yeah they still might find out; I'm not sure what Jackie knows. Regardless, it doesn't matter it's between us and only us. It was a fucking," I lift my brow she rarely swears, "agonising growing pain but that's all it was. Something we needed to experience to figure out how connected we were, to see if our bond would snap under the weight of that."

"It didn't, though I don't like feeling it that thin."

"I think each time it's stretched it gets a little stronger. I think you, me and it need to keep growing."

I rest my forehead on hers, "can we not do that again for a while though. I'm comfortable being this size for a bit."

She laughs, "okay Baby let's get used to being this size for a bit."

"I don't want to go to school tomorrow."

"I thought that might be the case. We have breakfast with your Mum before she has to fly back out to a program she's running in Honolulu, luckily she rang her neighbour to advise of the last minute request and that she'd be away for another week. He gave her the message after seeing the police at her house."

"What should we do after that?"

"Well a charming McKay man invited me fishing this weekend, I thought you and I could go together make his last request a reality." I lean in and kiss her, that sounded perfect.

"That wasn't his last request though. His last one was for me to make it right with my girl."

"Baby you've already accomplished that one, though he did mention something about getting me a green pony-"

"And your own room. I'll get you the pony though the saddle might be the only thing green about it, and as for your own room- not on your fucking life."