Stolen by destiny
He was sitting alone in the coffee bar.
The sun was shining. Spring was everywhere, in every breath, in every laugh, in the people's hearts. But Arthur felt none of it. He just felt cold. Tired. Defeated.
His half-empty cappuccino became cold, but when he made another sip, he didn't even notice it.
Another case closed. A bastard who was raping women was caught. It was not his job to think about it anymore. They procured enough evidence for the court to put the criminal into jail.
He should be satisfied with the job done by his department. He should be satisfied, but all he feels is the utmost desperation and the desire to scream.
He is tired. He is so tired of facing such brutal cases. He can't see any good in people anymore. He knows it makes him unfit for the position. If he wants to continue doing his job, he needs a break.
"Yeah, a break", thinks Arthur. Maybe he can go to see his step-sister in Milan. Her fashion company grew in the last two years, and she was working on opening a filial there. Yes, he could go to her house on the lake. He knows no one going to disturb him there, Morgana herself was in another city and the house was empty.
He toyed with this idea and the more he was thinking about it, the more he liked it. Yeah. He certainly needs a break. This last case did something to him. It was brutal but not the worst they faced, and they caught the bastard quite fast, which helped to avoid other victims.
Three women were dead. Horrible, yes, but it could have been more, and he works with such cases on a daily fucking basis. So what's wrong with him? Why now?
Should be dreams, thinks Arthur. Certainly, they do play a role in it. For the last couple of weeks, he was feeling weird, like his consciousness got divided in two.
He spoke about them to no one. His colleagues noticed something, but they didn't ask questions, for which he was grateful.
The dreams ARE weird. They are too vivid, they don't bring rest, and they feel like suppressed memories more than dreams. During the day, he is the chief police officer of a homicide department. During nights… during nights, he is a bloody king living in a castle.
And the dreams make him feel such strong emotions that they have an impact on his mood during the day.
And then, this victim's diary entry… It was bothering him, such a coincidence couldn't be a coincidence at all. He closed his eyes and remembered what lead him to the situation he found himself in.
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.
.
Some days ago, Arthur was the first one to come into the office. He had another dream this night, and this one was more a nightmare, to tell the truth.
His friend (king's friend) was wounded and dying, and he felt so helpless. He remembers that the king was ready to do anything, g, to save the wounded man.
Arthur really wished he remembered his name. He wished he could have remembered his face too. He always remembered those dreams vividly, but never names and faces, only events and emotions connected to them.
The said morning he woke up to a sunrise and no wonder he found himself the first one to be present in the office. And from the moment he woke up, he had a bad feeling about the day. The feeling only became stronger when around nine o'clock the office became full of everyday sounds with people doing their jobs, Gavin stumbled into his cabinet without knocking.
"We have another body", he announced.
And the body they had.
Which would be a very beautiful, perfect, if not dead body.
The whole team couldn't put their gazes off the scene in front of them.
She was completely naked.
She was placed on her knees with her face down to the bed and her back facing men in police uniforms. Her hands were tied up on her back in a clearly painful way.
She was violated as the previous victims: the bruises on her hips spoke volumes.
Her long black hair was put on the side opening the neck. When Arthur approached the body, he could have seen then that the neck was bruised too. Staying that close, Arthur could have felt a fresh smell of lavender, which seemed very inappropriate to the situation. She should have washed her hair just before the rapist broke into her house.
"Wow, look at this barbie girl", said one of the guys working with evidence. "Her back is so…", he licked his lips, obscenely staring at the naked ass of the victim.
Arthur felt a wave of disgust and a feeling of protectiveness towards the dead woman. He took his jacket and put it on the girl's back, hiding it from the eyes of men.
"Hey, you can't do that! It's against protocol!"
Arthur abruptly turned into less of a man who somehow finished working with police forces.
"You will shut up your dirty mouth and do your bloody job, or I swear I'll report you unfit for your position", he barked.
The guy made a face but, recognizing the chief officer, said nothing.
Gavin went to check other rooms but before leaving, gave to Arthur a nod of approval.
After spending the necessary time to come to some basic conclusion about the crime, they finally left, leaving others behind.
When they left the house, it didn't become easier to breathe.
It seemed Gavin could relate, as he had a very gloomy expression on his face.
"We'll catch this bastard, Arthur".
The words were heavier than usual, it was a promise of more than justice; it was a promise of revenge. With this line of job they don't make promises, but this time it felt right.
And they did catch him indeed. Mostly thanks to the last victim.
After the day the body was found, Arthur had to talk to the victim's family, colleagues and friends.
The victim's name is Marilyn.
She had an uncle who looked totally destroyed.
She had a lot of friends whom she helped in one or another way.
She was living alone. No drugs. No alcohol. No casual relationships. No enemies, or at least it seemed. Everyone to whom Arthur spoke seemed genuinely shocked and horrified that the girl got killed. Everyone told the same story of an unselfish, brave woman who was helping people. Working as a social service coordinator, for instance.
At her job, everyone was in a panic as she was dealing with a lot of cases, and they didn't know how to deal with deadlines.
It turned out her life was her job. Arthur couldn't help but think that both of them were trying to help people, she by working with people in need, and he by catching bastards who were killing good people.
Telling Marilyn's family was not an easy task. It's never easy to bring such news to people close to the victim, but this time it had a particularly strong impact on Arthur.
All their department worked even more extra than their usual extra.
But in the end, it's thanks to Marilyn that they found a way which led to the culprit.
It turned out she was a very observant individual. They found her diary in the same room they found the body, and there were pieces of information about the guy who Marilyn thought was probably stalking her. She was not particularly alarmed but mentioned some details about the man to her friends as well.
And it is those details that finally helped to identify the guy.
.
.
.
Arthur has to be satisfied. But he is not.
He finishes his cold cappuccino. Marilyn's case related documents are in his bag. The case is closed, but he couldn't lock it in the cases' room yet. He also still has a diary which has to be returned to her uncle.
Arthur takes the diary and reared one of the last entries.
"I had a very strange and vivid dream last night.
It's not the first time, but lately, they become more persistent. I have magic and my main task is to keep alive the king of the realm where magic is outlawed. I'm a male, and it seems I'm the king's servant, but we are friends, and we call each other names and go on deadly quests and face dangerous creatures and I use magic to save his life. It feels so real that sometimes in the mornings I can't separate reality from dreams".
He closes his eyes. No matter how much he thinks about it, he cannot find any explanation for THIS. When he read it for the first time, he immediately thought it was some kind of elaborate joke. He would have thought about Gavin as the expert on high-level pranks. But he would not do it in such circumstances. Not with the victim of the sexual violation, who was found dead.
And more so… Arthur had never told anyone about those dreams.
He abruptly closes the diary. The decision was made, and he was the kind of person who preferred acting to dwelling. So, he acts.
He presses number 3 on his phone.
After three beeps, he is talking to a happy Morgana. But before she starts asking questions about his well-being, he goes right away to the reason for his call.
"Look, can I crash at your lake house in Italy? There is no one there, yeah? […] No, I just need some time alone, and I would appreciate […] yes, yes, of course, thank you […] When? This evening [...] No, I don't have a ticket but I […] ah, no, if you can buy it for me, it will be okay […]"
After talking to Morgana he notifies his colleagues about his abrupt decision. They know something is not quite right: usually, he doesn't go on a vacation at all, and especially he doesn't take days off like this, out of the blue.
.
.
.
Packing, if you can call it like this, doesn't take much time at all. Nine hours after the decision is taken, he finds himself alone in the house by the lake.
He is not hungry, but he finds an expensive-looking bottle of red wine (definitely Morgana's style) and just stays outside, sipping his drink.
It's a bit chilly for Italy in April, and it looks like it's going to rain this night.
He continues drinking the wine until the bottle is empty. He also feels empty, but he prefers not to think about it. He tries not to think about anything.
With the first sound of thunder, he leaves the balcony and goes to bed without changing into sleeping clothes. He finds himself reading the last entry of the diary of the woman he never met alive and who helped to catch the murderer.
The coroner's report revealed that she was violated twice: before she got killed and after.
In moments like this Arthur hates humanity, just can't find in people any good, only greed, envy, violence and cruelty.
He opens the diary on the last entry.
"Today I had a dream about the prince losing his father and becoming the king. I, or he, the manservant, stayed the whole night waiting for his friend. And I remember all the conflicting emotions I went through. The king who condemned my kind only for their existence was dead, but my friend, his son, was in pain. And my heart was aching for him. I felt so guilty for failing to save his father with magic. I let him down, but I gave myself a promise to be by his side no matter what.
I wish I could have remembered his name or his face. It seems important. In my dreams, he is the most important person in my life. It is so strange, but I have the feeling he needs me now, that I'm letting him down right now by not being by his side, but no matter how much I try to remember more, I cannot.
But these dreams come every night. I hope one day I will remember him. I don't know why, but it's important. I know it as I know that once I find him I'll never let him down again".
Arthur knows this event. He saw it in his dream from the king's point of view.
It is the last thing she wrote. He wishes she wrote more. He wishes he got to meet her. He wishes she was alive.
Maybe he is becoming crazy, but there is no explanation for him and for Marilyn to have the same dream from two different points of view. He wants to understand but at the same time, he doesn't, not anymore. He is scared of what he can find out.
Outside, the weather goes crazy, and he falls asleep to the sound of heavy rain with the diary pressed to his chest.
And another dream comes.
There is a war.
And he is wounded by the person he used to trust.
And then he sees himself dying in the arms of his servant. Friend. Magician. Liar. Protector.
The feelings he goes through are so many and so complicated he cannot divide them into single ones.
His heart aches, but not for himself. His heart is in pain for his friend who has to watch him die. The friend who had to hide who he was because of the law of HIS kingdom.
He wakes up with the last breath the king produces in his dream.
He wakes up with tears in his eyes.
He wakes up with memories of who he is.
He wakes up with the knowledge of him being King Arthur.
And with this knowledge comes another one.
And he can't breathe.
Merlin.
Oh, God, Merlin.
He remembers the man's name.
He remembers his face.
He remembers more than that.
He remembers all of it.
He remembers Gwain and Gaius and all his knights and Merlin, Merlin, everywhere, always there, always by his side.
Another thunder and lightning outside make him flinch.
He rushes towards his backpack, where there are documents from the last case. When he puts out the folder, his hands shake so violently, that all documents finish on the floor with the photo of the victim, of Marilyn, on top. He bends down to pick it up.
It's a full face photo made for her employee badge. Being a woman, she IS different from his Merlin. But not as much different as he wants her to be. Her smile, her eyes… It is him.
Arthur can't help but stop breathing.
It was real. All of this WAS REAL.
"Merlin" … "I remember you"
Too late. There is no one to reply, and there will never be.
There is no one to ask for forgiveness.
They got reborn. They could have had another chance, and he lost it before having it.
Merlin was dead. Killed, gone, taken from him in the cruelest possible way.
Without ever finding Arthur. Without ever remembering who he was. Without Arthur remembering him.
He was brutally killed, alone and violated and when Arthur met her for the first, there was no Merlin anymore, only her body.
It is so cruel from the part of the destiny that Arthur wants to scream. What is the use of his memories coming back if he cannot have his friend by his side? If he cannot tell him how SORRY he is for everything?
What is the use for him to remember? To live an empty life of torture? As his life is going to be torture. He won't find peace, he knows this as a fact. He's never going to move on.
And he cries.
"You never let me down, Merlin, never. It's not your fault". But the thought is useless. He cannot say it to his friend, will never say it. So what's the use of it?
Thick tears run down his cheeks. He doesn't think he can take it.
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.
.
His phone starts calling. Mindlessly, he picks it up.
"Arthur!", Gavin's voice sounds strange. Arthur just stares at the phone without realizing he even replied to the call and not knowing why he did it. Nothing has sense anymore.
He lost Merlin.
"Arthur! Are you okay?"
"No", he chokes. "No, I'm not".
There is silence on another side of the phone, and then attentively Gavin asks:
"What happened, my king?"
The last two words stay in the air.
Arthur doesn't feel anything.
"So, you remember too".
With hearing this, Gwain becomes excited and starts bumbling.
"Thank God! You remember! Arthur, I've just woke up and Percy too, he also remembers. I think we ALL remember!
"Doesn't matter", a silent, flat reply.
"Arthur, you don't understand! We can find everyone! We can…"
"It is too late, Gwain"
"What are you talking about?"
"It is too late", he repeats with defeat in his voice. "Nothing matters anymore"
"... you are scaring me, mate…"
"Gwain. Marilyn, the last…", he chokes on his sob, "the last victim… It was Merlin, Gwain. Merlin is dead. He died before…"
He doesn't know what he was planning to say. Before what? Before he met him? Before he could have asked for forgiveness? Before they all remembered? Before they had their happy after?
A painful sound comes from his phone.
"NO!", a scream of denial and pain. "You are wrong. It's not him! IT CAN'T BE!"
"Marilyn had dreams too. She wrote about it in her diary".
Arthur doesn't know why he continues this conversation. Nothing matters anymore.
He doesn't know how long he just stays like this, with tears on his cheeks and with the silence from his phone.
Then Gwain asks.
"Where are you?"
"Doesn't matter", repeats Arthur.
He doesn't understand what Gwain is asking, and replies more to his own turbulent thoughts and emotions.
Doesn't matter. Nothing doesn't matter now.
He always knew something was missing from his life. Now he knows what is it, WHO is it, but this person was taken from him before he even had a chance.
Nothing matters.
.
.
.
The next day his friends come to the house just to find it empty. There is Arthur's backpack and documents on the floor, but no Arthur. In Marilyn's case, a photo and her diary are missing.
After some months, the man who violated and killed three women and was condemned to prison got killed in his own jail. No one ever found out how it happened.
Morgana, Gwain, Percival and Gaius found others, but never Arthur.
They never stopped searching for their king, and they never stopped grieving for two close people they lost.
I have some things to share, so will go by the order =)
Firstly, when I started this fanfic, I was about to write about happy ever after for Arthur and the female version of Merlin and look how it turned out… Just know, angst was not planned, have no idea where it came from.
Secondly, I redeem important to share that this work was directly inspired by the story "Destiny" written by KSheenan10.
Aaaaaand! Thank you for sticking with me and know that any feedback is highly appreciated! =)
