All Too Well
Summary: Mac and Harm are together in San Diego following the coin toss. But staying together ends up being even harder than getting together.
Part Two – Harm
May 2005
"Oh, it is so good to see you."
I stand by patiently while my mother gives me a hug, pulls back to cup my face, and then gives me another hug. I wrap my arms around her and gently lift her off the ground. I've been doing that since the first time I came home on leave, and it's always made her laugh. Once her feet are back on the floor, I pull back and smile. "It's good to see you too, mom." And it is. It really, really it. She and I haven't been close since I was young. Since she married Frank, I'm ashamed to admit. But our relationship has gotten better over the years and being closer to her – and to Frank – is one of the many reasons I'm glad that Mac won the coin toss.
"When did you get to town?" I flush, and she smirks. "I'm guessing that look on your face means you didn't come here straight from the airport." She makes a tsking noise, and begins to walk through the house.
I roll my eyes and follow her into the kitchen. "I got here Saturday night."
"Hmm. Saturday night, huh? So, you've waited two days to call on your old mother."
I laugh and pick up a berry from the cutting board. "Call on my mother," I repeat. "Have you been reading Charlotte Brontë again?" I reach for another berry and lean against the counter. "I'm sorry I didn't stop by yesterday. We spent the day house hunting and-"
She raises a hand and shakes her head. "Stop. I don't want to hear about what else you were doing."
My face reddens again and she smiles before turning to the fridge. Interestingly enough, I get my prudishness from my dad. My mom may carry this air of a high class, sophisticated, society woman - and she is those things. But she also has a wicked sense of humor, teases me mercilessly about the women in my life, loves dirty jokes, and hosts as many erotic art displays as she possibly can in her gallery – although I think she only does that to irritate some of her more uptight neighbors.
Mom turns back to me holding a pitcher of tea and a small bowl of sliced lemon. "I'll stop teasing you now, I promise. Would you like some tea?" I nod and fetch two glasses from a cabinet and set them in front of her. "Do you have to go back to Washington, or are you here for good?"
She pushes the glass toward me, and I take a sip before answering. "I'm in between right now. My place has been packed and the movers are on their way with my things. But Mattie is still in Washington at the rehab facility, so I'm going back in a few days. I'm just going to bounce back and forth I guess until she gets the all clear to come out here."
Mom frowns and delicately squeezes a lemon wedge into her tea. "How long until that happens?"
I shrug. "The physical therapist and doctor think it shouldn't be more than a month." She's still frowning, and it makes me uncomfortable. "What's wrong? I feel bad about leaving her there, but she has Jen and I want to get a place-"
She holds up her and cuts me off. "Sweetheart, I'm not judging you. I know you've left her in good hands, and I think it's smart to get everything ready here so she has a comfortable home to come to."
"Okay." Neither of us say anything and I let out an exasperated sigh. "So why are you frowning?"
She stays quiet for another moment and then finally shakes her head. "It's just a lot, Harm. Taking on a teenager is enough of a challenge, but one that requires coordination with a physical therapist and a doctor seems nearly impossible. Add to that quitting the Navy, getting engaged… It's all just a lot of changes all at once."
"I know," I say quietly. And I do know. She's not saying anything I haven't already heard, or thought. "But I care about her. I care for her a great deal. I want to be her guardian."
"I know you do." She sips her tea and we both go silent again. "I just want to make sure you're ready for everything."
"I am," I say, trying to reassure her. "I know everything happened fast, and I know it seems as if I haven't thought any of this through."
"Harm, you called me to tell me you were moving to London and being promoted to Captain. I barely had stopped crying when you called to tell me there had been a change of plans, and you and Mac were getting married and moving out here. It doesn't seem like there was enough time to think anything through."
I feel annoyance starting to seep in, and I cross my arms over my chest. "Do you not approve? I thought you liked Mac."
She places a hand on my arm and gives a gentle squeeze. "Of course, I like Mac. I've known that the two of you were perfect for each other for years. But I'm your mother, Harm. I've been worrying about you for over forty years now; it's what I do. And you've never been big on change, and this is just a lot of change all at once. I just want to feel confident that you're ready for it."
"It is a lot," I acknowledge. "But I am ready for it. I'm ready to be Mac's husband and Mattie's father. You don't need to worry, mom. I promise." She doesn't look entirely convinced, but she nods and drops her hand from my arm. "Anyway, I need to ask you for something. And it feels strange asking for it now, but…"
She closes her eyes briefly and then takes a step back. "You want the ring, don't you?" I nod and she lets out a sigh. "Harm, are you sure you don't want to give Mac a new ring? One that doesn't have quite so much baggage."
I'm fully annoyed now, and it's impossible to keep the frustration out of my tone. "Jesus, mom. If you don't want me to marry Mac, just say so. If you don't want her to have the ring, just say so."
Her eyes flash and she places both hands on the island. "This isn't about that. You know I think that blasted ring is cursed, and you know that I wish Sarah had never told you that you should give it to your future wife someday."
I can't help but roll my eyes. "It's a ring. It's a diamond, two sapphires, and a gold band. Not some mystical, cursed object."
"Harm, neither of the women who've worn that ring have had long, happy marriages, which is all I want for you and Mac. If this is about money, I can give you money to go buy a new ring. I can even connect you with a friend of Frank's who is a wonderful jeweler."
"God, it's not about money. It's about traditions and sharing a part of my family history with my future wife. I'm not scared of the ring, mom." Her face is pale, and I try to force myself to relax. I reach out and cover one of her hands with mine. "And besides, I'm not in the Navy anymore. So, you don't have to worry about me meeting the same end as dad, or Grandpa Peter."
She doesn't say anything for a long moment, but finally sighs an straightens. "I'll be right back." I nod and watch her leave the room. I take a sip of the tea and try to calm myself down, and I've more or less succeeded when she comes back into the kitchen a few moments later. She swallows hard and hands me a worn velvet ring box. "You'll want to take it to a jeweler and get it properly cleaned and check the settings before giving it to her."
I nod and open the box. It's been years – maybe even decades since I've seen this ring in person. When I was a kid, I just remember thinking that it was shiny. As an adult I've always wondered how my very young grandfather had been able to afford anything this extravagant. Based on Renee's lessons in jewelry buying, I know the diamond center stone is well over two carats, and the two rectangular sapphire baguettes are a decent size as well. The gold band looks old, and has plenty of nicks and scratches, but when I see them, I imagine my grandmother as a young woman wearing it while working on the farm, and that's part of why I love this ring so much.
"Thank you," I say softly.
Her eyes are on the ring, but she nods. "You're welcome."
I call Mattie on the way back to Mac's temporary quarters. It's nearly six o'clock on the east coast, so I'm hoping she's settled for the day. She answers the phone on the third ring, and she's breathless when she answers.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah," she says, panting a little. "PT was hard today. My heart is still going about a million miles a minute."
"I talked to your doctor earlier, but maybe I should call them back. I'm not sure it's safe for them to push you so hard. I-"
"Harm, chill." I can almost hear her roll her eyes, and it does please me that despite everything she's been through, she still manages to act like a normal teenager. "They're doctors, you're a lawyer. Let them do their job. Besides, I'm never going to get better if they don't push me."
I don't say anything, but I know she's right. I remember Bud making a similar argument when Harriet was worried he was doing to much, and I try to force myself to relax. "You're right, you're right. I just hate that I'm not there."
"It's fine, Harm. Really. I have Jen, and I know you're trying to get everything ready for me out there." She takes another breath, and I force myself to wait quietly for her to talk. "Have you and Mac found a place yet?"
I wince, thinking about the house-hunting yesterday, and how disappointed Mac had been. "No, not really. There was one place that Mac loved, but it had two floors and I didn't like the idea of being separated from you." Mattie barks out a laugh and I frown. "What?"
"Before the accident I lived in a different apartment down the hall."
"I know," I say, "but you had Jen in the bedroom next door. I'd just like to be a little closer, in case you need something." She's quiet again, and I can tell that she's trying to figure out how to say something I may not want to hear. "Say what's on your mind, Mattie."
She takes another breath and slowly lets it out. "Harm, you and Mac just got together. You're going to be newlyweds with a sixteen-year-old under the same roof. A little space – like a bedroom on a different floor – might be really good for all of us."
"Mattie-"
"Just think about it, Harm. I imagine there are all kinds of things that you and Mac will want to do behind closed doors. Wouldn't that be a little less embarrassing for all of us if our bedrooms had a little bit of distance between them?"
My face suddenly feels hot, and I'm mortified that a teenage girl feels the need to explain this to me. But I know she's absolutely right. "You may have a point," I concede.
"I absolutely have a point," she says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. I hear a knock on her door, and I hear her say something to someone else before turning her attention back to me. "Hey, my neighbor Hayley wants to go grab dinner. Do you mind?"
"No," I say quickly. I'm so glad she's made friends there; it definitely helps with the guilt I'm feeling for being so far away. "Have fun. I'll call you in the morning."
"'kay. Goodnight, Harm."
"Goodnight, Mattie." I end the call and make the rest of the drive in silence, lost in my own thoughts. I stopped by the jeweler mom had recommended after leaving her home, and had the ring tightened and cleaned, and now it was burning a hole in my pocket. No one would ever call me a romantic, but considering how lacking the proposal had been, I did want to make giving her the ring a little special.
She was still at work when I got home, and the apartment was quiet. Too quiet. I looked around the sparse quarters – all renters white and builder basic. I hated it, and I knew she did too. I thought back on her home in Georgetown. It was warm and inviting, and as far from temporary base housing as you could possibly get. I think about how much she loved that last house we saw yesterday, and I get an idea. I reach for my wallet and pull out the business card that Anna, her realtor, had given to me yesterday. I pick up my cell phone and dial the number, relieved when Anna answers immediately.
"I feel like I've seen this movie."
I tighten the blindfold over her eyes and guide her to the passenger seat. "Hey, if I were going to have you killed, I'd at least wait till we were married so I could collect your life insurance." She snorts and I grin. "I think you'll like this surprise. Trust me."
"I do. More than anything." The teasing note was gone from her voice, and the sincerity made me swallow hard.
I bring us both to a stop and I tilt her face up, and kiss her gently. "I know. And it's mutual. I hope you know that."
She nods. "I do."
I help her into the car and then hurry around to the driver's side and start the car. We're both fairly quiet on the drive. She reaches for my hand at one point and I take it and give it a gentle squeeze. The drive from base only takes about fifteen minutes, and I can tell she's getting anxious when I slow the car and eventually come to a stop. I hop out of the car and hurry around to the passenger side to open her door and help her out. We walk up the driveway to the front porch and then we stop. "Okay," I say, and I'm nervous myself now. She reaches for the blindfold, but I beat her to it and pull it off. She blinks a few times, letting her eyes readjust to the light, and then frowns as she looks around.
"Why are we here?"
"I called Anna earlier and put in an offer on this house." Her eyes widen and I shrug slightly. The enormity of what I've done makes me feel uncomfortable. "I have three days to change my mind, but if you still want this house, it's ours."
"Harm…" She trails off and licks her lips. She looks around again, this time her eyes wide, and I can tell she's trying to temper her excitement. "What about Mattie," she finally asks.
I swallow hard, feeling embarrassed that my teenage ward was more rational than I was. "I talked to Mattie. She thought… She thought a little distance from a newly married couple would be a good thing for everyone." Mac blushes, but can't hold back a smile.
"She's a smart girl."
"She is," I say, and I feel a rush of pride, even though I've had nothing to do with it. "What do you think? Do you still want the house?"
She bites her bottom lip, and then tentatively nods. "I do. But what about you. Do you like this house?"
I grin and nod. "I love it."
Mac lets out a breath. "Yeah. I want this house." She reaches up to place a hand on my cheek and smiles widely. "I want a life with you in this house."
I place my hands on her hips and pull her close. I give her a gentle kiss and then take a step back. "I have something for you."
She raises an eyebrow and I smile and reach into my pocket. I pull out the glittering ring and extend it to her. "I believe this belongs on your left hand."
She gapes at the ring and then looks up at me. "Harm, it's gorgeous. But it's too much; I couldn't possibly-"
I shake my head, cutting her off, and reach for her hand. "This belonged to my grandmother. And then to my mother. And now it's yours." She doesn't say anything, and I feel my cheeks flush. Maybe my mom was right – maybe she'd rather have something that's only been hers, without a sad history behind it. I rub my finger over the base of her finger and swallow hard. "If you don't like it – if you'd rather have something new, I completely understand."
"No." She blinks quickly and clears her throat. "Wearing this ring will be an honor."
I smile and slide the ring onto her finger. "I know we've already done this part, but I feel the need to do it again. Marry me?"
A tear escapes and she nods. "Yes."
End Part 2
