All Too Well

Summary: Mac and Harm are together in San Diego following the coin toss. But staying together ends up being even harder than getting together.

Part Three – Mac

May 2005

"Colonel Mackenzie? Do you have a moment for General Gates?"

I close my eyes and take a breath before hitting the intercom button. I feel like a traitor to the Corps for thinking this, but if Jen doesn't get here soon to replace the very young staff sergeant currently serving as my assistant, I may smother her with a pillow. She's a nice enough girl, but some of the stuff she does just doesn't make sense - like asking if I have a moment to see a three-star general. I tell her to send him in, and stand when he walks into my office. He gestures for me to relax, and then turns to smile at the younger man who has followed him in.

"I hope you weren't in the middle of anything."

I ignore the piles and piles of files on my desk and force a smile. "Nothing that can't wait, sir."

"Good, good." He gestures at the other man. "Colonel, I'd like you to meet Commander Andrew Marshall. He's new here too, and is my new Command Judge Advocate."

I can't hold back the frown, and look from one to the other. "Sir?"

General Gates shakes his head. "You two won't be crossing swords, I promise. Commander Marshall's role is to serve primarily as my legal advisor. He will stay out of the way of your department and staff, unless you need his assistance." He grins again, and his large, toothy, too-white smile makes me uneasy. I've only known him a few weeks, but I can already tell he's no Chegwidden. Or Creswell. "I just wanted to introduce the two of you. And invite you to a cocktail hour at my house this weekend."

"Oh… Thank you," I say. I look at Commander Marshall, and feel relieved that he looks as uncomfortable as I do.

"My wife wanted to do a five-course dinner, or some nonsense like that. But I managed to convince her that a cocktail hour is better on such short notice." He smiles again, and I feel a rush of sympathy for his wife. "It won't be a large crowd, just twenty or so officers and their spouses. Please feel free to bring a date. The more the merrier." He glances at my left hand, and then at his watch. "Okay then. I need to go. I'll see you both on Saturday night. I'll have my assistant send you the specifics."

He turns and hurries away before I have the chance to say anything, and I'm left there staring after him with my mouth open.

"I don't know about you, but I'm getting the feeling that saying 'no' isn't really an option."

I had nearly forgotten there was anyone else in the room and turn to my new colleague. "I think you're right."

He smiles, and it seems more genuine than the General's. He's a handsome man; handsome in the same way that Harm is. Handsome in the 'if you even try to pretend that he isn't attractive you look like an idiot because he obviously is' kind of way. He's tall with broad shoulders and an overall physique I can tell is impressive under the uniform. His eyes are blue, and his hair is brown. He actually reminds me a bit of Harm, but more… I don't know exactly how to phrase it. I think it's the hair that's throwing me off. It's just slightly longer than you typically see in the military, and it looks as if he may have product in it – something Harm would never, ever bother with. He extends his hand, which I hesitantly take. "I'm Andrew."

"I'm Sarah. But everyone calls me Mac."

"Mac," he repeats. "It's very nice to meet you."


"Honey, I'm home!" Harm pops his head out from the kitchen and raises an eyebrow. I shrug and began dropping my things on the small kitchen table. "I've always wanted to say that."

He places his hands on my hips and gives me a kiss. "Was it everything you thought it would be?"

I wrinkle my nose and shake my head before circling my arms around his neck. "Nah." He grins and kisses me again before pulling away and turning back to the stove. "How was your day?"

He shrugs and sprinkles cheese on the top of whatever is in the casserole dish. "Not bad. Went for a run. Went to tour a couple of rehab places for Mattie."

I frown and lean against the countertop. "I thought we were going to look at places together."

He shrugs and opens up the oven and slides the casserole dish in. "I know we talked about it, but there's really no need. I mean, she's my responsibility. I-"

I shake my head and cut him off. "Harm, no. She's our responsibility. We're doing this together." He doesn't say anything, and I feel myself getting annoyed. "When she gets here, am I allowed to be an adult? To reward her? Or advise her? Or even ground her if necessary? Or do I take Jen's older sister/roommate/friend role?"

"Mac-"

I wrinkle my nose again. "Although that feels strange if you're in a paternal role with her, married to me, and she and I behave sisterly."

He moves towards me and places his hands on my shoulders. "You're right; I'm sorry. She will be our responsibility, and we are doing this together." He tilts my face up and kisses my forehead. "It's going to take me a while to get used to the fact that I'm not alone when it comes to these decisions." He trails a finger down my face and holds my gaze. "Okay?"

I relent and nod. "Okay." I sigh and wrap my arms around his waist and step closer for a hug. "I'm sorry too. I may have overreacted."

He kisses the top of my head again and holds me close. After a moment he pulls back and tucks my hair behind my ear. I absolutely love it when he does that, and I nearly swoon.

"How was your day?"

I groan and move to it at one of the bar stools. "Long. My assistant is making me crazy. Next time you call Jen, please tell her to hurry up." He smiles and goes back to the stove. "General Gates stopped by to introduce me to his new Command JAG. And to invite us to a cocktail hour at his home this weekend. Although I think invite is a little generous. I have a feeling it's one of those mandatory fun things."

"This weekend?"

I reach for a piece of the bread that's sitting on the cutting board. "Yeah. Friday night."

He winces and I drop the bread. "What's wrong?"

"I'm – I'm heading back to Washington Friday morning."

"Since when?"

He frowns. "You knew I was going back this weekend. I told you that."

It's my turn to frown and I shake my head. "You did not tell me that."

"I know I did."

"When?" His eyes narrow and I lean forward. "When did you tell me? I have a pretty good memory, Harm. I'm sure I wouldn't have forgotten."

"Well, you must have forgotten because I absolutely told you."

Neither of us move for a long time. We continue to stare at each other, neither of us saying a word. I cave first. The silence and the tension in the room starts to get to me, so I stand up and rub my hands over my skirt. "I'm going to go change." He doesn't say anything, and I turn and disappear down the hall to our bedroom. I take my time taking off my uniform. I feel the need for space from him right now. From that… What was that? It wasn't really a fight. But it was uncomfortable and I hated it. I toss my skirt and blouse over the foot of the bed, and move to the tiny dresser to dig around for something more comfortable. The dresser is cheap and rickety, and I take a moment to miss all of my furniture. It's sitting in a storage unit about 20 minutes from here, and I am counting the minutes until I'm in our house, and reunited with my things.

I pull out a tank top and a pair of running shorts and take my time getting dressed. I'm in the process of taking off my jewelry when there's a tap on the door and then Harm opens it and walks in.

"Dinner's ready."

I look at him in the mirror, and then down at the tiny diamond studs in my palm. "I'll be right there."

He comes further into the room and sits on the edge of the bed. He's watching me, and the intensity of his gaze makes me a little uneasy. "Look at me, Mac." I let out a sigh and drop the earrings into a small dish before I turn to face him. "You know I have to split my time between here and Washington until Mattie joins us."

"I know."

"And I could have sworn I told you I was going back this weekend, but maybe I didn't. Maybe I just assumed you knew, since it had always been my intention."

I shake my head and sit down next to him. "I'm sorry I got that annoyed."

He shrugs and bends to kiss my bare shoulder. "We'll get better at this." He stands and extends a hand. "Come on. Let's eat." I let him pull me up, and I follow him into the kitchen.


"I have to say, I think that the running trails here are my favorite thing about San Diego so far."

Harm laughs and grabbed a towel out of the backseat to blot off the sweat before getting into the car. "That one definitely has a nice view." He tossed me the towel and then climbed behind the wheel. "I ran cross country in high school, and that was my favorite one to train on."

I shake my head and let out a short laugh. "I keep forgetting that you grew up here."

"I spent most of my childhood here. Except for the two years we spent at the farm right after dad disappeared." He leaned back and watched waves crash against rocks for a moment. "I never thought I'd willingly come back here."

I throw the towel into the backseat and climb in beside him. I look at him for a moment and then swallow hard. I hope he doesn't regret this. I hope he's happy here. I look down at my lap. I hope he's happy with me. "Are you okay being back here?"

He lets out a breath and turns to me. "It feels strange being back. And being so close to mom and Frank." He vaguely gestures to an expensive looking neighborhood down the road. "They live right down the street." But this he turns to me and his face softens, and I feel a rush of pleasure. "But I'm so happy to be with you, Mac."

I don't say anything; I just nod. "Let's go home." He doesn't say anything; just starts the car, and then once he's on the main road, he reaches for my hand.

The drive back to base is fairly quiet. Neither of us say much, so the only noise is a Journey CD with the volume low. Once we're back in my lodging, I slip off my shoes at the door and head to the bathroom. "I'm going to take a quick shower."

"Mind if I join you?"

I stop and turn to him. "I'm sweaty and gross."

He laughs and cocks his head to the side. "Yeah, I figured that was the reason for the shower."

I blush and look down. "I just thought that was your way of suggesting sex."

He reaches for my hand and tugs me close. He peels off the tank top I'm wearing and shrugs. "Well, let's not rule it out. Maybe once we're no longer sweaty and gross I'll let you seduce me." He grins and moves past me towards the bathroom. And I smile widely as I follow him.

We leave the shower a little while later and stumble straight for the bed. The shower is small, and poorly suited for anything beyond touching. So, we touched. And touched. And touched some more. His fingers moved inside me. My hand wrapped around him and stroked. We kissed, with his hands tangled in my freshly washed hair, until our lips were swollen and we were out of breath. We touched until the water started to cool, and then we moved to the warmth of our bed.

I always guessed – or maybe fantasized – that he would be a generous lover. And he has exceeded every single one of my expectations. I try to touch him, and he swats my hand away and begins to move down my body. His mouth moves over my breasts, alternating between sucking and teasing with his teeth. He goes lower, his lips move over my stomach, my hip bones, and then he nips at the delicate skin of my inner thigh. He teases me until I begin to whimper, and then his mouth is finally where I want it to be, and I'm clutching the sheets for dear life as he expertly licks and sucks and makes me come again and again.

I'm on the verge of begging for him when he finally moves up my body. He kisses me - a slow, teasing kiss and then he pushes inside of me. And it's so damned good. He's feels perfect. We feel perfect. Like our bodies were meant to do this together. And maybe they were… Because sex has never, ever felt like this before.


"Colonel! Good to see you!" General Gates looks around me and frowns. "Where's your fellow?"

I force a smile and shake his hand. "Something came up back in Washington. He flew out this morning."

"Well, that's too bad. I was looking forward to meeting him." I force another smile, and he shrugs. "But I'm sure there will be other opportunities."

"Absolutely, sir." I look around the room and bite my lip for a moment. "Where should I put my purse?"

He gestures down the hall. "Guestroom. First door on the right."

I nod and thank him, and move quickly down the hallway. I open the door to the guestroom, and sit on the edge of the bed, trying to avoid the other bags and sweaters that have been draped over the floral quilt. I briefly wonder if anyone would miss me if I just hid in here for a little while. There are too many flowers, but it's quiet.

Unfortunately, the solitude doesn't last more than a couple of minutes. The bedroom door opens, and Andrew Marshall steps inside. He gives me a curious look and raises an eyebrow. I shrug and cross my arms over my chest.

"Looks like I found your hiding place."

I roll my eyes. "Considering this is the purse/sweater/coat room, it's a pretty terrible hiding place."

He grins and drapes his blazer over a chair. "True." Neither of us say anything, and he gestures to the door. "Are you coming?"

I take a deep breath and stand. "I guess I have to."

On the way to join the others, we pass a server carrying a tray of champagne. Andrew grabs two and offers me one. I quickly shake my head. "I don't drink."

He gives me another look and shrugs. "More for me, I guess." He downs half of the glass in one gulp. "I'm going to need it if I'm going to survive this party." He finishes the first glass and sets it on a nearby table. He looks me over, and I feel the urge to find a heavy coat to put on over my dress. "You look nice." I don't say anything, and he sighs. "Was that inappropriate? I'm just trying to be nice."

I shake my head. A compliment isn't inappropriate. Not really. "Thank you."

He grins and gestures at my hand. "Can I ask a potentially inappropriate question?"

I'm tempted to say no, but for some reason I shrug. "You can ask. I may not answer."

"Fair enough." He smiles again, and sips the second glass of champagne before gesturing to my left hand. "Are you actually engaged, or are you doing that thing where you wear a fake ring to make men think you're taking and therefore warding off unwanted attention?"

My eyes go wide and my thumb instinctively runs over the beautiful ring. "I'm actually engaged."

He makes a non-committal noise and I clench my jaw. "What about you? Are you here with someone?"

He shakes his head. "No. My girlfriend is a doctor. She had to work tonight."

I attempt to smile sweetly. "Do you actually have a girlfriend, or are you just doing that thing where men pretend to have a girlfriend to ward off the unwanted attention from women who are pretending to be engaged to ward off unwanted male attention?"

Andrew surprises me by laughing and I can't help but smile. "I like you, Mac. But only as a colleague, since I do actually have a girlfriend." He glances at the bar. "Want something to drink?"

"I can get it."

He rolls his eyes and sets down the champagne flute. "I'm trying to be nice. Let me fetch you a drink."

"Fine. Tonic water with lime, please."

He grins and nods. "Coming right up."

Andrew is back a few minutes later with a glass of water for me, and a beer for himself. He hands me the water and looks around the room. "I think we're the youngest people here."

I noticed that as well. When the General mentioned inviting officers over, I assumed it would be a variety of officers. But no. Just older ones that far outranked her. "Looks that way." She sipped the water and watched an admiral laugh loudly at something Gates had said.

"Let's play a game."

I turned to him and cocked her head to the side. "Excuse me?"

He shrugged. "Listen, I have exactly an hour before my cab comes, and I'm sure I'm going to die of boredom. Entertain me, and then you can go home to your fiancé and feel good about having saved my life."

I watch the other party goers for a moment, and then turn back to Andrew. "Okay. What's the game?"


I get home a little over an hour later. I slipped out when Andrew did, thankful that we were leaving when we were. The crowd had parted by gender; the wives on one side and the men on the other. I hate it when that happens, because I never know where to go. I obviously have a vagina, but I don't have kids and I'm not a wife, and I don't fit in with them. But at the same time, I don't think I'd feel comfortable being the only woman talking shop with a group of 50-year-old men.

The light on the answering machine was flashing when I walked in, and I hit play while kicking off my shoes. It's Harm, and hearing his voice instantly makes me smile.

'Hey gorgeous. Call me when you get home. I love you, and I don't think I've ever said this to a woman before, but I miss you.'

I grab the cordless phone and head to the bedroom, I unzip my dress, take off my underwear and crawl into bed. I dial his cellphone number and close my eyes while it rings.

"Hello."

"I miss you too."

"Hey."

I can hear the smile in his voice and it warms me. "Hey yourself. How's Mattie?"

"She's good. Really good actually. The doctor thinks she should be safe to travel in about two weeks."

I let out a breath. "That's wonderful, Harm."

"I know. It's such a weight off to know she's doing so well." I hear rustling in the background and imagine he's in bed too. I run my hand over his pillow and bite back a sigh. "Anyway. How was the party?"

"It was fine." I chew on the inside of my cheek for a moment. "Commander Marshall and I were the youngest people there, so we stuck together for most of the time we were there. He had a cab scheduled to get him exactly an hour after he was dropped off, and I escaped when he did."

"What's he like?"

I shrug, and then remember that he can't see me. "I don't know. He seems nice enough. A little arrogant, but after nearly a decade with you I can handle that." He laughs and I can't help but smile.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there tonight."

I shake my head, and think back on the tension of the other night. He hadn't told me he was going to Washington, but I had overreacted. "I know. But I'm sure I'll have to endure many more nights like this one. You'll come next time."

"I will; I promise."

We fall quiet and I swallow. "It's late there; I should probably let you go."

"It's not that late."

I feel warmth flood through me at the sound of his voice and I slide my free hand under the blanket "You're right; it's not."

End Part 3