All Too Well

Summary: Mac and Harm are together in San Diego following the coin toss. But staying together ends up being even harder than getting together.

Part Four – Harm

May 2005

"You didn't need to come all the way out here to check up on me," Mattie says. "I really am okay."

I roll my eyes at her and she smiles. I know I didn't need to come all the way out here to see her. The rehab facility has horrible visitation hours, and it's a long way to travel for the two hours a day I'm allowed to be with her. But I want her to get used to the fact that I'm here for her now, and I always will be.

"Obviously you're okay. You're doing great." She beams and I push her water cup toward her. Her skin looks a little dry, and I wonder if she's dehydrated. "But I kind of miss having you around and wanted to see how you were doing for myself."

She blushes and picks up the cup. "I'm good. I can't wait to get out of here, but I feel like I'm getting stronger every day."

"I know you are," I say. "I talk to your doctors and nurses every day, and they're all so impressed by your progress." I reach over and place my hand on her shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze. "I'm so proud of you, Mattie."

Her blush deepens and she looks down at her lap, her curly hair covering her face. "Thanks, Harm."

There's a knock on the door, and we both look in that direction. I think we're both a little relieved for the interruption. As anyone will tell you, I'm not exactly good at expressing my feelings, and neither is Mattie. I think that's one of the reasons we clicked almost instantly. "Come in," I call out and the door slowly opens and Jen sticks her head inside.

"Am I interrupting?"

"No," Mattie and I say in unison and grin.

Jen smiles and hands Mattie a paper shopping bag. "I brought some books I think you'll like." She bites back a smile as Mattie peeks into the bag, and then hurriedly closes it up again.

"Thanks, Jen."

Jen shrugs and sits down on the edge of her bed. "Don't mention it."

I look from one to the other, and try not to frown. I would have brought her whatever books she needed if she had asked. Jen notices me and subtly shakes her head, so I don't bring it up. Instead, I lean back in my chair and force myself to relax. I'm thankful that Mattie has Jen; I really am. I don't know what we would have done without her.

"Hey, you look nice," Mattie suddenly blurts out. "Big date?"

Jen does look nice I realize, as I take in her black top with delicate straps and her high ponytail. I've seen her in civilian clothes a lot over the past few years considering our living situation, but that usually meant sweats.

She snorts and looks down at her clothes. "I'm moving to California soon," she says, and playfully nudges Mattie. "Now would be a terrible time to start dating. I'm going out to celebrate a friend's birthday." She looks at me and bites the inside of her cheek. "I actually only stopped by tonight to bring those books and because I need to talk to Harm for a moment."

I can tell Mattie is curious, so I stand and move to the door before she has the chance to say something that will embarrass any of us. "Let's step outside." Mattie looks like she wants to protest, but I give her a look and she falls back against the pillows with a huff. "I'll be right back," I tell her. She reluctantly nods and reaches for the bag that Jen brought.

Jen and I step into the hallway, and before she can say anything I ask what books Mattie wanted.

She wrinkles her nose and shakes her head. "I'm not telling you that. But they're more or less age appropriate, so don't worry about it." I open my mouth, but her raised eyebrow has me picturing the romance my novels my mom has always liked, and I decide I don't really want to know. Especially since I do trust Jen's judgement when it comes to Mattie, and I know she wouldn't do anything that I wouldn't approve of.

"Okay, okay. What's up?"

She swallows hard and clasps her hands together. "I got a call a few days ago from personnel. I know that Colonel Mackenzie, and Creswell, and her new CO have all made it possible for me to stay behind a little while before going to San Diego. But personnel wants me to hurry up. I just… I feel like in a tough position. I told you that I'd be here with Mattie until she was ready to go but I don't want to complicate things for the Colonel, or lose this position."

I shake my head. "Don't worry about it, Jen. Mac is ready for you to get there because the person serving in the role until you arrive is making her crazy, but she's fine with you staying here for Mattie. I mean, we both really appreciate it. I would have stayed myself, but my apartment sold faster than I expected, and…" I stop talking before I'm the one that embarrasses us both. She smiles knowingly, and I let out a breath. "But, if you want to go ahead and go to San Diego, I can come back here till she's ready. I'll figure something out."

"No, I need to be here. The General isn't ready for me to leave yet. I just wanted to make sure that Colonel Mackenzie is okay with all of this."

I peek through the window in the door, and smile at the sight of Mattie engrossed in a book. Mattie has changed so much since we first met. She's opening up to people and it's been wonderful to watch. But while I'd like to take credit, I know it's just as much because of Jen as it is me. I turn back to her and give her a warm smile. "Everything is fine, Jen. Really."


"Honey, I'm home!"

Mac is sitting on the sofa, her laptop on her thighs, and greets me with one of her beautiful smiles. "Hey, you're home!"

"I'm home," I say, and drop my bag by the door. "And you're right – saying that doesn't feel right." She laughs and moves the computer to stand and walk to me. Her arms wrap around my waist and I tilt her face up to mine. I kiss her and smile as she melts into me and deepens the kiss. After a moment I pull back, and run my fingers over her jaw, then her lips. "Promise me you'll always kiss me like that after we've been apart."

"That's an easy promise," she says, and reaches up to kiss me again. This time when we pull apart, she grabs my hand, and I follow her to the couch. I sink into the cushions, and she settled against me. "How's Mattie?"

She takes my hand and links our fingers together. I stare at our joined hands for a moment, admiring the way my family ring looks on her slender fingers. "Mattie is great. She's doing so well."

"I'm glad." She rests her head against my chest. "She's a good kid. I'm glad she found you."

"I'm glad we found each other." I think back to how lost I was after Paraguay, and the CIA, and everything with Mac and Webb. "I needed her just as much as she needed me."

She doesn't say anything, but I don't expect her to. Everything was so fucked up after Paraguay. My career. My friendships with my colleagues. My relationship with her. We haven't talked about it, and I don't know if we ever will. She claims she doesn't need to, since she worked through most of her issues with Dr. McCool. And I don't really want to talk about it. I don't want it to turn into an argument. I don't want to talk about Webb, or everything that happened before she went with Loren Singer. It's part of our history, so it'll always be there, but what good will talking about it possibly do?

"Anyway," I say, and I kiss her again. "Any plans for tonight?"

She wrinkles her nose and shakes her head. "Nope. Why?"

"Let's go out," I say. "An actual date. I was thinking about it on the plane, and I don't think we've had one of those yet."

Mac laughs, and I grin. "You're right," she says. "We went from friends to lovers in about ten minutes."

"Yep," I say. I let go of her hand and start moving my hand over her bare thigh. "And then the next day you came here. So, let's have a date."

She shrugs and gives me an indulgent smile. "Okay. Let's have a date. Where are we going?"

I shake my head. "You'll find out later."

"How will I know what to wear?"

I think about the clothes I've seen her in over the years and smile. "Wear something along the same lines as the dress you wore the night we got engaged." She smirks, and I know she's thinking about how my hands couldn't stop moving over the curves that dress showcased, and I reluctantly pull away from her. "I'm going to go run a quick errand. I'll be back soon."

"When should I be ready for dinner?"

I bend to kiss her one last time. "Be ready by seven."

She nods and smiles, and I can tell she's excited. This is a woman who loves surprises. I think back to the time where Webb would send her little gifts from the places he was pretending to be. She lit up every time, no matter what it was. I need to remember to do things like that every so often.


The maître d' shows us to a beautiful table with a spectacular view of La Jolla Cove. The waves are crashing right below the windows, and the sun is just starting to set. Mac's chair is pulled out, and I thank him as I take my own seat.

She looks around the restaurant, her eyes bright as she takes it all in. "Harm, how did you manage this? This place is booked up months in advance."

I grin and shake out my napkin before placing it in my lap. "Frank is an investor." I shrug lightly. "I don't capitalize on his connections very often, but I thought our first official date called for it."

Mac laughs and picks up her own napkin. "Only you and I would manage an engagement, a cross-country move, and a ton of sex before actually going on a date." My smile falters just a bit. I'm not romantic. I never have been, and I never will be. But I don't want her to ever feel as if I don't value her, or what we have. I feel like a jackass for not taking her out before this. But before I can say anything, her psychic powers must kick in, because she reaches across the table and takes my hand. "We're here, Harm. We're together now. And that is all that matters."

I nod and give her hand a gentle squeeze. "You're right." The waiter approaches, and I let go of her hand and pick up the menu, and only partially listen while the young man goes over the specials and the wine list. Once he leaves, I look at her over the menu and smile. She always takes her food selection very seriously, carefully reading the description for every single item, even though she'll ultimately decide on some kind of red meat. She's so beautiful, and puts every other woman in this place to shame. Her longer hair falls in soft curls around her bare shoulders, her navy-blue dress is fitted enough to be devastatingly sexy, but cut in a way what manages to look sophisticated. The only jewelry she wears are a simple pair of diamond studs that I know were a gift from her uncle when she graduated from law school, and her engagement ring.

"You're staring," she says lightly.

I grin and set the menu down. "I like looking at you."

She blushes and sets her own menu down. Our waiter must notice this, because he hurries over to take our order and the menus, and then hurries off again leaving us alone. She brushes a speck off of the bodice of her dress and looks expectantly at me. "So, tell me about your trip. How is Mattie?"

I smile and begin to talk. Even though I called her every night before bed, there's something that's just better about talking to her in person. I tell her how Mattie seemed to be stronger this morning than she had been on Friday, and how ready she is to be here with us. I tell her about the bag full of romance novels Jen brought her, and how I really hope her parents managed to have 'the talk' with her, because I think I would die of embarrassment if I had to.

Mac laughs and flips her hair over her shoulder. "Harm, I think Mattie will probably turn to Jen with those questions." She frowns slightly and bites her lip. "Or me, if she wants. I hope she knows she can come to me with anything."

I'm not sure what to say. I respect Mac too much to lie to her and assure her that Mattie does know that, and will come to her. Because I don't know if she does. She likes Mac, but she doesn't know her. Not really. Not enough to confide in her. Especially not when Jen will be around. Finally, I shrug lightly. "She'll get to that point with you," I say softly. "She doesn't really know you, but that'll all change once we're living together. We're going to be a family," I say.

She nods and smiles, though I can't help but notice her eyes aren't as bright as they were a few minutes earlier. "Yeah, a family."


After dinner, I drive us down the coast a little way to the point, and park the car in the nearly empty parking lot. I look down at her heels and wince. "Are you okay to walk in those?"

She smiles and shrugs. "I mean, I can't walk a 5K or anything, but I can make it to that platform if that's what you're asking."

I nod and we both step out of the car. I reach for her hand once she's next to me, and we walk to the deck like structure that juts out over the beach. The sound of barking fills the air, and her eyes widen as she looks around. "What's that," she whispers.

"Look." I point down to the beach and she gasps at the sight of seals covering the beach. "Oh my god!" She watches them for a moment and then turns back to me. "I'd heard about them, but haven't seen them yet." She squeezes my hand and turns back to the beach. "There are so many!"

I nod and watch them myself. "There are, and this is just one of the places to watch them." I let go of her hand and move to stand behind her, my hands on her hips, my body flush against hers. She watches them for a while, exclaiming with delight every so often, especially when she notices the pups, and I'm overwhelmed with how much I adore this woman. She finally turns to face me and wraps her arms around my neck.

"This first date was worth waiting for." She smiles shyly and her fingers toy with the ends of my hair. "We were worth waiting for."

I let out a breath. I'm relieved, I realize. She's had a crappy life, and a string of crappy men. I want her to feel valued and respected and cherished. I don't know how best to tell her that, so I simply nod. "I agree," I say softly. I lift her off of her feet and press my lips against hers. I pull back and set her back on the ground. Her eyes are sparkling, and I tuck her hair behind her ears. "I love you."

She beams and puts her hands on my chest, pushing me back. "I love you too." She squeezes from between me and the railing and holds out her hand. "Let's continue this date at home."

I gladly take her hand. I would follow this woman to the ends of the earth. In some ways I have. And following her to our home - to our bed - well; she'll never have to ask me twice.

End Part 4