The ghosts did something to the disclaimer saying that I don't own Ghosts characters. Just some more mad ramblings from my tiny brain.

Basic Pete Theory

"Oy…" Trevor groaned as he walked through the walls into the back yard. "You do not want to go in there!"

"What happened this time?" Sasappis asked as he was sitting on one of the lawn chairs.

"Jay was watching that Hamilton musical on TV," Trevor winced.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Isaac's high-pitched scream was heard.

"Got ya," Sasappis groaned. "Today's a nice day to walk in the woods."

"Today's a good week to walk in the woods," Trevor groaned. "Maybe that's why we're all ghosts because we can't let things go?"

"The one thing I don't understand," Sasappis remarked. "Is why Pete's a ghost. I mean he didn't even know about his wife having an affair before now. And most of the time he's a normal happy guy. Why him?"

"Yeah, I mean I get why some of us are ghosts," Trevor sighed. "We have issues."

"I CAN'T STAND IT!" Isaac screamed. "I CAN'T STAND IT!"

"YOU SHOULD HAVE BASHED HAMILTON IN THE HEAD!" Thorfinn called out.

"YES!" Isaac hissed. "THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE! WHY DIDN'T I DO THAT?"

"BASH HAMILTON IN HEAD!" Thorfinn called out. "RIP HIS LEGS OFF!"

"TEAR HIM TO PIECES!" Isaac screamed.

"A lot of issues," Sasappis remarked. "But Pete? What could Pete have possibly done? It doesn't make any sense."

"The one theory I have," Trevor remarked. "And it's a long shot mind you. My theory is way back in the day Pete was some kind of vigilante serial killer."

"What?" Sasappis did a double take.

"Let me finish," Trevor explained. "Pete killed somebody but then he hit his head or something and his personality did a complete 180! And he forgot who he was! Like total amnesia! Became a completely different person."

"Pete, a serial killer," Sasappis looked at him. "Who got amnesia?"

"Well not a regular serial killer obviously!" Trevor snapped. "A serial killer that only killed bad people! You know? Mobsters. Murderers. Puppy kickers. Stuff like that."

"Okay now I'm following you," Sasappis nodded. "Go on."

"Anyway, Pete completely forgot about his dark past," Trevor told him. "And went on to become a normal member of society. But maybe that dark past is what's holding him back?"

"So, you're saying Pete's a ghost because he's a serial killer with amnesia who has to confront his dark past in order to get sucked off?" Sasappis blinked.

"Exactly!" Trevor nodded. "Good Pete has to do battle with Evil Pete!"

"That's crazy!" Sasappis told him. "There is no Evil Pete!"

"Well do you have a better theory?" Trevor asked. "Because that's the only thing I could think of!"

"HAMILTON YOU BASTARD!" Isaac screamed.

Pete walked out of the walls. "Ooh, Isaac is really on a tear today!"

Trevor nodded. "We need to tell Sam to tell Jay about certain viewing choices he makes when she's out for the day."

"Agreed," Pete nodded. "What are you guys doing?"

"The same thing we do every day," Sasappis told him. "Absolutely nothing. Come and sit with us as we completely waste our afterlives."

"Cool," Pete said cheerfully as he sat down on another lawn chair. "What's the topic gentlemen?"

"What we did in our lives," Sasappis waved. "Nothing major."

"Boring really," Trevor nodded. "Except for who I did in my life. Those are interesting stories!"

"Like you're the only one who slept around?" Sasappis rolled his eyes. "I had sex 43 times! Not a made-up number! Because it's uneven! 43 times!"

"Okay," Trevor grinned. "Tell us the hottest craziest chick you ever slept with! I want details!"

"Oh well there were so many of them," Sasappis paused. "There was this one woman who liked to have sex in a nearby waterfall."

"Ooh that sounds interesting," Pete remarked.

"Yeah, I nearly drowned three times before I broke up with her," Sasappis groaned.

"I got one," Trevor grinned. "One night I snuck into this fancy museum fundraiser party. Lots of upper crust classy people. I met this heiress. Beautiful brunette. Long legs. Great smile. We got to talking and laughing. One thing led to another. Next thing I know, she and I are doing it in the Egyptian wing. Right on top of this gold coffin."

"You had sex on someone's coffin?" Pete gasped.

"Yeah…" Trevor realized. "That sounds really disrespectful now that I think about it."

"This could be why you're cursed as a ghost," Pete pointed out.

"No, that can't be it," Sasappis waved. "Ghosts don't live around their coffins! Unless they were buried alive."

"The mummy wasn't even in the coffin," Trevor pointed out. "It was on a different glass display across from it."

"There you go," Sasappis waved. "Besides odds are that ghost is still back in Egypt anyway."

"Must have been a real bummer for those pharaoh ghosts back then," Trevor thought aloud. "I mean think about it. You spend all this money building a pyramid to enjoy your afterlife in. And you don't even get to use it!"

"Right because ghosts exist where they died," Pete realized.

"So, you're a pharaoh and I guess you die in a palace or something," Trevor guessed. "Which is still pretty sweet. But you're standing around watching the new guy being in charge and you're saying to yourself: Wait a minute…Why am I not in my pyramid? Why do I have to watch this yutz sitting on my throne?"

"I'm pretty sure Egyptian pharaohs didn't speak Yiddish, Trevor," Pete remarked. "But other than that, I'm guessing those guys would have gotten pretty confused. Especially the ones that didn't die in a palace. Some of them died on the battlefield. Or in their camps from illness."

"You mean like Isaac?" Sasappis realized. "That must have sucked."

"I can imagine an Egyptian pharaoh version of Isaac right now," Trevor snickered. Then he copied Isaac's voice and mannerism. "What do you mean that little twerp Tutankhamun is using my pyramid now? It's my pyramid! Let him get his own pyramid!"

Pete laughed and joined in. "Tutankhamun? Tutankhamun? More like Tut Is So Common!"

Sasappis laughed and also did his own imitation. "I was a great pharaoh! A leader of men!" He stood up and stormed around like Isaac. "Every man in the palace was happy serving under me! I was famous for making men under me happy!"

"And yet Tutankhamun gets all the great museum bookings?" Trevor stood up and did the same thing. "How is that possible?"

"Why do people know his name instead of mine?" Pete stood up and did the exact same thing. "I was a far greater pharaoh than him!"

"There should be a musical about me!" Trevor mocked.

"There should be ten musicals about me!" Sasappis added.

"And I should get top billing at museums!" Pete added. "How did that twerp get all the merchandising deals?"

"Tutankhamun was a terrible leader!" Trevor added.

"Terrible!" Sasappis added.

"Always crying for his mummy!" Pete quipped.

At this the guys broke out in laughter. "Oh man…That's funny…" Trevor laughed as he flopped onto the lawn.

"It's true though," Sasappis laughed as he and Pete did the same thing. "Trust me, Isaac's the one that always cried for his mummy! HA! HA!"

"I know it's wrong to mock him but oh Jiminy Christmas that's funny…" Pete snickered. "And true! HA! HA!"

The ghosts laughed on the lawn for a few minutes. "Oh, I needed that," Sasappis snickered.

"We all needed that," Trevor told him.

"It's fun having guy talk," Pete smiled.

"Okay Pete your turn," Trevor said. "Hottest chick you ever hooked up with."

"Well, that would be my Carol," Pete sighed. "My Care Bear."

"Aww," Trevor smiled.

"Who cheated on me," Pete realized. "With my best friend."

"Uh oh," Sasappis frowned.

"And then she married him," Pete sneered. "Probably didn't even wait until I was buried to do it either! I mean why not? All our friends were at the same church for the funeral so they probably figured to get a two for one deal! It would have been so convenient!"

"Uh Pete…" Trevor gulped.

"You know what's funny?" Pete got up and started to rant. "I always felt sorry for Jerry! I felt sorry for him because he didn't have what I had! Turns out he did! LITTERALY!"

"Pete…" Sasappis said as he and Trevor got up.

Pete started pacing back and forth. "But I forgave them. Good Ol' Pete always forgives! Always steps aside and lets everyone walk all over him! LIKE A SAP!"

"Pete, you know we don't think of you like…" Trevor began.

"Come on Pete…" Sasappis began.

"I know what you're thinking," Pete kept ranting. "Pete stayed with his wife because he's the kind of guy who only gets one woman! Uh uh! Not true! I HAD OFFERS! Candice Hardy down the block! The woman who had three divorces by the age of 35 and looked like a freaking supermodel! That's right! She was into me!"

"Well, that's…" Sasappis looked at Trevor.

"You know how I know she was into me?" Pete asked. "She told me! She got out of the hot tub wearing only the bottoms of her bikini and said she told me! Right there at the Milbergs' 4th of July backyard barbecue picnic!"

"Whoa!" Trevor blinked. "That's hot!"

"Trevor!" Sasappis hit him on the arm.

"Well, it is!" Trevor told Sasappis.

"And this was after she got a boob job," Pete added. "A really good one!"

"Seriously?" Sasappis did a double take. "Okay I admit it! That's hot!"

"Told you!" Trevor looked at him.

"Right?" Pete asked. "But nooooooooooooo! I had to be a chump and stay faithful to my wife! At the time I was grateful Carol didn't see what happened. She and Jerry were out by the shed getting ice and…OH MY GOD!"

"Okay Pete…" Trevor tried to calm him down. "Let's talk about something else."

"Anything else!" Sasappis agreed.

"I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!" Pete shouted. "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT DOESN'T TAKE TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES TO GET ICE! AND WHO GETS ICE FROM A SHED? IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT!"

"Hey Pete!" Trevor said quickly. "How about you tell me about knots? Yeah, you're really good at talking about knots!"

"Oh, you want to know about knots?" Pete snapped. "I know about knots! I know how to make a hangman's knot!"

"Or something else," Trevor said quickly. "Something uh…Sass?"

"How about Meatballs?" Sasappis suggested quickly. "The movie one!"

"Meatballs? Meatballs?" Pete's voice went higher. "I'll tell you about Meatballs! I went with Carol and Jerry to see the movie and they went out for popcorn! THIRTY MINUTES LATER THEY CAME BACK! WITH BUTTER ALL OVER THEIR HANDS!"

"Oy…" Trevor winced.

"IT DOESN'T TAKE THIRTY MINUTES TO GET POPCORN!" Pete shouted.

"Maybe there was a really long line?" Sasappis suggested.

"Okay Pete! Pete calm down!" Trevor tried to placate Pete. "You know? Forgiveness! Very important!"

"You know what?" Pete asked. "I would love to see them again just one more time. And for Jerry to drop dead right here at the mansion! So, he can become a ghost and I can kick his backstabbing butt! AAAAAAHHH!" He stormed off.

This left Sasappis and Trevor staring after him in shock.

"Maybe there is an Evil Pete?" Sasappis blinked.

"Let's not get on that guy's bad side," Trevor gulped. "Just in case."

"Good plan," Sasappis nodded.