Brandon Road / .com

The office: from there to here

The OFFICE: FROM THERE TO HERE. An origin story.

EpiSODE 1: A case of the mondays

Fan Fiction By

Brandon Road.

FAde In:

INTRO

INT. THURSDAY 10AM. WVIA-44 PBS Boardroom C. JUNE 1998.

THE 3 MEMBERS OF THE PBS FILM CREW; BOBBY, CHRIS AND REX HAVE BEEN SUMMONED TO BE BRIEFED ON THEIR NEXT ASSIGNMENT IN THE BOARDROOM. PRODUCTION MANAGER TIM IS SEATED AT THE FRONT FACING THE CREW WHO ARE SITTING IN ROWS OF DESKS MUCH LIKE A CLASSROOM.

Production Manager; Tim

Alright, alright ya jabronis. We got our next project. It came across my desk this morning.

TIM shuffles some papers on the cluttered desk and squints as he raises them to his face. CHRIS who is seated 3 rows from TIM crosses his arms and rolls his eyes while he groans loudly.

Chris

Well, Tim. What is it? Hopefully it is better than that last project. Like, come on; the theory on how the monkeys are ACTUALLY training the zookeepers? Do you know how outlandish that was?

TIM drops the papers and looks at CHRIS. Behind CHRIS, is BOBBY and beside him is REX.

Bobby

I for one actually learned a lot from that project! I learned monkeys have tails. Apes don't have tails and chimps like to smoke cigars. Fascinating! It was quite interes -

Before BOBBY can finish, REX cuts him off annoyed and shaking his head.

REx

No. We aren't going over this again. The Zookeepers were NOT being trained by the monkeys. There is no way that is even possible. It was clear that it was a joke. Can we drop it. I've gotten enough slack for that piece from my family. I can't even explain the amount of monkey paraphernalia I have gotten in the last few months. It's a sick joke at this point.

TIM looks to REX.

Tim

For starters Rex, that sucks. I know the monkey piece wasn't received that well. But hey. It's behind us. We are onto bigger and better things. That starts today and that today is . . . this project.

TIM taps his fingers on a pile of papers on his desk.

rex

TIM. Let's move on. Let's hear about this next project. Enough with the monkey talk.

TIM

Absolutely. Let's plow on. Great call, Rex. You 3 should be happy you STILL have jobs here. The production quality was the only thing that saved you from the unemployment line.

TIM raises the stack of sheets from his desk and begins tapping them with his index finger harder. He stands up behind the desk.

TIM

Alright. Have any of you hooligans ever heard of or been down Slough Avenue? It's over in the industrial area ... by the train tracks. Whatever if you don't know but I'm sure you can grab a compass and Lewis and Clarke your way over there.

Collectively, BOBBY, CHRIS and REX look at one another and say nothing. However, they are curious. Tim can tell. He proceeds to explain their next project.

TIM

Anyways. The office where you will be located . . . yes office. Not a zoo. The office where you're going is over that way. Big sign on the road . . . it's . . . umm . . .

TIM looks back at the papers to locate the name of the company he clearly forgot. He shuffles them in his hands and finally spots it. He looks back to BOBBY, CHRIS and REX.

TIM

Ahh yes, DUNDER MIFFLIN PAPER COMPANY. . . Last month, they were gifted a brand new Microsoft Windows 98 computer to help with data entry, sales and HR Duties over there at DUNDE-

REX interrupts TIM before he can finish clearly shocked by what TIM has told him and his crew.

REX

Are you kidding me, Tim. What the hell is this all about? Get to the point.

TIM glares at REX.

TIM

The details will all be in this package so I'll give you the long and the thick of it. We've been contacted by their corporate office to put together a training video for other branches of DUNDE-

TIM again forgets the name of the company and tries again to locate it on the sheets. CHRIS steps in.

CHRIS

DUNDER MIFFLIN PAPER COMPANY. Slough Avenue. Microsoft 98. Blah blah. Hell of an upgrade for a project, Tim.

TIM stares at CHRIS, then looks to BOBBY and then lastly at REX. He sits down and sets the paper back on his desk. He folds his hands on top of the desk and leans forward.

TIM

Guys. I'll be level with you. This project is a training video. Technology has really taken off here and corporate over at DUNDER MIFFLIN really want to show good faith and invest in a state-of-the-art video for its employees. It's not glamourous but hey . . . it's not monkeys or apes or chimps or whatever.

TIM's attempt at levity seemed to have no effect on BOBBY, CHRIS OR REX. Having recognized that he may need to sell them on the project, TIM goes on the offensive.

TIM

This project will come with perks gentlemen. I've gotten all the nitty gritty details for you in a package. You have one week to shoot and then barring any unforeseen circumstances... this video is wrapped up by end of the week and you 3 look great for your Fiscal Reviews. . . which! Are coming up by the way. Review time means bonus time. Bonus time means money time. Money time means fun time. Review. Bonus. Fun. Remember those three words. If there is anything you remember in your time here at PBS, it's Review. Bonus. Fun.

TIM stands up and presents the stapled documents for BOBBY, CHRIS and REX to review. BOBBY stands up, walks to TIM and collects them. BOBBY passes them to his crew and they begin reading. After a few moments of silence, REX sets the package down on his desk and looks directly at TIM.

REX

TIM. Come on. I know what this is. You're putting us on this WONDER FLUFFIN . . .

REX deliberately mis-pronounced the name of the company to annoy TIM. CHRIS blankly says without looking up from his package.

CHRIS

DUNDER. MIFFLIN.

REX turns to CHRIS and then back to TIM.

REX

Thank you. DUNDER MIFFLIN. This DUNDER MIFFLIN project because it's safe.

TIM is clearly losing his patience and annoyed with the lack of enthusiasm. Knowing he only needs 2 of the 3 crew on board to get the project going, he turns his focus to BOBBY and CHRIS.

TIM

Alright REX. I know you're clearly being a poopy pants on this . . . BOBBY, CHRIS . . . what's your stance? Hmm? Are your pants also filled with the poops?

BOBBY laughs.

BOBBY

Timmy. Oh Timmy Timmy Timmy Tim Tim. . . No poop in my pants. You have my support here. The schedule is fair, the perks are fair and it looks like we have limited room for error. It is a safe project. I like it. We are the professionals here and DUNDER MIFFLIN will take the points we give them and they will listen. I have full faith here, Tim. It's a paper company. They are a long way from monkeys or anything else you see at the zoo.

TIM

Fantastic. Great attitude. You'll have my full support. How about you CHRIS?

CHRIS draws in a long breath and looks at BOBBY and then REX. He shuffles in his chair. CHRIS then looks at TIM.

CHRIS

I'm in.

TIM

It's settled. Review the packages . . . get familiar with the details and get over to Warehouse to gather your gear. I'll expect you to begin Monday. Times ticking. One week to shoot. Get crackin'.

Defeated, REX stands up and is clearly moping about the decision having been made for him. In monotone he addresses the room.

REX

How exciting. This project will be super fun. Can't wait. How awesome can a paper company be. What even happens at a paper company.

TIM shakes his head and shoo's BOBBY, CHRIS and REX out of the boardroom. The three file out with the packages in hand heading to the Warehouse to sign out their gear for their new project.

END SCENE

OPENING CREDITS ROLL.

MONDAY MORNING – INT. VAN. Day 1 of shooting.

BOBBY, CHRIS, AND REX ARE TRAVELING IN THE PBS VAN TO DUNDER MIFFLIN. IT IS THEIR FIRST DAY OF FILMING AND THEY ALL HAVE COME TERMS WITH THE PROJECT THAT LAY AHEAD OF THEM. THE VAN IS PACKED FULL OF GEAR. REX IS DRIVING, CHRIS IS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND BOBBY IS SQUISHED IN THE BACKSEAT BETWEEN GEAR BOXES.

REX

Where the hell is this place? I've lived in Scranton my entire life and I've never been over this way. This neighborhood seems pretty rough.

CHRIS

Wild. The map says it should be right about – THERE!

CHRIS points to an office building on their right.

BOBBY

This looks like the place, REX. Pull into the parking lot.

REX enters the parking lot and is immediately stopped by what appears to be a guard. The van is stopped and the guard approaches the driver side window. REX rolls it down.

GUARD

Good mornin'. You fellas lost?

REX

No sir. We are from PBS. We are here to film the training video. I believe TIM would have been the one to inform your team. My guess is they let you know ahead of time?

The GUARD looks at REX without saying anything.

GUARD

I find it hard to trust someone that doesn't look me in the eye in a parking lot. This parking lot is a safe place. You can look me in the eye. What do you think, DWIGHT?

Meanwhile, A Man, has silently appeared on the passenger side window. Breathing heavily and closely enough to fog up the window. He draws a perfect pentagram with his finger. He is directly focused on the Guard, never looking at BOBBY, CHRIS or REX.

DWIGHT

HANK. There are three places a man should never look another man in the eye: An orgy, a parking lot and while shucking corn. You of all people should know that. NOW! Please show our guests to the Media Parking space I have saved for them. Henceforth, these 3 are under my jurisdiction. You are dismissed, soldier.

DWIGHT salutes HANK, the guard, who shakes his head, backs up and points to an open parking space at the back corner of the lot. There are 2 road cones blocking the space. On the fence, there is a haphazard sign taped to it and in bold handwriting; "Media".

REX

Thanks, HANK. Thanks, DWI-

REX turns to salute DWIGHT but he has disappeared. The front door to DUNDER MIFFLIN is just closing.

BOBBY

Uhh. What the hell was that?

CHRIS

Probably nothing. Let's get inside and meet up with ED. ED TRUCK is apparently the manager here and he is aware we are coming. TIM instructed us to chat with him first and outline the plans. Let's get inside and get set up.

REX parks the van. BOBBY, CHRIS and REX file out and begin unloading their gear. HANK is still standing where he was when they arrived. He has his right hand over his brow to block the sun as he scans to see what the fil crew is doing. He yells from across the parking lot.

HANK

Looks like y'all got a lot of gear!

BOBBY sets down a bag and shouts back.

BOBBY

Yeah! We sure do! Could you a hand!

HANK doesn't reply right away. He takes his hand down from his face and begins nodding. He shouts back.

HANK

Yeah! Looks like you do, dudn't it!

HANK turns around and heads into the office building.

Rex

Well… That was nice of him. Hopefully the rest of the office is as nice as he is!

BOBBY and CHRIS laugh at REX's sarcastic comment.

BOBBY

It's going to be FINE. Remember, it's a paper company. Honestly, how bad can it be?

The three men all laugh as they collect their bags and head into the DUNDER MIFFLIN Office building to meet ED TRUCK.

END SCENE

INT. RECEPTION DESK OF DUNDER MIFFLIN

BOBBY, CHRIS AND REX EXIT THE ELEVATOR AND BEGIN WALKING TOWARDS THE DUNDER MIFFLIN OFFICE. AS THEY APPROACH THE DOOR, A YOUNGER, STOUT MAN IN A DIRTY OVERALLS IS WALKING TOWARDS THEM. BOBBY DECIDES TO ENGAGE IN FRIENDLY BANTER IN HOPES OF CREATING A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION.

BOBBY

Hello. My name is BOBBY. This is CHRIS and this is REX. We are from PBS. Are you ED TRUCK? Or is ED TRUCK here? It's my understanding he is expecting us.

The man stops and smiles. He extends his hand.

BOB VANCE

Hi. I am BOB. BOB VANCE –

He taps the logo on his overalls.

BOB VANCE

-Vance Refrigeration. How they heck are ya fellas?

BOB VANCE shakes BOBBY, CHRIS and REX's hands. They are confused.

BOB VANCE

You'll find ED TRUCK and the gang through that door. I'm just the lowly cooling guy who shares this building with them. Don't confuse me with W.B Jones though. They do they heatin' I do the coolin'. I put the "C" in HVAC.

BOBBY

AHH, Ok. Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, BOB.

BOB VANCE

VANCE. Vance Refrigeration. It's funny you mention ED TRUCK . . . wanna know a story? Well, when we first started out in this building many moons ago, MR. ED TRUCK let me in on an old sales tactic.

CHRIS leans in.

CHRIS

We don't really have time for a story , BOB –

BOB VANCE cuts CHRIS off before he can finish.

BOB VANCE

VANCE. Vance Refrigeration. But yes, ED TRUCK taught me the power of the Dual Name. First and Last name. Such a statement. Such a way to sell yourself as a trustworthy guy who could rip apart your duct work but then by 5'oclock you'd want him to stick around for a beer in the shop. You see what I'm saying? With Dual Names comes dual the trust.

REX taps CHRIS' chest. CHRIS' mouth has been open, and he has been looking at BOB perplexed this whole time.

REX

Sure! Heck of an angle using the two name system. Like – Hoover Dam . . . or George Washington. . . or New York. Iconic names but only when they are paired together.

BOBBY turns slowly to REX. REX shrugs.

BOB Vance

Exactly! See! You get it! Now! Fellas, if you're in the market for a combo oil and wood furnace, I know the guys at W.B JONES and can get you a deal. Installed. Up and running. $1000 cash. Or, if you want a freezer . . . I know how you young guys like your freezey pops these days – I can get ya gaffled up in a new 4 footer, top loader for dirt cheap. Delivered. Now, THAT's a heck of a bargain.

BOB VANCE holds his smile then turns to leave.

BOB VANCE

You know where to find me. Just ask for BOB. BOB VANCE. BOB VANCE at VANCE REFRIDGERATION. Just down the hall!

BOB VANCE smiles and winks and continues past BOBBY, CHRIS and REX.

BOBBY

Right. Thanks . . . BOB -

BOB VANCE doesn't turn around and continues walking; but he shouts back.

BOB VANCE (facing away from the 3 men)

VANCE!

Without them knowing, DWIGHT has appeared behind the 3 men. He is holding an incense candle. DWIGHT startles BOBBY, CHRIS and REX as he blows incense smoke there way while humming something in a language they don't recognize.

DWIGHT

ROBERT. CHRISTOPHER. REXWARD. Welcome to DUNDER MIFFLIN. I blessed thee. I see you have met our local tradesmen gatekeeper. He is harmless. Slow, charming and often smells of oil but he is harmless. Remember him . . . for perhaps he holds a key to a riddle that will be bestowed upon thee.

REX

Are you . . . blessing us? Who is Rexward? Me? Am I Rexward? Guys . . . who is Rexward? A riddle? What's going on here? Who are you?

BOBBY and CHRIS are speechless as DWIGHT passes by them humming.

dwight

Follow me. If you wish to live.

DWIGHT begins to head towards the DUNDER MIFFLIN office door. Still humming and wafting the incense. The scene troubles the three men. DWIGHT notices they aren't following and turns around. He lifts his head and speaks in normal tone.

DWIGHT

Hey guys, chop chop. ED TRUCK is waiting. We got plenty of time for flimflam but right now we gotta go. So please. Follow me. Thanks!

The men see the change in DWIGHT's demeanor and decide to follow. DWIGHT drops his head. He begins to hum and swing the incense again. They enter the front door to the DUNDER MIFFLIN Office space at reception. Once inside, DWIGHT turns to them. He returns to his low demonic voice tone.

DWIGHT

Please. Repeat after me.

DWIGHT produces an old book from his robe. Suddenly, a man in a poorly fitted brown suit has now appeared from a small office and is also watching DWIGHT. He turns to the three men.

ED TRUCK

DWIGHT. Not happening. I said it before and I said it again. Hazing is not tolerated here. So, if you have any other hazing "rituals planned" – I'll say it once, clean them up and put an end to them now. They won't be happening. Okay?

DWIGHT drops his shoulders and looks to ED TRUCK longingly.

dwight

C'mon! We need to initiate these freshmen. C'mon! It'll be fun!

ED TRUCK shakes his head.

ED TRUCK

No, DWIGHT. I'll warn you. If you have anything else planned, I will be very upset. Also, get to work and make a sale would ya?

DWIGHT slouches and walks past BOBBY, CHRIS and REX into the office. He stops in front of them. DWIGHT speaks again in his low tone.

DWIGHT

Who here is familiar with the story of Rumpelstiltskin.

CHRIS smiles.

CHRIS

I am. Is that the fable of the troll man who turned hay to gold or something?

DWIGHT steps towards CHRIS. DWIGHT speaks in his normal voice.

DWIGHT

First off you uncultured swine . . .it's not a fable. It's truth. Second off, how dare you disrespect Rumpelstiltskin by calling him a troll. He was a swamp gnome. Big difference. Lastly, hay is gold already. I should know. I live in a family full of Hay Kings. You said straw – straw is useless . . .

CHRIS puts his hands up as if to say "WHOA, Sorry." But DWIGHT CONTINUES.

DWIGHT

Watch yourself. Or I'll turn your something into nothing.

BOBBY interjects.

BOBBY

That's also a children's book.

DWIGHT sizes up BOBBY.

DWIGHT

I don't know what you mean. I am tired of this conversation.

DWIGHT turns on his heels and he heads towards the kitchen. ED TRUCK then motions for the three men to join him in his office and looks over to reception.

ED TRUCK

My name is ED TRUCK. Manager, DUNDER MIFFLIN SCRANTON. I see you've met DWIGHT. Come into my office and let's get busy. OH! JUDY – hold all my calls for the next hour, please.

JUDY

Hold who's balls at tower and cheese?

JUDY, the receptionist was staring back at him and was oblivious to everything that just happened. She looks over her glasses at ED TRUCK. ED TRUCK seems un-wavered by JUDY's response and smiles at her.

ED TRUCK

Perfect. Thank you as always JUDY.

ED TRUCK (CONT UNDER HIS BREATH)

You old satchel of bones and dust. Just die already.

The three PBS Crew men enter the office exchanging handshakes on the way by. ED TRUCK turns to the rest of the office. All the employees staring at him and not working.

ED TRUCK

Hey everyone just get back to work! I'll be out to brief everyone in a moment! In the meantime, MICHAEL will be in charge.

As ED TRUCK re-enters and closes the door to his office, MICHAEL walks in from the kitchen holding a coffee mug blowing on it. DWIGHT has made his way back across the office and enters the kitchen without acknowledging MICHAEL.

MICHAEL

Cup a joes! Get 'em while I'm hot! I'm hot-blooded check it and see come and get your coffee from me!

MICHAEL sips from his mug and spits out the coffee.

MICHAEL

Yuck. This coffee tastes like bum. Damn it! Decaf?! Needs more cream and sugar.

MICHAEL turns around and re-enters the kitchen. As he does, DWIGHT is stuffing his robe into a leather briefcase. He's already collected a variety of objects that that were set up for hazing the newcomers and they are scattered on the kitchen table. Reluctantly, it appears he is listening to ED TRUCK's instructions. MICHAEL addresses DWIGHT in a BRITISH accent.

MICHAEL

What's with all this then?

DWIGHT huffs and looks to MICHAEL.

DWIGHT

Apparently, the camera guys aren't allowed to be hazed. How will they know who their superiors are? I even ironed my best hazing cloak for today . . . and even roughed up my favorite obedience belt. And look! I even brought my polygraph-grade bailer twine. Such a shame.

DWIGHT dangles a rough looking leather belt with tacs and screws poking out of it. He stuffs it into the briefcase as he shakes his head. He then begins to roll up the bailer twine. Meanwhile, MICHAEL hasn't been paying attention. He has taken two new mugs from the kitchen cupboard and filled one halfway with sugar and the other halfway with cream.

MICHAEL

Well, DWIGHT. My advice is this. Sugar is nice and there is no harm is adding spice to shrimp fried rice.

MICHAEL dumps his decaf coffee into the mug half full of sugar. He stirs it with a spoon. He then dumps that mug into the next mug half filled with creamer. Again, he stirs it with the spoon. AT this point, coffee is spilling everywhere but it doesn't bother MICHAEL. MICHAEL lifts the mug slowly to his lips and sips. He closes his eyes and exhales.

MICHAEL

Ah . . . the perfect half and half and half.

DWIGHT stops what he is doing and looks to MICHAEL.

DWIGHT

That doesn't make any mathematical sense, MICHAEL. It would be a cup and a half.

MICHAEL takes a moment from enjoying his coffee and looks at DWIGHT.

MICHAEL

You need to live life fuller, DWIGHT. Enjoy a half and half and half once in a while.

DWIGHT

It's "fully". Live life fully. Not fuller.

MICHAEL sips his coffee again and backs towards the kitchen door to leave.

MICHAEL

That's where you're wrong amigo. You're looking at this cup as "half fully". When really, it's fuller. I think you could learn a lot from me if you chose to live your life the way I does.

DWIGHT

It's do. Not does.

By now MICHAEL is at the door and halfway out, but he turns to DWIGHT. MICHAEL points to himself.

MICHAEL

Monkey see.

MICHAEL then points to DWIGHT.

MICHAEL

Monkey DOES.

DWIGHT stares at MICHAEL as he leaves the kitchen.

END SCENE

INT. ED TRUCKS OFFICE.

ED TRUCK IS FACING OUT THE WINDOW BEHIND HIS DESK WITH HIS ARMS CROSSED BEHIND HIS BACK. ACROSS HIS DESK SITS BOBBY, CHRIS AND REX CONFUSED AND UNEASY WITH THE SILENCE.

BOBBY clears his throat as to get ED TRUCK'S attention and to break the silence. CHRIS leans forward and glares at BOBBY. ED TRUCK doesn't turn around.

ED TRUCK

Bless you.

REX

Mr. TRUCK. We –

ED TRUCK

Little housekeeping note for you three. Call me ED TRUCK. But please. Be warned. There's a TED in this office over in some department that I don't even know is an actual thing. . . and it's confusing. He's a lunatic and I want him gone but for now he's still haunting this office with his ghoulish presence. So. If you call me ED, he gets all bent out of shape. But, if you call me Mr. Truck it sounds like I'm a character out of a children's fairy tale.

ED TRUCK was still staring out the window.

ED TRUCK

Is that how you think a Manager should be viewed? As a truck in a fairy tale? CHRIS, tell me a fairy tale that has a truck.

ED TRUCK has now turned around to stare at the three men.

ED TRUCK

I'll do it for you, Chris. You can't. There isn't. But what I can tell you that we stand at the edge of the technology-era here at DUNDER MIFFLIN. This era could even make the fairy-est of fairy tale trucks quiver in their tire boots.

BOBBY smiles and leans forward in his chair. He attempts some cheeriness to disarm this tense encounter.

BOBBY

ED TRUCK, I think that's why we are here, and we are happy to help!

ED TRUCK squints.

ED TRUCK

Have you ever had a crisis in your life.

BOBBY's cheeriness is quickly erased and replaced with confusion. He sits back in his chair.

BOBBY

Umm, I've had a few. Yes.

REX

As have I and CHRIS. We are here to help, ED. Uh. TRUCK.

CHRIS remains silent. ED TRUCK points at CHRIS while speaking to REX.

ED TRUCK

His silence is like nails into a chalk-board. Coffin nails. In my chalk-board coffin. Is he a mute? Why mustn't he be speaking?

ED TRUCK singles out CHRIS who is clearly confused.

CHRIS

Look ED . . . TRUCK. BOBBY, REX and I are here to help. We are working with YOU! Maybe we get started with you explaining your side of this "crisis". TIM let us know that you've been blessed with a new Microsoft Windows 98 computer. Maybe he left out some specifics so maybe we get it from the horse's mouth.

DWIGHT barges in. He looks to ED TRUCK then to BOBBY, CHRIS and REX.

DWIGHT

ED TRUCK! Don't put anything in the horse's mouth! Everyone knows the quickest and cleanest way into the horse is its rectum!

BOBBY, CHRIS and Rex turn to DWIGHT.

CHRIS

Such a weird thing to say. Is that even true? I can't see that being true.

DWIGHT scoffs. He leans his head back and brushes his thumb across the bridge of his nose.

DWIGHT

Okay smart guy, did you know this? Horses with painted faces are blind? Did you know that possum piss makes horses turn stupid? OR! How about this buddy? Her Majesty made it illegal to measure horses in feet because they have hooves. So, they are measured in hands –

DWIGHT waves his hands in front of the men.

DWIGHT (CONT)

Hands. Horses. Have. Hands. Bet you didn't know that!

ED TRUCK

DWIGHT! Leave us!

DWIGHT turns to ED TRUCK.

DWIGHT

But ED TRUCK, when I hear these city boys talking about a horse's mouth I feel the need to defend the creature.

CHRIS

Figure of speech, DWIGHT.

MICHAEL squeezes past DWIGHT into ED TRUCK'S office.

MICHAEL

Yeah, DWIGHT. Figure of speech. Gosh.

ED TRUCK

MICHAEL! DWIGHT! OUT! NOW!

DWIGHT and MICHAEL exit the room. ED TRUCK waits for the door to close and proceeds.

ED TRUCK

Alright guys. Here's what happened.

END SCENE

INT. OFFICE. OUTSIDE OF ED TRUCK'S OFFICE.

MICHAEL AND DWIGHT HAVE EXITED ED TRUCK'S OFFICE AND ARE MAKING THEIR WAY BACK TO THEIR DESKS. THEY ARE UPSET.

MICHAEL

Way to blow that, DWIGHT. Thanks a bunch. Now we won't ever know what they are saying in there. Especially about you.

MICHAEL storms forward. DWIGHT slowly makes his way back to his desk; visibly upset. They sit across from one another.

MICHAEL

And to think I was going to let you watch over Penelope for the weekend while I was out with friends.

DWIGHT

Who's Penelope?

MICHAEL

Doesn't matter now. You're clearly unfit to watch over her.

DWIGHT stands up and is on the verge of tears.

DWIGHT

Who is Penelope, MICHAEL? Answer me.

MICHAEL reaches into his fanny pack and draws out his Tamagotchi. DWIGHT recoils in shock knowing exactly what he is being shown.

DWIGHT

(whispers) Is that your Tamagotchi.

MICHAEL

Yup. And now I'll have to have my Mom take care of her. Thanks for that, DWIGHT. If she dies you can pay for the new batteries. They are little, small watch ones and are likely expensive. Your fault.

MICHAEL looks back down to his papers and gets back to work. DWIGHT slowly sits down and begins to whimper.

END SCENE

INT. ED TRUCKS OFFICE.

ED TRUCK HAS WRAPPED UP HIS OPINION ON THE MICROSOFT WINDOWS 98 COMPUTER ARRIVING AT DUNDER MIFFLIN OFFICE. BETWEEN A MIXTURE OF TERMINATOR 2 AND 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY REFERENCES, ED TRUCK IS CLEARLY WORRIED ABOUT TECHNOLOGY REPLACING HIM AND ULTIMATELY REPLACING HUMANITY. HE UNDERSTANDS THAT HE IS THE LEADER WITHIN THE OFFICE AND THUS NEEDS TO HOLD A STEADY HEAD, HOWEVER, HIS PATIENCE IS WEARING THIN.

CHRIS

Well. That's quite . . . the story ED TRUCK. I'm sure our video will help educate the employees but . . .

ED TRUCK

But what?

BOBBY

What he means ED TRUCK is that we are happy to help. We will do our best job and by Friday you'll have your video. Guaranteed. You can count on us.

BOBBY elbows REX in the ribs as a prompt.

REX

Oh yes, ED TRUCK. You'll have your video.

ED TRUCK

Good. That's what I want to hear. Now. Who is up for some Post-breakfast-Pre-Lunch Fat-Burning-Shakes. I know I am.

BOBBY, CHRIS and REX look blankly at ED TRUCK with no idea what he is talking about.

ED TRUCK

Tell me you guys have heard of the Post-breakfast-Pre-Lunch Fat-Burning-Shakes?

REX

Uhh, sorry no we have not. What are they?

ED TRUCK jumps up and is exuberant. He races over to the door and wings it open. He sticks his head out into the office.

ED TRUCK

STANLEY! WE NEED 4 P.B.P.L.F.B.S'! A.S.A.P. YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MINE. A LITTLE PB AND A PINCH OF RBJ! SINGLE C.L!

From out in the office and out of BOBBY, CHRIS and REX's vision, a man replies very loudly.

STANLEY

Right away, ED TRUCK!

BOBBY, CHRIS and REX look at one another confused. ED TRUCK speaks to the three men.

ED TRUCK

Oh just you wait!

END SCENE

INT. ED TRUCKS OFFICE. 10 minutes later

ED TRUCK is wrapping up a random story about his suit.

ED TRUCK

And that's how I got this suit for free from Stone and Son.

As ED TRUCK is wrapping up his story, STANLEY comes through the door carrying 4 green protein shakes. STANLEY could pass off as body builder. His physique is almost Greek-God-like.

STANLEY

Hey guys. Hey ED TRUCK. I got your 4 P.B.P.L.F.B.S. A little PB and a pinch of RBJ! Oh! and SINGLE C.L!

STANLEY passes the drinks to everyone in the room smiling ear to ear.

ed truck

Ahh... STANLEY is our resident health nut. He is all healthy this, healthy that. That man will live to be 200 if he keeps that up. The ladies love this guy! BUT! He's taken! Don't forget that! He's got a good wife at home but let me tell you something –

STANLEY perks up and begins waving a piece of paper back and forth that he pulled from his suit jacket. STANLEY interrupts ED TRUCK.

STANLEY

I'm not JUST a health nut, ED TRUCK! Guys! I also work on the 2nd most important muscle in the body – the brain! Don't forget that! My doctor told me I need to stay sharp in the MIND! With my addictive personality, I need to make sure I don't neglect my brain!

ED TRUCK points at the piece of paper in STANLEY's hands. BOBBY, CHRIS and REX look to it.

ED TRUCK

STANLEY is right. I almost forgot. Everyday he works on word search. Everyday! Crazy right?

ED TRUCK sips his shake again and STANLEY jumps in.

STANLEY

It's such a good brain workout! I do one every day at lunch. My doctor says as I get a stronger brain I could start doing Dots and Boxes or even Tic Tac Toe! Or heck, one day even I can do a –

BOBBY speaks up and finishes STANLEY's thought.

BOBBY

Crossword.

STANLEY stops and looks dead at BOBBY. STANLEY's demeanor changes.

stanley

No. I was going to say HANGMAN. I wasn't going to say Crosswords. My doctor says Crosswards are a waste of time. Why would you even say such a thing.

STANLEY awkwardly stares at BOBBY. REX scenes the awkwardness and takes another sip of his shakes. He coughs which draws STANLEY'S attention.

REX

It kind of burns your lips a bit. Other than that, it's pretty good. . .

STANLEY smiles and looks at ED TRUCK. ED TRUCK takes a long sip.

ed truck

That will be the C.L.

BOBBY looks to his shake.

BOBBY

What is C.L?

ed truck

Chocolate liqueur obviously. Take a look around you. We sell paper.

BOBBY, CHRIS and REX exchange nervous glances.

ED TRUCK

After you're done your P.B.P.L.F.B.S. STANLEY will be a perfect candidate to help you carry your gear into the Conference Room. Won't you STANLEY?

stANLEY

Sure thing!

ED TRUCK leans back in his chair and downs his shake.

ED TRUCK

Gall darn it Mr. Hudson that's a good P.B.P.L.F.B.S.

END SCENE

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM.

BOBBY, CHRIS AND REX HAVE BROUGHT IN ALL THEIR GEAR WITH STANLEY'S AID. THEY ARE PUTTING THE FINISHING TOUCHES ON THEIR ARRANGEMENT.

STANLEY

That about it, guys. I sure am excited to be a part of this training video. We haven't had this much excitement around here since CREED brought in his scuba gear for Halloween!

REX

That's why we're here STANLEY. Your Head Office is confident that they can get these Windows 98 computers to all branches. You all here are the test subjects and gathering what ED TRUCK has to say, you are all pretty worried about being replaced by computers.

STANLEY'S mood instantly changes from over cheerful to serious. He rolls his sleeves down to cover his massive forearms.

STANLEY

We all know why you are here. I may be a Paper Salesman but I am not dumb. I have a 5 year plan to get out of this dump. No damn computer will stop me . . . See these?

STANLEY flexes his arms above his head.

STANLEY

These puppies are coming to Miami with me and I'm never looking back. Family or no family. My body is a temple and I treat it like that. No camera crew will be bringing down my jive today. NO NO! STANLEY Hudson is a do'er and that's that.

STANLEY holds his stare with BOBBY, CHRIS and REX for a good 5 seconds. He then returns to his cheery demeanor.

STANLEY

Alright! If you need me, I'll be out selling paper! WHOO-HOO!

STANLEY leaves the conference room. CHRIS looks to REX.

chris

That guy can change his mood in a heartbeat. Wow. I bet you he is a real treat at parties.

On his way out, STANLEY passes MICHAEL. MICHAEL is now standing in the door with his hands on his hips.

MICHAEL

Hey cool dudes. When is my close up?

CHRIS

Hey MICHAEL. This video will be a training video – not really a "close up" type scenario.

REX, who was adjusting a camera quickly turns around and taps CHRIS on the back.

REX

You know what, MICHAEL. We could really use a tour around the place. We only have 5 days to put this together so we'll need to see what areas work best for this video. ED TRUCK only gave us a quick lay of the land after he told us about the incident ... which brought us here. You are aware that we are here because . . .

MICHAEL

Yes. Yes. Yes. I know why you are here. Everyone knows why you're here, Stupid.

bobby

Ok! How about that tour. Let's get going. Shall we?

MICHAEL

Certainly! Da-da-da-da *snap* *snap*

MICHAEL mimics the Addams Family theme song. He begins singing to the tune but replaces the words.

MICHAEL

We're fun and we're cooky, we sell paper good-ly. We are the DUNDER MIFFLIN Family *snap* snap*

BOBBY, CHRIS and REX each look at one another.

MICHAEL

Addams Family. The movie. Never seen it?

CHRIS

Nope. Didn't see it.

MICHAEL

WOW. Read a book. Ok. Come on! Let's go tour office *snap* *snap*

BOBBY, CHRIS and REX follow MICHAEL out the door.

END SCENE

INT. OFFICE. RECEPTION DESK

MICHAEL IS LEADING BOBBY, CHRIS AND REX ON A TOUR OF THE OFFICE. THEY ARE AT RECEPTION. MICHAEL IS STANDING INFRONT OF THE RECEPTION DESK AND FACING THE THREE MEN. JUDY IS SLEEPING WITH HER HEAD TILTED WAY BACK ON HER CHAIR AND HER MOUTH IS WIDE OPEN.

MICHAEL

Okay. From here at JUDY Tree, you can see the whole Kingdom.

MICHAEL turns to JUDY and points.

MICHAEL

Clearly, JUDY didn't follow any instruction from DWIGHT's report on sleeping with your eyes and mouth open. Did you guys know that it's safest to sleep with your mouth AND eyes open? Crazy right.

From across the office, DWIGHT stands and yells:

DWIGHT

Professionally speaking, that's called being a corpse! It tricks intruders into thinking you're dead already and they shan't attack you! We recommend it to all farmhands who come to work at our Farms! No one has ever burgled a corpse in our 200 year history!

DWIGHT returns to a sitting position and goes back to work. ED TRUCK is in the doorway of his office and clearly isn't impressed with what he is seeing and hearing. He finally speaks.

ED TRUCK

MICHAEL. What are you doing?

MICHAEL

I'm taking our Video Game friends on a tour of the office.

DWIGHT yells from across the office again.

DWIGHT

I must add, being a corpse shouldn't necessarily be a bad thing! The running rate for corpse extras is a profitable side business. My cousin -

ED TRUCK turns slowly to DWIGHT's direction. He shouts across the office in reply.

ED TRUCK

Enough corpse talk DWIGHT!

DWIGHT sits immediately. This reply has awoken JUDY. She lets out a big cough and rubs her eyes. ED TRUCK sees this.

ED TRUCK

Welcome back.

JUDY looks at ED TRUCK and doesn't respond. ED TRUCK then turns to MICHAEL.

ED TRUCK

MICHAEL. Get back to work. You are here to sell paper. Not be a tour guide. Our friends need to get to work. Remember why they are here. You certain-

MICHAEL cuts ED TRUCK off.

MICHAEL

Blah. Blah. Blah. Fine. DWIGHT?!

MICHAEL yells for DWIGHT as he heads back to his desk. DWIGHT stands erect once again and at full attention and yells back.

DWIGHT

Yes, MICHAEL?!

MICHAEL

Please warm up my selling pen. Please warm up the phone. I don't like to "cold call". I know me. I like to "warmly wonder".

DWIGHT nods and leans over to MICHAELS desk and picks up a pen and his phone. He begins to breath on them to "warm them up". MICHAEL arrives at his desk and bows to DWIGHT. DWIGHT bows back and the two sit at their respective desks. Meanwhile, ED TRUCK approaches BOBBY, CHRIS and REX at reception.

ED TRUCK

Ok. Guys . . . how about you go back into the conference room and I'll just send each department in one by one and they will introduce themselves. They can say a little about themselves and their roles here. Keep it loosey-goosey. Corporate likes "loosey-goosey".

CHRIS sucks his teeth and looks to ED TRUCK.

CHRIS

I don't know ED TRUCK. We weren't really considering "head shots" in this video. Not really going with the interview style either.

BOBBY intervenes.

BOBBY

Actually. It could be a great way to make this video seem less stuffy. We can put the tour on hold. It's not necessary right now. We can push it. I'll go arrange the equipment. Great idea, ED.

TED

What?

CHRIS turns to the man who has responded from the XEROX machine.

CHRIS

What? Who are you? I'm sorry have we met?

TED slides out from behind the XEROX machine behind reception. His fingers are bright yellow.

TED

I don't know. You said my name. Who are you.

BOBBY looks at TED's fingers.

BOBBY

What's up with the yellow fingers?

TED looks at his fingers and then back to the copier machine.

TED

I wanted to install a highlighter into the copier machine to highlight my pages I'm printing out. I seen it on Popular Mechanics. The highlighter exploded in the machine so . . . I don't know. Lesson learned.

ED TRUCK draws in a long breath and rubs his forehead with both his palms.

ED TRUCK

I don't even know where to start with that TED. If that copier is ruined, you're done here.

TED

Why? What did I do?

ED TRUCK chooses not to respond to TED and turns to REX.

ED TRUCK

See? This is what happens. I am ED TRUCK. Not ED. TED hears ED. He has a hard time hearing "T's" Confusing. Remember?

REX suddenly remembers and points at ED TRUCK.

REX

Yes. Clearly CHRIS forgot. Won't happen again. We'll head into the conference room and set up. What department first?

TED speaks up.

TED

Hello? I asked. Who the hell are you.

ED TRUCK closes his eyes. He looks to the floor and speaks to TED without looking at him.

ED TRUCK

TED. Go back to the cave you crawled out of you over-grown skunkhog. If that copier is ruined, I swear to all that is holy, I will ruin you. That's a promise.

TED slumps his shoulders and heads back to the finance dept. ED TRUCK then raises his head and turns his focus to the whole office.

ED TRUCK

Okay. Customer Service. Quality control -DEVON, MEREDITH, WILLIAM, andddddd . . . JUDY. Join our friends in the conference room.

JUDY coughs.

JUDY

Boink a dead convection broom?

ED TRUCK looks at JUDY.

ed truck

Join our friends in the conference room.

JUDY laughs and replies sarcastically.

JUDY

Ha! Yeah. Sure thing! I get right on that. Oh sorry, I'm really busy here.

JUDY looks to her desk and pulls out a piece of paper and pretends to write on it, mocking ED TRUCK. ED TRUCK decides not to press any further. He returns to his office. JUDY shrugs and leans back in her chair and closes her eyes. Her phone rings and without opening her eyes, she reaches for it and picks it up only to hang it up immediately. CHRIS turns to BOBBY.

chris

Well, maybe we should get started eh?

Before BOBBY can respond, ED TRUCK yells from inside his office.

ED TRUCK

I would!

The three men look at one another and then turn to head to the conference room.

END SCENE

OUTRO

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM.

BOBBY, CHRIS AND REX HAVE HUDDLED UP AND ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THE PROJECT. THEY ARE ALL UNSURE HOW THEY PLAN TO FINISH THE PROJECT AND FINISH IT ON TIME. THEY ARE STANDING IN A CIRCLE DISCUSSING IT.

REX

Okay guys. What the hell is going on here. We've been here and hour and we've got no shooting done, haven't even seen the whole place yet and –

CHRIS

REX. It's fine. We got all week. Remember what TIM said. He's got our backs. DUNDER MIFFLIN needs us here. We got this.

BOBBY

Yeah REX, lighten up. We've got the horsin' around out of the way and now it's time to work!

As BOBBY says the word "horse" - DWIGHT burst the door open.

DWIGHT

What's this about work horses?

BOBBY, CHRIS and REX stare at DWIGHT. DWIGHT reads their demeanor and quickly drops his head. No one says anything.

DWIGHT

Right. Ok. Good deal. How you guys making out here? All's good? Can I get you anything? Coffee?

BOBBY, CHRIS and REX all nod. DWIGHT nods back.

DWIGHT

Ok. Good. Just one thing. If you want to chat horses, please don't hesitate to –

BOBBY jumps in.

BOBBY

We're good, DWIGHT. Thanks.

DWIGHT

Ok. Ok. Sounds good. Ok.

The three PBS men stare at DWIGHT as he slowly backs out of the doorway. BOBBY walks froward and helps DWIGHT close the door. From the other side of the door, DWIGHT's voice can be heard.

DWIGHT

Ok. Yup. Ok.

END SCENE

E ND OF EPISODE

1

This content is non-commercial fan fiction. It was written out of admiration of the original writings. I only intended to present MY OWN view of what COULD have taken place before the original works. Any characters, settings or other details from the original works that have made their way into my stories are owned and belong to NBC Universal and any other relevant copyright holders. I do not own any other Trademarked Materials which includes any mentioned items/people/places/things/etc. held in Copyright. This work is available for enjoyment of fellow enthusiast that wish to be taken into a fictitious prologue of the beloved storyline. It is not to be distributed in any manner for the purpose of monetary gain.